silentpilot6 said:It isn't even about the breakup; it’s just that, honestly, anyone with half a brain wouldn't start a relationship with an addict, let alone fall in love with one. I know they say love is blind, but sometimes it’s just plain foolish. No offense intended. The surrender part... 😵 I would never put myself in a position like that. If I had a girlfriend dealing with a serious illness or other life struggles—of course I would fight for her, support her, and stay by her side when she needs me. But please, don't try to tell me addiction is just another "illness." Sure, I agree it is, but it's a "disease" I want absolutely nothing to do with. Keep it far away from me. To be blunt, I view addicts as having less integrity. It sounds harsh and ugly, but that's how I feel. I have no interest in hearing laments about their difficult upbringing, unloving parents, or the bad crowd they fell in with. Those are all just excuses... Anyway, let's lower the tension a bit... you didn't answer my question regarding the quality of your relationship?
Look, I can't even sit here and spout all those sob stories about his life, like having issues with his folks or having a messed up upbringing... I'd be lying if I said that. Specifically regarding his parents, they are some of the nicest people I know, and he actually has their support. As for that part about me never being with an addict... I didn't even know he was using until we were already together and he finally told me.... The quality of our relationship is basically zero right now because of his treatment. Just read up on what methadone does to a person and what kind of willpower someone like that even has left... None... But otherwise, during the times we were together when he was clean, it was amazing. I felt loved, fulfilled, and happy...
Grace Flores4 said:Look, this is just pure ego right here—you just can't admit to yourself that you're hitting a wall, or that there's actually something at stake that you might lose.
So, is giving up the easiest path? Yeah, sure is... but hey, that's just how he—your guy—operates, I guess. From what I can tell, he's been playing it that way for three years now.
It hasn't been constant for three years. He went hard once three years ago, and everything else since then has just been "recreational." Basically, every six months he'll go on a 3 or 4-day bender and then stop. That’s why this whole thing is so frustrating—it's not like the classic addict who's been hitting it for ten years straight and is totally gone...
silentpilot6 said:It’s a textbook case of someone trying to play the "savior" and force everyone onto the right path... those types always end up getting burned, but it's inevitable...
No one is standing by him 😢, he's been completely abandoned :_(, it's honestly heartbreaking... she hasn't realized that there are probably very heavy reasons why everyone walked away from him in the first place... 😵
Easy to talk, right? And even easier to just throw in the towel—you clearly know a thing or two about that...
silentpilot6 said:Ugh... just another one with that whole savior complex thing going on...
It’s not some "syndrome." When you actually, genuinely love someone, this stuff just happens—it's automatic. Thank God most of you have never been stuck in the exact situation I’m in right now, because, honestly? I wouldn't wish it on anyone... It's painful, it's exhausting, and I don't *want* to be doing this, but my heart—and whatever shred of humanity I have left—keeps pulling me toward helping this guy. I just have this feeling he can pull through... Whatever happens, this is his absolute last shot. I really hope he takes it and makes the most of it, because, man, I am falling apart inside here... If we blow it this time, I'll know I did everything humanly possible....
coppernomad28 said:Kenneth Brooks9, do you have cable or satellite TV with the A&E channel? They’ve got this show called Intervention that dives into addiction in general—it isn't just about drugs, either. It's a massive eye-opener! And hey, I think I mentioned Trainspotting before...
I've just got DirecTV... maybe they have that one??? Trainspotting???
Ashley Chase83 said:Have some common sense—you can't expect mutual understanding if you don't get on the same page first!
Honestly, you’re being a complete moron. I don't even think you belong here—if you can't contribute anything useful or just act like a normal human being, I don't get why you even bother posting. Thank God not everyone is as clueless as you; most people actually have the maturity to hold a decent conversation instead of acting like a five-year-old. But hey, thanks for the comment anyway... really helpful stuff right there...
amberbear02 said:Stop wasting your energy wondering if he’ll spiral back into drugs if you walk away.
He will. Of course he will. He’ll use that to try and guilt you into staying, making it seem like he can't survive without you.
Honey, there is one person in this world who matters more than whether or not he relapses.
That person is you.
