Dealing with a difficult female coworker

I started this job at the beginning of the year. It’s not high-stress, and I could see myself sticking with it long-term since it's actually somewhat interesting. The downside is that I'm officially classified as having just a high school diploma, so my pay reflects that, even though I have a college degree.

The issue is my cubicle mate. Ever since I joined, the vibe in our workspace has been "heavy"—if I can even find a better word for it. When I first started, she wouldn't even talk to me for the first couple of weeks. She’d only speak up when we needed to coordinate tasks. She told me straight up that I was the fourth new hire in a single month and she just didn't have the patience left for anyone else.

In the months since, it's been a cycle. One minute she's taking her frustrations out on me, the next she's venting at a few other people. It's hard to listen to, especially because she calls them names—not to their faces, obviously, but once they leave the room or hang up the phone. She's constantly criticizing. Because of all this, the atmosphere in our office has never felt relaxed.

During the "quiet" phases—when she's directing her anger toward others instead of me—we occasionally chat, but even then, you can feel the tension. We never actually laugh together.

She mentioned once that she's open to new ideas, but I get the feeling she actually hates it when someone suggests one. Once, she shut down an idea I had, calling it useless. I dropped it. Then, a while later, she brought up the exact same idea herself, acting like it was some brilliant concept and wondering why I hadn't thought of it.

I’m almost never included in conversations with the staff members she actually gets along with. When they come into our room, they’ll duck into another office to whisper or just close the door. And if I try to strike up a casual conversation with them, she’ll often cut me off, even though she wasn't even acknowledging my existence two hours prior.
Mostly, she only talks to them when she's gossiping about people she doesn't like.

Day by day, I'm finding it harder and harder to show up to work. I'm stuck...

What you’ve described sounds absolutely exhausting. Is this woman actually your direct supervisor, or does she just hold sway because she’s being shielded by someone higher up the ladder? I'm wondering if there's any realistic path for you to request a transfer to a different department.

In my experience, the most practical move would be to start hunting for a new role elsewhere while you're still managing this current mess.

Sam Wright21 said:What you’ve described sounds absolutely exhausting. Is this woman actually your direct supervisor, or does she just hold sway because she’s being shielded by someone higher up the ladder? I'm wondering if there's any realistic path for you to request a transfer to a different department.

In my experience, the most practical move would be to start hunting for a new role elsewhere while you're still managing this current mess.

She’s not my supervisor. It’s just that our department is pretty new. She’s been there since day one, and before I joined, she was the only one in the unit, so she knows all the ins and outs. Management relies heavily on her input. From what I hear, the CEO even thinks she's great.

They already told me a transfer isn't an option because my contract is tied specifically to this role.

I’ve already gone on a few interviews. Problem is, they aren't really looking for my specific skillset right now. Before landing this gig, I spent quite a while job hunting. That's why quitting would be a huge mistake for me.

Gary Myers said:I started this job at the beginning of the year. It’s not high-stress, and I could see myself sticking with it long-term since it's actually somewhat interesting. The downside is that I'm officially classified as having just a high school diploma, so my pay reflects that, even though I have a college degree.

The issue is my cubicle mate. Ever since I joined, the vibe in our workspace has been "heavy"—if I can even find a better word for it. When I first started, she wouldn't even talk to me for the first couple of weeks. She’d only speak up when we needed to coordinate tasks. She told me straight up that I was the fourth new hire in a single month and she just didn't have the patience left for anyone else.

In the months since, it's been a cycle. One minute she's taking her frustrations out on me, the next she's venting at a few other people. It's hard to listen to, especially because she calls them names—not to their faces, obviously, but once they leave the room or hang up the phone. She's constantly criticizing. Because of all this, the atmosphere in our office has never felt relaxed.

During the "quiet" phases—when she's directing her anger toward others instead of me—we occasionally chat, but even then, you can feel the tension. We never actually laugh together.

She mentioned once that she's open to new ideas, but I get the feeling she actually hates it when someone suggests one. Once, she shut down an idea I had, calling it useless. I dropped it. Then, a while later, she brought up the exact same idea herself, acting like it was some brilliant concept and wondering why I hadn't thought of it.

I’m almost never included in conversations with the staff members she actually gets along with. When they come into our room, they’ll duck into another office to whisper or just close the door. And if I try to strike up a casual conversation with them, she’ll often cut me off, even though she wasn't even acknowledging my existence two hours prior.
Mostly, she only talks to them when she's gossiping about people she doesn't like.

