Posts by Morgan Cooper34

Noah Myers8 said:That’s spot on. It’s the easy way out—you use punishment because, as a parent, you hold all the power and strength.
I can't even remember the last time I actually punished my son. Sure, it's happened, but it's probably been at least six months, maybe longer. It's not like I have a little angel living here; he tries to push my buttons constantly and he's always running wild. It's just that I handle things the same way I'd talk through stuff with a friend. And honestly? It works like a charm.

Sure, but if they set the house on fire, how exactly are you going to settle that "as a friend"?

Being friends with your kid is all well and good. It sounds lovely. 👍
But only once they're mature enough to actually understand what that means.

Kids need authority. They need a backbone. 🤷

Kyle Lee7 said:Anger and rage can actually feel much more intense than physical pain.
Personally, I’m against any kind of corporal punishment, and I’ll go as far as saying I’m against punitive discipline in general. In a healthy, functional American household where parents truly understand how to guide their children, there just isn't a need for it.
That being said, it absolutely infuriates me when I see unruly, disrespectful kids acting like little savages. I wouldn't tolerate that behavior, but the thing is, those kids aren't born "bad" or "spoiled," requiring a beating to get them back on track. Their behavior is simply a reflection of what's happening—or isn't happening—in their home. When a child is acting out, you have to ask yourselves: what kind of parents are they? Maybe they are completely inconsistent, totally absent, lacking communication skills, or even abusive. Either way, someone is failing somewhere. Trying to fix parental mistakes by hitting a child is nothing short of pathetic and shameful.

Growing up, my parents never laid a hand on me or used harsh punishments, and I always turned out fine—I never had issues at school or at home.

Just because you happened to be a naturally sweet, quiet, polite kid doesn't mean every child is built that way.
Not all kids are the same, and you can't apply a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Every child is an individual. Go read that comment from the woman on page three or four—she's a professional educator who raised two sons, one she disciplined physically and one she didn't. Even if they were a hundred brothers born to the exact same parents, they would be fundamentally different by nature.

You can't compare a hyperactive, extroverted kid to an introvert who lives entirely in their own little world with a doll or a toy car. While the first one is tearing up the whole neighborhood like a little troublemaker version of Dennis, the second one will spend hours making up stories for their doll, feeding it, bathing it, without ever moving an inch from the couch.

Matthew Morales17 said:How can you even claim to know what kind of kid you were during those early years? Did your mom and dad tell you stories about it, or do you just remember being disciplined and think that somehow proves you weren't a good kid? Maybe your dad lost his temper a little, or he and your mom got into a heated argument and then you ended up catching the fallout? They get stressed out, and then comes the belt? Or maybe they were fighting more often, and you intentionally acted out because, honestly, a kid would much rather take a beating than watch their "gods" tear each other apart? A child thinks it's their own fault when the "gods" start fighting, right? Because clearly, the "gods" can't be wrong! Is the fact that you still view them as perfect today my proof that I'm right (not that I care about being right)? As for my daughter, she has always been wonderful to me, both then and now. That doesn't mean she doesn't mess up sometimes—kids will be kids, after all! I make mistakes too, and I'll probably be making them for the rest of my life. It's actually great for her to see that. She's realized that her dad is just a regular human being, not some alien, perfect creature that she could never hope to live up to. You know, that feeling of never being quite good enough... ugh, just gross.

Look, I remember things from when I was barely eighteen months old—you wouldn't believe it if I told you.🙄

Helou, they aren't "gods." They're just people.
They aren't infallible; they messed up. They messed up with me, too.
But despite everything, they're still the best parents I've ever known. It's not about perfection; they’re simply the finest group of parents or caregivers I've encountered in my life.

For heaven's sake, please just read and stop assuming. Seriously. 🙄

Carl Anderson76 said:

Honestly, my mom was actually crying after I beat her up.

