Dealing with a difficult female coworker
in Psychology & Therapy ·
Gary Myers said:I started this job at the beginning of the year. It’s not high-stress, and I could see myself sticking with it long-term since it's actually somewhat interesting. The downside is that I'm officially classified as having just a high school diploma, so my pay reflects that, even though I have a college degree.
The issue is my cubicle mate. Ever since I joined, the vibe in our workspace has been "heavy"—if I can even find a better word for it. When I first started, she wouldn't even talk to me for the first couple of weeks. She’d only speak up when we needed to coordinate tasks. She told me straight up that I was the fourth new hire in a single month and she just didn't have the patience left for anyone else.
In the months since, it's been a cycle. One minute she's taking her frustrations out on me, the next she's venting at a few other people. It's hard to listen to, especially because she calls them names—not to their faces, obviously, but once they leave the room or hang up the phone. She's constantly criticizing. Because of all this, the atmosphere in our office has never felt relaxed.
During the "quiet" phases—when she's directing her anger toward others instead of me—we occasionally chat, but even then, you can feel the tension. We never actually laugh together.
She mentioned once that she's open to new ideas, but I get the feeling she actually hates it when someone suggests one. Once, she shut down an idea I had, calling it useless. I dropped it. Then, a while later, she brought up the exact same idea herself, acting like it was some brilliant concept and wondering why I hadn't thought of it.
I’m almost never included in conversations with the staff members she actually gets along with. When they come into our room, they’ll duck into another office to whisper or just close the door. And if I try to strike up a casual conversation with them, she’ll often cut me off, even though she wasn't even acknowledging my existence two hours prior.
Mostly, she only talks to them when she's gossiping about people she doesn't like.
Day by day, I'm finding it harder and harder to show up to work. I'm stuck...
Daisy Duke,
it seems to me that the most important part of your whole story is where you mentioned that the job itself is interesting and that you see a future there.
You found something you enjoy and something you want to pursue professionally.
Now, you just have to make a conscious decision that you won't—and absolutely cannot—allow some insignificant person to ruin your days.
You don't need to be friends with her, nor do you need to build anything beyond a professional relationship.
Keep your conversations strictly about work.
You aren't there to socialize; you're there to do your job.
As for breaks and socializing, I'm sure there are plenty of other colleagues in the company you can connect with.
This woman has her own little circle that she clearly isn't letting you into.
You have to accept that.
You can't force it.
I'm sure you can find a group at the office to hang out with during lunch or grab coffee with, joke around, and relax.
It doesn't have to be someone sitting in your immediate workspace.