Posts by Peter Stewart18

James Ramirez10 said:Doesn't Activon have antidepressant effects? I'm not sure if it's actually a smart move to take it if you've experienced manic symptoms from other antidepressants in the past. What's the motivation behind wanting to try it?

Exactly! That’s why I’m itching for it. The stuff I’m currently choking down has this total downer effect: sure, it calms you down, but it also completely guts your willpower and kills any sense of drive or energy.

James Ramirez10 said:Doesn't Activon have antidepressant effects? I'm not sure if it's actually a smart move to take it if you've experienced manic symptoms from other antidepressants in the past. What's the motivation behind wanting to try it?

For five years, I was on Prozac first, then Zoloft, and I felt amazing—right up until the point where my constant weed habit started canceling out the kick those upward meds were supposed to give me. But even back then, I never dealt with mania or any of that nonsense.
But this year, I hit that nightmare side effect for the very first time—probably because I took too long of a break. And look, Activit is natural and milder; it doesn't have those nasty side effects, aside from maybe some redness or skin irritation if you spend too much time in the sun, right?

If even a cup of Valerian tea can slightly rock me, despite all the heavy-duty anxiolytics that have absolutely wrecked me in the past, then why wouldn't Serotonin help? 🤷

Notes:

1. My doctor actually hinted that we might finally look into tapering me off all my meds this spring. I’m freaking out—partly because I'm incredibly stoked about it, but also because the thought is honestly terrifying.

2. Gestalt therapy doesn't really deal with the pharmaceutical side of things.

3. Activin H is plant-based, which makes me feel way better about taking it, but I have this nagging fear that I'll be stuck on it forever. Back when I was in my early twenties, I decided to go rogue and stop taking it without asking anyone—my first big "diamond in the rough" mistake—and it sent me spiraling into a massive, soul-crushing depression.

4. After a bit of a communication breakdown and me basically staging a phone protest because he refused to stay on top of my pill schedule, we decided I should just head over to a local community clinic instead. He wouldn't even bother referring me to someone at Mayo Clinic.

Quick question: am I allowed to take Advil while I'm on my current meds? For context, I'm using Tegretol as a mood stabilizer, and I've also been prescribed Norval—thank God my doctor finally cut me off the Klonopin, because that stuff left me feeling like a total zombie, numb in my limbs, and constantly dizzy.

Here’s the deal: I finally made a change and switched psychotherapists. After a massive, exhausting search, I found this wonderful, warm Gestalt therapist I see regularly for private sessions. My doctor seemed totally fine with the switch at first, and we agreed he’d stay in charge of managing my medication. But then, when I called him to schedule an appointment, he basically told me to come back in the spring—he seems totally offended by the whole thing and is straight-up ghosting me. When I tried to ask about taking Advil over the phone, he basically gave me a "goodbye" and slammed the phone down in my face.

So now I'm stuck. I'm not sure what's safe, especially since he previously banned me from even touching Tegretol during my worst bouts of alcoholism—back when he insisted drinking wasn't even my main issue, right before I ended up spending two weeks in detox at a rehab center in Brooklyn. So, I'm asking you guys.

I'm dealing with depression, but I can't touch Prozac either. Either my doctor forbids it, or because the last time I was on it, I spiraled into a mania with symptoms that, honestly, felt like they were teetering on the edge of psychosis (insomnia, obsessive and racing thoughts, this constant buzzing and pounding in my brain, and this unbearable, irrational euphoria that felt borderline paranoid and like I was floating).

Thanks 🙂

Ronald Rogers27 said:Look, I'm just a little... wild thing living in Canada, imported to the States on a special line...

I’m just incredibly objective, and brutally honest to my core. 👍 I think you're cool, so I gave you a few (of my own axioms) pieces of solid advice. 🤷

But hey, feel free to deny how harsh I'm being... You'll just end up getting screwed over again because you don't even realize when you're losing consciousness... 😕

I'm definitely not Amanda Stewart7, and I'm certainly not amberbadger8... Both of them would be crushed before they could even say "it's nothing" in the situation I'm dealing with... 😁
_______

But you seem to be doing just fine with them, since they're all tripping over themselves to please you. Go right ahead, girl—"make my day" for some chauvinistic pig... 👍

Ronald Rogers27

Surovowski okrutnijev, regarding Nobody Dragović, they are actually HELPING me. Because of them, I'm already eating at places I'd never admit I needed to visit if it weren't for this online cry-for-help thread. And thanks to them, I didn't take a single sip tonight. If I had listened to you, I'd probably be chugging a gallon of vodka or injecting oxygen into a vein right now, considering how sensitive things are for me at the moment.

