What kind of person should I strive to be?

First off, hello everyone...

I hope I've landed in the right spot here.

Since this forum brings together such a diverse group of people—all with different perspectives and unique life experiences...

I find myself wondering about what kind of person one should strive to be in general. Is that character something we're just born with, or is it something we can actually reshape and change over time?

I mean, I'm talking about everything, really. Especially how we ought to treat others. From what I've seen, there are people who are just consistently unkind, even when others are being decent to them. Then you have those who genuinely care about people—the type who might stay up late or go out of their way to be mindful of others. It seems to me, though, that those more selfless individuals often seem to struggle more throughout their lives. At least, that's my impression of things in general.

Since everyone carries their own unique philosophy, I'm hoping you might be willing to share yours.

I don't really intend for this to turn into a heated debate where people feel pressured to chime in, nor do I want anyone to feel like their input is being shut down or dismissed by me or anyone else.

Please, feel free to share your thoughts.😁

okay, so walk me through this whole thing about running to the bathroom in the middle of the night? 😁 i’m especially curious what you were actually trying to get at there...
and since you aren't expecting this to turn into a debate, I guess we're just hanging out on this forum to talk 🙂
so, that whole sentiment—you know, the idea that the nicer you are to people, the worse they treat you—I’ve heard that song and dance a thousand times before, and honestly, we've all been there because... well, someone screwed someone else over, and now everyone's learning the hard way that being a good person is a losing game and you really should just be a total jerk instead!
basically, it’s true that people tend to chase after anyone who doesn't give a damn about them, whether it's in business, romance, friendships, or whatever... because, you know, that person is just so "cool" and important that they won't even bother asking if you want to hang out because they've got much better things to do. and look, maybe that works for a little while or in small doses, but in the long run, you can pretty much count on everyone ghosting you, because you don't care about them, because you're an asshole, because you're selfish, and because you simply have zero time for anyone else!
if you view life strictly as a way to maximize profit or hit certain personal goals and desires, then sure, maybe being a jerk to people occasionally could actually work for you, because let's face it, most successful corporate sharks step over anyone to get ahead, they don't have much of a conscience, and they couldn't care less about anything except their own interests. so if that's your endgame—go for it, go be a jerk.
but if you actually want to build real connections with people—friendships, relationships, that kind of stuff—then just be yourself. If someone can't handle it, they can move on, and the people who can stay will be the real ones. if you've spent your whole life being some insecure pushover who always puts everyone else's needs above your own—like, say, you're exhausted, but you still drive your buddy to the Greyhound station at 3 AM just so he can meet some girl (weird situation, but whatever), and you actually do it—well, obviously that guy is going to call you again next time he's in that spot, because he knows he can. it might be a nice gesture if he's genuinely crazy about her and you aren't feeling too burnt out... but it can also be totally self-destructive if he's just using you for a ride while you're sitting there with a pounding headache and feeling completely drained 😁 mostly... I mean, you just have to figure out what matters to you in life and act accordingly to reach whatever goals or whatever you're aiming for.
though I personally think everyone would be a lot happier and more satisfied if they were just naturally themselves, you know, without fearing judgment, without the pressure, without worrying about "what is [person] going to think of me if I do or don't do this"... and look, if you're a jerk at heart, I'd honestly rather you just be an honest, selfish jerk. Some people will accept that and still hang out with you, but at least you won't end up disappointing anyone or stabbing them in the back by pretending to be some saint or acting like something you're not and getting dragged into situations you never wanted to be in. if you aren't Mother Teresa, stop trying to act like you are.

Honestly, anyone who actually knows the answer to that question doesn't even bother sweating the small stuff because they don't see the point.
I'm right there with you... I figured out the same thing a while back and just sat there in disbelief. It’s wild how the absolute bottom-feeders—the people who treat everyone else like dirt—always seem to come out on top, while the folks who nitpick every little detail get left in the dust. Why? Who knows. Most people around here will probably claim those "nitpickers" just lack a backbone, but what actually worries me is that society ends up judging the people without spines instead of the predators using them as doormats, punching bags, or total fools to manipulate. It’s like that whole social media frenzy where everyone jumps on a girl dating an abusive guy, yet nobody seems to give a damn about the actual monster he is.

