What kind of person should I strive to be?
in Psychology ·
I hear people talk about being "good" versus being "bad" all the time. There’s this idea that the "bad guys" always win in life, probably just because you don't see many successful people who actually stick to being "good."
Being a good person means having values—things like honesty, kindness, sincerity, and actually respecting what other people need and want. It usually involves a genuine desire to help others.
On the flip side, "bad" people often possess traits like being street-smart, knowing how to fight for exactly what they want, being able to speak up, and having enough self-confidence to hold their ground. They respect themselves enough not to change who they are just to please someone else, and they prioritize their own needs over everyone else's.
Assertiveness is really the magic word here.
It isn't "being good" to do everything everyone else asks of you, like staying awake at midnight because you're too afraid to use the bathroom and potentially wake someone up (even if they're just being sensitive about it). And it isn't "being bad" to look out for yourself, say "no" when something doesn't fit your needs, set boundaries, or even go to the restroom in the middle of the night and deal with someone being annoyed about it.
Being a "good person" doesn't mean letting people walk all over you or acting a certain way just because you hope they'll treat you the same. We're all different.
When you learn how to express yourself and set firm boundaries, you're essentially putting yourself first. You're doing what works for you because you value yourself. When you do that, people actually tend to respect you more and treat you better.
Sure, there are toxic people out there, and you need to know how to set a boundary or just walk away from them. But that’s not an excuse to stoop to their level or treat them poorly just because they treat you poorly. If you do that, you end up losing your own values and your authenticity.
The bottom line is knowing yourself—knowing who you are, what you want, and what matters to you, then being clear about it with the world.
You have to figure out where the lines are for different people, where you can meet them halfway, and where you absolutely can't.
Being a good person means having values—things like honesty, kindness, sincerity, and actually respecting what other people need and want. It usually involves a genuine desire to help others.
On the flip side, "bad" people often possess traits like being street-smart, knowing how to fight for exactly what they want, being able to speak up, and having enough self-confidence to hold their ground. They respect themselves enough not to change who they are just to please someone else, and they prioritize their own needs over everyone else's.
Assertiveness is really the magic word here.
It isn't "being good" to do everything everyone else asks of you, like staying awake at midnight because you're too afraid to use the bathroom and potentially wake someone up (even if they're just being sensitive about it). And it isn't "being bad" to look out for yourself, say "no" when something doesn't fit your needs, set boundaries, or even go to the restroom in the middle of the night and deal with someone being annoyed about it.
Being a "good person" doesn't mean letting people walk all over you or acting a certain way just because you hope they'll treat you the same. We're all different.
When you learn how to express yourself and set firm boundaries, you're essentially putting yourself first. You're doing what works for you because you value yourself. When you do that, people actually tend to respect you more and treat you better.
Sure, there are toxic people out there, and you need to know how to set a boundary or just walk away from them. But that’s not an excuse to stoop to their level or treat them poorly just because they treat you poorly. If you do that, you end up losing your own values and your authenticity.
The bottom line is knowing yourself—knowing who you are, what you want, and what matters to you, then being clear about it with the world.
You have to figure out where the lines are for different people, where you can meet them halfway, and where you absolutely can't.