Man, seriously... instead of actually being there for you, your mom is acting like... well, she’s just totally out of line right now. If you're bleeding even a little bit, just slow down and for the love of god, stay still. You have to listen to what your body is telling you. Just drop everything and rest.
And about this whole "success" thing... honestly? You're 30 and finishing up a PhD. Medical school is (if I'm remembering correctly) an absolute beast on its own. In my book—and honestly, most people's too—you've already made it. Period.
Honestly, it drives me nuts when spring starts creeping in. I find myself checking the weather app every single day, basically praying for another cold snap just so winter stays put. I’ve got my entire wardrobe geared up for the freezing stuff—heavy coats, thick boots, all of it. It's way more my vibe than this sudden thaw 🙂
Current mood: total frustration. My closet is basically a graveyard of clothes I can't even squeeze into anymore, but honestly, it feels so stupid to go out and drop money on a whole new wardrobe when I've only got about three months left before the baby arrives...
I honestly don't see why a couple of drinks wouldn't be fine... I mean, not every single day, obviously, but once in a while? Totally okay. And I’m talking wine, specifically.
Hmm... actually, I had a martini yesterday, and then today at lunch it was a little bit of Jägermeister and a glass of red. Hmm.... I think I'll just head back over to the non-pregnancy thread instead 😁
It honestly drives me crazy and makes me kind of sad that I can't have a drink 😢 I mean, okay, so I went out for a bit last night and had one martini, but man, I really wanted another one and I know I can't touch it 😢 ah, life is just great 😁
and then after this, I've got at least another year of breastfeeding before I'm back to nothing 😲
I don't know, Freya, I guess I just overthink everything, which is why I'm feeling a bit on edge 😁. But whatever. My sister tried to cheer me up today—she’s got two kids already, so she thinks she's an expert—and she handed me this instructional DVD about breastfeeding. She told me to just watch it, said all the basics are covered and that honestly, no matter how much I read or research, it all just comes down to luck anyway 😁.
Anyway... I've still got three months before I even touch that thing. I'll probably get around to it next week. Or maybe not. I really should though.
Oh, and I almost forgot—some talk show hosted by Sanjin really set me off the other day... this woman was going on and on about how you need to devour piles of books on breastfeeding, or sign up for some intensive seminar just to learn the "proper" way to do it, blah blah blah. Honestly, that whole topic is just so incredibly dull to me right now 😁, there's zero chance I'm sitting down with a stack of manuals on nursing.
It’s actually driving me insane. I finally have all this extra time to myself—I’m six months along, still working my regular job, but I’ve cut back on the coffee and stuff so I end up just sitting at home. And instead of actually being productive or tackling those projects I’ve been dreaming about doing forever now that I finally have the breathing room... no, I just sit there watching freaking Max. It sucks. I honestly can't stand myself right now. Then, because the guilt starts kicking in, I’ll go clean the entire apartment, but even that doesn't make me feel any better. Honestly, cleaning is just a total waste of my energy anyway.🙄
Honestly, it really ticked me off, but since I’m such a polite, well-behaved little lady😁, I just bit my tongue and stayed quiet. To quote my father-in-law (yeah, he's a real piece of work): "Don't be scared of giving birth, you know, women just exaggerate things, it's not actually that painful."
I’ve had plenty of weird encounters like this myself, and honestly, I just don't get people... Like, this one older guy once started hitting on me out of nowhere, then we ended up chatting about how he has two granddaughters. Which is fine, right? So I chime in, saying girls are probably more sensible and way easier to raise, and after all that, he looks at me and goes: "Well, at least we have something to look forward to."
I mean... I actually lost it laughing once he walked away. As they say, as long as they're healthy and boys. 😁
I’ve become way less phlegmatic since hitting my sixth month, and honestly, if something actually manages to annoy me, the feeling vanishes almost instantly. It used to be a completely different story... nothing really gets under my skin lately, but this thread is too good not to jump into 😁.
What doesn't annoy me—maybe just leaves me feeling confused—is when I’m at work walking from one room to another where clients are gathered, and everyone suddenly scurries away from me like I’m some kind of leper. I get it, it’s sweet that people are trying to give me space, but please, seeing five people back up a solid ten feet... it’s just, I don't know, a little ridiculous 🙄.
The other day at the office, a client asks me what I’m wearing. I tell him, "Just a cute outfit." He goes, "Oh, okay then." You know what they say... everything comes full circle 😂. I have to admit, a month ago, I probably would have either lost my mind or burst into tears. Now? I just found the whole thing hilarious.
Then there was another situation at work that threw me off for a second, though looking back, it was pretty funny. This one customer, some lady from out of town, just looks at me and goes: "My goodness, you've gotten so plump. Is that some kind of blessing from above?"