Day by day, I'm finding it harder and harder to show up to work. I'm stuck...

Just how old is this woman?

Nancy Booth2 said:Just how old is this woman?

Not sure exactly, but she looks like she's getting close to retirement age.

I’d tell her exactly how I feel to her face, especially since it sounds like she doesn't have the authority to fire you anyway... Don't let anyone walk all over you; stand your ground and show some teeth. I’ve been in similar spots before, but I always found a way out, whether it meant getting into it with the boss or just doing things my own way. Either way, I never let that frustration build up—it's bad for your health.

Gary Myers said:I started this job at the beginning of the year. It’s not high-stress, and I could see myself sticking with it long-term since it's actually somewhat interesting. The downside is that I'm officially classified as having just a high school diploma, so my pay reflects that, even though I have a college degree.

The issue is my cubicle mate. Ever since I joined, the vibe in our workspace has been "heavy"—if I can even find a better word for it. When I first started, she wouldn't even talk to me for the first couple of weeks. She’d only speak up when we needed to coordinate tasks. She told me straight up that I was the fourth new hire in a single month and she just didn't have the patience left for anyone else.

In the months since, it's been a cycle. One minute she's taking her frustrations out on me, the next she's venting at a few other people. It's hard to listen to, especially because she calls them names—not to their faces, obviously, but once they leave the room or hang up the phone. She's constantly criticizing. Because of all this, the atmosphere in our office has never felt relaxed.

During the "quiet" phases—when she's directing her anger toward others instead of me—we occasionally chat, but even then, you can feel the tension. We never actually laugh together.

She mentioned once that she's open to new ideas, but I get the feeling she actually hates it when someone suggests one. Once, she shut down an idea I had, calling it useless. I dropped it. Then, a while later, she brought up the exact same idea herself, acting like it was some brilliant concept and wondering why I hadn't thought of it.

I’m almost never included in conversations with the staff members she actually gets along with. When they come into our room, they’ll duck into another office to whisper or just close the door. And if I try to strike up a casual conversation with them, she’ll often cut me off, even though she wasn't even acknowledging my existence two hours prior.
Mostly, she only talks to them when she's gossiping about people she doesn't like.

Day by day, I'm finding it harder and harder to show up to work. I'm stuck...

Wait, so you start talking to someone and then that woman just shuts you down?

For months afterward, she just kept cycling through different ways of venting her frustration directly at me.

How did you handle it when things hit that point?

Honestly, when I really think about it, my roommate and I barely even talk. 😳 It’s not like we’re constantly at each other's throats or anything; we just don't vibe. She is a total gossip hound, and I can't stand people like that. We’re polite and civil enough, but I make a point of keeping things surface-level because I don't want to give her any ammunition to go running her mouth about me at Starbucks or over drinks with her friends.
I bet she thinks I'm the villain in her little drama story.

@Gary Myers she’s definitely aiming for that, isn't she? She wants you to quit just so she can be the only one left standing there.
Honestly, why even let her get under your skin like this when you could just let your stubborn side take over and refuse to let her ruin your day?

Draft an email to your boss, lay out the whole situation, and ask for a way forward.
Once you’ve finished, don't hit send—just save it as a draft.
Try having one more sit-down with your coworker. If they just shut you down or start getting defensive, then go ahead and send it.
After that, you'll pretty much know whether it's worth sticking it out there or if it's time to start hunting for something new...

Stop being so passive and just snap like she did... I mean, honestly, people like that only respond when you speak their language, you know?
It’s not even like she’s your boss or anything, so I really don't get why you're making such a big deal out of this...

Quentin Tarantino

Nancy Booth2 said:Wait, so you start talking to someone and then that woman just shuts you down?

For months afterward, she just kept cycling through different ways of venting her frustration directly at me.

How did you handle it when things hit that point?

Yeah. For example, someone walks into her room, says hi to her, then turns to me and asks what’s new. I give them maybe three sentences before they just cut right in with, "Gary Myers, did you finish that thing yet? You still need to do this and that..." Then the two of them just start diving into the news, talking about their weekend, who went where—the whole bit.

Quentin Tarantino

Nancy Booth2 said:Wait, so you start talking to someone and then that woman just shuts you down?

For months afterward, she just kept cycling through different ways of venting her frustration directly at me.

How did you handle it when things hit that point?

