Real paranoia or just being paranoid?

Everyone keeps telling me I’m paranoid, but I honestly feel like this paranoia was intentionally manufactured for me.

I have this persistent sensation that my entire social circle is deliberately trying to remind me of this one girl—my ex—and they seem to be working together to convince me that I’ve completely lost my mind because of how much I loved her. It feels quite calculated; they constantly steer conversations back to topics we used to discuss, or anything at all that might trigger a memory of her. On top of that, my dad has been incessantly nudging me to call her again, even though I’ve made it very clear that I have no desire to have any contact with her whatsoever. To make matters worse, I suspect there is some kind of malware on my computer, specifically designed to route through her address, which would allow her to monitor everything I do online.
I suppose it might be some sort of datamn~1.exe file that my computer technician installed; I suspect he is actually in on this whole thing, as he already warned his shop to give me the cold shoulder whenever I bring my machine in for service. In any case, I have stated, perhaps a hundred times now, that nobody is reminding me of her anymore and that everyone is behaving normally. But truly, no one around me is acting normally. They keep trying to push me toward a therapist, and this therapist—who is likely just a close friend of my mother's—keeps insisting that I am being irrational. Meanwhile, my mom is constantly threatening to call the police if I ever raise a hand toward her, claiming she'll have me committed to a mental institution. Technically speaking, aside from a few instances where I might have made threats, I haven't actually done anything to anyone, other than punching a wall out of sheer frustration.

It is because I have this overwhelming feeling that everyone around me knows something that I don't.
It feels as though they have collectively ganged up on me, including my friends, my parents, and even people I thought I could trust.

My father actually managed to manipulate me into calling her again, only for her to reject me once more, and then it repeats... making it look as if I am the one stalking her. One of my friends also indirectly encouraged me to start pursuing her. My dad even suggested I take flowers to her, but she wasn't home, and then he had the audacity to congratulate me for bringing them.
When I mention another girl, my dad just tells me to go bother her instead, just to make my ex jealous...
And whenever I try to put effort into a third girl I dated before this whole mess, everyone seems to conspire to ensure I don't invest anything in her.

My dad constantly talks about how he'll kill himself, and my mom keeps saying she'll call the cops because of me and have me locked up in a psych ward.

They play romantic songs constantly. They talk to me about other people's relationships and their loves...

And yet, I am perfectly fine twenty-four hours a day, six days a week, until someone starts bringing up the police or suicide... then I just snap, and I start screaming about the police and death too.

I’ve noticed that certain people describe sexual scenes to me that sound exactly like things I see in adult films. This never used to happen because my social circle isn't usually the type to talk about sex...

The paranoia has been staged for me, but so many people are involved that I can't find an escape. Every so often, someone will slip up and mention how it’s all being orchestrated, or they’ll start laughing while they're pretending, or they'll say exactly what I told that girl right to my face and just laugh at me.

But they really are causing me serious problems. I have dealt with much worse fears in the past; there were periods where I was terrified that someone was going to murder me. Now, I realize that everything revolves around this girl, and that everyone is trying to induce this paranoia in me so that I'll "fall in love with her" again. Which, frankly, isn't even the issue—she does appeal to me, I just ended things with her for very objective reasons...

It is terrifying when people come to me amidst all this nonsense and start talking about killing, grenades, the police, and mental hospitals... and they do this periodically, sometimes even my own parents.

Is that how you treat paranoia???

How is a psychologist supposed to treat paranoia? I honestly think my therapist is actually deepening my paranoia, because every time I visit her, I find myself second-guessing what I should tell her... then I tell her... and then she just convinces me that I'm insane.

Everything settles down when I sit at my computer and play video games. But then some idiot friend comes along and triggers all of this—even via Facebook—so then I go to my parents... and then my dad says he's going to hang himself... and then I just lose it.

