Posts by Dana Stewart6

Maybe we should start some kind of club or a support group just for us panic-prone folks...😂

Sure, everyone says having kids is just "natural" and "part of life," blah, blah, blah. They claim every "normal" woman starts thinking about motherhood the second she gets married, which makes me wonder—is there something wrong with me, or is everyone else just acting on autopilot? 🤷
It is arguably the most vital, demanding, and heavy responsibility on the planet, yet people seem to jump into it so casually, as if it’s just an inevitable checkbox because "everyone does it." But look around—the world is overflowing with neglected, unloved, and angry children who never received the parental support they needed...
So, maybe it isn't as "natural" as people claim, and maybe some of us simply aren't meant for parenthood. 🤷
Generally speaking, I tend to overthink things; I like to analyze every angle. I hate rushing into major life decisions without being 100% certain. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore babies—I have plenty of little ones in my immediate family—but this overwhelming fear regarding the future, the sheer responsibility, and how harsh the world can be completely paralyzes me when I even consider having my own child. To many, that's just incomprehensible. 🤷
>If the world were a better place to live, maybe...🤷

That is exactly how I feel too...

And honestly, I just don't get why everyone is constantly jumping down my throat about this. Like, what's with the "you should be doing this by now" attitude? What exactly do they think I'm thinking? I'm only thirty! It feels like there’s this massive pressure to have everything perfectly mapped out before you hit a certain milestone... It’s getting seriously exhausting to deal with all the judgment. As if having a kid is some mandatory task you have to check off a list by thirty, rather than a deeply personal choice. God forbid you decide not to have one at all!

Dana Stewart6,
It feels as though I wrote this myself😂........🙏

jongerica, cherryblossomgirl—thank you both so much for the kind words and the positive energy you've brought to these threads! It’s such a relief to realize... I'm definitely not the only one feeling a bit intimidated by the whole idea. Honestly, it makes me feel so much better knowing I'm not alone. Every time I bring this up with other women, they just dismiss me! They tell me, "What are you waiting for? Having kids is perfectly normal, don't be silly, everyone goes through it."
I truly believe this anxiety stems from a conversation I had with an older woman I used to work with. She has two children, and she always insisted that I should enjoy my freedom while I still have it. Her logic was that once kids arrive, your entire life flips upside down and you'll spend the rest of your days worrying and never finding peace again. Those words just keep echoing in my head...

Dana Stewart6, honestly, it’s fear that’s holding me back, and I just can’t seem to wrap my head around it logically. Fear is the one thing standing in my way, and I suspect it’s the reason I haven't been able to think objectively lately. I am truly at a loss... I can't tell if I’m actually unprepared or if it's just the anxiety talking. There are days when I feel like motherhood isn't for me, but then there are other days when I want it more than anything else!

James Allen6 said:I suspect you are a very responsible person who is deeply aware of the sacrifices a baby requires, which is likely why you are weighing this so heavily.
That said, you would probably be a wonderful mother, especially since you mentioned how much you enjoy being around little kids.
I went through a period of intense anxiety about having children myself, but after my nephew was born recently, I felt such an overwhelming sense of joy just seeing him. Now, I am eagerly waiting until I am in a better position to have my own little angel.

Of course, if you aren't ready, there is no need to force it. However, nothing in life brings quite as much happiness as a new life, and I imagine that one day, when the time comes, you might find yourself thinking, "I could have done this sooner."

Sending kisses and wishing you the best!

Yes—I am definitely a responsible person, and I constantly weigh the sacrifices and the heavy responsibilities of parenthood against everything else... I also find myself thinking about the beautiful parts, like bringing a new little life into the world....

Kimberly Edwards2 said:If you aren't feeling ready, honestly, just wait. Don't waste your energy worrying about whether you'll "feel like doing it" later on. Once you have a tiny baby in your arms, that question doesn't even cross your mind—you just do what needs to be done. It's instinct. And believe me, no matter how exhausted you are, you'll find the strength to step up. For now, just listen to your gut. Tell your partner how you're actually feeling, and if they truly love you, they’ll be patient enough to wait until you're ready.
I dealt with a similar thing myself. But when my niece was born—looking at her all tiny, smelling like baby powder, smiling and crying and just being perfect... I suddenly found myself wanting a little one of my own just as badly.

