Posts by vividtiger50

I spent most of yesterday just listening to "The Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkel on repeat, and I have to say, it really hit me deep; there’s something incredibly motivating about it. 🙂
I wanted to reach out and thank you all for sharing your stories and such helpful advice. I honestly felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, thinking my problems were insurmountable, but it turns out everything basically boiled down to the fact that I picked the wrong major in college—that was the root of all my misery! It’s actually a pretty encouraging realization to come to. Now that I understand where things went sideways, I feel like I finally have a starting point and a sense of direction; everything feels much more manageable and... solvable, I suppose. I’m really not sure how I could ever properly thank everyone here!

Thanks again, everyone. Truly. 🙏
I guess at first, I wasn't entirely sure what my goal was, especially since everything you all were saying made so much sense to me, but I’ve realized that sometimes it’s just easier when someone uses a bit of an authoritative tone to tell me I need to snap out of it. It really does mean a lot that some of you shared your own stories, too. Thank you. 😘
I think that’s just what I needed to hear. I suppose things probably won't all fall into place overnight, but I guess the first step is usually the hardest part. 😳

Steven Hill said:Honestly, I think you should start by looking into something like a fitness class, Pilates, or maybe a dance studio—just something to get you out of the house and around other people.
It isn’t even about grabbing coffee with them afterward; it’s just about making that initial move so you aren't spending every single day stuck alone in your apartment.

Most people there are just focused on their own workouts anyway, so they won't care if you show up solo or with a group of five friends.
I actually signed up for a gym membership entirely on my own once. I was in that phase where I went out way too much, which left me with the stamina of a ninety-year-old, and I’ve always been embarrassingly clumsy. I definitely stood out because I kept doing the moves in reverse; I almost broke my leg when I tripped over a stepper. At least the whole ordeal gave me a good laugh.
After a couple of months, I finally got the hang of it and felt pretty proud of myself. Plus, regular exercise is such a solid remedy for depression. You end up feeling that specific kind of healthy exhaustion that actually makes you happy. 😉

p.s. Have you given any thought to getting a roommate?

I have thought about having a roommate, but I eventually decided it might not be the smartest move right now, mostly because I struggle to even tolerate myself sometimes, let alone someone else. Since I don't have any brothers or sisters, I'm not really used to sharing my space, so it just doesn't feel right at the moment. Though, looking further down the road (oh 😢), I guess that's an option. 👍
It’s really brave of you to have started going out on your own 🙏, because I don't think I could ever do that. I'm just too insecure and... I don't know, I'm scared of something, I guess. 😢

But there is a little bit of progress—I'm heading out for a walk now because the heating in my place... well, it gave out on me! 😲

🙂

I’ve been spending my time reading, getting my apartment ready, and organizing all my shoes and clothes in the closet, but I really feel like I should be doing something more to work on my social life. Sometimes, I guess, it just feels quite heavy being this alone. 😢

I mean, I guess I’m just hanging around because I don't really have anything else going on right now. 😢
Man... it isn't like I'm actually planting anything, not once I get a little bit of work done!

Thank you so much, truly, I really appreciate it! 😘

Thomas Howard93 said:Check out this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4vuKOz3kus

I think I've already tried that approach, but thanks for the suggestion regardless! 😁

Mark Martinez4 said:The more you overthink this, the worse it's going to feel.
If anyone can truly wrap their head around what you're going through, it's your parents.
And trust me, they will understand 100%. Just tune out all the noise—forget the lectures and the endless apologies. Try talking to your mom first, or whoever you happen to be closest to. And please, keep this in mind: things could always have been much, much worse. What would you even tell them? That you were using drugs, or working in prostitution, or that you killed your roommate? It could always be darker than it is right now. It isn't something an average person can't eventually process and make sense of. 😉😉