Right now, it isn't a problem for me. I genuinely like that girl. But either this is some massive, coordinated joke played at my expense, or she wants some grand romance, or something else entirely that neither I nor anyone else can understand.

because the reality of the situation is quite massive, and I suppose a truly significant number of people are involved in this whole thing

1. Honestly, my advice? Just pack up and head to another city for a bit—go stay with some relatives out in, say, Chicago or somewhere—just to get some space from everything happening around you.
2. Maybe try switching up your therapist too. Getting a totally fresh perspective from a new doctor might actually help you process all this.
3. If you want my honest take—this whole thing you wrote sounds pretty bad. It’s giving major paranoia vibes and honestly looks like it could be a sign of something serious.
4. Just walk away from that girl. I know it's hard and you won't forget her overnight, but trust me, accepting that it'll never work out is the best thing you can do for yourself.

quietgull75 said:1. Honestly, my advice? Just pack up and head to another city for a bit—go stay with some relatives out in, say, Chicago or somewhere—just to get some space from everything happening around you.
2. Maybe try switching up your therapist too. Getting a totally fresh perspective from a new doctor might actually help you process all this.
3. If you want my honest take—this whole thing you wrote sounds pretty bad. It’s giving major paranoia vibes and honestly looks like it could be a sign of something serious.
4. Just walk away from that girl. I know it's hard and you won't forget her overnight, but trust me, accepting that it'll never work out is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Well, sure, but my version of a solution is just sitting at my computer playing games (Valve), drinking beer, working out, running, and basically doing that all day long.
When I do that, I function okay, and I don't really have any more problems. But then again, I’d just be sliding right back into that gaming addiction that already wasted a year and a half of my life and totally trashed my GPA...

I barely managed to quit Valve a year ago, and now, I guess the only time I actually feel at peace is when I'm playing Valve.

And how on earth am I supposed to just move on when my parents and my entire inner circle are constantly going to be whispering in my ear about her?

It honestly seems impossible, unless I just decide to cut everyone off and pick a fight with the whole damn family.

Matthew Jones16 said:Everyone keeps telling me I’m paranoid, but I honestly feel like this paranoia was intentionally manufactured for me.

I have this persistent sensation that my entire social circle is deliberately trying to remind me of this one girl—my ex—and they seem to be working together to convince me that I’ve completely lost my mind because of how much I loved her. It feels quite calculated; they constantly steer conversations back to topics we used to discuss, or anything at all that might trigger a memory of her. On top of that, my dad has been incessantly nudging me to call her again, even though I’ve made it very clear that I have no desire to have any contact with her whatsoever. To make matters worse, I suspect there is some kind of malware on my computer, specifically designed to route through her address, which would allow her to monitor everything I do online.
I suppose it might be some sort of datamn~1.exe file that my computer technician installed; I suspect he is actually in on this whole thing, as he already warned his shop to give me the cold shoulder whenever I bring my machine in for service. In any case, I have stated, perhaps a hundred times now, that nobody is reminding me of her anymore and that everyone is behaving normally. But truly, no one around me is acting normally. They keep trying to push me toward a therapist, and this therapist—who is likely just a close friend of my mother's—keeps insisting that I am being irrational. Meanwhile, my mom is constantly threatening to call the police if I ever raise a hand toward her, claiming she'll have me committed to a mental institution. Technically speaking, aside from a few instances where I might have made threats, I haven't actually done anything to anyone, other than punching a wall out of sheer frustration.

It is because I have this overwhelming feeling that everyone around me knows something that I don't.
It feels as though they have collectively ganged up on me, including my friends, my parents, and even people I thought I could trust.

My father actually managed to manipulate me into calling her again, only for her to reject me once more, and then it repeats... making it look as if I am the one stalking her. One of my friends also indirectly encouraged me to start pursuing her. My dad even suggested I take flowers to her, but she wasn't home, and then he had the audacity to congratulate me for bringing them.
When I mention another girl, my dad just tells me to go bother her instead, just to make my ex jealous...
And whenever I try to put effort into a third girl I dated before this whole mess, everyone seems to conspire to ensure I don't invest anything in her.

My dad constantly talks about how he'll kill himself, and my mom keeps saying she'll call the cops because of me and have me locked up in a psych ward.

They play romantic songs constantly. They talk to me about other people's relationships and their loves...

And yet, I am perfectly fine twenty-four hours a day, six days a week, until someone starts bringing up the police or suicide... then I just snap, and I start screaming about the police and death too.

I’ve noticed that certain people describe sexual scenes to me that sound exactly like things I see in adult films. This never used to happen because my social circle isn't usually the type to talk about sex...

The paranoia has been staged for me, but so many people are involved that I can't find an escape. Every so often, someone will slip up and mention how it’s all being orchestrated, or they’ll start laughing while they're pretending, or they'll say exactly what I told that girl right to my face and just laugh at me.