Yeah, I’m right there with you on this. We’ve spent all this time figuring out which water is absolute garbage and definitely shouldn't be touching our lips. But honestly? That’s only half the battle. What I actually care about is... which water is actually worth drinking.
There’s this disgusting sense of helplessness you get when you're just trying to find a shred of humanity in a doctor. In those moments, everything feels like it's riding on that one interaction, and then... nothing. It just falls apart. It makes me think of 😢... The staff over at the Manhattan Health Center really had it out for me, especially this one guy—I can't even remember his last name, not that it matters. I distinctly remember asking him if they could perform the bronchoscopy under anesthesia. I was just checking if it was an option because my dad, besides being absolutely exhausted and struggling to breathe, was terrified of that procedure like it was some kind of nightmare. And this doctor? He actually snapped at me, telling me to worry about the laws while he handles the "medicine." And keep in mind, I'm a lawyer by trade. I wasn't demanding anything or making threats; I was literally just asking a question...
ironsailor22 said:A huge thanks to slyseal28 and everyone else for all the advice! I'm just completely lost right now and honestly don't know what the best move is. So, about a week ago, I picked up a used wheelchair, but we're really only using it to get her from the bed to the bathroom and back. Even then, it’s a lifesaver since she can't even manage a single step on her own anymore. Now, I really need to look into getting a medical bed, because trying to prop her up in a position where she isn't in constant pain just to get some sleep is becoming a total nightmare. I spent the entire afternoon sitting in the waiting room at the Dugava Health Center today, just waiting for their computer system to actually work so I could grab a prescription for stronger patches. It is absolutely ridiculous that an entire healthcare IT system can be down for an entire afternoon, leaving nobody in the whole clinic able to get a referral or a script—and apparently, this happens all the time. So, tomorrow morning, I'm heading back to the doctor again, praying I actually walk out with those patches. It's just typical... it takes two whole days just to deal with one simple prescription.
Are you tackling all of this on your own, or do you have some help? Is it your mother (assuming it is, if not, my bad) that you're caring for at home, or...? Sending you so much support and a massive hug 🙂, I truly know how you feel...🙂
Robin Stewart44 said:I lost both of my parents to cancer... My dad passed away from the absolute worst kind—the type of suffering that’s hard to even wrap your head around unless you've actually had to witness it with your own eyes and feel it in your soul. Honestly, if you haven't seen it firsthand, it’s almost impossible to truly grasp how brutal it can be. I know I couldn't imagine it before it happened.
I remember asking one of the oncologists once how she’d actually describe the kind of pain a patient goes through during that final stage. You know, when things are really hitting the wall. She didn't sugarcoat it, either. She told me to imagine someone taking a chainsaw to one of your limbs—completely raw, no anesthesia, just pure agony. And then she said that, compared to what patients with bone cancer feel, that chainsaw scenario is nothing. Like, maybe a 1/10 on the scale. Because when you've got bone cancer combined with lymph node involvement—which is basically considered the absolute worst because it spreads through your entire system—it feels like your very flesh and everything inside you is just... disintegrating from the inside out. It’s heavy stuff.
While my dad was on his deathbed, Mom gets hit with a breast cancer diagnosis... She went to that first follow-up exam or whatever, and then just decided right then and there that she wasn't going to do any treatment. For three and a half years, I was right there, watching everything—feeling all her highs and lows as the illness took hold—until I finally had to say goodbye. In her own mind, she just wasn't sick. There was no need for doctors or anything. Even when she had this massive, open wound running across her entire abdomen that eventually scabbed over... in her head, she still wasn't sick. She just gave up on life. She accepted her end. She didn't pull a trigger or anything, she just let time take its course...
When someone is dealing with a really heavy illness, their mind often starts to drift or slip away from reality. Honestly, those around them can barely wrap their heads around what's actually happening inside that person's brain. We might see the symptoms, sure, but we’ll never truly grasp what they’re going through mentally, or just how much raw pain they're enduring... It's something you just can't fully touch.
I was only in my early 20s when all of this was happening, so honestly, it was a lot to process back then. There’s so much I know now that I just didn't get at the time... but if there's one thing I’ve actually learned from watching both of my parents go through their illnesses—and it's what I tell everyone—it's this: when you see them suffering in pain, and the doctors won't give them any more morphine... well, because apparently, if they only have maybe 3 to 6 months left, hospital protocols and ethics codes limit how much they're allowed to prescribe. Because anything beyond that is treated like you're trying to perform euthanasia or something. Just find a way to get that morphine. Get it however you can. Give them whatever amount they ask for. And when they reach that point where they can't even eat anymore, but they still crave something specific—like a banana cake (which you probably have to bake yourself or drive across town to pick up, knowing full well they won't be able to finish it, but they want it so badly)—just buy it, bake it, bring it. Just give them those tiny little "joys" during the hardest days of their lives.