I mean, I guess that's probably true... 😉 But honestly? I'm still stuck in the exact same spot I was in before... hehehe It's time to finally make a real decision about taking that huge leap...
Honestly, what I really want is to hear from someone actually going through treatment—and maybe get some perspective from someone who isn't even in that world to begin with...
Jack Torres said:Girl, you just gotta get out there! Hit up some downtown spots, find a cute little bistro, or just grab your besties and tell them to introduce you to their crew... honestly, there are like a million ways to make it happen!
Hehe, whatever, I was just messing around. Everyone's "normal" I guess—it’s just that some people vibe together and others just don't... that's basically the whole secret to life right there. 😉
Yeah, I’ve been obsessing over all this—like, seriously, a ton—and honestly? I’m still stuck in the exact same spot. Call me stupid if you want, but whatever, it is what it is. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how much more of this we can actually take.
So, I’ve been doing a ton of reading... Most people seem to be on the same page here, which sucks because—unfortunately—the call is basically up to me. We'll see how much more of this crap I can actually take before I lose it... This is pretty much his last shot anyway... At least if you ask me...
Raymond Wilson4 said:The issue isn't the needle. The issue is him. A psychiatrist or detox center won't be able to fix this man. His only hope is rehab—and not just any random facility. Recovery has to be his own choice, not some performance to appease others. Typically, that shift only happens when someone hits rock bottom across the board: financially, socially, morally, and physically. Even if he goes, you’ll be waiting a lifetime. Are you truly prepared for that at twenty-one? I'm not telling you what to do, I'm simply asking. Forget about those "instant fixes" for getting off Elvis Presley. That isn't how reality works. Withdrawal is a long, brutal marathon, and most people drop out halfway through. And even after he leaves rehab, he will still be an addict; he’ll just be abstinent (hopefully). Or, to use medical terminology: he might manage the symptoms, but he isn't cured. In other words, the risk of relapse is always looming.
As for his old crowd—he needs to cut them off entirely. No more nodding to them on the street corner. Every single interaction is a massive risk.
If he can't make life-altering decisions for the sake of your love, why on earth should you have to endure this?
Matthew Rodriguez9 said:It's pretty obvious you're still pretty young and haven't seen how this works yet. 🙂
Look, honey, heroin is his number one priority, regardless of all those empty promises he’s feeding you... addicts are world-class liars... whatever comes out of their mouths is usually a fabrication...
To him, those other drugs are just a backup plan for when he can't get to his "princess," aka the heroin.
If you honestly believe he's been off heroin for six months while he's still shooting up, then you are being seriously naive! 👎
Most people here probably agree with you—that his head is just spinning with how he’s gonna relapse again—but I’m not so sure. He’s actually been clean from heroin for six months now. His biggest mess-up is the needle addiction; he’s still shooting up even when he's on meth. In these last three years, he’s only touched heroin a handful of times—though, yeah, when he does, he gets hooked fast. It’s really the needle that’s killing him.
My biggest issue is that I don't even recognize myself anymore in this whole fight for him—it's exhausting. I just want to be that old version of me again, you know? That girl who was always smiling and didn't have a single damn thing to worry about. And I want to be that person *with* him. As for his psychiatrist... honestly, I won't even go there. But if you ask me? It looks like I’m actually doing a better job than his doctor is...
coppernomad28 said:Look, people don't just fund an expensive habit out of thin air; addicts steal. It usually starts with lifting things from their own families, then it spirals... until you're reading the news about someone getting killed just to score their next fix...
You’re right about me not being raised in the rougher parts of town or whatever. My parents actually just found out he’s an ex-Heroin addict and they’ve banned him from even stepping foot in our house. I mean, they can’t exactly stop me from seeing him, if you know what I mean. And yeah, maybe we do look a little ridiculous together as a couple... I get all that, I really do, but I just don't have the strength to walk away from him. The only thing you got wrong is saying I have a thing for bad boys. Maybe it just looks that way because I'm with him right now. It’s just—the whole mess is that I didn't find out about his bullshit until I was already head over heels... And back then, I was even younger, dumber, and way more naive—thinking I was some kind of saint who could fix him and save him from it all. Turns out I've just been fighting a losing battle with myself this whole time... 😢 But again, I can't leave him. I just don't have it in me.