Quentin Tarantino

cosmicdriver42 said:I’d tell her exactly how I feel to her face, especially since it sounds like she doesn't have the authority to fire you anyway... Don't let anyone walk all over you; stand your ground and show some teeth. I’ve been in similar spots before, but I always found a way out, whether it meant getting into it with the boss or just doing things my own way. Either way, I never let that frustration build up—it's bad for your health.

I've always been the type of person who needs to talk things through when a problem pops up. I like hearing different sides of the story, just to see if I'm missing something or if there's another way to look at it. I also tend to speak my mind on what the best solution would be. Last time I did that, it backfired—I ended up in the boss's office being told I was getting too cocky.

Emily Morgan3 said:Honestly, when I really think about it, my roommate and I barely even talk. 😳 It’s not like we’re constantly at each other's throats or anything; we just don't vibe. She is a total gossip hound, and I can't stand people like that. We’re polite and civil enough, but I make a point of keeping things surface-level because I don't want to give her any ammunition to go running her mouth about me at Starbucks or over drinks with her friends.
I bet she thinks I'm the villain in her little drama story.

I’m not saying you have to be perfect. But you got lucky. Your wife isn't blowing up at you. And honestly, losing your cool like that? Not classy. :-P

Gary Myers said:Quentin Tarantino

Yeah. For example, someone walks into her room, says hi to her, then turns to me and asks what’s new. I give them maybe three sentences before they just cut right in with, "Gary Myers, did you finish that thing yet? You still need to do this and that..." Then the two of them just start diving into the news, talking about their weekend, who went where—the whole bit.

Quentin Tarantino

Quentin Tarantino

I've always been the type of person who needs to talk things through when a problem pops up. I like hearing different sides of the story, just to see if I'm missing something or if there's another way to look at it. I also tend to speak my mind on what the best solution would be. Last time I did that, it backfired—I ended up in the boss's office being told I was getting too cocky.

Honestly, speaking up is a much better move than just bottling it all up and letting it eat at you. Don't sweat whatever they told the boss; just keep doing your thing and don't let them push you around.

hiddenbadger14 said:Draft an email to your boss, lay out the whole situation, and ask for a way forward.
Once you’ve finished, don't hit send—just save it as a draft.
Try having one more sit-down with your coworker. If they just shut you down or start getting defensive, then go ahead and send it.
After that, you'll pretty much know whether it's worth sticking it out there or if it's time to start hunting for something new...

A few people couldn't take her attitude anymore, so it already reached the boss. Not sure how the manager handled it.

Since you currently have this job, finding a better one will be much easier. Start looking now; you will find something soon. I suggest staying mindful of this while you are still working there, especially during those awkward moments with your coworker. Once you land the new role, do not look back.

I dealt with a total nightmare at one of my old jobs. On my very first day, she snapped at me for no reason and spent the rest of my time there bullying me. She was all smiles with the shift lead, but she absolutely loathed and gossiped about the manager. Somehow, nobody ever called her out on it. To this day, I regret not telling her exactly what I thought of her, regardless of how much it might have cost me. When you have people like that constantly terrorizing younger employees, it destroys your mental health, your confidence, and your career. Usually, everyone just shrugs and says, "that's just how she is." Honestly, even if I had stood up to her, she probably would have just screamed louder and played the victim. There isn't really a fix for that kind of toxic environment other than walking away, unfortunately.

First of all, you should be bringing your ideas directly to your supervisors rather than wasting them on that old lady; why on earth are you seeking her validation?
Secondly, remember that you went there to build a career, not to hunt for a social circle. No matter how draining the environment feels, she isn't under any obligation to be your friend.

Thirdly, you must stop involving yourself in her gossip and idle chatter. It simply isn't your business. An office isn't some neighborhood coffee shop where everyone gathers to bond over drama. Whatever her character may be, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Bring a pair of noise-canceling headphones to the office, put on some music, and just focus on your tasks.

What good would it do to go to management and say, "You know, she’s being difficult, interrupting people, and spreading rumors"?

Finally, if this woman isn't your direct manager, why are you allowing her to interrogate you about whether certain tasks are completed? For what purpose?
I understand you might feel a sense of deference because of her age, but you really need to let that go. Respect is earned through actions; it isn't something granted automatically just because someone has been around longer. When she tries to belittle you like that again, that is your moment to firmly state, "That doesn't concern you," or "You can handle that yourself."

Stop grabbing coffee with her, stop asking for her permission, and stop waiting for some imaginary truce to happen.
Consider this my official advice.
Focus on the job you are actually being paid to do, minimize your interactions with her, and stay far away from the petty office politics.
That is how you should frame your mindset.

