Posts by Morgan Morris73

Thanks to everyone for the responses.
To be clear—I am not judging her based on morality. Everyone has the right to choose a partner that suits them, even if it is solely for physical intimacy. Perhaps the "fault" lies with me... but I find intimacy acceptable only when both partners enjoy it and both make an effort to satisfy one another. Anything else feels greasy to me. I realize that not every encounter ends in mutual climax, but the underlying motivation matters. That is why I cannot fathom being in a relationship with someone I don't actually like, especially when I already know I won't enjoy myself... To me, that just feels like coercion or a form of prostitution (which I personally find unacceptable, though I don't judge sex workers, as everyone struggles in their own way). However, she truly seems to have no logical reason for doing this.
He pays off her mortgage regularly, making a cash payment once a year. So, it isn't classic prostitution, but a ten-year zero-interest loan based purely on trust certainly played a role in crafting his image as a "generous benefactor."
Regarding emotions—she claims she once tried her absolute hardest to love him, at least enough to stay with him... but without success. Apparently, he is emotionally dead and incapable of loving anyone, which was the primary reason for the breakup. All of this strikes me as even more illogical...
Ultimately, all that remains is pity (it seems), and I see no reason for such "self-sacrifice." I suggested that she speak to him honestly and stop giving him false hope. If she was able to tell him she couldn't be his partner, she should also tell him she no longer wants to be just a casual outlet for him, and encourage him to find someone else... She simply says she doesn't want to hurt him...
I cannot judge him because I don't know him. He might be perfectly fine and perhaps a bit naive, or he could be highly cunning and manipulative, given that she describes him as very calculating.
Regardless—in any dishonest relationship, someone is getting screwed over one way or another.
Have any of you ever been in a similar situation?

Hello everyone.
I am asking for some honest perspectives here because, despite being 50 years old, I find myself quite confused.
A friend of mine met a man a few years ago during a devastating divorce—one that left her mentally and financially shattered. He was about ten years older than her. She says he helped her get back on her feet in every way possible. His support and effort impressed her so much that she actually tried to turn it into a romantic partnership. However, she quickly realized that such a relationship was impossible because she simply wasn't attracted to him. When she told him as much, he stopped calling, though she insisted on maintaining a friendship. A year later, she asked him for financial assistance to buy an apartment (something he had previously offered). Since then, they have started spending more time together—nothing serious, yet they have engaged in sex. She has never truly wanted this; she claims the sex is always incredibly dull and brief, but she goes along with it out of respect and a desire to make him happy as a way of saying thank you. To be clear, my friend is not promiscuous and would never cheat on her current partner, but she still maintains contact with this man (without sex) and admits that if she were to break up with her partner, she would intensify her relationship with him again. Personally, I believe she developed this sense of fearful reverence toward him due to the trauma of her divorce. I also feel her behavior is undignified and self-degrading; she needs to change her perception and end this dynamic immediately. When I shared my opinion with her, she took offense and called me "North American limited".
What is your take on this, and how should I handle it? I would be very grateful for any serious advice.