Posts by Lawrence Wilson35

Donna Newman51 said:Hey ladies! Quick question: My GP—unrelated to the Ginić situation—gave me referrals for the Mayo Clinic for medical microbiology and parasitology. She also mentioned they have a gynecologist there who handles swabs. Does anyone actually know anything about this?

Move this inquiry to the thread: 4 targeted gynecological swabs in one woman's lifetime

William Baker9 said:Good luck trying to protect a kid from losing their dignity—it happens all the time. You shape them until they hit school age, then it's out of your hands once you deal with all those teachers and peer pressure... and once they start working some raw jobs? It could be anything from dead-end labor to prostitution, for crying out loud. But hey... I guess "times were tougher back then." So they say.🙂

Of course, I can't control the environment or how society chooses to treat my child.
My point is this: if I respect my child and if I respect myself, that child will learn to respect themselves and others. They will understand their own worth, regardless of how some boss might treat them tomorrow or next week.
I agree, things have certainly been worse before.🙂

I never claimed that one person is inherently superior or inferior to an animal.
My respect extends equally to both humans and animals alike.

But what can we actually change?
Each of us has the power to reject the narrative that society forces down our throats.
And no, I’m not suggesting we go out and dismantle capitalism tomorrow.
I am talking strictly about the issue of human dignity.
The reality is that modern society constantly serves up ways to strip people of their dignity.
Within our own families, however, we don't have to follow that trend.

Matthew Morales17 said:And you know what’s actually the most ridiculous part? These parents don't even have an ounce of shame! They put on this entire circus right in front of the neighbors, day in and day out! Does it really not matter if they wake up the whole damn block? I mean, seriously, once their little angel finally falls asleep, isn't that exact same mother just out there chasing other kids off the street?!! It’s always just about them and their one child, isn't it? Honestly, these clueless parents are just raising clueless kids!👍

Agreed.
It is fundamentally wrong when parents turn into servants to their children.
Kids don't actually want that; they don't want power.
Here is what Jasper Juul says, and I find myself in total agreement:

Parents are still caught between two extremes: the authoritarian approach (do exactly as I say) and the permissive approach (you can do whatever you want). Both options are equally violent. One strips responsibility away from children, causing trauma, while the other dumps an overwhelming amount of responsibility on them. I am trying to discuss a style of parenting that isn't violent toward either the parents or the children. The core issue I have to deal with is what parents actually believe is most important to provide. This brings up cultural differences: in my home country, parents focus heavily on what they give their children in terms of emotional support and attention. In America, parents focus much more on how to set their children up financially—how to provide material things they themselves lacked growing up. That difference makes sense given the social standards here. But in both cases, whether in Denmark or America, we see parents increasingly becoming slaves to their children, completely surrendering to them. This is a typical reaction to fighting against the authoritarian upbringing those parents themselves received. It would be inaccurate to say "children rule," because children have no actual desire to rule; however, if parents withdraw and leave everything to the kids, I call them "invisible" parents. At that point, children begin to manage the entire family dynamic out of necessity. When children are the center of the universe and everything revolves around them, it’s just as bad for them as it is for any celebrity: they become lonely. When you are at the center, you are no longer part of the group. You are isolated. Relationships where one person is placed on a pedestal collapse for that very reason. Children understand all too well that this kind of asymmetrical relationship isn't love; it lacks the warmth of reciprocity. All they can do is ask for more, because the only language children of permissive parents understand is exploitation or accumulation, rather than building a relationship with their parents. Love expressed by giving a child everything they want creates egocentrics whose appetites can never be satisfied. Eventually, the parents start to crack and show increasing aggression, blaming the child for the very patterns of behavior they created themselves.

I don't believe a child should ever be forced to conform.
In fact, I’d go further: I view "conformity" as nothing less than a violation of human integrity.
Why don't we try to "conform" you instead?😁
A child who is taught self-respect—which can only happen when their integrity remains intact—will naturally respect others, simply because their closest people haven't stripped them of their sense of self.