I'm glad you've turned into some hardened beast, but clearly, support works for me. I don't need your negative prejudice and that "you're going to fail, life's gonna hit you hard, you'll be eating dirt" attitude, et cetera.

Get it?

😉

But whatever, you put in some effort too, so I won't hit you with a fresh, sweet "insult."
Go ahead and congratulate me on a night spent drinking Cedars and having fancy tea with honey.

Bye. 😛

Nobody said a word.

amberbadger8 said:There is no valid reason to be afraid of Vineyard. Being scared of it is just being scared of learning about yourself and finally tackling the problem.
You’re still the one in the driver's seat when it comes to choosing your path to recovery.
Don't mix pills and booze 😵, because you're just doubling down on the addiction to both.
Your choice boils down to this:😛change immediately or keep stalling, and if you stall, it's only going to get harder.
Forget about "moderate drinking." Your current mental programming is the exact opposite of that.
You need to think long and hard about why you're running from reality.
If you say it's because being wasted feels better... you're lying to yourself.
My experience was forced hospitalization at Vineyard... a long time ago. My life is easier and better now without those attacks. When I first got there, I told them, "Look, I'm a worker, I don't belong in a place like this!" But after two weeks of getting sober, I realized it was a blessing. If I hadn't gone, everything would have gone to hell. So I rolled up my sleeves, and looking back, I'm glad I did. That experience stays with me.
I used to be frustrated and miserable if I went home just tipsy; I wanted to be absolutely trashed... that was my "sweet spot."🤣 ..but honestly, looking back, it seems ridiculous and stupid. Now, I enjoy having a clear head rather than watching the world spin.
So I'm telling you,😍 just go for it. Don't be afraid to change for the better. Along the way, you'll discover plenty of things that bring you more joy than booze ever could.👍

Look, I get it. I really do. I know what everyone’s going to say before they even open their mouths. I can already hear the eye-rolls and the "here we go again" sighs coming from across the room. Just let me finish my thought before you start typing. 🙂 Honestly, this constant anxiety has turned into a straight-up horror movie. It’s not just "stress" anymore; it’s like living in a non-stop psychological thriller where I'm waiting for the jump scare that never comes. It's exhausting. 🙂It’s honestly disgusting when you reach a point where you can't even find fulfillment just by doing the things you love—the stuff that actually helps you grow and keeps you sane.

amberbadger8 said:There is no valid reason to be afraid of Vineyard. Being scared of it is just being scared of learning about yourself and finally tackling the problem.
You’re still the one in the driver's seat when it comes to choosing your path to recovery.
Don't mix pills and booze 😵, because you're just doubling down on the addiction to both.
Your choice boils down to this:😛change immediately or keep stalling, and if you stall, it's only going to get harder.
Forget about "moderate drinking." Your current mental programming is the exact opposite of that.
You need to think long and hard about why you're running from reality.
If you say it's because being wasted feels better... you're lying to yourself.
My experience was forced hospitalization at Vineyard... a long time ago. My life is easier and better now without those attacks. When I first got there, I told them, "Look, I'm a worker, I don't belong in a place like this!" But after two weeks of getting sober, I realized it was a blessing. If I hadn't gone, everything would have gone to hell. So I rolled up my sleeves, and looking back, I'm glad I did. That experience stays with me.
I used to be frustrated and miserable if I went home just tipsy; I wanted to be absolutely trashed... that was my "sweet spot."🤣 ..but honestly, looking back, it seems ridiculous and stupid. Now, I enjoy having a clear head rather than watching the world spin.
So I'm telling you,😍 just go for it. Don't be afraid to change for the better. Along the way, you'll discover plenty of things that bring you more joy than booze ever could.👍

😂 Oh man, tell me about it! It’s absolutely true—it’s honestly just tragicomic at this point. 😂

Thanks! 🙂

Amanda Stewart7 said:Ronald Rogers27, look, your "analyses" aren't exactly harmless. There's no need to go out of your way to insult her; maybe just hold back on the commentary for once. You're calling her fat and saying she's losing her mind—just slow down a bit.
And all this because you didn't even bother to actually read what was written.
Of course there's a chance she recovers. Sure, it won't be easy, but she'll make it happen.

Peter Stewart18, give lolin's post a read. It's actually pretty good.

