Posts by Nancy Castillo40

Maybe I’ll actually find the courage to speak my mind about this in real life, too. Honestly, getting it out there is half the battle when it comes to making any real progress.😉

🙂I guess I just still need to figure out how to truly open up to someone I don't even know yet😢

Anyway, thanks everyone so much for all the advice and sharing your thoughts with me🙂

I’m feeling a bit more level today. It’s honestly like that sensation when you finally fish a pebble out of your shoe—just pure relief. Mind you, I did have one major crying spell earlier because everything just hit me at once... but compared to yesterday, I’m doing better.

When things stabilize like this, I feel like there are these two extreme versions of myself, with only this incredibly thin line separating them. There are moments where I feel like I'm walking that tightrope, desperately trying not to trip over into the "bad" side. When I’m actually on the good side—feeling okay and connected to the world—I look back and think, "Wait, was I really ever that low?" It makes me feel a little crazy, honestly. That clarity usually lasts maybe 10 or 20 minutes, and on very rare occasions, maybe half an hour... but then, inevitably, something else crops up to worry me. It’s just so exhausting.

I’ve decided I’m going to see a professional; I’ve had enough of this mental tug-of-war. Sometimes when I catch my reflection in the mirror, I can't help but wonder how it's even possible that all this turmoil is happening behind the face I've known my entire life—the face I show to the rest of the world.

I’m honestly at a bit of a loss as to how I can best support you right now. Have you considered switching over to overtime hours so you could potentially enroll in that degree program you've been eyeing this summer?
I don't know all the specifics, and it's hard to give definitive advice without more context, but please, just take a moment to weigh all your options.

If you truly love what you do, then you’ll find the strength to pour all that effort into it. I’ve already adopted this as my personal philosophy—something I know I’ll have to lean on in a few years, regardless of how things look right now. I just hope I’ll be strong enough when that time comes. On the flip side, I’m actually pretty relieved to be working toward this degree as a safety net; you can never predict what life might throw at you. Think of what you’re studying as building one massive, solid foundation for your future security.

I honestly share that same fear. I ended up enrolling in a major that just doesn't spark anything in me. The field I actually dream of studying? Well, let's be real—it's probably not going to pay the bills here, and even if it did, it feels like something I’d have to move halfway across the country to pursue in a different lifetime.
I’m currently in my second year, and those nagging questions are starting to creep in: what happens when I finish this? What comes next? On the bright side, I can still pursue my actual passion after graduation, even if I don't have a degree specifically for it... though that's a bit of a double-edged sword. It means that on top of having the talent, I’ll likely have to work three times harder just to get a foot in the door. And honestly, with how burnt out I've been feeling lately, I'm just praying for some recovery before things get too intense.

It really depends on what you're looking for. Is there a realistic path for you to jump into what you actually love once this degree is out of the way?

Yeah, making that kind of turnaround is tough. Really tough. It’s just... it's hard work.

Go ahead and lecture me if you must; that’s exactly why I came here to talk. Look, I haven't spent my life devouring psychology textbooks, so I don't really have the clinical vocabulary to describe this state any differently than I just did. I honestly don't even know what to call it.
I am fully aware that self-diagnosing—or getting a "diagnosis" from an internet forum—doesn't carry any weight compared to a professional evaluation from someone at the Mayo Clinic, but I just have this overwhelming need to voice this. In my day-to-day life, everything just gets brushed off as me being dramatic, or people tell me I'm just overthinking things for a moment...
But honestly, I'm exhausted by this way of living. It feels like I'm just not strong enough to keep going like this. I don't know how to shake this feeling. I'm hyper-sensitive, and because of everything I've been through, I feel like I'm constantly in a state of tension. I simply can't allow myself to ignore even the smallest detail that feels "off" anymore. Subconsciously, I've convinced myself that this time, my internal alarm system has to go off immediately. I feel like I have to notice everything and react instantly so I don't end up in a relationship where I get hurt or treated poorly, but then again, on the other hand, living every single day with this level of intensity feels completely unnatural.