Those children who are subjected to "adjustment"—taught to sacrifice even their own essence for the sake of someone else—are essentially becoming externally controlled personalities. There is no genuine respect for others there. Children treated this way learn to respect power, rather than people.
And what is the result?
We are just running in circles.
We claim we are "adapting" them to a broken society—a fact we clearly acknowledge by attempting to mold them in the first place.
Consequently, we predictably create more of the same: a collection of externally controlled individuals living by rules dictated by force. We produce people who fail to realize they have inherent value just by existing, people who prioritize societal interests over individual needs. How can a society claim to be functional if its individual members are fundamentally broken?

Children possess the same level of dignity as adults. They may lack our experience, but they certainly don't lack our dignity.
Yet, we constantly trample over that dignity under the hollow excuse that they are "just" children.🙄
People will find justifications for any absurdity. It stems from the fact that many were raised without any sense of personal responsibility, being instead hyper-focused on social compliance—the kind of compliance that suggests it's perfectly fine to strike someone, provided you're the stronger one.

I find it fascinating how people love to criticize—complaining about how terrible society has become—while simultaneously doing absolutely nothing to change it. In fact, they are actively building that very same society.

I don’t think parents even need to be on the same page regarding upbringing.
For instance, people constantly preach that parents shouldn't argue in front of their children.
Personally, I believe conflict doesn't inherently harm a child because it's an inescapable part of life. It's a simple fact: no two people are identical. It is perfectly fine to disagree, to hold different opinions, and to defend your own boundaries—while naturally respecting the boundaries of others. I also believe we should always tell children the truth; we shouldn't "pretend" just to avoid hurting them. In fact, I think we actually cause more harm by being performative.

A child can only be hurt by the MANNER in which a conflict unfolds.
If a conflict is resolved through mutual respect for oneself and others, no one gets hurt.
Let me be clear: when people talk about "respecting others," they often imply that we must simply do exactly what everyone else tells us to do. If we don't follow orders, it doesn't mean we lack respect!
To give you an example: I view my child as an equal to my partner, and I believe I should treat them with the same level of respect. My partner doesn't have to agree with me—I respect his opinion (meaning I listen to him, take him seriously, and try to understand him while stating my own views), but I won't demand that he changes who he is. I respect myself enough not to change for anyone, and I respect my partner enough not to demand he change for me.
Of course, if I realize I am in the wrong (my instincts usually kick in immediately), I won't stubbornly persist in being wrong.
Many people claim that consistency is the only thing that matters with children. For me, I will be consistent only when I am actually right. Being consistently wrong just for the sake of "consistency" is pure nonsense. Everyone makes mistakes, and that's fine. When we realize we've messed up, we should admit it to ourselves and to others.

This doesn't confuse children; rather, it teaches them how to respect themselves and others, and how to be accountable to both.

Actually, looking at it now, I see how much value children truly bring. They force us to dissipate our clouds of arrogance and condescension, they push us to stop acting foolishly, they compel us to be our authentic selves, and they teach us how to accept ourselves and find happiness.😍

Morgan Cooper34 said:The yelling alone was enough to break him. That slap was just the icing on a very ugly cake.

Anyway, Key was mentioning Italians earlier. I know plenty of North American people who treat their kids like they’re invisible ghosts. Just feed them and keep them out of sight so the parents can have some peace.
It’s always the same old routine—"Go outside," "Be quiet," "Don't bother Mom or Dad while they're relaxing."
Reminds me of how we grew up, sitting perfectly still with our grandparents, terrified to make a sound while the nightly news was on. 😉

Look, regarding all this yelling...
I yell when I'm angry too. In my opinion, being angry is perfectly fine.
I don't take it personally that he felt angry; why should I?
That is his emotion. He is angry (even if it's directed at me). I already know I can be difficult, so his anger doesn't phase me, nor does the reason behind it.
But once you lay a hand on someone—that becomes personal. That's a direct attempt to strip away a person's dignity.