To me, it just sounds like your mom didn't have much emotional grit. Like, hysterical crying. If those tears were actually coming from a place of genuine regret, she wouldn't be doing the same thing all over again. That kind of crying usually symbolizes something else entirely. I don't know, though—I'm obviously not an expert on how women work.

Hysterical? Weak nerves?
There is nothing more dangerous than a baseless assumption.

Matthew Morales17 said:I don't know about all that; I have a 20-year-old daughter (which means she's been in those peak "difficult" years for about six years now!) and I have never once found a single reason to lay a hand on her or hit her. Just the thought of it makes me feel sick! If I ever thought about hitting my daughter—or my wife, for that matter—I think I'd basically be committing harakiri, wouldn't I?! And we're talking about two totally different personalities here. My wife comes from a very traditional background, whereas my daughter is... well, she's my blood. She doesn't back down, she loves to debate, she can be quite demanding financially, she's high-energy, and sometimes she acts like she couldn't care less what I think! But I've always taught her to respect herself and never let anyone walk over her. Not anyone, not even me. When we're arguing, she'll often throw it back at me, saying, "Well, you're the one who taught me to be like this!" Ha! Honestly, she did. I just sit there, listen, and smile to myself because I'm actually proud that she learned that lesson and won't let just anyone mess with her—not even her old man. What do you mean, 5%?! Man, that's love! You don't hit the people you love; you hold them close and protect them. Just remember that! 👍
P.S. There are some truly terrible kids out there, and I think that's what you're referring to. But honestly, just look at who their parents are and you'll change your mind instantly. When you see how some of these clueless parents act, you realize how lucky those kids are to be well-behaved!

Sure, but I assume your daughter was a perfectly fine, obedient kid until puberty hit.
If you had a daughter like I was to my parents before middle school—someone who constantly grated on your nerves, refused to follow a single rule, and rebelled against everything—then maybe I'd ask for your opinion on how to handle it.
You can't talk about what you would or wouldn't do if you haven't actually lived through the situation.

Hannah White2 said:Honestly, nothing beats having a buddy over, you yell out "Hey babe, grab us some bourbon!"—of course, bourbon—and she's there in a heartbeat...
So how on earth is a kid supposed to ignore you?😁
Real talk: parenting is all about how the parents communicate with each other.

If I’m running my mouth being negative about gay people😛 then tomorrow, during puberty, my kid sees someone of that orientation on TV at an anti-gay rally...

You raise them by setting an example—call it whatever you want—not by using belts or some ridiculous corporal punishment nonsense.
My music teacher, Mazur, used to yank me by the hair right behind the ear if I didn't hit the right note on the flute, which is why today I won't sing and wouldn't touch an instrument if you paid me.
One single tug and just like that, music was dead to me—and I could've been the next Matija Dedić...

If you had the chops to be the next Matthew, you would've made it. And honestly? It wasn't your teacher's fault. It was on you. Some people manage to succeed despite whatever obstacles get thrown at them, rather than because of some excuse.
Real talent is unstoppable. Everything else is just a story we tell ourselves. 🤷

Matthew Morales17 said:The very fact that you're claiming your parents couldn't have been any better proves that you *are* keeping them on a pedestal! Because let's be real, anyone can improve, right? Unless you're claiming they were perfect, which means they're on that pedestal! And that part about them feeling bad for hitting you—well, shouldn't they have avoided hitting you altogether?! Are you seriously suggesting that it was harder for them to deal with the guilt than it was for you to take the hits?!☕

I have a wonderful relationship with my parents. Sure, I went through that typical teenage rebellion against their authority, but once the dust settled, I realized they truly are the best in the world. Over time, they transitioned from being my disciplinarians to being my friends. 🤷

Regarding the physical discipline I endured—it wasn't like I was being beaten senseless; it was just a few times I got hit with a belt. Honestly, once the initial sting fades, once I stop sobbing uncontrollably and realize I had seriously messed up for the umpteenth time and crossed a line—everything is fine. And yes, it was harder on my parents. First, because they had to go against their own principles and values, and second, because punishing someone you brought into this world, someone you dedicate your entire life to raising, is no easy feat. In fact, my mom would actually cry after she disciplined me.
But looking back at those moments when I was punished, I still maintain that it was necessary.

