Trust issues
in Psychology ·
It has happened to me more than once—opening up to someone only to have them betray my trust. I’ve always lived by the rule "keep it between us," and frankly, I can't wrap my head around people who feel this compulsive need to recount secrets to a third party. They love using that line, "Oh, you don't know this, but let me tell you what [Name] whispered to me..." I honestly can't decide if they're just being malicious or if their lives are simply too empty to sustain an actual conversation. I really don't get
people like that. I actually ended a friendship recently because of this exact issue. Looking back, the girl had been dropping hints that she was a total gossip, but I missed the signs. Apparently, I'm terrible at reading people. 👏 To make a long story short, I shared something with her during a moment of vulnerability. A few weeks later, some other "friend" from our same circle let it slip, mentioning something that only my then-BFF 🙂 could have known. I ended up asking her out for coffee to confront her with the facts. She used to constantly dish dirt on other people to me, too—secrets I never asked for and didn't care about since they didn't involve me. But when confronted, she pulled the classic move: "I didn't say anything, you're just twisting it. You're sticking to your guns, but I don't want to lose you as a friend..." Her excuse for spreading everyone else's business was, "Well, yeah, but I only told *you*." Except, it wasn't just me; it was three other girls. She didn't even apologize. If she had just said, "Look, I messed up, it slipped out, I'm sorry," the whole situation would have been different. I told her straight up that I couldn't trust her anymore and that I wasn't interested in a deep connection. I meant it in the sense of, "Fine, we can grab a drink or hang out, but I am absolutely not sharing my inner life with you." There were tears involved, sure, but I stood my ground. I told her she wasn't a real friend. Eventually, I distanced myself from that entire social circle she introduced me to. I never formed deep bonds with the others, but they're all the same breed—sitting around over drinks, gossiping about one another while pretending to be oblivious, acting like "you wouldn't believe this..."
This is the second time I've dealt with this pattern: opening up and being burned. So, no, I don't trust people. It's easier for me when I don't divulge my private business. Sometimes people try to pull me into their drama by confiding in me, but I've learned my lesson. You stay naive until you hit the floor hard enough to learn. Now, I prefer to keep things casual without any heavy, intimate questions
Just having fun and enjoying life...
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the one with the problem. Am I socially maladjusted or something? Some other psychological label...
Has anyone else gone through something similar? 🕺
people like that. I actually ended a friendship recently because of this exact issue. Looking back, the girl had been dropping hints that she was a total gossip, but I missed the signs. Apparently, I'm terrible at reading people. 👏 To make a long story short, I shared something with her during a moment of vulnerability. A few weeks later, some other "friend" from our same circle let it slip, mentioning something that only my then-BFF 🙂 could have known. I ended up asking her out for coffee to confront her with the facts. She used to constantly dish dirt on other people to me, too—secrets I never asked for and didn't care about since they didn't involve me. But when confronted, she pulled the classic move: "I didn't say anything, you're just twisting it. You're sticking to your guns, but I don't want to lose you as a friend..." Her excuse for spreading everyone else's business was, "Well, yeah, but I only told *you*." Except, it wasn't just me; it was three other girls. She didn't even apologize. If she had just said, "Look, I messed up, it slipped out, I'm sorry," the whole situation would have been different. I told her straight up that I couldn't trust her anymore and that I wasn't interested in a deep connection. I meant it in the sense of, "Fine, we can grab a drink or hang out, but I am absolutely not sharing my inner life with you." There were tears involved, sure, but I stood my ground. I told her she wasn't a real friend. Eventually, I distanced myself from that entire social circle she introduced me to. I never formed deep bonds with the others, but they're all the same breed—sitting around over drinks, gossiping about one another while pretending to be oblivious, acting like "you wouldn't believe this..."
This is the second time I've dealt with this pattern: opening up and being burned. So, no, I don't trust people. It's easier for me when I don't divulge my private business. Sometimes people try to pull me into their drama by confiding in me, but I've learned my lesson. You stay naive until you hit the floor hard enough to learn. Now, I prefer to keep things casual without any heavy, intimate questions
Just having fun and enjoying life...
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the one with the problem. Am I socially maladjusted or something? Some other psychological label...
Has anyone else gone through something similar? 🕺