I’m just not sure... if I tell my parents that I want to go see someone for a consultation just to figure out where I stand, they’ll probably just claim I’m being dramatic again.
It’s honestly so discouraging. To be completely blunt, the thing that scares me most is this intense social anxiety. It’s reached a point where my entire world has shrunk down to just my one best friend and my boyfriend. I haven't been able to make a single new friend. Lately, I’ve been hanging out with a group from my college classes, but I just don't have the nerve to actually go out with them. I keep my distance, say what I need to say, and then I just retreat.

I don't even recognize myself anymore.
It feels like my life is stuck on pause, as if I’m just waiting for some distant, magical day when I can finally start living. But deep down, I know that day isn't coming. That’s why I feel so hopeless. I should be full of energy and drive, but there's nothing left in the tank. Sometimes it feels like I’ve drifted so far away from who I used to be; I have these moments every single day where I just zone out, bite my nails, and exist in this total vacuum. My thoughts just spin endlessly in my head.

And then, of course, they tell me I'm overreacting, that I just need to "relax," or that I have absolutely nothing to complain about.

Hi everyone, sending my best wishes to all of you!

I’m new here. I decided to register because I have this overwhelming need to share this "state of being" that just won't let me go.
I’m 20 years old. I’m currently a sophomore in college—it’s not exactly my dream school, but I don't hate it either, and I certainly don't think my studies are the root cause of my issues.
Back in my junior year of high school, I started feeling this occasional sense of dread toward everything. It was a depression that would grip me for a few days and then let go, and then repeat... until those few days eventually morphed into a constant, heavy presence in my head.
About two years ago, I had a realization that absolutely shook me. I tried to work through it with someone very close to me, weighing all the evidence for and against the things I was hearing... and I ended up pouring so much time and energy into trying to see the situation positively and simply choosing to believe them.
I think that was the trigger that accelerated everything. Since then, I’ve found myself trusting my family and the world around me less and less.

I’ve been in a relationship for two years now. We’ve had our ups and downs, just like any couple, but we love each other. Before this, I was in a three-year relationship during high school that ended terribly for me. I dealt with threats, being followed around town, manic phone calls... basically, ever since then, my tolerance threshold has been incredibly low, and I tend to snap quickly out of fear that someone might treat me like that again.

In that previous relationship, I suppressed so much of myself, and now it's all coming back to haunt me through my dreams and these intrusive thoughts. For my age, I feel like I've lived through a lifetime of chaos. I couldn't pull myself away from that relationship at first, but after two years, I finally stood my ground and realized he was unstable. Between that fear, the shock from what happened two years ago, my general hypersensitivity, and my tendency to overanalyze everything, it's taken its toll. I feel like I've been falling apart for a year now.

The anxiety is so intense sometimes that I feel like I’m going to jump out of my own skin. It’s often accompanied by heart palpitations or chest pains. I've even had a few bouts of suicidal ideation. I find myself distrusting everyone, and I try to control every single detail of my life just so nothing slips through my fingers again. I've become a total control freak—it's scary. If a friend calls me spontaneously to hang out when I hadn't planned on leaving the house (even if I don't have anything specific scheduled), I'll stay home. There are plenty of other examples, but I'm already rambling too much in this post. I constantly wonder what people are thinking or how they are feeling. There was even a phase where I thought it would be better if I just vanished so my family could breathe easier. At one point, I actually packed a suitcase and left... though I came back soon enough, because where would I go without a plan? 🤷I just don't know how to function like that. Lately, I've been afraid of people. I spend the rest of my day analyzing anything that deviates from what I expected. It’s hell... I haven't felt relaxed in years... I can't keep living like this.

Should I see a psychologist? A psychiatrist? On the other hand, the people who seem to understand this say it isn't anything catastrophic and that I just need to "work on myself." But how? I just don't have the strength.