Matthew Morales17 said:Oh, absolutely, it is just wonderful how people act when they have a toddler or a little two-year-old running around! They're such perfect little angels, right? Everyone just loves them and adores them through age sixteen, filled with all these sweet declarations of love and pure joy! But then, what happens when those kids hit ten or twelve? That's when the real chaos starts for parents! Once they actually start thinking for themselves and discovering who they are—hello, puberty!—suddenly the kid starts trying to unseat Mom or Dad from their pedestal. And suddenly, Mom is no longer the queen of the house, and the child is labeled as some "ungrateful brat" who totally deserves to be punished because they aren't being "good" anymore. Isn't it funny how the less qualified a parent is, the bigger that ego gap becomes?☕

Look, excuse me, but I honestly think every single parent is unqualified when they have their first kid.
Reading sixteen different parenting books won't magically turn me into some expert or even a decent parent once my own child finally arrives one day.

Hannah White2 said:Look, do yourself a favor and pick up some actual books. It doesn't really matter what my two cents are; what matters is what the experts—the people who actually spent their entire lives studying child psychology—have to say.
If you take a step back and actually dig into how human psychology works and why we struggle with certain things, it might actually shift your perspective.
Because, let’s be real, that rigid mindset you’re clinging to is basically the blueprint for everything from organized religion to modern dictatorships. It’s built on the idea that the public is just a bunch of mindless infants who need to be "disciplined" into submission. Even guys like Harmon operated under that exact kind of paternalistic logic.
I’m speaking from experience here. I’m not even expecting you to flip your worldview overnight, but at least do some homework before you go deciding how to raise a kid.
Besides, there's a 90% chance you aren't going to go around swinging a belt at your own kids just because that's how your old man handled things.

How is a kid supposed to figure out who they actually are if they never get the chance to say "no"?

I personally think *Primal Scream* by Arthur Janov is one of the best books out there regarding child upbringing, even if it isn't strictly focused on parenting. But honestly? I think we have much bigger problems than just punishing children. We have the issue of unwanted children. Kids born not because parents actually wanted them, but just because they felt it was something they "had" to do.

A few posts ago, you asked: "why are you all so afraid to tear down those perfect images of your parents, the ones who molded you into such good, disciplined little kids through strict, old-school discipline?
Get them off their pedestals."

Look, I don't put my parents on a pedestal, but I am certain they couldn't have been any better.
Despite a few times getting grounded or taking a hit, my parents truly wanted me and loved me. As a kid, I felt that. I could even feel their regret whenever they had to punish me (which usually happened because I was intentionally being difficult and testing every single boundary they set—but that's a whole other story). On the flip side, you'll meet plenty of people who would never lay a finger on their child, yet they've never built a real connection with them either. Why? Because that child wasn't wanted. They weren't loved.

Amanda Myers3 said:What does whether or not I have children have to do with anything? It means I know how I’ll behave. From what I've noticed, you seem perfectly fine with hitting a woman in certain situations (apologies if I've mistaken you for someone else, but I'm fairly certain you were the one posting about that), etc. It turns out violent people are just violent toward everyone—their partners, animals, and eventually, their children.
I have never laid a hand on anyone, no matter how much they've infuriated me, and I am certain I will never hit a child either. 🙄

😍

I just love these "future parents."

My own mother used to say the exact same thing right before she had me: never, seriously, never would I lay a hand on my little baby! I'd sooner cut off my own arm!

And then she got stuck with me. 🤣

Oh, and I nearly forgot this part.

There is a massive difference between psychological or verbal abuse—we're talking about the daily grind of crushing a child's spirit, systematically dismantling their sense of self and integrity—and just offering some justified criticism when they actually mess up. You know, using critique as a legitimate tool for guidance.