The worst part is pretending to be something you're not. If you're a decent person and you do what's right, but you still end up being labeled an idiot or told you have no guts... well, so be it. At the end of the day, when you do things for others, you're really doing them for yourself. That’s just who you are, period.
It isn't some deep, heavy philosophy.😁

Take what I’ve seen—and frankly, what I’ve dealt with myself. There are people who look at nothing but their own interests. They wear these masks, acting all confident and charming, playing the role of the quintessential extrovert. But I've realized that most of them are the exact opposite of the persona they project. Once you see through the act and accept that they're just flawed humans, they’ll start treating you like trash. They'll do everything in their power to push you away—or rather, make sure you walk away yourself—because they can't stand the thought of looking like a bad person in front of others.
Anyone who puts on a performance or feels "too much" right from the jump usually ends up being a fleeting character in my life. I'd much rather deal with people who have flaws, who have outbursts, who are honest and vulnerable enough to admit to themselves and others that they're fighting their own demons. I prefer someone facing their issues head-on rather than someone running away from who they truly are.

The nicer you are to people, the worse they treat you—and vice versa.

Honestly, that’s just facts. It’s like, if you’re actually a good person, others see an opening to take advantage of you, and they don't respect you because some primal, evolutionary instinct kicks in. If you’re decent, have principles, and act with honor, most people just see a pushover who can't stand up for themselves or make real money. It’s like how someone might pick a high-powered Wall Street shark or a guy with actual muscle over some quiet philosopher or spiritual type, simply because they see "stronger genes" for survival and offspring.
Man, at the end of the day, humans are just social animals and nothing more.

And honestly? You’ve gotta play it by ear depending on the situation. You have to adapt—an organism survives best when it assimilates with its environment and knows how to shift gears whenever things change.

That’s option one. Option two—you try to become some kind of "superman," basically sacrificing yourself for the truth or for humanity.
It’s about acting according to some higher law, where you show you're above the rest through forgiveness, sacrifice, and self-control.
But the big thing is, you shouldn't get an ego trip out of it.

Option three—just looking out for number one. Everything is fleeting anyway, so you just focus on yourself and the Absolute. Try to move through life with as few scratches as possible.

Option four is the hermit life.

Then there’s option five: you blend them all together and build a system. You rotate through them. First, you’re just living for yourself, not giving a damn about anyone else. Then you move into option two, then three, and eventually, you retreat to the mountains. But let’s be real, that’s almost impossible.

But look, all of this is kind of an illusion. In life, you’re mostly going to be whoever your character and temperament dictate—things that are set by your genes, your society, your culture, and your surroundings.
There isn't much you can do about it, but you still gotta fight.

If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that you can’t outrun who you actually are.
Trying to fake a persona just to earn some respect? It’s a losing game—you’ll feel like a fraud, and eventually, the mask slips and the real you bubbles up anyway.
Take it to the extreme: you’ve got the "nice guy" who lets people walk all over him just to soothe their egos, and then you’ve got the jerk everyone is terrified of—people act better around him simply because they don't want to deal with the fallout.
A few of those nice guys eventually snap and turn bitter, while most people just accept this dysfunctional cycle as the status quo. At the end of the day, it’s all driven by fear.

Be smart about it—instead of surrounding yourself with small-minded losers, find some high-quality people who actually value integrity.

It’s not even about what kind of person you *should* be—that's just noise. It’s really about who you actually are right now, and more importantly, who you’re actually trying to become.

velvetfalcon52 said:First off, hello everyone...

I hope I've landed in the right spot here.

Since this forum brings together such a diverse group of people—all with different perspectives and unique life experiences...

I find myself wondering about what kind of person one should strive to be in general. Is that character something we're just born with, or is it something we can actually reshape and change over time?

I mean, I'm talking about everything, really. Especially how we ought to treat others. From what I've seen, there are people who are just consistently unkind, even when others are being decent to them. Then you have those who genuinely care about people—the type who might stay up late or go out of their way to be mindful of others. It seems to me, though, that those more selfless individuals often seem to struggle more throughout their lives. At least, that's my impression of things in general.

Since everyone carries their own unique philosophy, I'm hoping you might be willing to share yours.

I don't really intend for this to turn into a heated debate where people feel pressured to chime in, nor do I want anyone to feel like their input is being shut down or dismissed by me or anyone else.

Please, feel free to share your thoughts.😁

It’s an absolute law, much like gravity.

And honestly? You can't truly change. Those people you think have undergone a complete transformation... well, I suspect they've just become very convincing actors. Who you are at your core is baked in; you can't just swap it out.

But unfortunately, we seem to live in a world where the good ones tend to have the hardest time.

Angela Gray12 said:Honestly, anyone who actually knows the answer to that question doesn't even bother sweating the small stuff because they don't see the point.
I'm right there with you... I figured out the same thing a while back and just sat there in disbelief. It’s wild how the absolute bottom-feeders—the people who treat everyone else like dirt—always seem to come out on top, while the folks who nitpick every little detail get left in the dust. Why? Who knows. Most people around here will probably claim those "nitpickers" just lack a backbone, but what actually worries me is that society ends up judging the people without spines instead of the predators using them as doormats, punching bags, or total fools to manipulate. It’s like that whole social media frenzy where everyone jumps on a girl dating an abusive guy, yet nobody seems to give a damn about the actual monster he is.