I am, and honestly, I can't wait to get to Vineyard. 🙂 I totally get him; I feel exactly the same way he did before everything got "sorted out." The truth is, I'm running away from a million different things, and I'm already sick to death of alcohol. I hate it, it makes me nauseous—ugh, gross, gag me! (Hopefully, that's a good sign 🙂)

I have to admit, I'm terrified of going to the beach because I'd just end up doing everything solo again, and to me, that reeks of trouble. So, starting tomorrow, I'm heading out to get my medical referral and putting those seaside "vacations" on hold for better days—days I fully intend to reach. 🙂 👍

Ronald Rogers27 said:Look, girl, you’ve got a massive problem. And it isn't even about the booze—it's about you. You're hitting rock bottom, and honestly, it's only your family situation and a few safety nets keeping you from a total free fall.👎👎👎

I'll tell you something: you'll find a "bottom" in any social circle if you look hard enough. That "environment" you're talking about? You seem to be hunting for the worst parts of it. You gamble with losers, which basically makes you one of those chronic losers who just can't be saved.😵

I wouldn't call that a "mistake." It was a lapse in judgment. People mess up, and we learn from it. But what about mistakes involving heavy alcoholism? Or gambling away everything at some dive bar, followed by getting assaulted? That's different.

If things keep going this way, you might just end up crashing hard and heading straight to bed, treating sleep like your own personal version of psychotherapy...
_______

I honestly don't know what to tell you. You're stuck deep in this hole, and it isn't even about your actions—it's about how you view yourself. The only way out is to start actually respecting and loving who you are, and from what I can see, that's going to take years of work. 🤷

Ronald Rogers27

I don't do that anymore. Since last October, I haven't even stepped foot in a bar.
Except for twice a month when I grab a drink with one friend.
And no, I didn't sleep with him. Typical chauvinistic pig mentality thinking that's the case.
Pathetic.

Ronald Rogers27 said:Look, girl, you’ve got a massive problem. And it isn't even about the booze—it's about you. You're hitting rock bottom, and honestly, it's only your family situation and a few safety nets keeping you from a total free fall.👎👎👎

I'll tell you something: you'll find a "bottom" in any social circle if you look hard enough. That "environment" you're talking about? You seem to be hunting for the worst parts of it. You gamble with losers, which basically makes you one of those chronic losers who just can't be saved.😵

I wouldn't call that a "mistake." It was a lapse in judgment. People mess up, and we learn from it. But what about mistakes involving heavy alcoholism? Or gambling away everything at some dive bar, followed by getting assaulted? That's different.

If things keep going this way, you might just end up crashing hard and heading straight to bed, treating sleep like your own personal version of psychotherapy...
_______

I honestly don't know what to tell you. You're stuck deep in this hole, and it isn't even about your actions—it's about how you view yourself. The only way out is to start actually respecting and loving who you are, and from what I can see, that's going to take years of work. 🤷

Ronald Rogers27

Back then, I honestly didn't care about anything. I think I actually wanted to die. I was completely alone, and my relationship with my sister—who was the only person I actually had a meaningful connection with at the time—was already falling apart. 🤷

Ronald Rogers27 said:Look, girl, you’ve got a massive problem. And it isn't even about the booze—it's about you. You're hitting rock bottom, and honestly, it's only your family situation and a few safety nets keeping you from a total free fall.👎👎👎

I'll tell you something: you'll find a "bottom" in any social circle if you look hard enough. That "environment" you're talking about? You seem to be hunting for the worst parts of it. You gamble with losers, which basically makes you one of those chronic losers who just can't be saved.😵

I wouldn't call that a "mistake." It was a lapse in judgment. People mess up, and we learn from it. But what about mistakes involving heavy alcoholism? Or gambling away everything at some dive bar, followed by getting assaulted? That's different.

If things keep going this way, you might just end up crashing hard and heading straight to bed, treating sleep like your own personal version of psychotherapy...
_______

I honestly don't know what to tell you. You're stuck deep in this hole, and it isn't even about your actions—it's about how you view yourself. The only way out is to start actually respecting and loving who you are, and from what I can see, that's going to take years of work. 🤷

Ronald Rogers27

No, there isn't, because I'm not interested, and I don't see him anymore. ☕

All in all, your posts are just depressing. You talk as if there's no hope for me, like I'm some lost cause that can't be fixed. But for heaven's sake, I'm not 60 years old! I've decided to change this hellish life I've been living.
And you don't seem to judge my shrink for blatantly pushing me toward the edge and enjoying it; I guess that's just "guy solidarity" for you. 🙂 🙂 🙂

So, just for my own curiosity, what’s the average IQ of, say, painters, writers, dancers, singers, and all those other wannabe creative types trying to make it big? 😂

Peter Stewart18 said:Alright, I’ve got another question that’s been eating me alive:

Once I finally shake this heavy, compulsive binge cycle and get my addiction under control, is there actually any chance that one day I can just enjoy a glass of really nice wine or a cocktail for the pure pleasure of it—without losing my mind and craving more?