Dana Hill73 said:Good grief—how on earth can you even compare a romantic relationship to a parent-child dynamic? It’s just not the same thing. 🙄
It’s not exactly the same thing—spanking a toddler versus a fifteen-year-old. There's a massive difference.
A kid just doesn't grasp the concept of dignity the way an adult does—it’s just not wired that way yet. My eight-year-old is currently acting like her entire sense of self has been shattered—she’s genuinely wounded—just because I mentioned something to her father that she told me in confidence. To her, it's a massive betrayal of honor; to me, it's just being a parent. ☕ Or if I’m talking about her boyfriend.

And please—don't you dare tell me you ended up staying with that guy after all this. 🙄

The reality is that boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, and children are all PEOPLE.😉
As I've pointed out before, our culture still clings to the delusion that children are somehow "lesser, unformed beings" who only eventually become actual humans.
That is a lie.
It is a classic tactic used by those seeking power. 😉
And unfortunately, American culture remains stuck in that mindset—authoritarian at its core, whether you look at our politics or our religious institutions.

Dana Hill73 said:I couldn't disagree more.
If you just let a kid pick when they eat and sleep, you're going to end up with a zombie who's exhausted the next morning when they have to wake up at 7 AM for school.
And I'm not just talking nonsense here—as parents, we have to look out for them in these things.
My daughter can be absolutely wiped, totally running on fumes, but there's no way she's heading to bed—she's just built that way. Sometimes she gets so overtired she actually gets wired and can't settle down, but she'd still rather play video games, chess, or cards than go to sleep. If you let that go on for a few days, she ends up getting sick.
That's when I convince her that she's exhausted and that sleep can fix almost anything. And honestly, you wouldn't believe it—sometimes when she finally crashes on a Sunday afternoon because she's just done, she wakes up and actually thanks me (yeah, yeah, don't roll your eyes) for making her sleep. It actually builds trust, because sometimes she realizes I really do know what's best for her better than she does herself.

Believe it or not, I agree with you.😁
In fact, if you look back at my previous posts, you can see a recurring theme: kids often know what they *want*, but they rarely know what they actually *need*. That's where the parent comes in. Here is an article I find excellent:
http://www.sretnodijete.net/news.php?readmore=442

I'll add one more thing:
Children need to learn from their own experiences, just like the rest of us. In fact, just think about how many times your parents told you, "Lawrence Wilson35, I think we should do it this way," while you insisted on doing it your way. My parents let me make mistakes (as long as it didn't involve my physical safety—there was no way they'd let me stand in the middle of a busy intersection just because I wanted to). And honestly, I'm glad they did, because it showed me they truly respected me.

silentpilot6 said:I’ve decided to step away from this thread, but there is one thing that has been bothering me so much I just have to say it... where on earth are you all getting this idea that any kind of physical discipline is an assault on dignity or some deep violation of rights that leaves permanent scars?
It’s the same old story here: constant talk about "abuse." Of course, senseless, daily beatings cause psychological trauma, but honestly, if someone gets corrected a few times for something they actually deserved, why treat it like a catastrophe? Please, explain that to me... it feels like you're missing the bigger picture.
Abuse is one thing, but physical discipline is something else entirely. You can't lump them together in the same category. Based on how people are posting here, you'd think it was just as harmful to hit a kid over every little mistake as it would be to give them a firm swat once a year when they truly mess up big time...

I remember it happened four years ago.
A guy and I were at the coast, getting ready to head home.
I was cleaning the floor of the camper trailer since we had already unloaded everything from the car.
He went inside to check on something.
Then he comes out, and his friend and I are standing there outside.
He starts yelling at me because I cleaned it too early, saying I should have waited, blah blah blah...
And then HE SLAPS ME.
Physically—it didn't even hurt that much.
Psychologically—I felt like the biggest piece of trash in the world, and I will never forget that feeling.😉
That doesn't make me a violent person, nor does it mean I'm insecure or whatever.
But the fact remains: in that moment, he compromised both my integrity and his own.😉😢

Noah Myers8 said:1. Look, let me ask you something—if my kid actually burned the house down, what was hitting them solve? Would a spanking pay out the insurance claim? Would it put out the flames? Would it cover the damages? Or would it just help me blow off steam? And by the way, if a five-year-old sets my apartment on fire, the real question is where the hell I was. Besides, I accidentally torched my kitchen when I was twenty. So, shit happens.

