My boyfriend is an addict

Alright, look... I’m in deep trouble here. I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years now, and we’re currently going through his methadone rehab—again. This is the second time. I’m right there with him at the psychiatrist appointments, trying my absolute best to wrap my head around this whole mess, but honestly? I’m terrified it’s just not working. I’ve never touched drugs myself—never even gone near them—so I have zero clue what it actually feels like, which makes it ten times harder to get where he's coming from. All I know is, seeing it firsthand, it is incredibly hard to walk away... at least mentally. Look, I love him, and I always will, regardless of everything, but I am just so sick of the constant lying. I really, truly want to help him and stay by his side, but I’m lost. I know he wants to quit—he really does—but then he’ll stay clean for a year, and then boom, it’s back to square one. I can't help but feel like he just doesn't have the backbone for this, and his "friends" keep dragging him right back into it... I’m begging anyone who’s dealt with this before to please give me some advice. What do I do? Do I walk away, or do I keep fighting for him???

Heroin, booze... we all know how much damage that stuff can do, so if I were you, I'd get out right now.
Unless you actually want to be miserable in a marriage, assuming you even think marrying him is a good idea 🙂

Girl, I’m telling you, I’m worried you’re just wasting your precious time here.

Don't let your best years slip away hanging onto a total loser...it honestly isn't worth the heartbreak. ☕

btw, he doesn't actually love you—he's addicted to Heroin, and that's just stronger than any feeling he has for a person...he's really hit rock bottom.

This is exactly what I was terrified would happen... Everyone keeps telling me the same thing... But somehow, he still pulls me back in—just like how Heroin pulls him under. It’s hard to even put into words, honestly. The whole thing is just... weird. But I guess there's really only one move left. Pack my bags and get the hell out of here before I lose my mind. 😢

Kenneth Brooks9 said:This is exactly what I was terrified would happen... Everyone keeps telling me the same thing... But somehow, he still pulls me back in—just like how Heroin pulls him under. It’s hard to even put into words, honestly. The whole thing is just... weird. But I guess there's really only one move left. Pack my bags and get the hell out of here before I lose my mind. 😢

Just looking at your handle, I get the feeling you're a pretty well-raised girl, and honestly, seeing you with a guy like that feels a bit surreal because you don't exactly strike me as someone who grew up on the rough streets... am I hitting the mark there?
People like you often find themselves drawn to bad boys because they seem so edgy and cool, and that sense of danger is magnetic... but trust me, it's usually just a passing phase. To anyone watching from the outside, it's obvious you two aren't a match, but when you're head over heels, you're basically living in your own little movie bubble.

Your parents probably have no clue who you're hanging out with, and even if they did, they wouldn't be able to stop you. They've lived longer, they're more mature, and they can see exactly how much trouble you're heading into because of him... it's really just a matter of time before things hit the fan.

Maybe there's hope for him, but only if he actually wants it... nobody else can force that change.

The biggest issue with people like that is that as soon as life gets heavy, they immediately reach back for those old habits. 👎

You’re right about me not being raised in the rougher parts of town or whatever. My parents actually just found out he’s an ex-Heroin addict and they’ve banned him from even stepping foot in our house. I mean, they can’t exactly stop me from seeing him, if you know what I mean. And yeah, maybe we do look a little ridiculous together as a couple... I get all that, I really do, but I just don't have the strength to walk away from him. The only thing you got wrong is saying I have a thing for bad boys. Maybe it just looks that way because I'm with him right now. It’s just—the whole mess is that I didn't find out about his bullshit until I was already head over heels... And back then, I was even younger, dumber, and way more naive—thinking I was some kind of saint who could fix him and save him from it all. Turns out I've just been fighting a losing battle with myself this whole time... 😢 But again, I can't leave him. I just don't have it in me.

Kenneth Brooks9 said:Alright, look... I’m in deep trouble here. I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years now, and we’re currently going through his methadone rehab—again. This is the second time. I’m right there with him at the psychiatrist appointments, trying my absolute best to wrap my head around this whole mess, but honestly? I’m terrified it’s just not working. I’ve never touched drugs myself—never even gone near them—so I have zero clue what it actually feels like, which makes it ten times harder to get where he's coming from. All I know is, seeing it firsthand, it is incredibly hard to walk away... at least mentally. Look, I love him, and I always will, regardless of everything, but I am just so sick of the constant lying. I really, truly want to help him and stay by his side, but I’m lost. I know he wants to quit—he really does—but then he’ll stay clean for a year, and then boom, it’s back to square one. I can't help but feel like he just doesn't have the backbone for this, and his "friends" keep dragging him right back into it... I’m begging anyone who’s dealt with this before to please give me some advice. What do I do? Do I walk away, or do I keep fighting for him???

You aren't actually in a relationship with him; you're in a relationship with the addiction. Drugs rewrite a person's entire personality and character. Who knows if you'll even like the guy once he's finally clean... wanting to help him is just human nature, but even humans have their limits...

Once an addict, always an addict (sadly)
it's something you end up watching people struggle with for their entire lives, more or less.

Kenneth Brooks9 said:You’re right about me not being raised in the rougher parts of town or whatever. My parents actually just found out he’s an ex-Heroin addict and they’ve banned him from even stepping foot in our house. I mean, they can’t exactly stop me from seeing him, if you know what I mean. And yeah, maybe we do look a little ridiculous together as a couple... I get all that, I really do, but I just don't have the strength to walk away from him. The only thing you got wrong is saying I have a thing for bad boys. Maybe it just looks that way because I'm with him right now. It’s just—the whole mess is that I didn't find out about his bullshit until I was already head over heels... And back then, I was even younger, dumber, and way more naive—thinking I was some kind of saint who could fix him and save him from it all. Turns out I've just been fighting a losing battle with myself this whole time... 😢 But again, I can't leave him. I just don't have it in me.

