Posts by ironwolf82

Honestly, you all are absolutely right. Every single thing you’ve written here makes so much sense and really means a lot to me. I feel like I'm getting such incredible advice and genuine support from this group. Thank you so much!
Thank you, Maria Callas, for that beautiful post, and thanks to Adam Miller46 and Robert Reyes34 for those posts that are just brutally honest and hit home
to wake me up a bit while I'm reading...
Larry Kern2, I really relate to what you said—I'm basically 99% like that. That's how I present myself to the world, just being vulnerable.
Quincy:

I've known people who just radiate vulnerability. Their facial expressions practically say, "Please don't hurt me." Those kinds of people often attract mistreatment... If they expect to be hurt, are they somehow inviting it?

People definitely notice that, I'm 100% sure of it.
Reading through your posts and reflecting on my own nature, I've realized the core issue is with myself. I need to learn to accept who I am and carry that identity with pride. If I can actually manage to do that, I think a lot of things would start falling into place—my career, my relationships, everything 🙂.

After years of dealing with this, I’ve developed this nagging feeling—and I’m about 99% sure I'm right—that people are laughing at me. Life hasn't exactly been easy on me so far, and I think all those hardships and frustrations have just etched themselves onto my face. I live in a really small town where everyone knows everyone else's business.
I'm 29 now, and honestly, I feel like I haven't accomplished much. I'm not married (in this community, people expect you to already have two kids by now), I'm unemployed (even though I have my degree, there just aren't any jobs available), I don't have a serious partner, and I'm not particularly good-looking—which is something I struggle to accept myself. Because I feel like a failure, I rarely go out, and when I do, the reaction from people—both younger and older—is usually mockery or avoidance. It makes me terrified to go out, and when I finally do, I end up looking visibly anxious. Based on how they act, I can tell they think my face looks ridiculous, or that I'm just some loser who hasn't achieved anything in life.
All of this just makes life feel so heavy and low-quality. On top of everything else, it completely crushes my self-esteem and leaves me feeling miserable, even though I've never done anything to hurt anyone. I find myself wondering why people seem to dislike or even hate me...
Sure, it's their right to judge me how they want, but I just don't know how to stop it from getting to me. That's the part that's really eating away at me. Why does it have to be this way?
Again, I keep coming back to the fact that I haven't been mean to anyone or mocked anyone, so there shouldn't be a reason for this. I sit there wondering why people are like this, why they seem to want to see me struggling. Why should they care, when I'm just living my own life?
I really need someone to talk to. I could use some advice on how to deal with these feelings and work through this internally. I truly don't know what the solution is... I'm 29, after all.

There’s definitely some truth to what you're saying, Eric White10; I’m not saying you aren’t right. I’ve actually experienced this firsthand. On the flip side, I’ve found myself being avoided quite a bit because of my redness. People seem uncomfortable talking to me because they have to stare at a flushed face, which isn't something they see every day. It's also possible that I project a certain amount of insecurity, fear, or confusion during conversations because I'm so preoccupied with the blushing. The discomfort is intense, and having such a heated face really drains my energy quickly, so I don't feel my best. I'm not just making things up, either—that's truly how it feels. I wish I could just forget about the redness, but I can't; that heat in my cheeks is a constant reminder, and it's so unsettling...
I honestly can't function normally. I find myself avoiding the sun, the wind, and even the cold. How am I supposed to live a normal life? Most of the time I only go out at night, but I can't limit my entire existence to the nighttime hours. Often, I need to meet people during the day, but showing up all red feels ridiculous. If this had waited until I was 40, maybe it would be different, but dealing with this in my twenties—when life should be at its peak—is tough.
Life feels pretty tense, everyone. There isn't a single moment where I feel truly relaxed.
How am I supposed to accept this? I really don't know. It's incredibly difficult.
As for computers, I know a little bit about setting up systems, removing viruses, and I'm decent with PHP, HTML, a bit of CSS and JavaScript, plus MySQL and database management. However, design is a major weak point for me. I'm still learning, but I love it; it really fulfills me.

