Posts by Douglas Morales2

Is anyone in the San Francisco area interested in playing some badminton? I saw there's an ice rink nearby that might work.

Please shoot me a DM if you're down.

Austin Garcia3 said:So, I’m dealing with some heavy stuff involving my mom—she’s been physically and emotionally abusive toward me my entire life.
We don't live together, and I still make visits every now and then. I’ve finally managed to reach this super fragile kind of balance where I just dodge any serious topics to keep the peace, but we still have a relationship. The real issue is that the fighting between her and my stepfather has escalated into physical violence. Honestly, she’s usually the one instigating it more than he is, but since he’s physically stronger, he ends up being the one blamed for everything.
The other day, she sent me a photo of her forehead—there was this huge injury covering half her face that could only have come from a direct hit. Then, she claimed it was just a "rash"?! But right after that, she sends another message showing a massive bruise on her arm. It’s pretty obvious she’s crying out for help, even if she won't say it directly.
I’ve thought about asking her to come stay with me for a bit, but I know that would just open the door for her to abuse me again—and let's be real, she wouldn't even be grateful. She’d probably just take her frustrations out on me. I really don't feel like she deserves me to sacrifice myself like that. I’m in a really vulnerable spot right now with a ton of responsibilities, and I know she’d mentally drain me to the point where I'd lose focus on my work. I’ve already missed out on way too many opportunities because of her outbursts, which always leave me spiraling into depression for months at a time.
Still, I can't shake this feeling that I'm a bad person if I don't step in. I'm even terrified that something might happen to her—like, maybe an accident, like she trips down the stairs.
I'm open to any thoughts or advice you guys might have.

No, you aren't a bad person for stepping back. She’s your mother, but instead of actually caring for you, she’s spent her time being abusive. Even if she asks you directly for help, you don't owe her anything. No parent should ever treat their child in a way that leaves them spiraling into months of depression (and yes, I'm talking about an adult child here).
At the end of the day, if she really needs support, she can reach out to the CDC.

Jerry Martinez5 said:I agree.

But honestly, so many people have mental health struggles. Take me, for example. Then recently, I heard this mom talking about her daughter—the girl is supposedly dealing with depression, so the mom has been supporting her for years. Because of this "depression," she couldn't finish college or get a job.

The kid has a boyfriend, a social life, looks great, goes out all the time. When I ask if she's seeing a therapist, everyone looks at me like I'm an idiot. Obviously, she isn't. 🙏

In my opinion, that isn't depression; it's just laziness. With therapy and maybe some medication, she probably could have finished school and found work. It’s much easier to let your mom pay the bills. Do I think she's mentally healthy? Not even close. If she were, she wouldn't let her mother meddle in her life like that for so long.

Years ago, back when I lived in a small town, I knew people with the toughest diagnoses—schizophrenia being the worst in my book—who held down steady jobs and functioned perfectly fine every day. When things got bad, they’d just take a month or two off on medical leave. If people actually had decent support systems, even those with severe conditions could lead active lives. (Though, I guess for most, that's impossible, unfortunately.)

A healthy person will never truly understand you, but then again, you don't vent to them. Things are harder for people with struggles, but that doesn't mean it's impossible.

Unfortunately, I have both a college degree and a Master's, along with a mountain of mental health struggles. I'm actually dealing with dual diagnoses: depressive-anxiety disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. I've dealt with depression since the start of puberty—something my "wonderful parents" just brushed off as "growing pains." But the depression didn't go away after puberty passed, and I've been seeing a psychiatrist for five years now.

My parents, who should be showing much more empathy—though they actually believe they are being understanding—have told me that these things aren't even real and that psychiatrists aren't actual doctors. I won't go into details (though maybe I will in a journal) unless I decide to end my life today. Honestly, I'm just waiting for my husband to get home from work because my son is not even three yet and can't be left alone.

All in all, this prolonged depression and anxiety resulted in me taking far too many anti-anxiety meds, which landed me in the hospital. That time was a genuine, desperate attempt to numb the anxiety, but today... today I am consciously thinking about the end. I can't take it anymore.

And for the icing on the cake: yesterday, my "wonderful" father blamed everything on me (after the hospital situation, I lost my job). My only regret is that I didn't tell him that HE should have acted like a father during my childhood instead of acting like a dictator.

Sorry for the long post; I just wanted to share that I have a very close connection to the issue of people who think mental illness is just an excuse, and it's truly terrible...