Posts by steeltiger2

Someone’s clearly had one too many cocktails tonight😉 🙄

I honestly can’t believe it...
I was just about to send Cherie a message to mention what a great doctor she is, and then—totally by accident—I notice "M.D." listed right there under her name.😍 🤣

stormyheron20 said:I’m having a hard time following your situation. It's obvious you're incredibly jealous, but I don't think you're doing it without reason. Your boyfriend's behavior strikes me as odd. You might be overreacting to some things, sure, but I get the impression he isn't doing much to help you find some peace. Brittany, how long do you honestly think you can keep living like this, feeling so broken?
Worried how? Did you actually sit down and talk through this, or did you just spiral into gloom and assumptions?
A lot of people have told you the problem is you because you're too jealous. I'll admit your jealousy issues are significant, but I don't agree that they are the sole cause of everything falling apart.
You didn't mention your father; you just implied he wasn't in the picture. If you don't want to go there, fine. I won't force you to answer something you aren't ready to discuss.
The reason I ask about your father is because you mentioned lacking both male friends and a father figure. Since you seem willing to change your flaws, we probably need to understand where all this insecurity and jealousy stems from. I hope you find some way to settle down, and that your boyfriend helps you through it.

Well, I don't really have much connection to the world of men, nothing close anyway. It feels strange being this close to someone now; maybe I just want him all to myself, perhaps because I find protection and security in him. Maybe it's even a little bit like what I missed from a father, but that’s getting into deep psychology, and honestly, all I can say is that I miss my dad.
My boyfriend tells me that he can't not communicate with just about any woman because of how jealous I am. He says I need to act more maturely and that it hurts him that I don't trust him—that I think he's a jerk sometimes.
He said there will always be someone else I'll obviously be crazy about, but that he only loves me... I don't know, I really don't know why I can't believe him. He’s a good guy normally, and I don't think he's a bad person. But I can't stop worrying; it's like I'm not even normal. I start remembering everything, connecting dots that he doesn't even remember mentioning. I build these theories, analyzing everything from every possible angle. You wonder how I even manage to live like this? It just happens. It all hits me at once, incredibly fast.

stormyheron20 said:He might just be trying to have his cake and eat it too by keeping both her and his coworker in the picture.
Florine, please tell me that whole jealousy thing was just a joke. 😍

Britta, what on earth made you snap like that? How did your guy react?
Stop the guessing games and just lay it all out on the table. It is high time you two had a blunt, honest conversation about this relationship and that colleague who won't leave you alone.

He’s worried🤷

It isn't the right time, because this is the 10,001st "colleague." Every single time, I end up blowing things out of proportion—at least, that’s how it’s always been until now.

hiddenhound3 said:Dear Britney, I can sense your struggle here, and I know all too well that jealousy is an incredibly heavy burden to carry. However, you must realize that how beautiful, intelligent, or charming you are doesn't actually dictate the mechanics of love. Love isn't a rational calculation; you cannot simply decide to love someone more because they possess better looks, nor can you choose to love someone less just because they lack them. Consider this: could you truly fall for someone who was unattractive and lacked any intellectual spark?
It seems to me that your entire definition of affection is revolving heavily around the concept of "attractiveness."
My advice to you is to stop obsessing over the perceptions of others and try to find some inner peace. 🙂

Look, I know she’s his type physically, and her confidence definitely hits the mark—at least based on everything he's told me. And let's be real, the sexual chemistry part is huge; without that, there's just nothing there. I know how men think... and frankly, I wouldn't be with someone I wasn't attracted to either. They might not be conventionally handsome, but they absolutely have to be attractive to *me* because of the kind of man they are.

Kate Collins5 said:Look, let's try this instead.
Just post a photo here and we can all give you our honest take. Sound good?😉

Alright, fine. Here’s me in various stages of life:

The casual home look— 🙂

The "cooking in my underwear" vibe (it's hard to tell from this shot, but trust me, people say I'm at my best when I'm actually angry— 🙂

All dolled up from head to toe— 🥳

Out on the town with my guy (honestly, nobody else stands a chance)— 🙂

And, obviously, the professional version— 🎉

Nancy Gomez4 said:Brittney, you ARE jealous. You can pretend you aren't, but it’ll come out eventually. 😢 Just look at what you wrote in that last sentence.

Maybe you're overthinking the texting thing a bit—it's probably not such a big deal.
To me, the bigger issue is that this seems like a pattern. It’s just how he is. You mentioned before that he loves being the center of attention, not just from you, but from other girls too. I guess feeding his ego like that matters more to him than hurting your feelings 🤷
.

