Posts by Kimberly Murphy84

Ethan Ortiz83 said:That little smiley face you used—the one implying a certain... physical intimacy—is far too mild. You’re missing the knockout punch. Honestly, how do you expect to tackle any real-world obstacles if you can't even manage to dial back *that* part of yourself?

...once you actually decide to become a man of substance—and I mean truly commit to these "new resolutions" of yours (assuming you ever find the willpower to make them)—that is when life becomes manageable.

P.S... just consider the possibility that your grand visions for this future business venture are nothing more than idle fantasies. How on earth do you plan to transition those dreams into reality if you're acting like your own life is some sort of simulation? Like it isn't actually happening to you? WAKE UP!!!!!!!

Words are superfluous...👍 🙏 😘

Ethan Ortiz83 said:.......I don't know, I can only speculate on what the actual, singular issue is....the real question is how much longer you intend to remain in this current state, and whether you actually possess the stamina to endure it.
......you really ought to talk this out with someone...otherwise, you’re just going to end up spinning your wheels in place—it's clear you lack the self-assurance and the sheer willpower required to trust the answers to your own questions as they manifest in your mind.
.....if you catch a glimpse of a positive solution somewhere deep in the fog of your own consciousness, just make the call and take that path...no one else is going to hand you the truth or point toward the right solution; that realization can only come from within.

...good luck, my friend.

PS....cut back on that *green hobby* of yours by at least 70%.

thanks, pal.........and as for the green hobby.......I won't be doing more.....but I won't be doing less either.😁

I received a rather friendly email the other day... and regardless of how much mockery was intended... it is unsettling just how much truth lies within its words...

I feel as though I am standing on the very edge of a precipice—and my head feels wrapped in thick fog... I feel like I am slowly slipping... descending into some sort of abyss where the bottom is nowhere in sight... and there are no handholds nearby to catch myself... or perhaps I am simply too terrified to open my eyes and realize there *is* something to hold onto... or maybe—and this is the darker thought—perhaps I don't actually want to?

It should be simple... everything ought to be fine... but it isn't... and frankly, even I can't quite put my finger on why... yet something deep inside knows exactly why I feel this way—it’s maddening—trying to grasp at the root of this internal knot when I can't seem to reach it...

I cannot tell if I am afraid because I am forced to step into the unknown... or if I am afraid simply because I have to move at all... because staying where I am isn't an option anymore—though I am painfully aware that staying still is impossible... God, I don't even know what it is I truly want... sigh...

But, returning to that email...
This sensation has been shadowing me for some time now... largely because I’ve undergone a massive life shift... and perhaps this state of mind is perfectly normal... but it irritates me... it gnaws at me from the inside out...

And then it hits me... if I weren't feeling this irritation... then I would know that I didn't truly care... if I didn't cry... if I didn't grieve... if I didn't understand the meaning of love... then I wouldn't be human... but since all these things exist within me... then I must find happiness... because I do love... I am human... and I care...

Of course, it takes time to convince oneself of such truths... but all of this collectively... tells me that I am alive... because without all this chaos and mess... I would be a dead man walking... and even though I feel spiritually depleted... it actually grants me strength... because I know I am living... that I want something better... and I am striving toward it... with every fiber of my being...

So... there I go... rambling about things that even I struggle to comprehend... but I felt the need to declare it... for my own sake... and hopefully, for yours as well...👋

Charles Doyle5 said:Basically, Kegula is just telling us all that we're screwed today—hey there, working class!

I wish Kegula would just share some of that misery with the rest of us via these nasty little 😁

Heh... no, I'm actually fine... honestly, I'm in a great mood today... which is why seeing this just completely winds me up... damn it... you try to offer someone advice... try to help them out... and they just won't listen... they just keep doing things their own way regardless... goodness... I'm losing my mind here...

But I'm still in good spirits...😁 👋

Frank Gonzalez6 said:It’ll happen soon... hopefully, assuming he actually wants it.

"Assuming he wants it!"—well, isn't that just wonderful... that is precisely the point I keep trying to hammer home to you! What happens if he decides he wants to... well, wander around and play the field? What if he decides he just wants you to be one of many little distractions? Is that what you're hoping for? That it all settles down "soon"?

It’s going to happen exactly how *you* want it to happen—not how he feels about it. You seem to be looking for happiness by focusing entirely on your own needs and satisfying yourself, rather than actually considering him at all.

Frank Gonzalez6 said:Don't go... I love you, I've always loved you, and I will always love you... I know you'll read this... and realize that you are the only one 🙂

Even if she realizes she’s "the one," do you honestly think she’s coming back?

A few years ago, I told this girl, "I love you, I've always loved you, and I always will..." and honestly, today I can't even remember her name! Ha... so much for my eternal devotion.