It’s the same deal with physical stuff. There is a world of difference between outright physical abuse—beating a kid just to vent or to break their will—and using corporal punishment as a last resort when nothing else seems to work.

In both cases of true abuse, you end up with traumatized children who never felt truly loved by their parents. But in the second scenario—with occasional criticism or discipline—if the child still feels that underlying parental love even after being corrected, there isn't any chance of them becoming traumatized.

Roger Rodriguez said:Is this how you usually react when someone doesn't see eye to eye with you? Because honestly, your comments say much more about you than they do about anyone else.
I agree that violence breeds violence, but you clearly aren't distinguishing between actual abuse and a "disciplinary measure"—if we have to call it that—like a quick swat when a child does something wrong. No matter how old a kid gets, they're still a child, and most of the time, they don't fully grasp the consequences of their actions.
And those comparisons, like "if you hit a kid for doing something wrong, then a husband should hit his wife for doing something wrong," are just ridiculous and unnecessary.
We aren't talking about beating a child just because a parent is having a meltdown.
I once saw a mother hitting a toddler on the butt—just straight up hitting her—simply because the little girl was crying and wouldn't get on a city bus. If I could, I would have thrown that woman under the bus myself. So, I am absolutely not justifying that—how can anyone justify hitting a child just because they're crying!?
But... if I have to tell a child a thousand times not to do something, I just can't. A colleague of mine kept telling her little one over and over not to go near the stove or the equipment in their bakery. Yet, the kid caught a moment of distraction and stuck their hand right into the ice cream machine.

That's exactly my point.
I am absolutely against any kind of violence toward children. Period. But a child needs to recognize some level of authority in their life. I'm not advocating for a reign of terror, obviously, but parents have to come up with some method for disciplining a disobedient child.

In my house, pleas, persuasion, or "you're grounded" didn't work. Not with me. I was stubborn to a fault—it's just how I was built. I wasn't afraid of anything or anyone, except maybe my mother, who eventually had to get tough just to tame me somehow. She never reached for a belt right away. First, she’d launch this massive barrage of arguments and explanations—like, "if you do this, then this happens, you'll get hurt, and then you'll have to go to the doctor and get a painful shot"—then came the consequences like, "you aren't getting this treat," or "no playing outside because you were bad," or "no cartoons." Only when nothing else worked would she actually hit me.

Like I said, she hit me maybe three or four times in my entire life, but every single time, it was more than earned. I was a wicked child. Don't try to tell me kids don't know what they're doing. I knew exactly what I was doing.

Alex Patel96 said:Look, you're an adult, a mature person, and you shouldn't be allowing that. Clearly, not everyone is cut out to be a parent. You need a certain level of self-control if you're going to claim the right to have children in the first place. The real issue is that everyone thinks they have some God-given entitlement to parenthood.

That bolded statement isn't something to be praised.
A child is a whole new human being, and a sane person doesn't say they "can't handle" a kid so they have to lash out.
No, I'm not buying those nonsense excuses. It sounds exactly like those abusive husbands who claim their hand flies up just because their wife ☕got on their nerves...

Go read the thread about violent children. Personally, I've sat there and watched kids slap, spit at, and scream at their parents while the mother just crouches down next to them saying, "Oh honey, we don't do that."
Those kids grow up to be delinquents.

As for that bolded part, I was talking about parental statements and parental actions. In the sense that you truly never know how a single critique, a smack, or even just a harsh tone might wreck a child's self-esteem and shape their future behavior.

John Parker5—you're comparing spanking a kid for every little thing to "major" offenses. Take me, for example. I got my first real beating when I swiped candy from a convenience store for the fourth time. I was four years old. For the first three times, my mom tried the gentle approach—"Sweetie, that's not right, that's not okay." But honestly? If she hadn't laid the hammer down on that fourth time, I probably would've kept stealing.

I’ve taken a few hits in my life, and honestly? I deserved them. There were certain things a four or five-year-old just couldn't wrap their head around back then.
I don't carry any childhood trauma. Quite the opposite, actually. When it comes to parenting, I look at my own parents as the gold standard.