If you find that you cannot mentally adjust to this dynamic, then perhaps it is time to start looking for a different job.

Anthony Stewart5 said:First of all, you should be bringing your ideas directly to your supervisors rather than wasting them on that old lady; why on earth are you seeking her validation?
Secondly, remember that you went there to build a career, not to hunt for a social circle. No matter how draining the environment feels, she isn't under any obligation to be your friend.

Thirdly, you must stop involving yourself in her gossip and idle chatter. It simply isn't your business. An office isn't some neighborhood coffee shop where everyone gathers to bond over drama. Whatever her character may be, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Bring a pair of noise-canceling headphones to the office, put on some music, and just focus on your tasks.

What good would it do to go to management and say, "You know, she’s being difficult, interrupting people, and spreading rumors"?

Finally, if this woman isn't your direct manager, why are you allowing her to interrogate you about whether certain tasks are completed? For what purpose?
I understand you might feel a sense of deference because of her age, but you really need to let that go. Respect is earned through actions; it isn't something granted automatically just because someone has been around longer. When she tries to belittle you like that again, that is your moment to firmly state, "That doesn't concern you," or "You can handle that yourself."

Stop grabbing coffee with her, stop asking for her permission, and stop waiting for some imaginary truce to happen.
Consider this my official advice.
Focus on the job you are actually being paid to do, minimize your interactions with her, and stay far away from the petty office politics.
That is how you should frame your mindset.

If you find that you cannot mentally adjust to this dynamic, then perhaps it is time to start looking for a different job.

When I share ideas, it’s not about getting her blessing. It’s about reaching an informal agreement on a workflow I think would be faster and easier—basically just being more efficient without dragging upper management into everything. Our department doesn't have a direct supervisor; the CEO basically oversees all departments at once.

Anthony Stewart5 said:First of all, you should be bringing your ideas directly to your supervisors rather than wasting them on that old lady; why on earth are you seeking her validation?
Secondly, remember that you went there to build a career, not to hunt for a social circle. No matter how draining the environment feels, she isn't under any obligation to be your friend.

Thirdly, you must stop involving yourself in her gossip and idle chatter. It simply isn't your business. An office isn't some neighborhood coffee shop where everyone gathers to bond over drama. Whatever her character may be, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Bring a pair of noise-canceling headphones to the office, put on some music, and just focus on your tasks.

What good would it do to go to management and say, "You know, she’s being difficult, interrupting people, and spreading rumors"?

Finally, if this woman isn't your direct manager, why are you allowing her to interrogate you about whether certain tasks are completed? For what purpose?
I understand you might feel a sense of deference because of her age, but you really need to let that go. Respect is earned through actions; it isn't something granted automatically just because someone has been around longer. When she tries to belittle you like that again, that is your moment to firmly state, "That doesn't concern you," or "You can handle that yourself."

Stop grabbing coffee with her, stop asking for her permission, and stop waiting for some imaginary truce to happen.
Consider this my official advice.
Focus on the job you are actually being paid to do, minimize your interactions with her, and stay far away from the petty office politics.
That is how you should frame your mindset.

If you find that you cannot mentally adjust to this dynamic, then perhaps it is time to start looking for a different job.

I’m not looking for a best friend. I’m just looking for a tolerable work environment. I don't want to feel this knot in my stomach every morning wondering if she’s going to snap at me or run to the boss over some random nonsense.

Anthony Stewart5 said:First of all, you should be bringing your ideas directly to your supervisors rather than wasting them on that old lady; why on earth are you seeking her validation?
Secondly, remember that you went there to build a career, not to hunt for a social circle. No matter how draining the environment feels, she isn't under any obligation to be your friend.

Thirdly, you must stop involving yourself in her gossip and idle chatter. It simply isn't your business. An office isn't some neighborhood coffee shop where everyone gathers to bond over drama. Whatever her character may be, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Bring a pair of noise-canceling headphones to the office, put on some music, and just focus on your tasks.

What good would it do to go to management and say, "You know, she’s being difficult, interrupting people, and spreading rumors"?

Finally, if this woman isn't your direct manager, why are you allowing her to interrogate you about whether certain tasks are completed? For what purpose?
I understand you might feel a sense of deference because of her age, but you really need to let that go. Respect is earned through actions; it isn't something granted automatically just because someone has been around longer. When she tries to belittle you like that again, that is your moment to firmly state, "That doesn't concern you," or "You can handle that yourself."