2. I'm not my child's friend; I'm their mom. I handle conflicts with them the same way I handle everything else in life—by talking things through like a friend.

👍👍👍,especially regarding that second point.

silentpilot6 said:Take a look at this scenario from one of those parenting books... someone suggests the little girl was just hungry, thirsty, hot, or bored. Maybe she was, maybe she wasn't, but did it occur to anyone that she might have been testing her brother? She could be trying to assert her authority over him, and no amount of asking, "Are you thirsty? Are you hungry? Is it too hot? Could you help me find a book?" would ever work.
Perhaps she’s simply undisciplined and doesn't know how to act appropriately given the situation...

I don't believe children are born inherently good or bad... just like everywhere else, everyone tests boundaries. Kids test their parents' limits, boyfriends test their girlfriends' limits, and so on. Let's go back to my nephew 😁...
"It's 10:00 PM, time for bed."
"No."
"Come on, you have school in the morning."
"No."
"But you're going to be exhausted tomorrow."
"I don't care."
"If you don't go to your room right now, no cartoons for ten days."
"Whatever..."

So, what then? You can either physically lead the kid to bed—which counts as physical discipline—or pick up a wooden spoon and give him a few swats 😁 so he finally understands. Once he does, the next time he's told it's late and time for bed, he'll actually go.

I'd love to hear what those proponents of "alternative methods" would do in this specific situation. If threats of future consequences don't work, and explaining why it's late or why he needs sleep for school doesn't work... what's left to do?
Tell me—I honestly don't know. 🤷

First of all: everyone has a different biological rhythm.😉
I don't know many people who are sleepy by 10 PM.
Generally speaking, I believe everyone should choose when they eat or when they sleep. I consider that a fundamental human right—the right to one's own circadian rhythm.
Don't worry about it; let the kid decide his own basic rights for a few days and you'll be surprised.😉

Secondly:
You—or whoever was having this conversation with your nephew—failed to take responsibility (that is the core issue here):
If YOU, or anyone else conducting this talk with this little guy, wanted him to go to bed at 10 PM because you wanted some peace or for any other reason, you should have said:
"Okay, I see you aren't sleepy right now (it's important to respect others' feelings), but I still want you to go to bed now (it's important to respect my own feelings)." You don't even need an explanation; you just need to own the decision.

I understand you felt, based on experience, that the child would be tired during class the next day. If you really want to tell him that, then say it from your own perspective: "I think you're going to be tired, and I want you to go to bed now." Stand behind your decision. Otherwise, the child just feels like you're lecturing them, acting like an automated secretary repeating memorized lines. A child won't take you seriously as long as you stop using rehearsed scripts instead of speaking honestly about what you think.😉
And honestly, it wouldn't hurt to let kids stay up late sometimes and go to school early the next morning. They will very quickly realize their mistake and start going to bed earlier—essentially sleeping exactly as many hours as they need to feel rested in the morning.
We need to let kids manage their own biological rhythms. It’s a deeply personal matter.
Picture this: a kid gets home from school and heads straight out to the lake to fish, when suddenly the automated voicemail kicks in: "Hey, just a reminder, you have a ton of homework due tomorrow."
And he just replies: "I know," before heading right back to the water. Honestly? You should be thrilled. You've raised a child who takes ownership of their own life—and that’s exactly how they learn to take responsibility for others.