Ugh... I’m completely out of inspiration here... what can I even say to you?... Just, please, stop fighting the inevitable... and start living your life... though I suppose that’s hard when you’re still crying your eyes out.

I had a girlfriend once... I truly thought I loved her... I acted like it, thought about it constantly, the whole bit...
She was cheating on me... and I knew it... well, subconsciously, at least... but consciously, I refused to admit it—didn't even want to process it—until I saw the proof with my own eyes. And then I just hated myself; I felt like such an idiot, thinking she was the only one... pouring all my love into her, only for her to treat me like that. Eventually, I found someone better, and after her, someone even better... until I finally met the woman I'm with now... the best one. Yet, even now, if I were still mourning that first girl, telling her "you're the only one... I love you"... where would I be today? I'd be absolutely screwed... totally lost.
But... I realized something... I am someone who gives love... I don't ask for anything extraordinary from a partner... nothing toxic or extreme... just that the love is reciprocated. If someone doesn't want to give that back... why bother giving it to them in the first place? Especially when it's a one-way street... forget it.

I know it hurts... but there is no "only one"... look... my current girlfriend tells me that if I ever left her, she'd kill herself... she really would... hell, I'd probably kill her myself before I let that happen... but seriously... if you aren't getting love in return, don't sit there weeping over it... wipe your tears away so you can actually see what's in front of you... because if you don't wipe those tears, you won't see anything at all.

God... I had this one girl... I adored her... I believe that even today, somewhere deep down, I love her. She didn't want to be with me, and why? An even more absurd reason: she loved me, but she didn't want to be tied down. Despite everything... I tried... I kept trying... and nothing... until finally... I told myself... if she doesn't want my love... fine, screw it... there will be others who will be overjoyed to receive it... so I started looking for them.
If I had kept crying over her... a few years from now, I'd be right here on this forum writing... "I love her... and I always will... I hope she reads this... and realizes she's the only one..."
Forget it... she isn't the only one... and there's nothing to "realize"... I realized she was the foolish one for refusing my love... and as much as that hurt... I moved on... searching for a heart... a heart I could love, cherish, cry with, and grieve with... and wouldn't you know it... I found it... but only after I stopped crying... and after I realized... SHE WASN'T THE ONLY ONE... the only one who was foolish enough to reject my love... in that sense... she's the only one. :-)

It’s almost as if you’re recounting my own life story... hmm... perhaps I was the one who wrote this back when I was still a lost cause. 😕

The parental shouting matches, the constant struggle to make ends meet... does any of that actually matter? Not really. What matters is the lasting imprint those things left on my soul.

For as long as I can remember... I’ve been the black sheep—strange, depressed, perpetually anxious... especially whenever I found myself in a new environment. I lack the ability to simply "switch off," so I suffer through it all. It’s all quite easy enough to write down, I suppose... truly incredible.

Today... well, today I am not quite that person anymore... though I am still pretty much a wreck because of everything that went down. And I believe—deep down—that one day, perhaps even my own children will feel a shadow of it through me... regardless of how hard I fight against it. It is just how it works... when you are deprived of something as a child... even if you spend your entire adult life trying to compensate for it... there is no chance... that scar remains forever.

But then, what is the point of living, or moving forward, if it all just lingers? Because we, too, will leave someone behind. It is good that we learned the lesson; it is good that we grasp the things our parents clearly failed to see... it is good to remain constantly vigilant... to ensure that the past doesn't hit us too hard... doesn't disturb us... doesn't stop us... even though avoiding it entirely is simply impossible.

Why was I that way... toward everyone? Why was I the black sheep? Well, because... if you want to get to know someone, to have friends, a partner... whatever it is... you have to open up. You have to be careful, show affection, show trust... but how on earth am I supposed to do that when I don't know how? I never learned. I never received it. I don't even know what it is... so I would rather just retreat into myself... to prevent others from hurting me the same way. If my own parents didn't care about me... if they wouldn't give me love or attention... then who would? Some random guy I meet? Some girl I take a liking to? Why should they, if my own parents wouldn't? And so, I allowed them to screw me over—and it went far beyond just my father's drinking and the endless arguments—I became an emotional freak... trusting no one... living inside myself... constructing a private world for my own sake. A world where I spent most of my time. A world where I was alone... yet had my own peace... my own love... my own attention. And even though it was beautiful... it was still... just... an imaginary world. There was supposed to be a return to reality one day, and I should have prepared for it... but how? When I know nothing... when I am so fundamentally broken?

