Thanks, Harold Anderson3 and Visionary, for the response. Regarding Azolar—it was far too strong for me. The akathisia was unbearable; just constant movement and an inability to sit still. As for Risperdal, it felt like being hit in the head with a sledgehammer. I’ve never experienced anything worse. Compared to that, Haldol and Moditen were a dream. Azolar is one of the newer ones, and I hear it works wonders for some people. My current Zeldox is also relatively new—I actually lost 10 pounds on it because it completely killed my appetite. I suspect I was given a mild diagnosis: F23.2—acute psychotic disorder similar to schizophrenia. I wasn't hospitalized. If I had been in a ward telling doctors that a snake inside me was persecuting and commanding me, or that Baphomet was hunting me, or if I had started fighting and smashing things around the house, then they would have diagnosed me with paranoid schizophrenia.
I lost four years of my life to schizophrenia. My employment contract in Washington, D.C. was terminated, and I decided to move to Cleveland to stay in my grandmother's apartment—that’s how God ordained it. Once I arrived in Cleveland, the voices started. They told me they were from God and that I had two curses to fulfill: one from a former professor and one from my mother. I had to cut them off. Consequently, I barely spoke to my mother for four years. I lived entirely under the command of those voices. I trashed half the apartment—tables, the bed, pictures off the walls, books, five different lamps. I didn't leave the house and didn't speak to anyone except my grandmother over the phone. I was fully convinced that God had decreed this suffering as a way for me to resolve these two heavy curses. On top of all that, I developed OCD. The problem is that I live alone, and there was no one there to help me. When my brother once visited from Washington, D.C., I had an aggressive outburst triggered by the voices. I told him the voices were from God and that I had these two curses. He just listened and believed me—he accepted that I was hearing voices from God and didn't react at all.
After four years of madness, I started watching Richard Dawkins on YouTube—the atheist evolutionary biologist. His logic clicked with me, and I began to believe there is no God. I looked up the symptoms of schizophrenia online, and everything matched perfectly. I went to the psychiatric ER and told them my story. They wanted to admit me, but I refused because I didn't have supplemental insurance. They barely let me leave, provided I returned for a follow-up in two days. They gave me Risperdal. Two weeks later, I scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist who turned out to be a perfect fit. She is an incredible doctor—highly knowledgeable and truly understanding. She wasn't in favor of hospitalization either, so we started outpatient treatment. It’s been just under two years since then. I haven't found steady work yet, and I have a gap in my resume that I've filled with freelance translation work (which is true, as I did translate). What else am I supposed to say in a job interview? That I was in a severe psychosis for four years? Honestly, I can't believe what happened to me—I grieve for those lost years. It feels as though someone stole my life. And I find myself wondering why I deserved this. I was compassionate, kind, helped others, and believed in God, only to end up here. Since then, I no longer believe in God. Now, I believe in some sort of force—I don't know what—and I believe in medication, antipsychotics, and my other friends.
Here is some validation regarding psychotropic medication. I have taken Azolar, Moditen, Haldol, and Zeldox. I was on Zeldox the longest—monotherapy, starting at high doses of 2 x 80 mg, then tapering down to 80 mg, then 60 mg, and finally 20 mg. After one year and nine months of continuous antipsychotic use, I have successfully eliminated my auditory hallucinations. Yes. My diagnosis is F23.2—acute psychotic disorder, schizophrenia-like. Alongside those, I took Xanax and Prazin. I am still taking those. However, I haven't touched the 20 mg dose of Zeldox for about a month now. Everything is fine; the voices haven't returned. Additionally, I suffered from severe obsessive-compulsive disorder—obsessions with symmetry and repetitive actions performed up to 50 times under the influence of the voices. That has also passed; the compulsions are gone.
This is a success for me, but I am now experiencing depressive episodes that I didn't have before, including suicidal ideation. It is mostly tied to being unemployed. I did not tell my psychiatrist that I stopped the antipsychotic. She considers the current dose to be negligible regardless.
Yes, I have tried antidepressants like Fevarin and Zoloft, but I had to stop them because they caused insomnia.
Also, I was recently prescribed Diazepam because my sleep quality has declined since I stopped the antipsychotic.
Was it wise of me to stop the antipsychotic on my own, given that the dosage has been minimal for the last six months?
I decided to try life without it because the symptoms are gone. Furthermore, Zeldox completely dulled my appreciation for the beauty of the world; everything became banal and boring, and it absolutely crushed my libido. I don't know when my libido will return. Is the loss of libido irreversible, or is there hope for recovery?
