Posts by Donna Carter13

nimblenomad8 said:Yeah, you’re probably right—I definitely messed up. I totally get it, and I know I made things sound way simpler than they actually were. The worst part is we were being super careful and using protection, too. And look, it wasn't just me who disappeared; he was actually asking me to fix this because we're stuck in such a messy spot. He was even with me yesterday, so honestly, I have zero issues with him personally. I guess I'm just kicking myself because once I found myself in this situation, I folded before I could really process everything. It all happened so fast! They rushed me through because that whole medication protocol only lasts nine weeks, and I was already hitting my ninth week. I'm fully aware of what I did and how I handled it. I know there are much bigger problems out there in the world, but this experience has been absolutely brutal and painful for me. Honestly, I don't see any connection between whether a baby is conceived in a marriage or just a fling. As a mom, I’d never dream of just jumping into "one-night stands" for the thrill of it. When I got involved with this guy, I never imagined we’d break up after six months, let alone that I'd end up pregnant—especially since, based on my past, it's never been an issue. But when it comes down to it, where the baby came from doesn't matter; the child is yours, period, unless you're dealing with some extreme legal nightmare I don't know about. Anyway, it's done now. Hopefully, things will get easier with time.

Don't get me wrong, but I can't help feeling like you might be being a little irresponsible when it comes to your own future and that of your children. I don't know, maybe it just feels like your actions aren't always guided by much reason or much regard for past experience.
Look, I think being a divorced woman with kids changes the math on dating quite a bit. It isn’t really wise to jump into a relationship just because there's some immediate physical chemistry or an intense spark. You have to look at the bigger picture—the actual probability of building a lasting partnership or even the possibility of having more children down the road. Maybe you should leave those specific possibilities for someone who actually knows what they want. It doesn't seem right to tie yourself to some guy who is just drifting through life, someone who enters a serious relationship with a committed woman and a mother without having any clue where he's headed or how to handle the responsibility. I guess you just have to be careful not to settle for someone who can't hold his own.

I feel like men can be incredibly fickle. For the most part, they tend to act more like spoiled children rather than providing the kind of stability that women actually need—especially for those who have already been wives and are still balancing everything as mothers.
Just imagine a scenario where you’re already divorced and have kids—similar to how things are now—and you decide to marry someone who is constantly saying stuff like, "I don't know what I want," or "I'm not even sure about my own feelings." Then, you end up getting pregnant right before the wedding, only for him to realize the very day before the ceremony that he just isn't feeling it. He casually walks away and leaves you hanging, all while you're carrying triplets.

I don't know, but if I were in your shoes, I’d honestly say that if the next person I slept with wasn't willing to go through the whole legal marriage process first, I might just lose my mind. Maybe I'm being too intense, but I feel like I'd be done with anyone who wouldn't commit to making things official before we even started.

nimblenomad8 said:Man, this is rough. It nearly broke me this time around. Honestly, I don't know when I'll ever feel ready to get close to someone again, though that’s probably the least of my worries right now. My biggest issue is just the guilt eating at me. I’m a believer, and I try my absolute best to live by my values. Yesterday, things got so dark I actually thought about jumping off a building because I felt so sick to my stomach, but thank God I didn't. Today is okay. I’m still dwelling on it—I told myself I wouldn't, but no matter what I do, it just keeps looping back. That feeling, that sense that I let myself be talked into it... it won't go away. I'm going to go for a walk; the sunshine gives me hope, and they say it helps recharge your batteries too. 🙂

You know, back when I was just eighteen and terrified that I might be pregnant, I remember praying to both angels and the devil alike, just begging for it to be a false alarm.
The argument they were making was based on the fact that I had taken two different home tests. One came back negative—and it was actually the more expensive one—while the second one, which was much cheaper, came back positive. But even then, instead of a clear line appearing where it should have been, there was just this faint, pale smudge that barely looked like a line at all. I guess it's hard to be certain when things are that ambiguous.
I’ll admit, I was terrified to take the third test. Honestly, the anxiety had gripped me so tightly that I didn't even know how I was going to handle it. It has been forty-five days of pure mental exhaustion—just constant, overwhelming dread. I can't help but wonder if this massive, mounting fear is actually what threw my body out of whack and caused my period to be late. Maybe the stress just finally caught up with me.

