Noah Garcia4, there’s honestly nothing better than grabbing a coffee and then wandering around the city hunting for those little chocolate treats—maybe grab another coffee after—though I’m really not sure if our bank accounts can handle that kind of lifestyle lately.🙂
Regarding the physical toll of this illness... well, at first, it hit me right in my waistline, but I managed to fight that off with some regular exercise. Now, though? It’s my digestion that’s giving me hell because the meds I was prescribed recently absolutely wrecked my gut. It’s reached a point where, about three hours after I get out of bed, I’m essentially housebound—I can't go anywhere because I have to run to the restroom four, five, six times in a row, and yet, none of it is even productive, if you catch my drift. I’ve been taking probiotics for maybe a month now, but they aren't doing much of anything. I just keep hoping that if I stick with them long enough, things will finally settle down, because I truly cannot express how miserable this is. You're sitting on a Greyhound bus and suddenly you're sweating and panicking, praying there's a Starbucks or a gas station nearby because you desperately need a bathroom—it's enough to drive a person insane. As for how much my brain has been fried... hmm... probably quite a bit, I suppose, but what can you do? There isn't exactly a quick fix for that.
Noah Garcia4 said:Both God and the devil can speak through people—assuming we’re operating under the premise that either exists. In the context of schizophrenia, however, this line of reasoning is just spinning your wheels, given that ambivalence is a hallmark feature of the condition. ☕
Everything is cyclical—the Earth spins, the clock hands circle back, the moon orbits our planet, the whole solar system revolves around the sun, even the seasons just loop over and over again.🙂
To be honest, schizophrenia is the only disorder I find genuinely fascinating. Now, don't get me wrong—I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, least of all on myself—but there's an intellectual intrigue to it. If a depressive version of myself and a schizophrenic version of myself were both calling me up to grab a coffee at a diner in Los Angeles, I’d definitely go with the schizophrenic one.
I had these auditory hallucinations for about half an hour, and let me tell you—it was a total nightmare. Just pure, unadulterated horror. Then, they sort of lulled me into this stupor, and once I finally came to, they vanished... haven't seen them since.
It’s funny—and by funny, I mean deeply unsettling—how often I notice those religious undertones popping up in people battling this illness. I can't quite wrap my head around why that is.
Scott Barrett19 said:I was hoping to share some information and certain dilemmas, though I would also appreciate hearing from anyone who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia. Life, much like anyone else's, has its inevitable ups and downs, yet I often feel as though I struggle to navigate them more than most, experiencing things with an intensity that others seem to brush off entirely. It sometimes feels as if my moods and mental states possess a strength of their own, perhaps even greater than my own will, but I suppose I haven't quite found the courage to sit down with a psychiatrist or a psychologist, as I tend to expect the worst possible outcome. Around the age of 18 or 19, I went through some difficult family circumstances which, at first, I seemed to handle quite well without any lasting impact, and I eventually started college. However, after a while, these strange thoughts and sensations began to surface. I was overcome by what might be called a profound sense of fear and a lack of motivation regarding daily responsibilities; there were times when I would spend an entire week inside the house without leaving, and on the rare occasions I did go out, I was gripped by panic attacks and an overwhelming sense of discomfort around people. This state persisted, and once my parents realized I wasn't doing well, I moved back home for a while, though the problems remained the same. After a few months, I experienced a sudden surge of desire and energy to change my life, so I started working and moved toward a lifestyle that was almost the complete opposite. However, whenever new hardships arise in my life, the pattern seems to repeat itself, and this has been occurring for about four or five years now. Currently, I have stopped working, and those depressive episodes are resurfacing. I know I can go a week without much sleep, or perhaps I am too afraid to fall asleep during the night, leading me to sleep all day instead; then, for a week or two, the cycle flips into constant outings and similar behaviors. Perhaps these patterns could be identified more closely with bipolar disorder, though I have never reached an extreme point where I physically endangered anyone, nor has there ever been a situation where emergency services or the police had to intervene to take me into custody. I realize many people might argue that these are just typical struggles for a young person in America—that feeling depressed is a normal response to unemployment or difficult life events—but lately, I feel as though I have crossed a threshold of self-awareness. It feels as if certain thoughts won't simply vanish on their own, almost as if they were hardwired into my brain, and they interfere deeply with my daily life and how I perceive myself and others. I also went through a period where I imagined I was someone else entirely, living a different person's life; at the time, I assumed it was merely a phase of idolization, but after reading up on certain matters, it seems much more serious. There is also some history of mental illness within my family. I am not entirely sure why no one ever pointed out the possibility of these issues to me, or why my parents didn't react more strongly during that first depressive episode, but I would value hearing the perspectives and advice of anyone dealing with similar struggles.