But they really are causing me serious problems. I have dealt with much worse fears in the past; there were periods where I was terrified that someone was going to murder me. Now, I realize that everything revolves around this girl, and that everyone is trying to induce this paranoia in me so that I'll "fall in love with her" again. Which, frankly, isn't even the issue—she does appeal to me, I just ended things with her for very objective reasons...

It is terrifying when people come to me amidst all this nonsense and start talking about killing, grenades, the police, and mental hospitals... and they do this periodically, sometimes even my own parents.

Is that how you treat paranoia???

How is a psychologist supposed to treat paranoia? I honestly think my therapist is actually deepening my paranoia, because every time I visit her, I find myself second-guessing what I should tell her... then I tell her... and then she just convinces me that I'm insane.

Everything settles down when I sit at my computer and play video games. But then some idiot friend comes along and triggers all of this—even via Facebook—so then I go to my parents... and then my dad says he's going to hang himself... and then I just lose it.

Right now, it isn't a problem for me. I genuinely like that girl. But either this is some massive, coordinated joke played at my expense, or she wants some grand romance, or something else entirely that neither I nor anyone else can understand.

because the reality of the situation is quite massive, and I suppose a truly significant number of people are involved in this whole thing

Actually, everything you're saying could be true, except for this part:

Matthew Jones16 said:Everyone keeps telling me I’m paranoid, but I honestly feel like this paranoia was intentionally manufactured for me.

I have this persistent sensation that my entire social circle is deliberately trying to remind me of this one girl—my ex—and they seem to be working together to convince me that I’ve completely lost my mind because of how much I loved her. It feels quite calculated; they constantly steer conversations back to topics we used to discuss, or anything at all that might trigger a memory of her. On top of that, my dad has been incessantly nudging me to call her again, even though I’ve made it very clear that I have no desire to have any contact with her whatsoever. To make matters worse, I suspect there is some kind of malware on my computer, specifically designed to route through her address, which would allow her to monitor everything I do online.
I suppose it might be some sort of datamn~1.exe file that my computer technician installed; I suspect he is actually in on this whole thing, as he already warned his shop to give me the cold shoulder whenever I bring my machine in for service. In any case, I have stated, perhaps a hundred times now, that nobody is reminding me of her anymore and that everyone is behaving normally. But truly, no one around me is acting normally. They keep trying to push me toward a therapist, and this therapist—who is likely just a close friend of my mother's—keeps insisting that I am being irrational. Meanwhile, my mom is constantly threatening to call the police if I ever raise a hand toward her, claiming she'll have me committed to a mental institution. Technically speaking, aside from a few instances where I might have made threats, I haven't actually done anything to anyone, other than punching a wall out of sheer frustration.

It is because I have this overwhelming feeling that everyone around me knows something that I don't.
It feels as though they have collectively ganged up on me, including my friends, my parents, and even people I thought I could trust.

My father actually managed to manipulate me into calling her again, only for her to reject me once more, and then it repeats... making it look as if I am the one stalking her. One of my friends also indirectly encouraged me to start pursuing her. My dad even suggested I take flowers to her, but she wasn't home, and then he had the audacity to congratulate me for bringing them.
When I mention another girl, my dad just tells me to go bother her instead, just to make my ex jealous...
And whenever I try to put effort into a third girl I dated before this whole mess, everyone seems to conspire to ensure I don't invest anything in her.

My dad constantly talks about how he'll kill himself, and my mom keeps saying she'll call the cops because of me and have me locked up in a psych ward.

They play romantic songs constantly. They talk to me about other people's relationships and their loves...

And yet, I am perfectly fine twenty-four hours a day, six days a week, until someone starts bringing up the police or suicide... then I just snap, and I start screaming about the police and death too.

I’ve noticed that certain people describe sexual scenes to me that sound exactly like things I see in adult films. This never used to happen because my social circle isn't usually the type to talk about sex...

The paranoia has been staged for me, but so many people are involved that I can't find an escape. Every so often, someone will slip up and mention how it’s all being orchestrated, or they’ll start laughing while they're pretending, or they'll say exactly what I told that girl right to my face and just laugh at me.

But they really are causing me serious problems. I have dealt with much worse fears in the past; there were periods where I was terrified that someone was going to murder me. Now, I realize that everything revolves around this girl, and that everyone is trying to induce this paranoia in me so that I'll "fall in love with her" again. Which, frankly, isn't even the issue—she does appeal to me, I just ended things with her for very objective reasons...