hollowtrucker77 said:Let’s get one thing straight here: I actually caught a beating once because my mom fell hook, line, and sinker for something that turned out to be a total lie.
She felt terrible about it afterward, so she gave me an apology, and we moved past it just fine.
On the flip side, I’ve been in situations where I was dead wrong, but I didn't feel even the slightest bit of pressure to apologize or admit I messed up.
What I’m getting at is that when physical discipline is actually earned, there’s no point in playing the "I'm sorry" card or pretending you didn't screw up.
By the way, I totally agree that in some perfect utopia, nobody should ever end up in a confrontation unless it's just a clash of ideas.
But look, we don't live in a textbook utopia—unless, I suppose, you consider the world perfect if you just approach it the right way, appreciate every single option handed to you, and take full ownership of your own actions.
As for anything else, please, just read what I wrote one more time—with a little bit of good faith, you really shouldn't have any trouble grasping my point.
🙂

To me, an ideal world—or any world at all—is one filled with conflict, precisely because no two people are identical.
And that is exactly where the beauty lies: in our differences.
I don't believe conflict is inherently a problem. The fact that I am different from you doesn't hurt either of us. You will have your convictions, and I will have mine, and that is perfectly fine.
The issue is the MANNER in which the conflict unfolds.
If I defend my beliefs by stripping someone else of their dignity (for example, through physical violence), then my methods are the problem.
The end does not justify the means.

Daniel Wells4
I suspect you might be overlooking one thing—and please don't take this as a judgment, I just want to point out something many people miss, so forgive me if using you as an example feels intrusive.
Children are actually quite capable when it comes to cooperation.
Her being "naughty" in the library wasn't random. It had a reason.
She wasn't acting out to hurt your feelings; if anything, she was sending a signal that something was wrong, which you happened to overlook (not that I'm blaming you).
Maybe she was bored in the library (she's four, after all), maybe it was too hot, maybe she was tired, or maybe she just wanted to engage with you...
I’m not suggesting you should have caved and done whatever she wanted—that would be the other extreme.
I think you simply needed to read her. At the first sign of pushback, you could have said: "I see you're tired or hungry or something. Let me find two more books. Want to help me?"
You mentioned you used a time-out.
Personally, I'm not a fan of that approach.😉 Imagine you're on a date with a woman. You tell her you're sweltering, and she just ignores you? Like you don't even exist? That's how it feels.
Look, I wasn't there, I don't know the specifics, and I don't know you. I have no intention of criticizing you personally.
I just wanted to highlight that human relationships are far more complex than we often give them credit for.
No hard feelings.

hollowtrucker77 said:Of course, talking it out, explaining things, and reaching an agreement comes before everything else; nobody even remotely sane would argue with that.
however, if I actually have to resort to physical punishment, I’m certainly not going to turn around and tell the kid—or anyone else for that matter—that I made a mistake, because I don't believe I did.
That’s a completely different issue: when a parent hits a kid simply because they’re exhausted or cranky, which happens all the time, or because they hit them once and it worked, so they fall into the trap of using hitting as the easiest path forward.
THAT IS NOT PARENTING!!
if I end up having to use punishment, it's only because nothing else has worked, which is already a failure in itself, and that’s exactly what needs to be explained to the child—that punishment is fundamentally a bad thing.
once it reaches the point where punishment is necessary, the most important thing is to make sure it's appropriate and kept to a minimum so the message actually lands.
if a firm tone helps—not yelling, because I don't believe in shouting—then great.
if I have to raise my voice a bit, fine, I'll do it.
if I have to make a threat, well, alright then (though that means I better follow through on what I said).
and if absolutely nothing else works, and the situation is such that you can't just sit there and explain it in detail, well—damn it—sometimes the lesson has to be learned the hard way when they refuse to listen to reason.

If I were to strike someone—anyone, for any reason—I would consider it a mistake, because violence is fundamentally wrong to me.
There are no excuses here: I didn't hit someone stronger than me, nor did I hit them because they "deserved" it.🙄
I don't deal in double standards. No matter who I hit, how hard, or what the reason was—striking someone is wrong.
It’s fascinating to me how some women think they have the right to hit a man, while he isn't allowed to touch them.🙄
In my view, nobody should be hitting anybody.