First off, you need to see a psychiatrist. Honestly, it doesn't take "courage" to do that—what's actually reckless is trying to shoulder all of this alone, because if your condition keeps spiraling, the climb back to "normal" becomes exponentially harder. And one more thing, if I can say this: please don't dismiss medication if a doctor prescribes it. Trust me, the meds actually help. They really do.
wiredmason56 said:I’ve noticed I’ve been smoking way more lately too, especially with my coffee. I even find myself lighting up in the middle of the night—like, I'll wake up, grab some water, and immediately reach for a cigarette, which is something I never used to do... And I keep telling myself I'll quit, but nothing ever happens. I really want to do it for my health, mostly, plus I'm basically just throwing money into a cloud of smoke. That thing about coughing up blood might not mean anything at all; a friend of mine used to cough up blood, and even some black stuff (probably just tar), but he went to the doctor and everything turned out fine. Though, of course, his doctor told him he needs to quit smoking—what else would they say?🙄My throat usually hurts in the morning, but thank God I'm not coughing. I heard it's good for smokers to drink plenty of milk, like at least a quart a day, but I'm not a big milk person. I really only drink it in my coffee, and I go through liters of coffee...☕
Thank God there wasn't any more blood, which means I can just keep right on smoking.🙂 Maya, look—if you think you can quit, then go for it. I've tried, believe me, but I simply don't have the willpower for it. It's just not in my nature. I actually decided that starting New Year's, I wouldn't touch alcohol at all, and I've stuck to it—watching my buddies down drinks and realizing I don't even care for it anymore—but cigarettes? That's an entirely different beast. The very first thing I do when I get up in the morning is, naturally, light one up. It's a nightmare, truly...
Anyway, I wanted to ask you all—does your health actually improve once the warm weather rolls in? For me, it does, significantly. But then late winter and autumn hit, and I'm back in a major slump.
wiredmason56 said:Hey, does this ever happen to you? Like, you wake up in the middle of the night after a weird dream, and you’re just terrified to go back to sleep, even though you're exhausted. But then, when you close your eyes, it isn't just darkness... it's like these distorted faces start appearing, you know? Just creepy, demonic eyes everywhere. So I end up snapping my eyes open, over and over again, until I'm eventually too tired to fight it anymore...
A few years back, I used to deal with this constantly—that paralyzing fear of drifting off again. These days, my dreams are fine; it's just getting enough actual sleep that's become the struggle. Honestly, I've been walking around all day with this gnawing anxiety because I think I might have coughed up a bit of blood—though, to be fair, I can't say for certain if it actually was blood or just something else. I called everyone I know who smokes as heavily as I do, and they all tried to convince me it was nothing. I guess I'll just wait until tomorrow morning to see what happens when I cough, since it doesn't happen every single day. It would be such a cruel, twisted irony if I were diagnosed with cancer right now, just when things have finally started to stabilize for me.
God, man... you can never truly catch a break, can you?
What am I supposed to do when cigarettes are the one damn vice I have, and I simply cannot quit them.
wiredmason56 said:Man, I guess that’s just my luck lately. My headspace has been all over the place. I wouldn't say I'm feeling totally depressed anymore—well, okay, that depends on which day you catch me—but those intrusive thoughts? They’re relentless. It’s like they take over. Nighttime is always the absolute worst part of the day. As soon as I try to settle in, these thoughts start circling my brain like sharks. They’re my own thoughts, obviously, but they get so loud that I can't seem to shut them out. It's like having a radio stuck on full volume in a small room. Eventually, I just have to take some Lorsilan il Rivotril to quiet everything down so I can finally drift off.
I deal with those intrusive thoughts too, so I have a pretty good idea of what you're going through. Personally, they caused absolute chaos in my head for a long time—total wreckage—but after years of fighting them, things have stabilized somewhat. It took me years of grinding it out to finally get them under any kind of control.
wiredmason56 said:Just checking in to say hi—I finally made it to my follow-up appointment with the psychiatrist. He asked if I’ve been staying on top of my unknown, and I had to admit I’m hit or miss with it, though honestly, I’m really hoping to phase it out soon. Last time he prescribed it and noted F29 on my chart, but now looking at the paperwork, there's also F32.1 mentioned, along with F20. On top of everything, he added Haldol 5mg and Cogentin, one pill each. I haven't actually started the Haldol yet, and to be truthful, I'm having second thoughts about whether I'll even pick it up. Right now, I'm still taking Effexor, plus some unknown and Clonazepam whenever things get rough. If anyone here has experience with Haldol—or has been on it before—could you let me know how it actually feels? ☕
Maya, you’re just out here collecting "achievements" like they actually mean something—so what is even happening?😢
Sam Wright21 said:Who can say for sure? Of course, if you want to actually stick to a strict diet and juggle all those supplements, you really need to have some genuine passion for it.
Personally, I’m practically swimming in B vitamins—I take plenty of Omega-3s, magnesium, calcium, zinc, plus multivitamins, amino acids, and a handful of other extras—but let me tell you... when I cut my dosage down by more than half for just five or six days, I felt the hit immediately. It wasn't exactly a walk in the park, and I certainly don't think it made things any better.
A true, natural remedy for schizophrenia and all these other maladies would only exist if we hadn’t been dropped into this absolute dumpster fire of a world to begin with—if we had actually been born into some semblance of a sane, beautiful reality instead of this mess.