In some ways, I guess it might have been easier if I had actually killed my roommate, because you can technically finish college even from prison, which doesn't seem to be an option here. And honestly, that's kind of how I'm living right now.
I suppose I'll have to have that conversation; now that I've laid everything out on "paper," it really does feel like the only way forward. 😍
👍

I feel like I know everything there is to know, honestly. I’ve been working on this speech for months now, trying to get it just right for when I finally show up, but it doesn't seem to get any easier as time goes by; if anything, it feels like it's getting harder. 😢

I feel a bit ashamed, I guess? I don't think they would ever actually throw me out on the street just because I'm struggling, but I think it would be too uncomfortable to look them in the eye and admit that I've been leaning on them for years. They’ve given me everything—truly everything I ever wanted—and yet I feel like I just keep letting them down. I don't know, I just don't think I could face them. 😢

Mark Martinez4 said:And really, why hide it? We're all a little bit eccentric—some of us just haven't come to terms with it yet.

Let me answer a few of those questions.
My parents don't have any idea what I'm going through. When they ask, I just dodge the question; if they push for my grades, I make up some excuse about a glitch in the registrar's system or that the professors are still finalizing the semester's marks. Luckily, since my college is a bit behind on their digital updates, there isn't anything online for them to check. The real issue is that they trust me implicitly. I was always the "good kid," the diligent student, so they have absolutely no reason to suspect anything is going wrong right now. But, well... life happens. 😢

Sooner or later, you're going to have to come clean.

I know I need to take action!

But it's not that easy—I truly understand how you feel...

Seeking help from a therapist...

This isn't really a situation that requires a therapist.

Everything feels so messy and pointless, it's overwhelming. Thank you all for spending your Sunday evening on me, and I wish you all a wonderful week ahead! 👍

Thank God 😉

And when that happens, I imagine it’ll turn into some sort of massive, world-class drama, though I have to admit, there might be good reason for it. Honestly, it's just exhausting. 😢

Steven Hill said:been there, done that 😢

One thing that worked in my favor was living with my elderly parents; I couldn't exactly just stay cooped up at home all day, even if the feeling was the same.
I’d basically just head out a few times a week and pretend I was heading to a lecture, when really I was just wandering around town by myself because I didn't have anyone to grab coffee with.

Eventually, I switched majors. Now I'm working myself to death, but at least I actually have some idea of what my future looks like.
A fresh start might be the best thing that could happen to you right now. It's almost like you've just finished high school and you're only just starting the admissions process. You have plenty of time to prepare for whatever college you choose.
At first, you'll meet a whole crowd of new people, and I suspect you'll eventually forget those rough few years ever happened. That was certainly my experience.
Luckily, not every freshman is eighteen; you can always find someone closer to your own age.

😘

Starting over sounds like a good idea, and I've actually thought about doing something similar before—I think I even have a rough idea of what I'd want to study. But the real issue would be my parents; I can already imagine the drama once they find out about my plans. For now, though, I have some time to work on my social skills, and I'm starting to feel pretty confident that this could actually turn out well in the end! I really don't know how to thank you all enough! 🙏

Goodness, there are so many replies! 😍
I honestly expected this thread to be buried by the third page, so I really want to thank everyone for the motivation! 🙂
This is actually the first time I’ve ever written anything more personal than just joking around over on The Rockies, and I feel, how should I put it, somewhat free? 😁
It might sound a bit strange, but it feels much easier knowing that some people have managed to survive things similar to what I'm going through, especially those who aren't hiding behind a secondary username 😢, so thanks again for that.