I have to admit, I find this quite confusing.
Based on what you said earlier, it seems like you believe if nothing else works, hitting a child will do the trick—yet then you claim such a practice isn't true parenting.
The reality is, it often feels like hitting is the only thing that gets a reaction.
And once that happens, the cycle of "repeated hitting" begins.
Simply because it "worked" once.
Unless, of course, you realize that hitting is detrimental to both you and the child.
Perhaps I misinterpreted your stance...

Furthermore, many people seem to think apologizing to a child is beneath them.
Why? Because they view children as "lesser beings."
The truth is a child is a human being.
Just as a woman is a human being.
Just as a man is a human being.
Every individual possesses dignity.
But we run into that issue of religious totalitarianism: the idea of man versus woman...🙄 come on...
When I make a mistake involving someone in my circle, I will tell them—whether they are rich or poor, sick or healthy, older or younger.
To me, all people are equal.

hollowtrucker77 said:The flawed premise here is this image of a parent hovering over a kid with a belt, just waiting for them to slip up.
you have parents who act like terrorists, and then you have parents who act like pieces of furniture.
both extremes are bad, and both are examples of poor parenting.
there's also this underlying assumption that someone will resort to punishment simply because a child is being defiant or expressing their own opinion.
if a parent falls into that category, it almost doesn't matter what kind of punishment they use; at that point, they're doing something wrong to their child regardless.
I feel for people, really, but if I have to weigh a child's safety and their long-term well-being against the need for them to learn—to ensure they don't grow up thinking they can get whatever they want through force or manipulation—then once explanations and talks fail, I’ll resort to a quick, "explained" swat on the backside without a shred of guilt.
Not too much, not too little, just enough so the message actually lands.
😉
I’ve never viewed so-called "difficult" kids as a problem, provided they were just energetic, playful, or a bit unruly.
on the contrary, I actually enjoyed being around them; we’d run around and goof off until they either hit a wall or just fell asleep.
but I have run into cases where kids had this streak of being genuinely "malicious" or vindictive—likely because they realized that shocking people was the fastest way to get their way.
for instance, if a kid tries to smash the TV because they can't go to the park or get ice cream, that is unacceptable behavior, and I certainly won't tolerate it just to protect the precious little ego of some spoiled brat.
you want to use force? fine, here's some force. you like that? no? you agree that talking is better? okay, then we'll stick to talking next time.

I basically agree with the rest of your take; just look back at my last post.
As for this part:
Personally, I find it hypocritical to try and teach a child non-violence by using force myself.
And to circle back to my previous point:
It's entirely possible that my kid might damage something or someone, leading me to snap and react physically.
But I know that isn't right.
Once I've cooled down, I'll likely tell them: "Look, when I hit you earlier, I thought it was okay in the moment, but I don't think it's right, and I still don't. It wasn't okay, and that's on me, not you."
Then we'll deal with whatever the actual problem was.
Because there is no way I am going to let my child go around hurting people or breaking things.🙂

Karen Rodriguez3 said:Yeah, I’m totally on board with you there. I mean, I might have swatted my kids maybe two or three times in my life, but yeah, I did. And never without explaining why. Slapping isn't even in my vocabulary—honestly, I don't think they'd ever find a reason to get a slap. But hey, I won't say "never" because, well, life happens. You can't always predict how you'll react in the moment. But the main thing, like > mentioned, is that kids know we love them. They know everything we do is for their own good (and obviously, I'm not talking about physical abuse). So if we do snap or overreact sometimes, as long as we sit them down and explain what happened, I don't think it leaves any lasting trauma.
Isn't it also kind of weird when parents just yell at their kids for no real reason? Like, how many of us haven't done that? Not every day is perfect, and hormones are a real thing. I taught my kids a long time ago that moods change and it's okay to show emotions. If I'm sad, I cry. If I'm mad, I yell or just talk louder. I honestly think that's way healthier than acting like some robot who stays perfectly calm and monotone all the time. I feel like I'd probably be more traumatized by a mom who suppresses everything than one who actually shows how she feels.
Talking things through with kids is huge. They grow up fast, and pretty soon they realize exactly what they're doing and start testing those boundaries we set. Not every parent handles that well, but physical stuff? Definitely not the move.