He has no idea I saw it. His brother left his laptop open, and I ended up poking around for maybe ten minutes just because, while he thought I was busy doing my own thing.
And obviously, I can't say anything about that.
He was talking to her like he actually cared, and they weren't even friends to begin with.
It was like someone showing interest in a coworker; when she mentioned she was going on a trip soon, he even told her to make sure nature looks after her and brings her back in one piece (she's a professional climber, by the way).
The thing is, he used to tell me he couldn't care less about stuff like that, that he wouldn't even notice if a woman wasn't his type—and I know for a fact he said the exact same thing to girls he wanted to be with before me. So, now I don't know... am I being realistic, or am I just losing my mind? How do I calm down?

Should I just leave him? I can't. Maybe I'm wrong again and in the end, I'll realize he didn't mean anything by it. But it's hard to wait—I don't even know what I'm waiting for.🤷

If she weren't some sexy, stunning athlete, I wouldn't think twice about it; I'd just assume she's a dear colleague to him. (His brother once commented on how gorgeous she is and what a great body she has, though I haven't seen her myself—I just know we aren't alike at all. I'm blonde and slender, while she's dark-skinned and athletic.) He responded to his brother saying she was incredibly sexy and attractive, even though he usually claims she's nothing special. I'm not the sporty type at all—I'm thin and blonde—but she's got that toned, muscular build that everyone falls for, even if they don't feel a deeper connection.
My head is spinning with possibilities—maybe he's fantasizing about her, maybe she's his ideal woman, maybe he just wants to be friends, or maybe she has something I lack—she's older and more experienced.
Maybe he finally needs a woman like her—someone self-assured, confident, an athlete who's actually good at what she does... someone who won't break down emotionally like I do...
I try to tell myself that I am worthy and beautiful, that anyone else would be overjoyed to be with me and think I'm more attractive than anyone else, but it doesn't help. I just keep thinking that she's definitely more beautiful and more attractive to him...

So, just a quick update—he mentioned this girl once before, someone he thought was incredibly hot, but that was it. She’s a completely different person from the others I've brought up. And look, she's attractive, sure, but I don't care about that. They both have their own lives. But then, just a couple of days ago, he starts texting her constantly under the guise of "work stuff." Apparently, she works for another firm that partners with his, so there's that excuse, but honestly? It feels totally calculated. Like he's intentionally using work as an excuse to bridge the gap into her private life when he didn't even need to be messaging her in the first place.
I’m not going to say anything this time. I’m just exhausted, and frankly, the whole thing is starting to feel a bit nauseating. Maybe it’s because I’ve started acting more like him lately, though I couldn't tell you for sure. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't dare react at all, but inside, I am absolutely seething. Everything is just building up and churning within me.
What should I do, please?
Do I just sit here and wait to see if they start hanging out outside of the office? I honestly have no clue how to handle this right now.

Actually, looking at everything you guys have said, maybe the best move is to just accept that he needs to carry his own weight. I think I’m going to leave him completely alone this time. I want to see what happens when I’m not being the jealous one, when I stop interfering entirely. I've got nothing left to lose. 🤷
I think it’s finally time to focus on myself and my own mental health. If he actually loves me, maybe he'll snap out of it once he realizes what he's doing.
Or, he'll just realize he doesn't love me that way and that he's really just looking for something new with someone else. I'm done with the drama... Perhaps I'll finally find some peace and uncover the truth of the situation only once I step back and let things play out on their own.

Sandra Morgan2 said:"Quote:"

🙂No, your love isn't some kind of sickness. Love is never a disease... Jealousy is just a symptom of something much deeper, which is exactly what I was trying to get across in that provocative post: you don't love yourself. It's also a sign that you haven't even learned how to love anyone else.

Jealousy is really just a mask for the fear that you aren't enough. It’s a scavenger. It gathers up all this fake, imaginary data just to feed the lie that someone else is going to be more valued, more loved, or more wanted than you are. There’s only one way to actually heal from that: through the art of love directed at yourself. Because let’s be real—if you don't love who you are, you're never going to believe that anyone else could truly love you.

"Quote:"

I don't think I'm being selfish at all. If anything, I’m sacrificing way more than my boyfriend does. I’m constantly checking in on how he's feeling—that actually matters to me. And I would never, ever let some random fling or a night out be the reason he decides to end it all.

Cutting veins? What on earth were you doing, cutting your own veins?

The solution isn't about fixing his behavior. It’s not about how much he sacrifices, and it’s certainly not about changing who he is at his core. No, the answer lies entirely within you. You have to dive deep and find that specific place where the seeds of self-rejection were planted—that root cause of all your insecurities. Build your own emotional stability. Cultivate your own confidence. And finally, learn the art of love by loving yourself completely.