The worst part is pretending to be something you're not. If you're a decent person and you do what's right, but you still end up being labeled an idiot or told you have no guts... well, so be it. At the end of the day, when you do things for others, you're really doing them for yourself. That’s just who you are, period.
It isn't some deep, heavy philosophy.😁

Take what I’ve seen—and frankly, what I’ve dealt with myself. There are people who look at nothing but their own interests. They wear these masks, acting all confident and charming, playing the role of the quintessential extrovert. But I've realized that most of them are the exact opposite of the persona they project. Once you see through the act and accept that they're just flawed humans, they’ll start treating you like trash. They'll do everything in their power to push you away—or rather, make sure you walk away yourself—because they can't stand the thought of looking like a bad person in front of others.
Anyone who puts on a performance or feels "too much" right from the jump usually ends up being a fleeting character in my life. I'd much rather deal with people who have flaws, who have outbursts, who are honest and vulnerable enough to admit to themselves and others that they're fighting their own demons. I prefer someone facing their issues head-on rather than someone running away from who they truly are.

Preach! 🙏 🙏 🙏
Especially that part in bold... honestly, there’s nothing more human or beautiful than someone having the guts to own up to what they're going through. 🧐
I'm not talking about those extreme cases where someone meets you for the first time and immediately starts venting for hours about how much their life sucks and how everything is falling apart...

analogwalker8 said:The nicer you are to people, the worse they treat you—and vice versa.

Honestly, that’s just facts. It’s like, if you’re actually a good person, others see an opening to take advantage of you, and they don't respect you because some primal, evolutionary instinct kicks in. If you’re decent, have principles, and act with honor, most people just see a pushover who can't stand up for themselves or make real money. It’s like how someone might pick a high-powered Wall Street shark or a guy with actual muscle over some quiet philosopher or spiritual type, simply because they see "stronger genes" for survival and offspring.
Man, at the end of the day, humans are just social animals and nothing more.

And honestly? You’ve gotta play it by ear depending on the situation. You have to adapt—an organism survives best when it assimilates with its environment and knows how to shift gears whenever things change.

That’s option one. Option two—you try to become some kind of "superman," basically sacrificing yourself for the truth or for humanity.
It’s about acting according to some higher law, where you show you're above the rest through forgiveness, sacrifice, and self-control.
But the big thing is, you shouldn't get an ego trip out of it.

Option three—just looking out for number one. Everything is fleeting anyway, so you just focus on yourself and the Absolute. Try to move through life with as few scratches as possible.

Option four is the hermit life.

Then there’s option five: you blend them all together and build a system. You rotate through them. First, you’re just living for yourself, not giving a damn about anyone else. Then you move into option two, then three, and eventually, you retreat to the mountains. But let’s be real, that’s almost impossible.

But look, all of this is kind of an illusion. In life, you’re mostly going to be whoever your character and temperament dictate—things that are set by your genes, your society, your culture, and your surroundings.
There isn't much you can do about it, but you still gotta fight.

I think that’s fundamentally wrong. Most people—especially the average Joe—actually act as a mirror. How you treat them is how they’ll treat you. In about 99% of cases, it’s a direct reflection of your own behavior.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQ683zlrUSI
This is quite an interesting perspective... turns out there's more to the story than we thought...

Jonathan Thomas5 said:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQ683zlrUSI
This is quite an interesting perspective... turns out there's more to the story than we thought...

Classic. Still holds up perfectly. 👍

Morgan Bishop4 said:Preach! 🙏 🙏 🙏
Especially that part in bold... honestly, there’s nothing more human or beautiful than someone having the guts to own up to what they're going through. 🧐
I'm not talking about those extreme cases where someone meets you for the first time and immediately starts venting for hours about how much their life sucks and how everything is falling apart...

Those people who moan constantly aren't being "vulnerable"—they're just exhausting and annoying. They have no substance, and frankly, they act like leeches.
They suck the life and positivity right out of you, but because they don't know how to handle it, they turn everything negative again. Then, somehow, it’s everyone else's fault, and the cycle repeats. That’s the mindset of people who believe the entire world is conspiring against them.
The so-called little 😁God
complexes.
To me, it feels like you're just putting on an act, trying to manipulate people with these "sob stories" instead of just being genuine and owning who you are.
I met this girl years ago who acted like she was untouchable—total ice queen persona. But something about her caught my interest, so I pushed past the wall. It turns out that tough exterior was just a shield for someone who had been through the wringer. We're still good friends today, and I can honestly say she's one of the best people I've ever known.