Is there anything wrong with losing your cool?😉😁
I couldn't agree more. We should always be honest with our kids—always. If we're angry, we're angry. If we're sad, we're sad. That’s how you teach them that it’s okay to actually feel things.👍
I feel for the parents who put on an act. More importantly, I feel for the children forced to witness it. It’s incredibly damaging. Is there anything more destructive than a household built on pretense?
When everyone else starts screaming, I’ll be the one doing the shouting.😂
I’m the kind of person who lives by one rule: never say never.
When it comes to physical altercations, I honestly think anyone could find themselves in that position—whether it's getting hit or someone losing their temper and shouting. It’s a reality that can happen to any of us.
The bottom line is this: I know exactly how wrong this is.
People aren't perfect. They make mistakes. It’s time we start admitting that—both to ourselves and to others, especially when our blunders directly impact them. At the end of the day, it all comes down to accountability.

Dana Hill73 said:I guess I just got lucky with those plugs—they were all low enough. I didn't even bother with the guards once; one kid tried to get close, I shut it down immediately, and she never gave it another thought.
But seriously, tell me—how many kids out there are actually like that? 🙏

Curiosity is perfectly normal, even if it can be dangerous sometimes.
We should let kids be curious. We explain that curiosity is natural but carries risks, and then we use our resources to minimize those risks. Buying some plastic outlet covers isn't exactly breaking the bank.
At the end of the day, it's a parent's job to look out for their children.
If we claim we're "protecting" them from electrical hazards but then turn around and stress them out by being overly harsh—is that actually parenting? Or is it just control?
Let’s stop being hypocritical with these double standards...
Kids have a way of seeing right through that kind of behavior.😉

People today seem stuck between two extremes:
1. Traditional parenting—where parents hold all the cards and the child’s opinion doesn't matter. The result? You get kids who are obedient, respectful, and responsible, but at what cost?
2. Democratic parenting—parents realize the traditional way isn't working because it produces people who lack self-respect and personal accountability. Instead, they create individuals who are overly preoccupied with social approval, lacking any sense of self-awareness or confidence. So, in a reactionary move against what failed, they swing to the other extreme and give children total freedom. But kids aren't equipped for that level of responsibility, leading to resentment, rebellion, and destructive behavior because they’re getting everything they want but nothing they actually need. Naturally, parents then second-guess themselves and retreat back to tradition.

In my view, both extremes are failures.
I believe the only real solution is mutual dignity: valuing and respecting both oneself and others, while recognizing that everyone is different without feeling the need to force everyone into the same mold. We need to accept ourselves and those around us for who we truly are. For me, that approach works perfectly.

Karen Rodriguez3 said:There are people out there who have never once laid a finger on their kid, yet they’ve messed with them mentally so badly that, honestly, a little spanking might have actually been better if it could have saved the damage.
Being a decent parent isn't something you can just pick up from a weekend seminar. Sure, you can sit through lectures and listen to all the experts, but at the end of the day, you’re going to react based on instinct. Plus, everyone processes information differently in their own heads. No one can hand you a manual that covers every single possible scenario while also accounting for your specific child's personality.
And I think the folks here saying they’ve given their kids a swat aren't talking about being abusive or leaving bruises. Obviously, actual physical violence is just straight-up abuse and has zero place in parenting—that's not discipline, that's just being a jerk.
But look, putting outlet covers in so a kid doesn't hurt themselves when they're obsessed with poking things into them? That isn't really "parenting" either. It's just damage control. The kid hasn't actually learned anything, and they might go over to a friend's house for coffee and try the exact same thing because there aren't any covers there. How are you supposed to explain to a two-year-old that they shouldn't stick stuff in electrical sockets?
Or what about when they bolt from your hand and run toward the street? Like, am I just supposed to grab them and pull them back? They’ll probably just turn it into a game of tag with me the next time.
I guess I figure it's healthier to give them a quick swat to scare them away from danger than to let them get hit by a car. Obviously, this applies to those little ones who can't talk yet, but even then, you've got to explain why you reacted that way once the initial shock wears off.