And in the end, we’re the ones left behind picking up the pieces... stuck in this constant ache. People love to lie and say that time heals all wounds, but let's be real—time doesn't heal a damn thing. It just makes that massive hole in your chest and the pain you're carrying feel slightly less unbearable. But honestly? The pain they're going through is on a whole different level. It’s physical, it’s brutal, and it’s heavy enough to crush anyone, no matter how much medication you throw at them once the body hits its absolute limit. Everything just ends eventually. That's why you have to be selfless. If there's no hope left, you have to let them go. Because what we want—having them stay with us just a little bit longer—is actually nothing more than prolonging their agony. In the end, the outcome is the same for everyone involved. Also, please, stop judging people. Don't judge those who are left struggling after losing someone they love. Everyone handles this kind of grief differently, so don't try to force anyone—including yourself—into some neat little box of "socially acceptable" grieving or follow some arbitrary rulebook. Every patient fights their battle in their own way, and every person left standing carries that loss in their own unique, messy way.
To everyone going through exactly what I went through ten years ago—honestly, my heart goes out to you. I just want nothing but the best for you all. I hope you find the strength to carry whatever weight life decides to dump on your shoulders right now, and more importantly, I hope you have the guts to play outside the rules if that’s what the situation demands...
Thanks for this post and for such an exhaustive breakdown. Even if it was a bit of a heavy read, it actually helped... because now it feels a lot easier to accept, with God's blessing, the fact that my dad is gone. It's a relief he went quickly. Thank you.😘
ironsailor22 said:I'm going through this right now with just one parent dealing with bone metastases. Even with the patches, there isn't a single moment without pain. Nobody in the house sleeps at night, and I honestly have no clue how to help. I end up arguing with our family doctor every single time I ask for stronger patches, but he just refuses to give them to us. Everyone talks about how pain needs to be managed and how patients shouldn't have to suffer, yet our healthcare system doesn't actually do anything about it. You get the patches, and that’s it. Whether they actually work or not—nobody seems to care. We're living in the 21st century, and despite all the scientific miracles and tech we have, people are still dying in agony and misery like it's the Middle Ages. They tell you that with bone metastases, you can live relatively long because the vital organs aren't threatened, but this suffering has been going on for three years now. It gets worse every single day. I just want this agony to finally end so she never has to feel pain ever again.
When my dad was diagnosed with late-stage cancer, one doctor told me we could pick up morphine at a pharmacy in Canada since they stay really well-stocked over there. Thank God we didn't actually need it, but hey, maybe it might help you. 🙂
Michelle Fowler38 said:I mean, I know there aren't any actual rules here... I’m just curious about what people have actually seen. How does it play out with older folks? Because I keep hearing that cancer tends to develop way slower in older people.🤷
Dammit. My dad started showing symptoms around May, got his diagnosis in June, and was gone by July. They told me the first phase was moving at a snail's pace, you know? Just dragging along. But then everything shifted—it hit that second stage, that galloping phase, and it just absolutely tore through the body. Literally ravaged it. There aren't any rules here, and honestly, you have no idea what you're actually getting into.
Michelle Fowler38 said:Hey everyone.. My dad was just diagnosed with colon cancer last Friday.. he's 73.. Does anyone have experience dealing with older patients, say 70 and up?? Thanks 😢
Well, look, my old man went through this too and passed at 72... but there aren't really any rules to follow here...
I honestly think finding some kind of other "distraction"—if that's even the right word—is pretty vital. For me, I was lucky enough to get pregnant three months after my dad passed away, and ever since then, I haven't been stuck in that loop of crying every single day like I was during those first three months. Obviously, a person has to grieve and go through the motions for a while, but I genuinely thought I’d be weeping every day for the rest of my life. And let's be real, that definitely isn't healthy.
brisksurfer said:Honestly, I wouldn't even know if they were changing anything—my dad was only home briefly with the oxygen before he ended up back in the hospital. That’s when I realized they were constantly adjusting his dosage. Looking back, it felt like it lasted an entire afternoon, then through the night, and all the next day until we finally called 911. It felt like an eternity. Just like you, the sound of that machine makes me feel sick to my stomach. I remember Mom and I taking turns watching him that night because we were terrified he’d pull the mask off; I was deathly afraid he’d suffocate. Unlike your dad, mine kept trying to take it off because it completely dried out his nasal passages...
Man, better not to dwell on it...
Yeah, you just reminded me of those nights. The nights were the absolute worst. During the day, you deal with it somehow, but those few nights? I didn't sleep at all. He was coughing so much, I was just terrified he was going to stop breathing.
Thank God it was quick and he didn't suffer too much, unlike some people. I still find myself checking this thread from time to time, mostly because I spent so much time glued to it during those days. I didn't have the energy to type much, I just sat there reading...
How long was your dad sick? Mine passed away about two or three weeks after the diagnosis. And just a month prior, he wasn't showing any symptoms at all.