I even went as far as saying that since I'm not pregnant right now, I don't care if I never have children. I told them I’d be willing to abstain for a hundred years if that's what it took.
I honestly think that maybe it wasn't even a faint line at all. It’s possible I just perceived it that way because I was so incredibly terrified. When you're gripped by that kind of fear, I guess you start seeing things that aren't actually there.

Growing up, my parents always taught me that having sex before marriage was wrong. Looking back, that created my biggest moral conflict when it came to my faith and my relationship with God.
Back then, my super-ego was functioning at such an intense level that I felt completely emotionally exhausted—almost like people who physically scourge themselves for their sins.
I’ve never actually shared this with anyone, but it’s something that has stayed deeply etched in my memory.

In my view, this pregnancy feels more like the result of a casual encounter rather than a deep romantic connection. Now that you’ve laid everything out, I don't really sense any bitterness from you, which makes sense. It would be hard for me to wrap my head around someone seeing true love in a six-month relationship, especially since you've already been through marriage and had children before.
I suppose, if we're talking about something on the level of a marriage, a second marriage is the only thing that fits that description; a brief relationship just doesn't quite reach that status.
Maybe you just should have been more careful.
Perhaps I'm being a bit cynical, but I find it somewhat surreal that after a marriage—which I assume lasted at least a few years—you'd let a guy you've known for only six months become significant enough to allow such a massive oversight to happen.🤷
You really have to be mindful of who you're sleeping with.
Personally, I wouldn't sleep with someone unless I was almost 100% certain they would actually marry me if I got pregnant, or unless I was absolutely sure I could see myself building a life and a marriage with them.

I have this theory that somewhere up there, we actually get to choose our parents—and maybe someone asks us if we’re truly ready to handle everything that comes with them.
I suppose we aren't given any burdens greater than what we can eventually carry.

I can't say for sure why you chose to give up your child, if you don't feel like sharing, but I do know that kids feel much worse when they're in a place where they aren't genuinely wanted rather than just not being there at all.

I remember reading once that unwanted children might later develop schizoid personality disorder.
But then again, there's a massive difference between parents who just don't really connect with their child (even while pretending to love them) and the situation where they can't even fathom having one, yet they go through the motions of caring.
In my opinion, that second scenario is definitely much more devastating for the child.

nimblenomad8 said:Look, nobody's irrelevant here. Just as a side note, I've already got two kids, and looking at them now, I can't help but imagine a third. Honestly, I can still feel that longing... When everyone eventually moves out, they’ll be the ones staying by my side. On my toughest days, just looking at them makes everything feel brighter and easier. I catch myself thinking about how much laughter one more little soul would bring to my home, but hey... I'm not
exactly young enough to use that as an excuse 🙂 though maybe I just overthink things too much. Plus, life hasn't exactly been handing me many wins lately. :/

I think you're struggling because you see children through your heart, rather than seeing them as just extra mouths to feed or some sort of mistake—sorry if that sounds blunt—from a choice you regret making.

Back when I was younger, the biggest paradox was that I avoided intimacy entirely because I was terrified of getting pregnant. Looking back on it all now, I realize I was being pretty foolish...
I stayed away from sex out of pure irrational fear, and now that I actually could, I just don't feel the desire anymore.

Brian Hayes43 said:Once, during a heated moment when she was truly losing her cool with me, my mother let something slip that she probably felt she needed to get off her chest just to find some peace. She actually said, "I should have aborted you too.>>" I brought it up to her several times later on, trying to make a point, but I didn't realize until much later how deeply those words actually wounded her, and now I carry a bit of regret for that. The bottom line is that she chose not to go through with it, for me or for my younger sister.