It is terrifying when people come to me amidst all this nonsense and start talking about killing, grenades, the police, and mental hospitals... and they do this periodically, sometimes even my own parents.

Is that how you treat paranoia???

How is a psychologist supposed to treat paranoia? I honestly think my therapist is actually deepening my paranoia, because every time I visit her, I find myself second-guessing what I should tell her... then I tell her... and then she just convinces me that I'm insane.

Everything settles down when I sit at my computer and play video games. But then some idiot friend comes along and triggers all of this—even via Facebook—so then I go to my parents... and then my dad says he's going to hang himself... and then I just lose it.

Right now, it isn't a problem for me. I genuinely like that girl. But either this is some massive, coordinated joke played at my expense, or she wants some grand romance, or something else entirely that neither I nor anyone else can understand.

because the reality of the situation is quite massive, and I suppose a truly significant number of people are involved in this whole thing

I don't know if 😂 or 😲
,because on one hand it's almost funny, but on the other, listening to this sounds less like paranoia and more like full-blown schizophrenia... all we need now is for aliens to show up and beam reports back to headquarters via satellite...

Think about it logically: why would your ex-girlfriend care what you're doing on your computer (including the porn 🤣)? ???
Wouldn't it be more likely that you *want* her to be interested, and you're just projecting that desire onto her??? Are you afraid of something? If so, what?
Just think about it...

And even if we put the paranoia aside, there's a real chance your group is straight-up > you... and they'll probably follow it up by claiming they never even said the things they "advised" you to do...

Communication has to be a two-way street.
When someone starts lecturing you or suffocating you about a topic you don't want to hear about (like your ex), the most assertive thing you can do is shut them down with a quick, "Look, I've got stuff to do, I'm in a rush." Just do it with the same energy you'd use to brush off some guy at a Starbucks who's looking for a sucker to listen to his life story so he can grab a few bucks...

Matthew Jones16 said:And how on earth am I supposed to just move on when my parents and my entire inner circle are constantly going to be whispering in my ear about her?

It honestly seems impossible, unless I just decide to cut everyone off and pick a fight with the whole damn family.

If you start fighting with them, you'll only prove their point that you aren't stable, and it'll just backfire on you....
So, just stop giving them any weight and ignore them... which means you either only hang out and talk about topics that actually work for you, or you just stop hanging out altogether...

I am honestly just so incredibly fed up with all of you, I swear, I truly am!

I suppose it’s possible that someone might be doing all of this simply out of love, though I can't say for certain.

When it comes to that girl and how you feel about her, honestly, you might want to take that old saying to heart—you know, the one about how there's The thin line between love and hate. As for your friends, your parents, and everyone else close to you? I really think you’ve got it wrong. It feels like you're letting some serious paranoia take the wheel here. Maybe try picking up a few articles on meditation? It wouldn't hurt to give it a shot; it's actually helped me out of a few ruts before. You’re definitely heading down a rough path right now, and if you aren't careful, you're just going to end up in a massive mess.

she's definitely gaslighting you

But honestly, I’ve already been given some direction on how to handle all of this.
The psychologist I went out and found myself—someone I actually feel I can trust—suggested that provided this isn't just paranoia on my part, the best course of action would be to simply ignore everything and try to focus my attention elsewhere... which, I suppose, wasn't really what I wanted to hear. Because if I am being gaslighted—and I mean by my own parents and my closest friends—then it implies they are trying to help me, I guess, attempting to craft this illusion of a better reality than the one I'm actually living in.

Honestly, I can’t quite wrap my head around why my therapist made such a massive deal out of everything. I had managed to stay perfectly calm for an entire week, but then one of my idiot friends started poking at me with some nonsense involving gaslighting—not even about that girl, mind you—and I just completely lost it within a single day. Following that outburst, I ended up getting a double dose of my medication and a stern warning that I might end up committed to a psychiatric ward if I wasn't careful.

I suppose I have two different paranoid narratives running through my mind simultaneously.