Stop grabbing coffee with her, stop asking for her permission, and stop waiting for some imaginary truce to happen.
Consider this my official advice.
Focus on the job you are actually being paid to do, minimize your interactions with her, and stay far away from the petty office politics.
That is how you should frame your mindset.

If you find that you cannot mentally adjust to this dynamic, then perhaps it is time to start looking for a different job.

Honestly, I don't care about the gossip. But who she is *does* matter to me when she uses me as a punching bag for her frustrations. We don't need to be buddies, but I shouldn't have to be her emotional dumping ground.😉

Anthony Stewart5 said:First of all, you should be bringing your ideas directly to your supervisors rather than wasting them on that old lady; why on earth are you seeking her validation?
Secondly, remember that you went there to build a career, not to hunt for a social circle. No matter how draining the environment feels, she isn't under any obligation to be your friend.

Thirdly, you must stop involving yourself in her gossip and idle chatter. It simply isn't your business. An office isn't some neighborhood coffee shop where everyone gathers to bond over drama. Whatever her character may be, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Bring a pair of noise-canceling headphones to the office, put on some music, and just focus on your tasks.

What good would it do to go to management and say, "You know, she’s being difficult, interrupting people, and spreading rumors"?

Finally, if this woman isn't your direct manager, why are you allowing her to interrogate you about whether certain tasks are completed? For what purpose?
I understand you might feel a sense of deference because of her age, but you really need to let that go. Respect is earned through actions; it isn't something granted automatically just because someone has been around longer. When she tries to belittle you like that again, that is your moment to firmly state, "That doesn't concern you," or "You can handle that yourself."

Stop grabbing coffee with her, stop asking for her permission, and stop waiting for some imaginary truce to happen.
Consider this my official advice.
Focus on the job you are actually being paid to do, minimize your interactions with her, and stay far away from the petty office politics.
That is how you should frame your mindset.

If you find that you cannot mentally adjust to this dynamic, then perhaps it is time to start looking for a different job.

Good call. 🙂

Anthony Stewart5 said:First of all, you should be bringing your ideas directly to your supervisors rather than wasting them on that old lady; why on earth are you seeking her validation?
Secondly, remember that you went there to build a career, not to hunt for a social circle. No matter how draining the environment feels, she isn't under any obligation to be your friend.

Thirdly, you must stop involving yourself in her gossip and idle chatter. It simply isn't your business. An office isn't some neighborhood coffee shop where everyone gathers to bond over drama. Whatever her character may be, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Bring a pair of noise-canceling headphones to the office, put on some music, and just focus on your tasks.

What good would it do to go to management and say, "You know, she’s being difficult, interrupting people, and spreading rumors"?

Finally, if this woman isn't your direct manager, why are you allowing her to interrogate you about whether certain tasks are completed? For what purpose?
I understand you might feel a sense of deference because of her age, but you really need to let that go. Respect is earned through actions; it isn't something granted automatically just because someone has been around longer. When she tries to belittle you like that again, that is your moment to firmly state, "That doesn't concern you," or "You can handle that yourself."

Stop grabbing coffee with her, stop asking for her permission, and stop waiting for some imaginary truce to happen.
Consider this my official advice.
Focus on the job you are actually being paid to do, minimize your interactions with her, and stay far away from the petty office politics.
That is how you should frame your mindset.

If you find that you cannot mentally adjust to this dynamic, then perhaps it is time to start looking for a different job.

The gossip and the interruptions aren't why I'd report her. It's the screaming. She yells so loud you can hear it through closed doors in the next rooms over. People from those offices used to wander over just to see what the hell was happening. Even when people are actually stuck in the room with her, they look uncomfortable, and afterward, some of them pull me aside to say she's just not right. 🙂 That's why I'm posting here. Trying to handle this atmosphere for 8 hours a day is getting to me. I can already feel my composure slipping.
And word is, I'm doing most of the department's heavy lifting anyway.

Anthony Stewart5 said:First of all, you should be bringing your ideas directly to your supervisors rather than wasting them on that old lady; why on earth are you seeking her validation?
Secondly, remember that you went there to build a career, not to hunt for a social circle. No matter how draining the environment feels, she isn't under any obligation to be your friend.

Thirdly, you must stop involving yourself in her gossip and idle chatter. It simply isn't your business. An office isn't some neighborhood coffee shop where everyone gathers to bond over drama. Whatever her character may be, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Bring a pair of noise-canceling headphones to the office, put on some music, and just focus on your tasks.

