Posts by ruggedmason

Casey Ramos78 said:Totally agree. But—man, I don't have the guts to do any of that, just moving through crowds of people who aren't alone. I’m terrified of getting that "weird look," because most people won't see some deep, intelligent guy with his own vibe—they'll just think I'm some total freak.

The thing is, the people who always have a huge group around them? They aren't interested in people like me. There’s zero chance they’d bother with someone when they’ve already got a full house. Everyone’s too full of themselves—they just assume I’m solo because I *want* to be.

Hey, take it easy on the "there's no way" and "they won't" talk. 🙂
With an attitude like that, you're basically sentencing yourself to stay stuck right where you are. Then again, sometimes a person needs to hit rock bottom before they finally snap out of it... though maybe that's just because some people find it easier to stay there. 😬
They say it's never too late, but sooner is always better. Still, to each their own.
I think people will keep "numbing" themselves as long as it works for them, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Once it stops working, they'll change their tune.

So, ask yourself—why does this situation work for me? What am I getting out of it? (It might be buried in your subconscious, but if you're truly honest, I think you'll find the answer.)
Honestly, if you were truly fed up with this situation, you would find a way to change it, no matter what it took... you'd make it happen!

Furthermore,

1. Like attracts like.
2. Others are just reflections of ourselves.

In short—if you approach people with a negative attitude, they'll give that negativity right back to you (the "they don't want to," "they won't," etc.). And what you think about them and how they act actually says more about your own behavior than theirs, even if you aren't ready to admit it yet (the "they're arrogant," "they don't want to hang out with me," "they think I want to be alone," "most people don't see me as smart," etc.).

So, don't look for the problem in others; don't blame them for your own loneliness. Our lives are in our own hands.
Focus more on yourself than on trying to meet people. If you work on the first part, the second part will happen naturally. It doesn't work the other way around...
Why? Because then you'll be capable of building the kind of relationships you actually want, instead of being surrounded by people who seem arrogant or unwilling to hang out just because you haven't let go of that self-image.
Explore yourself, but I still suggest grabbing a book and heading to a coffee shop to practice small talk—trust me, it's not fatal. It'll be scary the first, second, maybe even the tenth time (just guessing!), but once you break the ice, that's it—it won't be an issue anymore. Fears are there for us to face; the more we avoid them, the worse they get.

And of course... isn't it true that fortune favors the brave? 🙂

Casey Ramos78 said:So I was supposed to head downtown today to pick some stuff up—that was the plan, anyway—but then total panic set in. Just this overwhelming dread at the thought of walking through the city streets all by myself again. It drags all those old memories right back to the surface. Honestly, I’ve changed so much lately and I don't feel like that pathetic version of myself anymore, but heading out alone feels like admitting nothing has actually changed. I’m terrified of being alone. Is it just me haunted by the past, or does nobody actually enjoy their own company?

I’ve had these "identity crises"—which is really just code for those moments where it hits you like a freight train that you have absolutely nobody, zero real friends, and you just want to end it all because the loneliness is too much. It hurts. Loneliness is hands down the most painful thing in the world.

A quick thought on everyone else: Why are people so terrified of ending relationships that clearly don't work? They just can't face being alone. That’s my take, anyway. I honestly don't get how some people on this forum could look me in the eye a year ago and say, "Hey, why not just be single? It’s great! You can do this and that!" How can anyone find loneliness "good"? I seriously don't get it, because I can't stand it for another second.

Lately, I've been trying to convince myself that I'm not actually alone, so now I'm scared that if I go downtown solo, it'll prove that this whole past year was just a wash. The truth is, I still don't have anyone to go out with, which just confirms I'm still isolated despite all these imaginary friends I've managed to make.

p.s. When I say "downtown," I just mean hitting the mall—there's no other reason I'd be forced to wander around town.

If you're asking whether it's true that nobody wants to be alone, I'd say yes.
Not that we need a massive circle of friends or to be out every night, but humans are social creatures and everyone needs connection at some point.
"No man is an island"
It's completely natural.
In my view, the most important distinction is whether we are okay with ourselves when we are alone, or if we only feel okay when we "have" someone else.
Sometimes solitude is useful; it allows people to learn to love themselves and eventually realize that the most important relationship you have is with yourself, finally breaking that "dependency" on others.
I think that's the only way to build healthy relationships with other people.
Where we share things with them, if and when we want to, but without depending on them.

I'd tell you to just get out there and walk around, even if you aren't buying anything, just to see that nothing bad happens and nobody is judging you for being by yourself.
Maybe take a bike ride, sit down for a coffee, or bring a book if that makes it easier—just relax and enjoy it. You won't look pathetic; you'll actually look cool.
I find people like that more interesting. They're different. They have their own "self."
And if being alone still bothers you that much, it's also the perfect opportunity to meet someone new.

You wouldn't believe how many people are actually alone.
(Both the ones who are physically alone and the ones surrounded by crowds)