There is a massive difference between performing a role, hiding, and building a defense mechanism because life actually kicked your teeth in.

I love it when you connect with someone so deeply that they aren't ashamed to break down in front of you. When they admit they aren't okay—not because you asked, but because they know you won't judge them. Knowing someone trusts you enough to show their messy side even when things aren't perfect...
That trust, those small moments of raw honesty, mean more to me than a thousand empty compliments.

Unfortunately, people like that are becoming rare. Everyone is getting lost in a sea of insecurities, hiding behind masks of perfection and superficial connections.

I get the feeling most people today are terrified of being themselves. They're too busy running away from anyone with a "flaw" because they refuse to acknowledge their own.

Man, we really are strange creatures, aren't we? 😁

It’s a sad reality of the human condition that so many people mistake kindness for weakness. In truth, being decent is the very foundation of our humanity , though I suppose one has to wonder—what would the world actually look like if everyone just acted like a jerk? Selfishness paired with our relentless technological drive has brought us to this point: isolation. We’ve distanced ourselves so much that we’ve essentially lost any sense of empathy for one another. Everything is interconnected, really; if one piece of the puzzle is missing or broken, it ripples out through everything else—kind of like dropping a pebble into a pond and watching those tiny ripples expand until they hit the edges.

The uncomfortable truth is that (if) people sense someone is genuinely good or sincere, they tend to exploit them—usually just to serve their own interests. From what I've seen, when that kind person finally decides to push back against the manipulator, the exploiter usually folds immediately—mostly because these types tend to have an inflated sense of self-importance or an oversized ego—and then they just bail. There was never any real connection on the manipulator's end, just a mindset of "you aren't useful to me anymore, time to find a new target."
Exploiters are basically people who couldn't care less about anyone else's feelings; they focus entirely on themselves and view everyone else as mere tools.

It’s true that the sharks often seem to fare better in this life, maybe simply because they are cunning enough to look out for number one. They don't have any trouble fighting to get what they want—though, of course, they're only ever fighting for themselves. Everything they do is self-serving, even if it means stepping over others to reach their goals. But then again... God sees everything. What goes around comes around. They might win the sprint here, but what happens on the other side? I wouldn't want to be in their shoes when my time comes. I’d rather put in the effort to be a good person, even if it costs me something in this life. After all, without facing your own struggles and carrying your cross, there's no eternal life.

Angela Gray12 said:Those people who moan constantly aren't being "vulnerable"—they're just exhausting and annoying. They have no substance, and frankly, they act like leeches.
They suck the life and positivity right out of you, but because they don't know how to handle it, they turn everything negative again. Then, somehow, it’s everyone else's fault, and the cycle repeats. That’s the mindset of people who believe the entire world is conspiring against them.
The so-called little 😁God
complexes.
To me, it feels like you're just putting on an act, trying to manipulate people with these "sob stories" instead of just being genuine and owning who you are.
I met this girl years ago who acted like she was untouchable—total ice queen persona. But something about her caught my interest, so I pushed past the wall. It turns out that tough exterior was just a shield for someone who had been through the wringer. We're still good friends today, and I can honestly say she's one of the best people I've ever known.

There is a massive difference between performing a role, hiding, and building a defense mechanism because life actually kicked your teeth in.

I love it when you connect with someone so deeply that they aren't ashamed to break down in front of you. When they admit they aren't okay—not because you asked, but because they know you won't judge them. Knowing someone trusts you enough to show their messy side even when things aren't perfect...
That trust, those small moments of raw honesty, mean more to me than a thousand empty compliments.

Unfortunately, people like that are becoming rare. Everyone is getting lost in a sea of insecurities, hiding behind masks of perfection and superficial connections.

I get the feeling most people today are terrified of being themselves. They're too busy running away from anyone with a "flaw" because they refuse to acknowledge their own.

Man, we really are strange creatures, aren't we? 😁

And yeah, that whole shallow vibe really gets under my skin too 😢 I mean, sure, every friendship or relationship has to start with that basic, surface-level small talk and mindless chatter—you know, the whole "what's up," "where do you live," "what kind of music are you into" routine... but some people just stay stuck there, and honestly, they seem perfectly fine with that, as if it's enough.😕
Plus, I've always been more drawn to the types who seem a bit out of it or, I don't know, just slightly "off"... the ones who are like walnuts 🙂 tough on the outside, but soft once you actually get to know them. I try not to judge anyone based on appearances or what people say about them, but I still end up on the receiving end of someone's dislike just because they didn't bother to actually meet me, deciding instead that I'm just some specific type of person.🤷 oh well, whatever...

