Posts by quietgull75

I’ve spent years building up a collection of about 400 underground black metal tapes—mostly ordered straight from overseas labels.

I'm located right in downtown Chicago—no shipping this time, just local pickup.

Prices range from $30 to $20, depending on how limited the run was. Some are way higher since they're total rarities.

I can put together a list for people who actually know their stuff when it comes to underground black metal.

If you're interested—hit my inbox.
Thanks.

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Anyone in Washington, D.C. into extreme metal looking to hang out sometimes?
I'm a 28yo woman—not some stuck-up snob or anything. Just feeling a bit isolated lately and want to find people who actually get the metal scene. Doesn't matter if you're guy or girl, as long as you're a decent human and down for a beer.

Timothy Wood38 said:Well, I suppose it depends on which one we're talking about and the dosage... for instance, Haldol would likely trigger some pretty intense side effects compared to something like Zyprexa.

So, what actually happens when a healthy person takes something like Haldol? I can tell you firsthand—I was 12 and did it just being stupid. Like someone else mentioned, I ended up with symptoms basically identical to Parkinson's. It was brutal—easily one of the worst days, or two, of my entire life.
It kicked in a few hours after I took it, and then the dread and anxiety just set in. Then came the stiffness—every single muscle started seizing up, my fingers cramped, my eyes were rolling upward uncontrollably, my face froze into this grimace, and my tongue—well, my tongue locked up and stuck out of my mouth, and I couldn't stop it. Mentally, I felt like garbage. I ended up in the ER where they gave me an injection of Akineton, if I remember right, just to get my muscles to relax. Just wanted to share that experience—definitely wouldn't wish it on anyone.

To each their own—Zyprexa never really worked for me, but I was doing alright on Risperidone

I was on the pills too—started with the yellow ones, then moved to the red. I definitely felt that dry mouth side effect—it's real—but otherwise, things were mostly fine. Only issue was I stayed on them way too long, so once I quit, falling asleep without them was a total nightmare.

Anthony Lopez8 said:Fine, I read what you had to say, but was the experience with Zyprexa consistently miserable for you, or did those side effects eventually start to taper off?
Isn't there a certain level of irony in taking a medication that leaves me feeling depressed, especially considering that depression is the very thing I am trying to treat in the first place? 😵

Yeah, no kidding—there's zero point in treating depression with something that just tanks your mood further.
I mean, depression kept me tired enough, but once I started the Zyprexa, I was just straight-up exhausted—my only thought was how soon I could crash.
Clearly, this stuff isn't a one-size-fits-all deal; it might help some people eventually, but for others, it just wrecks you.
Maybe the side effects would ease up once my body got used to it, but that's not happening for me—every time my body adjusts, they just bump up the dose.
But honestly, wouldn't it make more sense for your psychiatrist to prescribe something that actually gives you a bit of a lift? Like an antidepressant paired with an antipsychotic that doesn't knock you out quite as hard as Zyprexa does?

Hey, I’ve already posted about this before—what you’re feeling on Zyprexa is totally normal.

irondrifter40 said:I feel exactly the same way. The worst part is that every single day I attempt to improve my mental state through as many positive activities as possible—I work out six times a week, I cook almost every day, I push myself to get out of the house as much as I can, I avoid TV, I ride my bike through nature, I read, I listen to music—but the moment I pause for even a second, that black hole sucks everything positive away, and I am left feeling dissatisfied again...
I struggle deeply with trust. Despite my need for connection, I tend to avoid asking others for help, yet on the other hand, I feel I perhaps overextend myself by doing favors for others constantly...
What is most difficult is that at concerts, outings, or social gatherings with larger groups, I cannot relax, laugh, or act normally like everyone else. It happens to me where, after perhaps thirty minutes at a concert, a sense of nervousness and restlessness overcomes me so intensely that I simply say my goodbyes and head home in an utterly dark mood...
My parents are divorced; my father lives abroad, and his advice is simply to enjoy life and not worry so much. I know that myself, but how?...
My mother is very conservative and tells me to pray to God...
I moved past any belief in things beyond the sensory long ago...

It feels a bit easier just having shared this with someone, even if it is just on a forum...