vividmarlin5... you mentioned that you admire people who can just approach someone without any issues or nerves and start a conversation. I am asking you for just one example of such a person—someone you know who is like that—because I don't know a single soul... I have never met anyone... because there is always something... always.
Regarding the idea of admiring people because they have plenty of friends and acquaintances and everyone seems fine! You, unfortunately, only have a few people you can actually trust... what a misguided way of thinking... absolutely... cccccc...
I don't admire people with heaps of friends in the slightest, because at that point, they aren't friends; they are just acquaintances. It is impossible for every single one of them to actually help you when you need it. From those kinds of "friends"... I guarantee you none of them will be there. How is it even possible to be "okay" with everyone? Only if you are a social climber or a manipulator... and if you don't actually feel anything. Why? We are different, aren't we? And even if I said... that this forum... on the American web... well, even for that, you could find people who would say something entirely different... because everyone is different... and... if I differ so much in my views from them... I won't be with them. How should I put this... I am proud to have only a handful of friends I can confide in... because I know they listen... they understand... and they actually want to help me. I am certain of my friends... whereas you, with your crowds... you aren't even certain of yourself, let alone anyone else... to put it bluntly... it's garbage. I have zero respect for anyone who claims to have a massive circle of friends... that's it... that's my stance. There is no debate here for me! Because we are humans just like any other... aggregate... because... we all draw energy from one another. If you have a mountain of friends... where are you getting the energy to give one hundred percent to all of them? Which means you aren't giving one hundred percent, so what kind of friends are they? And does that also mean... that they aren't giving it to you? Of course they aren't!!!

The shame you feel is indescribable... it's about something you were denied—something no one else can give you anymore... why does that bring you shame? Why didn't your parents provide that for you? What exactly are you supposed to be ashamed of? If you were a criminal... if you were an addict... if you were a liar or a cheat... then yes, carry that shame. But if you aren't... then there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Because... the act of opening up... is what actually opens you up. You don't want to talk about this with others because, frankly, you don't trust anyone yet—and that's the core of it. You didn't receive trust from your own family, so you don't know how to extend it to anyone else. It isn't that you won't; it’s just your defense mechanism. I'm sitting here on this forum talking about all of this now... but just a few years ago... I wouldn't have told you what I had for breakfast, let alone this, because of how closed off I was. And when you finally start talking... and you cry for hours... just cry. Let it out. That is communication... with a true friend. But... I have to circle back to people who have dozens of friends... do you really think all those "friends" would sit there for hours listening to you sob? God, please... once you've emptied yourself... once the tears run dry... that's when the flood of words comes. Believe me. You just... you need to find that specific person. Someone who will... understand you. And we are back to... to what? To damn trust. How can you give it if you don't know how? Well... damn it... you have to. You simply must. Just make sure you don't give it to the wrong person... but you have to. Even if others didn't teach you... teach yourself. Improve yourself. Surprising yourself...

As for love... uh... that is a very broken topic... deeply broken... eh... I need to pause here and actually think about it...

Ehm... I am having trouble with that today... it's not rare for me to be cold toward others... just out of nowhere... even in love... which isn't ideal... but I'm learning... I suppose...

Because of everything, I will never again give anyone 100%... I just can't... some part of me has to remain my own... that's what life taught me... that's how I learned to be... and I don't know any better... eh... I could write a book on love and this whole mess. I'm not some extremist... nor anything else for that matter... but the foundation of everything is trust. Trusting in someone's love. Which is incredibly hard... damn hard... but I don't know any other way... unless you simply force yourself to give... maybe not a hundred percent... but say, 99%... And you say you had a boyfriend who tolerated you... and he reminded you too much of home?? Well... there lies the massive problem. Because... this might sound crazy... but I realized this for myself... I still seek out that unrest... because that is how I perceived love when I was a child. That is how I subconsciously process love. How would I explain it? Hm... you can't explain it... it's pathological... and we are all like that together... all of us! No exceptions! You finally found a guy who actually felt something for you, and then you stopped!! Wasn't that what you were looking for? Strange, isn't it? I mean, damn, I don't even know how to put this, but it's as if you subconsciously think his love isn't "real" because you learned a different definition of love... and now that's what you chase. All of this happens unconsciously... and it's what we struggle against...
And your mother was right... these are things that, if you don't resolve them... they will haunt you for your entire life. How do you change something that has been rooted in you since childhood? Good question! Personally, I don't think it can be changed, because that is who you are—you are a product of your past, whatever it may have been. That is essentially what makes you the person you are. So... don't torture yourself trying to change it... because you can't. But you can change the things in your life... the things that make you happy... and the things that don't. And by doing that... something within you will shift. Live a positive life... and you will feel positive. Be useful... be good... be constructive... and it will all reflect back on you. Simply... try being a child again. Find your old toys... play with them. Give yourself a chance. Be a child... call out what wasn't right. As for other people... most don't want to hear about problems. Most don't. Because they don't give a damn about you or your issues. But there are people who love you... those few real friends. They love you... and they have to listen... even if they can't specifically help. And that *is* the help. Having a support system... having someone who watches over you and supports you...

