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You really ought to consider overhaulng your entire approach to studying. Instead of merely rote-memorizing definitions word-for-word—essentially just performing a mental copy-paste operation—try to actually grasp the underlying logic of what you’re reading. If you can visualize the core concept and truly internalize its meaning, you’ll start seeing much more profound results in how you retain information...
I used to be exactly the same way myself.😉
I honestly can’t tell you when it all started, or how long this shadow has been following me... I don't even know what happened to me, really. All I know is that I was at work one day, just going through the motions, when suddenly, in a single heartbeat, I felt... nothing. Just an absolute void. At first, I tried to rationalize it—I thought maybe my blood pressure was spiking, or perhaps I was anemic, or lacking some essential vitamin. But none of that had anything to do with it. It was simply emptiness. And then, out of that vacuum, fear crawled in. But even then, I couldn't put a finger on what I was actually afraid of. From that point on, the struggles only intensified. I truly believed I was losing my mind, which felt absurd given my circumstances; I'm financially stable, I have a steady career, and I lead a healthy lifestyle...
Before those dark moments consumed me, I never harbored a single negative thought toward anyone. My family used to tell me it was as if a demon had taken hold of me...
I began to pray, though in the beginning, the practice felt almost ridiculous to me. Eventually, however, prayer became my only lifeline whenever those waves of darkness surged over me—finding solace in the Rosary and reading the Gospels. I suppose the whole ordeal lasted about five years. It was my own private hell. Nowadays, the attacks only strike occasionally, usually after I've spent a night drinking with friends. When they do, I fight them off with long walks and, naturally... prayer...
Looking back, my life has been punctuated by all sorts of supernatural encounters. There was the disembodied voice that whispered, "you sold your soul to the devil," and there were the blinding flashes of light that appeared in my room, terrifying me so much that I fled my apartment, feeling a sudden, overwhelming realization: that we humans are so infinitesimally small and insignificant in this material world that our true scale is incomprehensible to the human mind. Then there was the moment my girlfriend abruptly woke up while we were sleeping, feeling a slight breeze across her face, and whispered, "look," almost like some kind of medium. That single word acted as a catalyst for me; that command gave me the clarity I needed to understand my path forward. I hadn't even realized that I had forgotten how to truly "look." Of course, she had been asleep when she said it, and when I recounted the experience to her the next morning, she insisted she had no idea what I was talking about...
In any case, I am glad I stumbled upon this thread...
Thank you all...
👍