The first one is actually quite pleasant, centered around that girl; in fact, just the thought of her occasionally makes me feel happy.
The second one is much uglier, and whenever people start baiting me with that other narrative, I start spiraling out of pure terror, because that specific story is constantly preoccupied with talk of murder, hangings, prisons, and mental institutions.
And every single time someone brings those topics up, I react violently out of fear. There has been so much talk lately surrounding killing, executions, jail, and asylums, and frankly, it doesn't sit well with me at all; it's incredibly stressful.

Now, if there was some sort of gaslighting involved, and they were trying to manipulate me into falling for that girl, they've gone ahead and manufactured these other possible scenarios that aren't pleasant in the slightest—things I don't even want to believe in myself, things I'd rather just forget.

There are probably another thirty potential stories floating around that I've already dismissed.

That’s why I’m willing to take the meds; I’m trying my best to just forget everything and move on. But then again, when I consider that the whole thing might revolve around her, part of me wants to keep going...

And what medications are you currently taking?

driftinggull21 said:And what medications are you currently taking?

Well, just some pink pills my psychologist—or maybe it was a neuropsychiatrist?—prescribed for me.

Initially, it was just two a day, but I've moved up to three now.
Plus, there are some sleep aids involved, which I’m really trying to avoid because, honestly, I already sleep like a baby for about nine hours a day anyway.
But the moment I mention that I don't think I need the sleeping pills, everyone starts panicking. O_O

It happened a few times this month where my sleep suffered a bit due to some dark thoughts. It isn't exactly critical, though; even on a bad night, I get six hours, whereas normally I get nine.

They gave me the sleep meds because I had been struggling to rest consistently for about two months. That was back when I was spiraling into paranoia regarding killing people and the police...
When my paranoia is focused on that one girl, I sleep perfectly fine. But when it shifts toward this other person, I can't sleep at all because the fear is just too much.
Now, the real issue is just how much the people around me keep poking and prodding at me.

I suppose I'll keep taking the medication for now, since my only goal is to get all of this to settle down and finally pass.

Some pink pills my psychologist (or was it a neuropsychiatrist?) prescribed.

"Pink pills" could be anything. You should at least know the name of the medication, shouldn't you?😕
In the US, a psychologist doesn't have the authority to prescribe medication; that is strictly a psychiatrist's role.

I honestly can't even recall the names of my medications, nor do I have the slightest clue what my doctor's actual job title is, or even what they specialize in

I suppose they're some kind of neuropsychiatrist, though I'm mostly just guessing because she keeps giving me grief about how little I seem to know regarding her profession

But then again, I don't really find it all that interesting. My only real concern is the dosage, and I did happen to glance at that little printed insert that comes with the prescription just to see what on earth the stuff is actually for

Matthew Jones16 said:I honestly can't even recall the names of my medications, nor do I have the slightest clue what my doctor's actual job title is, or even what they specialize in

I suppose they're some kind of neuropsychiatrist, though I'm mostly just guessing because she keeps giving me grief about how little I seem to know regarding her profession

But then again, I don't really find it all that interesting. My only real concern is the dosage, and I did happen to glance at that little printed insert that comes with the prescription just to see what on earth the stuff is actually for

You should at least have a medical report or a private prescription on hand. Wouldn't both of those list the medication name and the prescribing physician?☕

I suppose I should ask myself why on earth that would even matter to me?

In any case, I really need to stay on top of my medication.
And honestly, I want to take them.
I suppose I believe we ended up at a decent clinic, though I say that tentatively, because I have this nagging feeling that the psychologist might be involved in some gaslighting.
But I don't see any reason to spiral into panic or anxiety... as long as nobody starts bringing up killing, the police, or being institutionalized...

If people just stick to those silly little crime shows or conspiracy theories, I guess I'll be fine, or at least mostly okay.

But the moment someone begins threatening me with an asylum, the cops, or violence, I tend to get gripped by fear and start acting out, which then leads to people accusing me of being unstable, and suddenly I find myself just one step away from actually being sent to a mental ward.

I had actually put some faith in the therapist I went to see, thinking he was completely detached from this whole mess...
but apparently, according to him, I should just take everything into private messages instead...

I suppose their ultimate objective here is to nudge me into showing interest and essentially chasing after this girl.
But honestly, I have no intention of digging around or playing these investigative games just because of some theory I’ve constructed in my own mind regarding what might be happening. If there is even a slight chance that this alternative scenario is actually true, then perhaps it is best if I don't bother looking at all.
It would probably be much more productive to just sit down and play some video games.