Thanks so much for all the replies and for genuinely wanting to help!
I want to apologize for not being totally upfront at the start—it just felt a bit awkward to bring this up!
But seeing how everyone is offering such thoughtful advice makes me feel silly for keeping it bottled up. Sorry again about that.
I guess the real reason I’ve been avoiding farming is because of how much it affects my appearance, which isn't exactly perfect to begin with.
My facial skin is incredibly sensitive; it turns bright red the second I deal with any physical exertion, sun exposure, or even just the wind. After working out in the fields, my face gets so flushed I feel like I’m actually burning. My cheeks just radiate heat. That’s why I originally brought this up from a psychological perspective. It’s hard to ignore when you’re standing there looking so conspicuous, and I haven't really found a way to just accept it. Even if I try to blend in, I end up drawing attention because I’m practically glowing with heat, like a little red sun. It makes me feel so self-conscious whenever I have to head into town or leave the rural areas. As I get older, the redness seems to be getting more intense, and honestly, I’m feeling less and less prepared to handle it, especially the outdoor labor. I’ve seen a dermatologist, but their take was basically that this is just my skin type and I have to live with it. But I can't... it’s really taking a toll on me. It’s affecting my daily life because I find myself avoiding people, especially when my face is flared up. It's just tough...

My mom actually understands what I’m going through and she’s fully behind me, but at the end of the day, the decision has to be mine. Selling the land isn't the issue itself. It's more about how people would see me if I did. In my community, if you sell your family property, people look at you like you've completely failed. They see selling land as a sign of weakness, like you're someone who just can't make it on their own. Finding steady work is already such an uphill battle in my field, so it feels risky. I’d really love to pivot toward something in tech, maybe something involving computers...
To be totally honest, I’m terrified of making a move. I'm scared of being judged by everyone and losing the little stability I actually have. Ideally, I’d love to start my own small business, but I just haven't hit on a solid idea yet.

People don't realize how tough this work actually is if they haven't had any real experience with it. It’s one thing to live in a big city and head out to a farm in rural Iowa once in a while to help your grandparents or just do it as a hobby. The real issue is that when you're managing crops or livestock, everything has to be done within these strict, narrow windows of time, and you need serious manpower to pull it off. I can't do it all by myself along with my mom; you just can't maintain quality, and honestly, you end up working without any heart in it. Ugh. Personally, I dabble in ranching, but anything with fewer than five head of cattle is just too small to be viable, and scaling up requires an incredible amount of effort...
There is definitely money to be made in agriculture—I don't make a fortune myself, but it's there. But then you see the people who are out there grinding 15 hours a day. Their entire existence revolves around the job. Maybe they don't want it to be that way, but the nature of farming just doesn't allow them to organize their lives any other way. They never take vacations, their bodies break down quickly, and there's so much envy among them, neighbor against neighbor. They lack basic manners and act like they're always right and everyone else is wrong. It makes talking to them pretty difficult. At least, that's how it is in my neck of the woods, not that I'm making a rule for everyone everywhere...
Folks working the land often have zero stamina because they're constantly exhausted. And the idea of "healthy living" on a farm is mostly a myth since there's such heavy use of pesticides and herbicides. They end up poisoning themselves first, and then everyone else. Plus, standing out in the sun when it hits 100 degrees? That’s just brutal...
Where am I getting this impression?
It's what I see whenever I head back into the city and just sit back to observe. You can spot people from rural areas easily; they look drained, weathered, sun-scorched, and honestly, a bit worn down. It’s almost hard to watch. They stand out so much from the rest of the urban crowd. And they always have that same excuse: "Oh, I have to rush home to finish some chores." They can never truly relax; they're always tense because farming demands it—if you miss a window today, you might never get that chance back...
I have a degree in chemistry...

I feel so lost because I’m stuck in a career I absolutely hate, and right now, I don't have a choice. Honestly, it’s embarrassing to me—I dread going to work every single day, and it just leaves me feeling empty. This isn't really living; it feels more like a constant struggle. Most people around here are in farming, and man, it’s just draining the life out of me. I feel numb, like I’m barely breathing, just totally unhappy. Being out in the sun working the fields physically breaks me down. I even feel ashamed to hang out with friends because I feel like some rural laborer, even though deep down, that's not who I am. I just don't know how to change my circumstances. Living in this small village where 99% of the population is in agriculture isn't for me... I don't want to follow the crowd; I want something new, something that actually makes me happy. I've been doing this since I was 12, ever since my dad passed away. I grew up working alongside my mom and grandpa. It’s been such a grind, and I think I’ve finally hit my limit. I'm 26 now, living with my mom who works full-time. I’ve worked so hard, trying to balance college while working these long hours, but it feels like my best years have just been wasted on manual labor in the dirt.
The real issue is figuring out how to find a different job—honestly, any job would do, even if it’s not in my field of study. But the hardest part is the mental hurdle of walking away from the land and letting it go fallow. This is the land my grandfather and father poured their lives into, but I just can't bring myself to keep doing it.
I’m just at a total loss...
Has anyone else ever found themselves in a spot like this?
Maybe this sounds dramatic, but it feels like I’m just watching my life pass me by instead of actually living it...