To address a few of the questions asked.
My parents don't know anything about my situation. When they ask, I just lie; if they push to see my grades, I make up some excuse about a registrar delay or an enrollment error, and luckily my college's system is so outdated that nothing is available online to check. The real issue is that they actually believe me. I was always a good daughter and a diligent student, so they have no reason to suspect that things are going wrong right now. But, well, life happens.😢

I am fully aware that I need to get active! I know deep down that I need to find something to occupy my time, but I just can't seem to force myself to do it. I simply can't. Or maybe it's that I'll make a firm decision that in two weeks I'm going to make a change and, I don't know, start Pilates, but when that day finally arrives, I find a thousand silly excuses to stay inside. It's raining, or I feel like I can't just show up there, or I'm too embarrassed to go alone because everyone knows each other and I'll just end up standing by myself... I don't know. I think I've even developed a sort of phobia of people, because I tend to shop at Walmart only when it's nearly empty.😲 I don't go out on the weekends because I'm usually stuck at Central Park and it's always so crowded. I say I'm at Central Park, but my feet haven't actually touched those trails in two years, even though I plan to go every single day; it takes me exactly five minutes from my front door to get there, and I can see it right from my window.

Seeking help from a psychologist... Oh boy. 😢 I would feel so uncomfortable talking to someone about all of this. I suppose it shows that I have some issues with trust. You see, I even created a new username, even though I wasn't being particularly explicit on my old one. I'm afraid of damaging my reputation on the forum, which, well, is probably the only cool thing I have going for me right now.😢
And generally, I just feel awkward revealing myself in any capacity. I use fake names whenever I contact customer service, bookstores, or video rental places!!

Everything is just such a mess and feels so aimless, it's awful. Thank you for spending your Sunday evening on me, and I hope you all have a great week ahead! 👍

I’m just a clone, obviously, so I know exactly how much people hate clickbait headlines. 😍
I’m not entirely sure what I’m hoping to achieve by starting this thread; maybe I just need a little bit of support, or even some insults or sympathy—honestly, anything just to feel like someone is talking to me, because I feel incredibly lonely. 😢

So, I guess I should start from the beginning. Back in high school, I was an excellent student without ever really having to try, which meant I never actually developed any real work ethic. I managed to get into the university I wanted without much trouble and moved away from my small hometown to this massive city. When the first deadlines rolled around, I passed a couple of exams, and then suddenly—just like that—everything changed. College felt pointless, I realized it wasn't what I actually wanted to do, and I just lost all motivation to study. I ended up spending most of the next two months just lying around the house, watching TV, or out drinking. Since attendance isn't strictly mandatory at my university, I took full advantage of that, and for the next few months, the campus didn't see me at all. By the time the next round of finals came, I hadn't passed a single thing, and that continued for the next three years. As my friends from school started moving into their senior years, we had less and less to talk about, our schedules stopped lining up, and bit by bit, I just drifted away. Yeah, I don't have anyone. I grew distant from everyone back home, lost touch with the people from college, and honestly, I don't even know who I could grab a coffee with tomorrow if I wanted to.

I'm 23 now, and I have no idea what my future holds. I don't have any real job skills to speak of, so I can't exactly be independent and stop relying on my parents, though I suppose I don't spend too much money since, as I mentioned, I have no one to go out with. I've basically locked myself in my apartment and stopped leaving. A few times a week I'll head to the grocery store or maybe take a short walk, but the rest of my time is spent in front of the TV or online; I've written ten thousand posts here, for goodness' sake. 😳

Nothing brings me joy anymore; every day feels identical. I only change out of my pajamas under very unusual circumstances, and I feel quite pathetic. I'm no expert, but I suspect I might be dealing with depression. There have been moments where I've thought about just ending it all to stop this stagnation, but I'm quickly snapped back to reality by the thought that I have no friends and no one would even show up to my funeral, which would lead my mom to realize things aren't as great as I tell her they are. 😢

I realize that my behavior is terribly childish and immature; I'm aware of it all. I spend my nights crying and feeling desperate, feeling small and worthless and ashamed, yet I just can't seem to force myself to change. I'll sit down to study, and then my mind just drifts away, and that's that. I don't know, I really don't. And I suppose I'm doing this for selfish reasons, just wanting to find some relief for my soul.

If anyone actually read this, I apologize for venting like this, but I feel a little bit better now. 😢