And since, in my case, the drinking is basically just a symptom of much deeper issues, if I actually fix those root problems, will the urge to just drown myself in booze disappear forever? Could I eventually get back to sipping a drink elegantly at a happy hour, or am I forced to stay sober forever—like, *forever*? Even a simple, cold beer? Is moderation off the table for good? Just curious...😲

Okay, clearly my math here shows I’m not quite ready to go through rehab yet, but yeah, things are pretty rough right now...

Alright, I’ve got another question that’s been eating me alive:

Once I finally shake this heavy, compulsive binge cycle and get my addiction under control, is there actually any chance that one day I can just enjoy a glass of really nice wine or a cocktail for the pure pleasure of it—without losing my mind and craving more?

And since, in my case, the drinking is basically just a symptom of much deeper issues, if I actually fix those root problems, will the urge to just drown myself in booze disappear forever? Could I eventually get back to sipping a drink elegantly at a happy hour, or am I forced to stay sober forever—like, *forever*? Even a simple, cold beer? Is moderation off the table for good? Just curious...😲

Amanda Stewart7 said:Nobody prescribes Radura as a standalone medication unless we're talking about epilepsy or certain types of neuralgia, since it acts as such a potent analgesic. Beyond that, there's a high risk of abuse because taking larger doses can produce an euphoric effect.
That's why he won't give it to you.
There are plenty of different mood stabilizers out there, and they all tend to have a mild euphoric quality. But Radura? Its euphoric potential is way higher than any other stabilizer, which makes it a much riskier option for several reasons.

So what about Sanval or other hypnotics?
Years ago, I used to take it just to crash at night, especially when I had to pull an early morning for exams or big meetings at work.
It worked wonders for me back then. Before I had it, I could get through an entire day without a drink just by taking a single Xanax in the afternoon, but after two weeks of using the Sanval, my body just stopped responding to it.
And apparently, you aren't supposed to stay on it long-term because the addiction risk is terrifying. You could find yourself polishing off an entire bottle and suddenly you're in deep trouble.

They aren't meant to be long-term solutions, right?

Amanda Stewart7, thanks. I’ve clearly been lying to myself this whole time. I’ve let things spiral into a total disaster, and if I don't take action right now, I am absolutely going to ruin my life...
The weirdest part is that lately, I actually feel energized being sober when I'm out with people. Paradoxically, even at parties, I’m barely sipping anything and taking my sweet time with it. But the second I get home from a night out? I just start binging alone until I hit full-blown delirium. It sucks.

Ronald Rogers27 said:I can't help but look at your situation and break it down. The fact that you’re starting a job soon but still have enough cash to buy top-shelf liquor tells me everything. There’s clearly an outside source funding this "hobby" of yours—someone who probably has no clue they’re actually helping you sink even deeper.

You really need to ask yourself one thing: why are you alone every night? Why is there this massive void in your life that you feel the need to fill with booze instead of doing anything else? Wouldn't it be better to just find a guy? Maybe the same guy every other night, unless there’s some major physical reason why that isn't an option (like being significantly overweight)? 🤷

If you're drinking to the point of passing out, it might prove my point. Fat stores can actually slow down alcohol absorption, meaning you could keep drinking for hours before your brain finally shuts off!👎

Try calming down with Tomislav, or Ivica, or... whoever you want your boyfriend to be. After that, you'll sleep like a baby and wake up feeling refreshed, sharp, and ready to crush it at work. 😛

If you keep going like this, you're going to get a red card at work. There's no way you'll keep a decent job if it requires any actual focus—unless it's something incredibly basic like being a janitor or a barista. Even those jobs are at risk if you spend several nights in a row getting blackout drunk.

You need to cut off that outside source providing the money that makes you feel "independent." Nothing lasts forever. Think about it. 🙄

(think about trying some natural therapy: start getting active, and I don't mean just hitting the gym—I mean actually getting into a sport you love)

Ronald Rogers27

😁 Nope, I'm slim—underweight, even. But when you're in a hole like this, even someone with the looks of Helen of Troy would be considered a lost cause. And I don't even go for the fancy stuff; I drink cheap swill. That's actually the biggest problem. 👎 🙂

Amanda Stewart7 said:Ha, why were you even prescribed Carbamazepine? Usually, it's for epilepsy, neuralgia, or it's used as one of those psych drugs for cocaine addiction.
Stay away from high doses of Xanax; it isn't a sleep aid, and unlike something like Diazepam—which also isn't exactly a "sleeping pill"—it's way more dangerous when you're mixing it with antidepressants and alcohol.
Honestly, you don't stand a chance at quitting alcohol until you truly realize you have to walk away from it for good. And yeah, it seems to me you already know that. You need clinical help, unfortunately, but more than that, you need to find that tiny shred of willpower to commit to the decision. Until you settle that within yourself, even the best clinical support won't do much.😉
You're better off checking yourself into rehab as soon as possible while it's still your choice. It's less painful than being forced into it later, which is exactly where you're heading if things keep going this way.