Would I ever lay a hand on a child? I can't say for sure. I have an endless amount of patience.
But dealing with kids is such shaky ground; you never truly know how far a single word or a specific gesture might push things.

Maybe I would end up losing my cool and swinging—I don't have kids of my own, so I'm really just guessing here.
But regardless, yes if I saw my children becoming so problematic that they were completely out of control.

silentpilot6 said:I frequently find myself double-checking if I locked the car or turned off the gas valve 😬 though I don't go as far as counting tiles or ensuring everything is perfectly aligned and the parking brake is perfectly straight 😁

By the way, have you all read the thread about "living with someone struggling with mental illness"?
While it covers some extreme situations and quite tragic examples—not to mention there are plenty of positive ones too—honestly, I wouldn't want myself 🙂 or any of my future children
to ever be put in those kinds of positions.

I know what it's like to be scatterbrained or lose focus sometimes, but what he went through was a different beast entirely.😢

It played out like this: He locks the doors. I tell him, "See? It's locked." I even pull the handle to prove it. He agrees, "Yes, it's locked."
Then, maybe two blocks down, he has to pull a U-turn because suddenly, the certainty just vanishes. He isn't sure anymore. I ask him, "Didn't I just show you? Didn't you check it yourself?" He just says, "Now I'm not sure."
So, we turn around. He checks. It's locked.
We drive on. Another hundred yards later, we head off again.
And then, after another couple of blocks, he pulls over alone, leaving me waiting there.

It gets worse during high-stress moments. For instance, if he's walking across a plaza where the tiles are laid out in a strict checkerboard pattern—he can only step on the black ones. Or if he insists on washing the glass himself before someone brings him a soda. Sometimes the servers at a diner just don't have the patience for it.🤷

And the counting? That was its own special kind of hell. Counting steps. Counting passing cars. Counting red cars in a parking lot. Counting letters, the leaves on a ficus plant, or the horizontal stripes on someone's sweater.

The truth is, I suspect he's still living with that weight today.🤷

No, I was just using OCD as an example of a relatively mild disorder.
Heaven forbid it’s something more severe—I honestly don't think I have the constitution for that.

Let’s say my future husband falls ill one day. I’d give him everything I’ve got to make our life together as smooth and comfortable as possible for everyone involved. But, if things reached a point where it was draining me to the core—if it became a genuine threat to my own mental and physical health, or the well-being of my kids—then yeah, I'd get a divorce.
(I'm not even going to dive into the whole genetics thing or the possibility of having children who might inherit certain conditions right now)

I truly admire people who can live alongside someone dealing with that. Personally? I don't know if I could do it. I firmly believe that people struggling with mental illness need professional medical help, and frankly, I'm just not equipped to provide that kind of care. 🤷

A few years back, I was dating this guy whose father had spent some time in a psychiatric ward way back when. My ex wouldn't touch the subject, so I never actually found out what he was being treated for.
I have to be honest—it weighed on me. It wasn't something I could just shrug off, especially since the truth only came out after we’d already been seeing each other for a few months.

He struggled with OCD, and frankly, it was exhausting. There were moments when I’d be pouring my heart out about something deeply important to me, only to realize he wasn't even listening because he was too busy counting the floor tiles in a Starbucks. Or we’d step out of the car, walk maybe two blocks, and he’d have to turn right back around just to check if the doors were locked. It wasn't enough that I told him they were secure. He had to do it over and over.
Then there was the stuff at my place. He’d obsessively straighten the towels, the coasters, or the mugs. Or he’d absolutely lose it if I moved a glass even an inch away from where he felt it "belonged."
To some people, those might seem like trivial quirks, but I just couldn't handle it. 🤷
I’ll admit it: I felt a massive sense of relief once we finally called it quits. Maybe that sounds selfish. I truly respect anyone who chooses to stay with someone facing those kinds of struggles, but for me? It was just... draining.