Edward White5 said:It’s probably psychosis; she isn't hearing voices just yet. I suggested to her that she might be imagining things and that talking to a professional could help. She just talked down to me... And if you try to pull the "you're an educated person" card, that'll probably make it even worse... When you've spent half your life as a manager giving orders, you're convinced you're right 100% of the time. Then overnight, you find yourself flipped upside down—from being at the top to being at the bottom. It hits you hard, and suddenly you're just lost, sad, and frustrated. She still thinks everyone else is beneath her, which doesn't surprise me much since she lives out in the rural Midwest; when people there talk about anything, half of them don't know north from south, they just point and say, "it's this way" or "it's over there," and that drives her crazy. Meanwhile, those same neighbors pick on her because she's confrontational and tells everyone exactly what she thinks. They basically tell her, "You think you're so smart, but you can barely find your way out of the county, so stop lecturing us." She's got a difficult personality and zero tact...
The presence or absence of voices is irrelevant. In psychiatry, they call these positive symptoms: auditory hallucinations, delusions, and paranoid ideation. The "signs" she is seeing—neighbors conspiring against her, constantly changing the locks—those are symptoms just as much as hearing voices would be. A friend of mine never heard voices, but he exhibited the exact same symptoms your mother is showing: the signs, the paranoia, and the delusions. I don't know how to convince her to see a doctor. This will only escalate; she might do something drastic, and then you'll be forced to react. She could sell the house and blow all the money on new locks. This is psychosis, and you need a physician to tell you how to handle her. Make an appointment with a psychiatrist, explain the full situation, and ask for advice. Emphasize how serious this has become.
Edward White5 said:Hey, I’ve been debating whether or not to actually post this here for a while now... Anyway, it’s about my mom. She doesn't have an official diagnosis, but she’s showing a ton of symptoms typical of paranoid schizophrenia. Honestly, I can't tell if it’s actual schizophrenia or just severe psychosis. For years, she's been incredibly suspicious, but I always just chalked it up to her having a rough life and the general chaos of moving to a new country where crime rates felt higher. Since I haven't lived with her since I was 13, I was still just a kid back then—I believed everything she told me, even when she was lying to my face about herself. She's been living on her own for years now... To make a long story short, things have really taken a dark turn over the last three years following the death of my brother, who hadn't lived with us since I was 13. It sounds terrible to talk about my own mother like this, but it's the truth (and sometimes, I catch myself still believing her delusions, or maybe they aren't even delusions)... Lately, every single phone call ends in tears. She claims the neighbors are poisoning her. Now, granted, her neighbors *are* problematic, and being a solitary, confrontational woman makes her a target, so they have given her grief before, but this is different. She thinks they’re putting microbes in her food, which she blames for a wound on her foot that wouldn't heal—though, since she’s diabetic, there are plenty of medical reasons for that too. When I called her out once for leaving candy wrappers all over the yard under the balcony while she was visiting me, she claimed someone was intentionally cursing her, hoping I’d be miserable for picking them up or for attacking her. She repeats this every time we talk—telling me I need to watch my back, calling me stupid or naive because I "can't see the signs," and crying because I don't believe her. It's the same cycle every single time. Then there's the stuff disappearing; she’ll swear she put something in a specific spot, only for it to vanish, then reappear later, at which point she insists she has to burn it because it’s "contaminated." She’s given away half her furniture, and she spends the whole time convinced people are stealing from her. She changes her locks every week, spending half her pension on locksmith services, acting like a pro herself. She once went overboard buying groceries and brought a huge haul to me and my kid, claiming it was high-quality organic stuff, only to call me the next day in a total panic. Because I mentioned my husband had a headache that day, she decided it was the meat—likely contaminated by someone spraying it while she was at the gas station. She refused to keep the meat in the house to cool down after it arrived because she was convinced it would be poisoned. She’s stopped gardening entirely; she only has enough food on hand for that one day. Everything bad that happens gets blamed on those neighbors, and she describes it all with such intense vitriol to everyone she meets. She even sends these frantic messages... claiming that neighbor wants to kill me and my entire family. There's just so much... For context, she’s highly educated—a Master’s in Petroleum Engineering. She was top of her class and even worked as a teaching assistant for older math students during her undergrad. She knows history inside and out, not just textbook stuff, but specific global events and dates from the news. She’s 61... She’s a wonderful mother, truly the best, and that’s why this hurts so much. I only started suspecting this might be a mental health issue after a friend of mine who works at a nursing home suggested I look into these specific symptoms. Since I haven't lived with her, I used to just get frustrated and blame the neighbors, thinking I just needed to fix my own life so I could protect her from them. I don't know...