Morgan Bishop4 said:And yeah, that whole shallow vibe really gets under my skin too 😢 I mean, sure, every friendship or relationship has to start with that basic, surface-level small talk and mindless chatter—you know, the whole "what's up," "where do you live," "what kind of music are you into" routine... but some people just stay stuck there, and honestly, they seem perfectly fine with that, as if it's enough.😕
Plus, I've always been more drawn to the types who seem a bit out of it or, I don't know, just slightly "off"... the ones who are like walnuts 🙂 tough on the outside, but soft once you actually get to know them. I try not to judge anyone based on appearances or what people say about them, but I still end up on the receiving end of someone's dislike just because they didn't bother to actually meet me, deciding instead that I'm just some specific type of person.🤷 oh well, whatever...

Most people probably do, though I wouldn't say everyone. 🙂

(I have no clue what this thread is actually about, so I figured I might as well join in the noise)

You gotta be self-caused. Create your own damn nature. Stop listening to Heraclitus... 🙂
Be your own imperative—not some rule from Quincy. As much as you can, as much as you're capable of...
Forge your own truths. Nobody believes anyone else anyway, unless they have to. Build your world and tear it down—as many times as it takes until you actually hit solid ground.

You should check out some Wittgenstein stuff, like this bit:

6.43 if good or bad will changes the world, then
it can only change the limits of the world, not the facts; not
what can be expressed through language.
Basically, the world has to become something else entirely.
It effectively has to shrink or expand as a whole.
The world of a happy person is different from the world of an unhappy one.

And remember it, tattoo it on your skin. Put it on your ass. So people can read it when they kiss us on the ass. Because we know it.
Don't just believe in facts, believe in visions too. In dreams. Facts are limiting. Dreams aren't.
But still, stay grounded. Feel your steps. Feel the earth. The ground is good. It's right there beneath you. Remember Emerson and Whitman. Think about others. Don't be arrogant or full of yourself. Love. Love yourself first, then love people. If you don't love yourself, you can't love anyone else.
That’s where it all spins. In those simple circles of self-discovery. But to get to those circles, you gotta walk a lot. Walking is good. For the heart and the other muscles. But I already wrote about walking... 🙂

You talk soft, but you carry a massive stick.

Nicholas Gonzalez8 said:It’s not even about what kind of person you *should* be—that's just noise. It’s really about who you actually are right now, and more importantly, who you’re actually trying to become.

Either way—make it yours. 🙂

Some people seem to think the best way to get respect is to act like a complete jerk, thinking if they treat everyone else like garbage, the world will suddenly start treating them better. Honestly, what an absolute joke. I’ve always had a massive amount of respect for someone who is just unapologetically themselves—I don't care if they're messy or difficult, as long as they aren't putting on some fake persona just to look like a saint or a villain. To me, life has this funny way of circling back around, much like how karma works, so being a total piece of work isn't exactly a lifestyle choice I'd ever make. If someone treats me with kindness, I'm going to go above and beyond to return that energy, but if they decide to be toxic, I’ll either give them a taste of their own medicine or simply cut them out of my life entirely.

Nancy Lee84 said:You gotta be self-caused. Create your own damn nature. Stop listening to Heraclitus... 🙂
Be your own imperative—not some rule from Quincy. As much as you can, as much as you're capable of...
Forge your own truths. Nobody believes anyone else anyway, unless they have to. Build your world and tear it down—as many times as it takes until you actually hit solid ground.

You should check out some Wittgenstein stuff, like this bit:

6.43 if good or bad will changes the world, then
it can only change the limits of the world, not the facts; not
what can be expressed through language.
Basically, the world has to become something else entirely.
It effectively has to shrink or expand as a whole.
The world of a happy person is different from the world of an unhappy one.

And remember it, tattoo it on your skin. Put it on your ass. So people can read it when they kiss us on the ass. Because we know it.
Don't just believe in facts, believe in visions too. In dreams. Facts are limiting. Dreams aren't.
But still, stay grounded. Feel your steps. Feel the earth. The ground is good. It's right there beneath you. Remember Emerson and Whitman. Think about others. Don't be arrogant or full of yourself. Love. Love yourself first, then love people. If you don't love yourself, you can't love anyone else.
That’s where it all spins. In those simple circles of self-discovery. But to get to those circles, you gotta walk a lot. Walking is good. For the heart and the other muscles. But I already wrote about walking... 🙂

🙏 ..