Putting outlet covers in might not be considered "parenting" by some, but let's call it what it actually is: common sense. Is it about discipline? No. It’s about basic care. Why should we debate whether it counts as active upbringing when it clearly falls under looking out for your kid's safety?
Tell me, if your partner kept touching something they know is strictly off-limits, would you just sit there? Would you actually let them get away with it, or would you give them a sharp smack on the hand?
Of course, you can sit an adult partner down and explain why certain things are off-limits. A two-year-old might not grasp the nuance of your reasoning, sure. But there isn't a second option involving hitting.😉
Since you brought up the two-year-old:
I know from both theory—backed by extensive research—and firsthand experience that a two-year-old:

He just doesn't get it. He fails to grasp that being an influencer—along with a dozen other reckless behaviors like darting across traffic—is inherently dangerous. It’s as if he can't wrap his head around the fact that the human body is a terrible conductor for electricity. He seems to think that current flowing through insulated wires is harmless, yet he completely ignores the reality of what happens when you make direct contact. Does he truly believe he's invincible?🙂😱😁
Personally, I didn't even grasp how electricity worked until seventh grade.🤣
What’s the point in trying to explain it over and over? It’s incredibly difficult for a child to grasp something like that.
Kids at that age are naturally curious, which is perfectly legitimate. They’re just exploring.
At the end of the day, you can't predict how a kid is going to react. One child will actually listen when you tell them something is off-limits, while another will ignore you entirely and touch it anyway—for all the reasons we've already discussed. What exactly do we expect from them?
The likelihood of a child actually listening increases if they trust their parents—and let’s be clear, trust isn't built through physical discipline. Of course, you can't just paint everyone with the same brush here. You have kids who trust their parents completely but still push back because they're naturally curious, which is perfectly fine. Then you have kids who don't trust them at all yet follow instructions anyway. There are a hundred different variations to every situation; after all, every individual is a unique case.
Let’s be real: if your kid doesn't trust you, they aren't going to listen to a word you say. It’s that simple. Why bother barking orders if the foundation isn't there?😉

Probability is just probability. In this situation, we should be talking about certainty.😉
The only way you'll ever be truly safe is if you put outlet covers in every socket and keep a constant eye on your two-year-old. Is that really too much to ask?
And let's be honest—you can't take your eyes off a two-year-old for even a single second. Constant supervision isn't just a suggestion; it's a necessity.
If you can't see eye to eye on this, are you even ready to be a parent?
When I look at myself, I realize that I want to be with my child constantly. It isn't just about ensuring their safety—though that matters—it’s more fundamental than that. I simply want to be by their side at all times. Is that really such a radical thing to want?😉

So, you see your kid heading straight for an outlet, and you react by swatting their hand away. What happens then?
All you're doing is teaching them to fear punishment. They won't have any clue why they got hit in the first place. What's the point?
And once he loses sight of you—once he realizes there’s no authority around to hold him accountable—I wonder what happens next. Is it even possible that he’ll just shove a metal rod into an outlet? Just a thought.
The real issue here isn't the incident itself; it's the underlying message you've sent your child. You've essentially taught them that violence is an acceptable way to settle scores, provided they have the physical advantage. Is that really the lesson you want them to carry?
Keep this in mind: children aren't born with prejudices. They understand perfectly well that hitting them on the hand is still physical abuse.😉
Why? Because no one has conditioned them yet. They see the world for what it actually is—without forced opinions or a manipulated mindset.
They know it’s not about how hard you hit—it’s about the fact that you hit them at all.
Whether the strike is heavy or light, it strips away human dignity and damages the integrity of everyone involved—both the aggressor and the victim.
When we are out in public or traveling far from home, we need to be especially vigilant with our kids. A new environment means new risks.😉

It is perfectly normal for children to learn; let's not humiliate them or strip them of their dignity in the process.