Yeah, definitely psychosis. All those "signs" she's describing, the obsession with the neighbors... it's psychosis. But since she isn't elderly and is highly educated, you might be able to talk her into seeing a psychiatrist. Try appealing to her intellect—remind her how smart and educated she is, and suggest that these "conspiracies" don't hold up to logic. It might actually work.
Currently on Zeldox 40 mg twice daily, 2 mg Moditen, 50 mg Fevarin, a bit of Prazosin 25 mg at night to sleep, plus Xanax as needed.
I was also prescribed Akineton because the Moditen is causing me muscle stiffness. It’s working quite nicely right now—really helps relax the muscles, haha...
However, I am still dealing with auditory hallucinations. How much longer can this persist even while on medication? I've been treating psychosis for only two months, though I've been hearing voices and experiencing a few delusions for about four years now. Diagnosis is F23.2—an acute psychotic disorder, similar to schizophrenia.
David Vaughn75 said:Look, seriously, go talk to your actual psychiatrist about adjusting your meds instead of asking a bunch of random people on an internet forum.
The point of this forum is to exchange real-world experiences.
I've been experiencing severe side effects from Maden—tremors, shaky hands, even muscle twitching in my lip. It’s obvious I need a different medication. What are your thoughts on Prozac? I currently take my current prescription right before bed...
Laura Castillo6 said:I mean, living "well" probably means staying away from cigarettes, cutting back on booze, getting enough sunlight, and eating brain food.
But honestly, most of us are struggling one way or another. We started out as nothing, and now we're stuck on this country, which feels more like one giant mess. That’s just how I see it. I remember seeing someone on CNN once—a guy who was diagnosed with Parkinson's back when he was 30. He's 46 now. Now, I know my struggles aren't even in the same league as his, but the guy never once complained about being in hell. Maybe he—or most people—just hasn't realized what I have, or maybe I'm just a massive pessimist or a nihilist at heart.
So yeah, we're all dealing with some level of chaos. You just have to make peace with the fact that there's a "before" and an "after" to everything.
Man, I don't know much about specific medications. It seems like almost everyone is on multiple psychotropic drugs these days. So, if I'm understanding you right, you aren't actively in a psychotic break anymore, but you're still experiencing auditory hallucinations? It's possible that certain symptoms linger, or they might fade away after a long time, but the most important thing is that you're present, you're conscious, and you know what's happening. Definitely talk to your doctor about any side effects; try to find that balance where you can ask the right questions while still being able to actually live your life.
I have been self-aware the entire time, living with these voices. No one noticed or even suspected anything until I started physically hurting myself. That led me to a psychiatrist, which resulted in an F42 diagnosis—intrusive thoughts and compulsions. For that, I take Paxil and Xanax... With Moditen, my leg gets stiff when I walk, and Azolar makes it impossible to find a comfortable position for bowel movements. I need to tell her that Moditen isn't working either; I need something else, maybe Zoloft...
I'm done listening to these thoughts. The voices were telling me I had two years left to live. I became overly "spiritual," falling for every alternative movement out there, until my brain chemistry finally snapped.
I’ve been diagnosed with F29—unspecified non-organic psychosis—and F23.2, which is acute psychotic disorder resembling schizophrenia.
I was previously on Azolar at 20 mg to 30 mg daily, but it just gave me intense anxiety. Now I’m taking Moditen and Prazine. My psychiatrist is also considering Zeldox to see if that works better. What are your thoughts? I’m still dealing with auditory hallucinations.
Greetings to everyone struggling with hemorrhoids..
I’m dealing with an external hemorrhoid, or what is actually called perianal thrombosis. It flares up every few years; in the past, it would resolve quickly, but not this time. A few years back, Hemopropin did the trick. Now, I’ve been suffering for four months straight without relief—I've tried Hemeroprotect, olive oil, propolis drops, and finally went back to Hemopropin, but it isn't working this time around.
Cold compresses provide some relief, but the pain returns the moment I take them off. Does anyone have advice on other ways to treat external hemorrhoids? While olive oil and Hemopropin offer temporary comfort, they don't actually clear it up—the issue just resurfaces after using the restroom. The pain levels fluctuate between severe and manageable. Obviously, I can't apply cold compresses 24/7. I don't think it's drastic enough to consider surgery yet, though I am getting concerned given that this cycle of worsening and improving has dragged on for four months.