What good would it do to go to management and say, "You know, she’s being difficult, interrupting people, and spreading rumors"?

Finally, if this woman isn't your direct manager, why are you allowing her to interrogate you about whether certain tasks are completed? For what purpose?
I understand you might feel a sense of deference because of her age, but you really need to let that go. Respect is earned through actions; it isn't something granted automatically just because someone has been around longer. When she tries to belittle you like that again, that is your moment to firmly state, "That doesn't concern you," or "You can handle that yourself."

Stop grabbing coffee with her, stop asking for her permission, and stop waiting for some imaginary truce to happen.
Consider this my official advice.
Focus on the job you are actually being paid to do, minimize your interactions with her, and stay far away from the petty office politics.
That is how you should frame your mindset.

If you find that you cannot mentally adjust to this dynamic, then perhaps it is time to start looking for a different job.

Anthony Stewart5 said:First of all, you should be bringing your ideas directly to your supervisors rather than wasting them on that old lady; why on earth are you seeking her validation?
Secondly, remember that you went there to build a career, not to hunt for a social circle. No matter how draining the environment feels, she isn't under any obligation to be your friend.

Thirdly, you must stop involving yourself in her gossip and idle chatter. It simply isn't your business. An office isn't some neighborhood coffee shop where everyone gathers to bond over drama. Whatever her character may be, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Bring a pair of noise-canceling headphones to the office, put on some music, and just focus on your tasks.

What good would it do to go to management and say, "You know, she’s being difficult, interrupting people, and spreading rumors"?

Finally, if this woman isn't your direct manager, why are you allowing her to interrogate you about whether certain tasks are completed? For what purpose?
I understand you might feel a sense of deference because of her age, but you really need to let that go. Respect is earned through actions; it isn't something granted automatically just because someone has been around longer. When she tries to belittle you like that again, that is your moment to firmly state, "That doesn't concern you," or "You can handle that yourself."

Stop grabbing coffee with her, stop asking for her permission, and stop waiting for some imaginary truce to happen.
Consider this my official advice.
Focus on the job you are actually being paid to do, minimize your interactions with her, and stay far away from the petty office politics.
That is how you should frame your mindset.

If you find that you cannot mentally adjust to this dynamic, then perhaps it is time to start looking for a different job.

👍

Even during those quiet periods, we barely speak. I just drink my coffee while I work.

Gary Myers said:I started this job at the beginning of the year. It’s not high-stress, and I could see myself sticking with it long-term since it's actually somewhat interesting. The downside is that I'm officially classified as having just a high school diploma, so my pay reflects that, even though I have a college degree.

The issue is my cubicle mate. Ever since I joined, the vibe in our workspace has been "heavy"—if I can even find a better word for it. When I first started, she wouldn't even talk to me for the first couple of weeks. She’d only speak up when we needed to coordinate tasks. She told me straight up that I was the fourth new hire in a single month and she just didn't have the patience left for anyone else.

In the months since, it's been a cycle. One minute she's taking her frustrations out on me, the next she's venting at a few other people. It's hard to listen to, especially because she calls them names—not to their faces, obviously, but once they leave the room or hang up the phone. She's constantly criticizing. Because of all this, the atmosphere in our office has never felt relaxed.

During the "quiet" phases—when she's directing her anger toward others instead of me—we occasionally chat, but even then, you can feel the tension. We never actually laugh together.

She mentioned once that she's open to new ideas, but I get the feeling she actually hates it when someone suggests one. Once, she shut down an idea I had, calling it useless. I dropped it. Then, a while later, she brought up the exact same idea herself, acting like it was some brilliant concept and wondering why I hadn't thought of it.

I’m almost never included in conversations with the staff members she actually gets along with. When they come into our room, they’ll duck into another office to whisper or just close the door. And if I try to strike up a casual conversation with them, she’ll often cut me off, even though she wasn't even acknowledging my existence two hours prior.
Mostly, she only talks to them when she's gossiping about people she doesn't like.

Day by day, I'm finding it harder and harder to show up to work. I'm stuck...

Classic workplace bullying.

In a functional legal system, you'd file a lawsuit and she'd be fired on the spot.

Around here, you basically have two choices: find a new job or just suck it up.
It sounds like this is a government job, which usually means everyone is just coasting, so you'll probably end up choosing the second option.

Yeah, sure, the tension is exhausting every single day, but hey, at least the paycheck is steady and the workload is light...
Gross.