Yeah, I get it. Believe me, I know I have to. Thanks for the reality check. 🙂

Ronald Rogers27 said:I can't help but look at your situation and break it down. The fact that you’re starting a job soon but still have enough cash to buy top-shelf liquor tells me everything. There’s clearly an outside source funding this "hobby" of yours—someone who probably has no clue they’re actually helping you sink even deeper.

You really need to ask yourself one thing: why are you alone every night? Why is there this massive void in your life that you feel the need to fill with booze instead of doing anything else? Wouldn't it be better to just find a guy? Maybe the same guy every other night, unless there’s some major physical reason why that isn't an option (like being significantly overweight)? 🤷

If you're drinking to the point of passing out, it might prove my point. Fat stores can actually slow down alcohol absorption, meaning you could keep drinking for hours before your brain finally shuts off!👎

Try calming down with Tomislav, or Ivica, or... whoever you want your boyfriend to be. After that, you'll sleep like a baby and wake up feeling refreshed, sharp, and ready to crush it at work. 😛

If you keep going like this, you're going to get a red card at work. There's no way you'll keep a decent job if it requires any actual focus—unless it's something incredibly basic like being a janitor or a barista. Even those jobs are at risk if you spend several nights in a row getting blackout drunk.

You need to cut off that outside source providing the money that makes you feel "independent." Nothing lasts forever. Think about it. 🙄

(think about trying some natural therapy: start getting active, and I don't mean just hitting the gym—I mean actually getting into a sport you love)

Ronald Rogers27

She went on an absolute tear about it in the thread regarding Borderline Personality Disorder.😉

Amanda Stewart7 said:Ha, why were you even prescribed Carbamazepine? Usually, it's for epilepsy, neuralgia, or it's used as one of those psych drugs for cocaine addiction.
Stay away from high doses of Xanax; it isn't a sleep aid, and unlike something like Diazepam—which also isn't exactly a "sleeping pill"—it's way more dangerous when you're mixing it with antidepressants and alcohol.
Honestly, you don't stand a chance at quitting alcohol until you truly realize you have to walk away from it for good. And yeah, it seems to me you already know that. You need clinical help, unfortunately, but more than that, you need to find that tiny shred of willpower to commit to the decision. Until you settle that within yourself, even the best clinical support won't do much.😉
You're better off checking yourself into rehab as soon as possible while it's still your choice. It's less painful than being forced into it later, which is exactly where you're heading if things keep going this way.

I know, but it's also listed as a mood stabilizer—you know, something to steady that emotional rollercoaster of ups and downs you get with bipolar disorder (?)—and it helps deal with alcohol withdrawal. I actually went to see this doctor who turned out to be incredibly unprofessional and just plain ignorant. He kept trying to tell me that alcohol wasn't even the real issue or the main villain in my life, my absolute nightmare, while he’d just write me a script for Radura every six months like it was nothing. It was totally inconsistent and frustrating because I kept insisting I needed it daily just so I could finally stare that crisis in the face and kick that poison out of my system for good.

Yeah, fine, call me a chronic alcoholic. It’s been my lifestyle for years now.
I’m not exactly sipping a cocktail at brunch; I’m talking about getting absolutely trashed every single night, all by myself.
I tried using Xanax to take the edge off, but it’s just not working. It numbs me slightly, sure, but I can’t actually fall asleep without slamming a massive dose—and then I just wake up feeling like a zombie the next day because of how late I passed out.
I really need to head out to Napa Valley for some help, but I’m terrified they’re going to force me into a multi-week residential program. I heard there might be an option for daily outpatient check-ins instead, which would be ideal because I start a new job soon and I can't be out of commission.
And Carbamazepine? Total garbage. I take it and still don't even get the urge to throw up.
What are the actual odds that I can just stick to daily "consultations" and avoid being locked up in a facility?
Also, is it even possible for someone who’s been binge drinking for years to scale back to just having a glass of wine with dinner—you know, the good old days—or am I looking at cutting this addiction off at the root?

I’m on Xanax, and obviously, I know I shouldn't mix it with booze, but I have zero self-control right now and I desperately need clinical support.

Am I looking at mandatory rehab? Please, if anyone has experience or advice, hit me up. 🙂