What we ate yesterday... we'll be shitting out today.

Tony... looking back at how we carried ourselves yesterday... well, if we don't change our tune, today is going to be a carbon copy of that mess.

We can’t go back and rewrite yesterday—that ship has sailed—but we actually have some agency over what happens today... provided we use it to make tomorrow a little less grim.

There is absolutely no sense in wasting our energy lamenting yesterday's failures; if we keep dwelling on the past, we’ll just find ourselves doing the exact same thing tomorrow.

Let's stop the endless complaining right now and actually start living for tomorrow.

Kimberly Murphy84 said:Honestly, you really helped me kill off that dull, yellow mood I was stuck in whenever I felt like it.🙂

Well, the important thing is that you managed to pull yourself out of it... which means... I guess the US still holds some value after all... can't just toss it aside entirely... :-)

🙂

Frank Gonzalez6 said:I can't—ran out of vodka😢 and honestly, it’s long past my bedtime.
Listen, folks, darling, I am simply no longer cut out for this whole "lonely hearts" club business.😁 😁 😁

Well... let it be, I suppose... but tell me, did posting here in the US actually do you any good? Did someone point you in the right direction, or offer some sort of guidance? Or perhaps even just a bit of comfort?

Still, I truly am happy for you...👋

Frank Gonzalez6 said:If it weren't for those US hipsters, we wouldn't even know where to dump our precious kilobytes! 😁

(Writing this under the influence of a healthy dose of vodka)

Well, why don't you try writing something after two doses of vodka... and cheers to you—it's been way too long!!

👋

Harold Gomez65 said:If it weren't for the USA, we wouldn't even realize there are people out there dealing with much bigger messes than our own.😁

SO... WE ALL FLOCK HERE... JUST TO REALIZE THAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE IN AN EVEN DEEPER HOLE THAN WE ARE... EH... WHAT A SPECTACULAR COMFORTING THOUGHT...!!

John Thomas2 said:It’s incredibly difficult to maintain any sense of composure when you're actually present—it's just impossible to be cool...😁 😁 😁 😁

It’s just so hard... to stay cool... especially when everything is falling apart all at once...

John Thomas2 said:If it weren't for America, we wouldn't even realize there are people more messed up than us! 😁 🙄

🙏 A truly stellar response... just spectacular...!! Bravo, you little brat.

cosmicridge5 said:I certainly am not😁

Well... if I'm asking this on an individual basis... and nobody is... then who is left? Perhaps it is truly NOBODY?

mistypanther said:What would I even do without the USA?

Just a bunch of people tripping over their own jokes... 😁

Absolute peasant behavior...👋 😁

Olivia Lopez41 said:I’m not holding my breath about running into anyone I actually know here—honestly, there’s a certain peace in being just another face in the crowd on an American forum. It’s liberating, really... to be able to lay out all my grievances without worrying about someone pointing a finger or laughing in my face (which, let's be honest, is exactly what happens in the real world). To make a long story short:
There are far fewer idiots here than in my actual life.

But it makes you wonder—why is it that people in the real world laugh at the very same problems they’re struggling with themselves... yet here, there’s actually some semblance of empathy? Why are we all so incredibly hypocritical?

Think of this as a bit of a casual poll!

We see so many threads popping up—so many problems, so many people, and naturally, an endless stream of advice, commentary, and rebuttals. It makes me wonder: do the people actually starting these discussions ever find what they’re looking for? Do they truly get an answer to their inquiries?
In other words, is there any actual point in asking strangers for help or guidance?

Is the goal to find a solution, or is it simply a way to vent—to offload whatever is weighing on you onto someone else? For my part, I’ve certainly posted things just to share them, not necessarily expecting some profound epiphany or life-changing counsel... though, I must admit, I have occasionally stumbled upon some genuinely great advice along the way!

So, what on earth drives you to broadcast your private struggles and uncertainties here for the whole world to see? What is the underlying motivation?

Because, if we are hiding things from our peers or harboring fears, those are deeply personal emotions—yet here we are, scattering them about for anyone to pick up. Is it merely the shield of anonymity? Personally, I couldn't care less whether people know who I am...

But really, what is it that compels you to post your most intimate troubles right here?

Slow and steady wins the race—eventually you'll be holding all the trophies...👋

And then you'll both be soaring high together!

Pigs... fly high... and let the weeping begin... while Frank Gonzalez6 blesses us all...
🙏

I suppose, in the end, everything eventually passes... though certain scars—certain marks left behind—tend to linger... yet, I’d argue they serve as nothing more than signposts pointing toward whatever comes next...

And still... those memories remain... even when you realize things can never truly return to the way they once were...