Look, people don't just fund an expensive habit out of thin air; addicts steal. It usually starts with lifting things from their own families, then it spirals... until you're reading the news about someone getting killed just to score their next fix...

I wouldn't let him through the door either...

Anyway, how old are you?

People struggling with Heroin addiction are still people—they deserve support. Just because your boyfriend is using doesn't mean he’s some lost cause or uneducated 🙂—I've seen plenty of highly educated folks get swallowed up by Heroin... once that spiral starts, intelligence doesn't protect you anymore.
You really need to think about what you're stepping into here. Maybe talk to his psychiatrist or dive into some specialized forums dedicated strictly to these kinds of struggles. You have to fully understand the reality of the situation before you can sit down with him and honestly weigh if there's actually a path toward recovery.

Hang in there, girl 🙂

In most cases, you’re looking at a losing battle. I don't mean that addicts can't get clean—they can—but let's be real: they can absolutely wreck just about every single aspect of your life in the process...

coppernomad28 said:Look, people don't just fund an expensive habit out of thin air; addicts steal. It usually starts with lifting things from their own families, then it spirals... until you're reading the news about someone getting killed just to score their next fix...

I wouldn't let him through the door either...

Anyway, how old are you?

I'm 21

My biggest issue is that I don't even recognize myself anymore in this whole fight for him—it's exhausting. I just want to be that old version of me again, you know? That girl who was always smiling and didn't have a single damn thing to worry about. And I want to be that person *with* him. As for his psychiatrist... honestly, I won't even go there. But if you ask me? It looks like I’m actually doing a better job than his doctor is...

coppernomad28 said:Look, people don't just fund an expensive habit out of thin air; addicts steal. It usually starts with lifting things from their own families, then it spirals... until you're reading the news about someone getting killed just to score their next fix...

I wouldn't let him through the door either...

Anyway, how old are you?

It's the truth... unfortunately, they'll step over any body to get what they want.

Kenneth Brooks9 said:I'm 21

You’re more than grown enough to make the right call here.

Honestly, if you actually care about your own mental health, my advice is to just cut ties and run the other way.

If you're sitting there hoping he'll suddenly turn into a better person, I hate to break it to you, but you're just digging your own grave at this point.

Breaking away from someone like that is a massive uphill battle, and let's be real—trying to fix them usually ends up leaving you pretty wrecked.

In my book, you definitely don't deserve a guy like that in your life! 😉

Man, I just want one minute to give him a piece of my mind—straight up. That’s all I need to see how he reacts before I decide what my next move is...

Kenneth Brooks9 said:Man, I just want one minute to give him a piece of my mind—straight up. That’s all I need to see how he reacts before I decide what my next move is...

Honestly? Most of the time, his brain is just a broken record spinning around his next fix and all the messy bullshit preventing him from getting it....
In those rare, clear-headed moments, he actually wants to quit—he truly does. But then the withdrawal hits, the body starts screaming, and everything else just vanishes. He’s back to hunting that high....
It’s a damn vicious cycle. Save yourself, okay? You can get past this. You’re young, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you in this country...

Everyone deals with their own mess, big or small.
Life is hard enough as it is without making it even more miserable and complicated... there are plenty of other great guys out there who deserve your attention—people who will give you happiness instead of nothing but grief and misery... find someone worth winning with, not someone who just drags you down...

Basically, you're just a distraction to him. His real lover is Heroin, and for most people, that’s a one-way trip.

Most people here probably agree with you—that his head is just spinning with how he’s gonna relapse again—but I’m not so sure. He’s actually been clean from heroin for six months now. His biggest mess-up is the needle addiction; he’s still shooting up even when he's on meth. In these last three years, he’s only touched heroin a handful of times—though, yeah, when he does, he gets hooked fast. It’s really the needle that’s killing him.

Kenneth Brooks9 said:Most people here probably agree with you—that his head is just spinning with how he’s gonna relapse again—but I’m not so sure. He’s actually been clean from heroin for six months now. His biggest mess-up is the needle addiction; he’s still shooting up even when he's on meth. In these last three years, he’s only touched heroin a handful of times—though, yeah, when he does, he gets hooked fast. It’s really the needle that’s killing him.

It's pretty obvious you're still pretty young and haven't seen how this works yet. 🙂

Look, honey, heroin is his number one priority, regardless of all those empty promises he’s feeding you... addicts are world-class liars... whatever comes out of their mouths is usually a fabrication...

To him, those other drugs are just a backup plan for when he can't get to his "princess," aka the heroin.

If you honestly believe he's been off heroin for six months while he's still shooting up, then you are being seriously naive! 👎

Matthew Rodriguez9 said:It's pretty obvious you're still pretty young and haven't seen how this works yet. 🙂

Look, honey, heroin is his number one priority, regardless of all those empty promises he’s feeding you... addicts are world-class liars... whatever comes out of their mouths is usually a fabrication...

To him, those other drugs are just a backup plan for when he can't get to his "princess," aka the heroin.

If you honestly believe he's been off heroin for six months while he's still shooting up, then you are being seriously naive! 👎

Stuff like that is super easy to verify, so...