Yeah, tell me about it. I try to joke around, but it’s tough—people always tell me I’m way too serious (even when I'm not actually in a bad mood, just... intense). I try to play along, but I just can't find the rhythm, so I mostly just stay quiet. And if there are a bunch of strangers around? Forget it—I get even more on edge.

Yeah, great topic.

Most of the time, it just comes down to knowing I’m wired differently than everyone else. It means constant adjustment—or at least trying to fit into society—and self-control. Like, if I feel something and my reaction is totally out of line, I try to swallow it and keep it inside because I know it’s just my condition acting up.
And honestly? Living with this much mental illness is pure suffering and loneliness. It's hard to find anyone who actually gets it, and even harder to trust people.
But look, since I accept who I am and know I’m not changing, I just deal with it—and I know there are others out there struggling just as hard.
Larry Martin3 mentioned she’d rather be more cold-hearted, but personally, I’m already pretty numb and empty. Nothing really fills the void, I have zero empathy, and no outlet for anything. But living like that feels like being a walking corpse—just stone cold. During depressive episodes, I often get terrified by the fact that this is permanent, that I’ll spend my entire life fighting this mental illness... sometimes it makes me just want to quit. My brain is basically a black hole; learning stuff is a massive struggle, finding a job is a nightmare, and working with people is even worse. Living with a disorder is like being trapped in a tiny, dark, freezing cage. Anyway, just wanted to chime in and support the discussion.

I dealt with the exact same thing—honestly, I was crushing like 4 or 5 cans of those cheap store-brand energy drinks a day just because Red Bull is such a rip-off.
I’d constantly feel totally wiped out (especially at night) but somehow still hyperactive, irritable, tense, anxious, and pissed off... sometimes I even struggled to breathe or felt chest pains.
I can tell you for a fact that since I quit the energy drinks, I feel WAY better. Not to mention how much extra cash I've got now—plus, those things are loaded with sugar, so I'm definitely not putting on weight anymore.

I used to take Ambien all the time. For as long as I can remember, you pop one and within thirty minutes you're out cold—like hitting a brick wall. No dreams, nothing. You just close your eyes and suddenly ten hours have passed. You sleep like a log, and honestly, you wake up feeling way too rested. But because I took them for such a long stretch, I eventually built up a tolerance. After a while, no matter how exhausted I was, I couldn't even drift off without them. Better not get hooked for too long.

Look, I know it's an addiction. That’s why I was mixing it with Haldol at first—but eventually, I didn't even need the Haldol anymore. Getting off the Cogentin was a total nightmare.

Look, if you want my honest take—stay far away from psychiatric meds. I spent years cycling through different pills, especially Cogentin, and let me tell you, it’s a nightmare—not just the weight gain and bloating, but my digestion went totally south, and I almost lost my vision because of the Cogentin.
It’s been about a year since I stopped, but my period hasn't come back in years and I'm infertile now. Honestly? I don't even think it'll fix itself at this point because the damage is already done.
I was on Seroquel too, though I can't say for sure if that's what messed up my fertility and cycle.
But if you ask me, the biggest culprit was definitely the stuff I ended up relying on most—specifically that Cogentin.

Maybe she’s acting distant just to see if you’ll actually put in the work to win her over.
Stop obsessing over everyone else—just focus on her. Don't go full stalker mode either—just try being decent, patient, and showing her you actually give a damn. Win her back slowly by being a solid friend first, and eventually, she'll probably soften up. Just don't start dumping all that paranoid, suspicious crap on her—you'll just freak her out.
You gotta win her over through friendship again.

look, if you're REALLY that obsessed—just go talk to her face-to-face then

1. Honestly, my advice? Just pack up and head to another city for a bit—go stay with some relatives out in, say, Chicago or somewhere—just to get some space from everything happening around you.
2. Maybe try switching up your therapist too. Getting a totally fresh perspective from a new doctor might actually help you process all this.
3. If you want my honest take—this whole thing you wrote sounds pretty bad. It’s giving major paranoia vibes and honestly looks like it could be a sign of something serious.
4. Just walk away from that girl. I know it's hard and you won't forget her overnight, but trust me, accepting that it'll never work out is the best thing you can do for yourself.