As I’ve mentioned before, even as a man, I struggle to fully grasp the depth of a mother's biological bond—though I am profoundly grateful that she chose life for us. You will have children of your own when the timing is right, and looking back, perhaps your decision stemmed from the fact that you simply weren't ready for motherhood at that stage of your life. It is an incredibly heavy choice to make. I feel a little out of place in this conversation, but I figured I would share my perspective; if it helps anyone, then it was worth sharing.

She’s said things like that to me quite a few times, but honestly, I mostly just view her as a fool, so I don't even bother worrying about her feelings or what she thinks.
If she had even an ounce of sense or empathy, she would never say something like that to her child, especially at an age where you aren't equipped to handle that kind of weight.

Brian Hayes43 said:Once, during a heated moment when she was truly losing her cool with me, my mother let something slip that she probably felt she needed to get off her chest just to find some peace. She actually said, "I should have aborted you too.>>" I brought it up to her several times later on, trying to make a point, but I didn't realize until much later how deeply those words actually wounded her, and now I carry a bit of regret for that. The bottom line is that she chose not to go through with it, for me or for my younger sister.

As I’ve mentioned before, even as a man, I struggle to fully grasp the depth of a mother's biological bond—though I am profoundly grateful that she chose life for us. You will have children of your own when the timing is right, and looking back, perhaps your decision stemmed from the fact that you simply weren't ready for motherhood at that stage of your life. It is an incredibly heavy choice to make. I feel a little out of place in this conversation, but I figured I would share my perspective; if it helps anyone, then it was worth sharing.

I suppose not, though maybe we aren't talking about the same thing.

Honestly, it’s probably better that you're on your own. Just imagine being married to someone like that, or staying in a relationship... you’d basically be an accomplice to the crime, wouldn't you, 🤷?
Personally, my convictions lead me to believe that abortion is murder, but I suppose there are certain circumstances where someone might look the other way for various reasons—mostly just to live with themselves. But people like this, these serial killers who are just like my parents... I don't know, I just can't stomach it..
It seems like their emotions regarding the termination of a fetus were about as deep as slaughtering a chicken..
My mother used to talk to me about it so many times, and she describes it with such coldness and routine that I honestly don't know whether to love her or feel disgusted by her. Usually, it feels like both..

I don't think you'll spend your whole life feeling regretful about this...
My mother went through a few abortions, both during her marriage and otherwise, and she has never once regretted the decision itself—she just regrets how unpleasant and physically taxing the entire experience was for her body.
I guess I feel more heartache for those children than she does.
The reason I shared that is just to point out that everything really comes down to a matter of perception.

When I was eighteen, I actually thought I was pregnant because my period was forty-five days late. I must have said a billion prayers just hoping against hope that I wasn't, and I spent at least an hour every single day inside that little church in Wallachia near Queens 🙂 🙏
I don't think I'll ever stop wondering if it was a miscarriage or if my cycle was just acting up because of some hormonal imbalance or irregular ovaries...
It seems like we were both weighing the same options back then; I guess I just stayed stuck in the thinking phase, whereas you had the misfortune of having to actually go through with it.

But why did you decide to do it?

I used to be just like a little girl whenever things got stressful or my emotions ran high—I’d find myself constantly reaching for snacks just to have something to eat. Eventually, that turned into biting my nails and chewing on my cuticles, at least until I hit puberty. Once my friends and I decided to start growing our nails out, I suddenly felt this intense need to protect them. It felt wrong to just tear them apart with my teeth anymore..
Now that I've been wearing acrylics for years, the thought of even putting my fingers near my mouth doesn't even cross my mind..
I suppose I wouldn't call it an addiction or some deep-seated disorder, though it might feel like one. To me, it was more of a stubborn habit that could actually be broken almost overnight, simply by making a conscious decision. 🤷