I don't think I'm ready yet, but I am constantly haunted by the question of whether I ever will be... This uncertainty has been weighing on me for quite some time now. One day I feel completely prepared, and then the next, I feel totally unready... And yes—I absolutely cannot resist little babies. I just melt whenever they are near me...

Jerry Martinez5 said:Look, this might be your chance to actually sit down and think about things. Is this relationship really what you want? What are you actually looking for here? Do you honestly see yourself having kids one day? With your current boyfriend?

How exactly do you imagine having a child would change your life?

I see a massive shift coming... I don't necessarily think change is a bad thing, but I’ve just gotten so used to not having such heavy responsibilities. Honestly, things feel okay exactly as they are right now. I don't even know! I'm happy with my relationship, happy with certain parts of my life, and let's face it—we aren't exactly set up financially for a kid. I probably sound selfish, but the truth is, I'm mostly terrified of the fact that once a baby arrives, there is no going back to the "shopping spree" lifestyle. I'm scared of those days when I just won't have the energy, yet there will be this tiny human waiting on me with all its needs. I just have no idea...

Ronald Rogers27 said:"Partner"??? After 8 years, that sounds incredibly distant. It’s like you signed a business contract instead of being in a life partnership.👎

You really need to dig deep and figure out why you're even in this relationship and if it actually works for you. Maybe the real issue isn't kids—maybe it's the fear of fully committing to this "partner" without even realizing it.

Ronald Rogers27

But what else am I supposed to call him? Fiancé? Boyfriend? Just some guy?
And I don't view having a relationship or a child as some kind of *ultimate commitment*
That isn't the issue here....

I find myself agreeing with everything written here... It’s just that when I try to express my anxieties to my partner, he doesn't seem to perceive them through the same lens I do. And when I bring it up with my girlfriends? They all just wave it off. Since they already have children, they act as if it’s simply the natural progression—you're thirty, it's time, period. On top of that, their parents are already busy planning childcare schedules and birthday parties... Honestly, all of this is starting to weigh on me. There's this subtle, constant pressure that I *should* be doing this. But the truth is, I don't feel particularly grown-up or even "old" enough to have a child, at least not right now.
I truly believe my fear is quite intense...
The whole situation is driving me absolutely crazy...
It isn't that I don't love children—I adore them! It's just the idea of having my own that triggers such fear...

So, here’s the situation: I’ve been in a relationship for eight years now, and for the last nine months, we’ve been living together. The core issue is this—my partner is ready to have a child, but I am completely at a loss regarding my own desires. To be honest, I am terrified of having a kid and the massive weight of responsibility that comes with parenthood. In fact, the fear is so intense that it makes me question if I even want children at all. We both just hit the thirty-year mark.
I am truly at a standstill. I don't know what to think, what action to take, or how to navigate this dilemma. I can't even pinpoint where this overwhelming anxiety is coming from.

Honestly, everyone—I’m almost at a loss for words here.
Is there actually a cure for this? I keep seeing these TV commercials for various nail polishes and gels designed to be applied over your nails that have a revolting taste—supposedly meant to stop you from biting them. Has anyone actually tried any of these?

They're 27 years old.

I used to be a chronic nail biter myself! Honestly, after I went a bit too far a few times and really damaged them, I finally decided to quit. Now, I only tend to pick at my cuticles when I'm feeling particularly on edge. 🤣
I can't quite tell—his nails are almost non-existent at this point.

I honestly can't wrap my head around how anyone pulls that off. I mean, your fingers would be absolutely killing you! I'm not even sure if it's some kind of genetic thing. Did you ever go through a stretch where you actually managed to stop biting your nails for a while?

I'm wondering if constant nail biting should actually be classified as some kind of disorder?

To give you some context, my brother has been compulsively biting his nails for several years now.
I notice he does it both consciously and completely unconsciously! He has bitten them down so much that there’s barely half of the nail left; his fingertips are incredibly painful, yet he just can't seem to stop. When I ask him if it's just due to nerves, he insists that it isn't.
Does anyone know how to break this habit—or disorder, or whatever it may be?🤷