Noah Garcia4 said:Has anyone else here noticed, heard, or perhaps experienced firsthand that psychiatrists tend to start patients off on those older-generation medications first, only moving toward the newer atypical antipsychotics—like Seroquel, for instance—once the old stuff fails to do the trick? I’ve heard that’s the standard playbook, and honestly, I’ve felt that cycle playing out with my own treatment, though since my meds are constantly being shuffled around, I can't say for certain if there's a definitive pattern at work. ☕
In my experience—if you can even call it that—it was pretty much exactly like that. Back when I was first losing my grip and stuck in the hospital, they were pumping me full of those modern nonsense drugs. But the moment I was discharged and saw my private doctor, everything changed; I was immediately put on a newer antipsychotic (I was taking the standard Zyprexa back when it was actually easy to swallow, not this current mess). On the flip side, back in 2008, when things hit the fan for me, they tried giving me Serdolect—which is supposedly "new" but is basically just a drug with massive gaps in its effectiveness. After three and a half months of that, once I was out, I ended up on a cocktail of Seroquel and that garbage Moditen. Recently, though, I finally managed to fight my way through the bureaucracy at the local county mental health clinic to get prescribed Seroquel XR and Zyprexa, along with a few other add-ons. So, there’s my story—draw your own conclusions from that mess. My gut feeling? In state-run facilities, they try to squeeze every last cent out of the old, cheap medications before they even consider the better stuff.
wiredmason56 said:I mean, you've got things like tremors, muscle stiffness, shaking, restlessness, spasms, or weird involuntary movements in your tongue, face, jaw, or throat—even eyes rolling back.😲No way in hell am I ever taking that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
The only reason to take that is if you're heading out to some dance club or something similar🙂
wearyscout12 said:Someone close to me has dealt with two psychotic breaks in a really short window—the first back in May 2012, then another one in January 2013. Even though they’re strictly following their medication regimen, they've become completely dependent on others since that second episode. They can't keep track of what day it is, where they've been, or what they were doing just thirty minutes ago. Simple things like clipping nails or sending a text are impossible now. Their thoughts are a total mess; they jump from one topic to another, making it incredibly difficult to hold a conversation... it's just exhausting. The doctor seems happy because there aren't any hallucinations or voices, but everyone else is struggling because we don't have a functional adult anymore, just a giant, helpless child. On top of that, their entire personality has shifted; they're scattered and constantly crying. Does anyone here know if this level of decline is temporary or if it's permanent? I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone with similar experiences. Diagnosis is unknown. Best regards.
They might still be a little "unhinged," but I suspect this specific fog might pass—most people coming out of psychosis eventually drift back toward some semblance of normalcy—but I fear that this kid will never, ever be the same person again.
God, what an absolutely wretched day yesterday was... honestly, this illness is such a bizarre, unpredictable thing. I really don't even know what else to say or think about it at this point—it's exhausting. The absolute worst part, though—the part that really gets to you—is that you just can't convey to people how much you're actually suffering on the inside.
William Evans10, you’ve got to push her—really push her—to actually *do* things. Start small, maybe just get her through a shower, and then follow that up with a direct command to wash the dishes. You have to chip away at this, bit by bit, to drag her out of that bed and away from this aimless existence she’s leading. It might sound harsh—and believe me, I know how heavy that feels—but sometimes you have to raise your voice or even threaten to cut off her cigarettes if she doesn't show even a glimmer of willpower or, heaven forbid, a basic desire to participate in life. Look, I live with schizophrenia myself, so I understand the fog better than most; both you and she are going to find this incredibly difficult at first, but you can't let her slide. She is spiraling, and that behavior you described? It’s a downward slide you have to interrupt. Wishing the best for both of you🙂
Schizophrenia... it’s one of those things where you can't live with it, yet somehow, you find you can't exist without it either—it becomes this strange, inescapable part of your very fabric.
wiredmason56 said:Yeah, obviously I wasn't really thinking about taking vitamins, but honestly, what did I care? I don't think I was ever much of a pill person anyway, especially when it comes to the heavy stuff. If things had gone differently, maybe I’d be living a totally normal life right now without having to swallow psych meds every day. No depression, no insomnia, no panic attacks, or whatever else you want to throw into the mix. My psychiatrist actually told me recently that it’s almost easier for people dealing with psychosis, particularly during those manic phases, than it is for those stuck in the depths of depression. Personally? I think I’d much rather deal with being manic than feeling this absolute garbage in a depressive slump.☕
I’m not entirely sold on what your psychiatrist told you—honestly, I have my doubts—because depression is such an incredibly common symptom in people dealing with psychosis, schizophrenia, and all that other stuff. I know this from firsthand experience, really... I’ve been sitting on 200mg of Prozac myself, along with a whole laundry list of other medications prescribed under various "psychotic" diagnoses. It’s a complicated web, isn't it? One thing leads to another, and suddenly you're staring down a diagnosis that doesn't quite capture the full picture of how you actually feel.