Since jealousy isn't usually your thing—it’s just not who you are—he’s acting as a catalyst. He’s pulling these hidden insecurities to the surface that you didn't even know existed. Honestly? He's teaching you about yourself. Don't waste energy being mad at him. Don't sit around waiting for him to change. Just focus on your own growth. Maybe this whole mess brings you two closer in a way you never expected, or maybe it finally proves he deserves to be kicked to the curb... whatever. Either way, by learning these lessons about yourself, you win. Whether you level up this relationship to a much deeper, more intimate stage or walk away from it entirely, you’re going to come out of this stronger and better than when you started.

When you move up to a penthouse, you get a better view of the skyline—it’s as simple as that. And all this jealousy? It isn't just about my fairy-tale notion of two souls becoming one, or anything like that. It's more than that. It all comes down to my worldview—how I see life, mainly, and how I view people in general.And it’s not like I’m sitting here pining for some fairytale prince who’s supposed to bat his eyelashes only when he catches my eye—and mine alone!

So what’s the actual issue if he notices other women are beautiful, smart, or engaging? What’s the problem if he catches sight of a fit body? It’s just unrealistic to expect someone's entire sexuality to revolve around one single person. Those are just instincts... you can't fight biology. At the end of the day, what matters is his actions—not some fleeting thought or a momentary spark of chemistry.

P.S. Obviously, the driving force is just that raw, natural sexual desire. But let’s face it—humans are complicated. Everything bleeds together. You can't just isolate one thing from another. You can't dissect sex, or love, or jealousy, like they're separate little objects on a lab table. It's all connected.

You're absolutely right... you can't view jealousy in a vacuum without looking at the whole person. But honestly? Its roots almost always lie in low self-esteem, a lack of self-love, possessiveness, and pure insecurity. Whether you realize it or not, in that moment, it colors your entire existence.

Okay, you have a point there. But honestly, I didn't think I lacked self-love at all. It wasn't until he actually started loving me for real that I realized I didn't love myself.

Sandra Morgan2 said:"Quote:"

🙂No, your love isn't some kind of sickness. Love is never a disease... Jealousy is just a symptom of something much deeper, which is exactly what I was trying to get across in that provocative post: you don't love yourself. It's also a sign that you haven't even learned how to love anyone else.

Jealousy is really just a mask for the fear that you aren't enough. It’s a scavenger. It gathers up all this fake, imaginary data just to feed the lie that someone else is going to be more valued, more loved, or more wanted than you are. There’s only one way to actually heal from that: through the art of love directed at yourself. Because let’s be real—if you don't love who you are, you're never going to believe that anyone else could truly love you.

"Quote:"

I don't think I'm being selfish at all. If anything, I’m sacrificing way more than my boyfriend does. I’m constantly checking in on how he's feeling—that actually matters to me. And I would never, ever let some random fling or a night out be the reason he decides to end it all.

Cutting veins? What on earth were you doing, cutting your own veins?

The solution isn't about fixing his behavior. It’s not about how much he sacrifices, and it’s certainly not about changing who he is at his core. No, the answer lies entirely within you. You have to dive deep and find that specific place where the seeds of self-rejection were planted—that root cause of all your insecurities. Build your own emotional stability. Cultivate your own confidence. And finally, learn the art of love by loving yourself completely.

Since jealousy isn't usually your thing—it’s just not who you are—he’s acting as a catalyst. He’s pulling these hidden insecurities to the surface that you didn't even know existed. Honestly? He's teaching you about yourself. Don't waste energy being mad at him. Don't sit around waiting for him to change. Just focus on your own growth. Maybe this whole mess brings you two closer in a way you never expected, or maybe it finally proves he deserves to be kicked to the curb... whatever. Either way, by learning these lessons about yourself, you win. Whether you level up this relationship to a much deeper, more intimate stage or walk away from it entirely, you’re going to come out of this stronger and better than when you started.

When you move up to a penthouse, you get a better view of the skyline—it’s as simple as that. And all this jealousy? It isn't just about my fairy-tale notion of two souls becoming one, or anything like that. It's more than that. It all comes down to my worldview—how I see life, mainly, and how I view people in general.And it’s not like I’m sitting here pining for some fairytale prince who’s supposed to bat his eyelashes only when he catches my eye—and mine alone!

So what’s the actual issue if he notices other women are beautiful, smart, or engaging? What’s the problem if he catches sight of a fit body? It’s just unrealistic to expect someone's entire sexuality to revolve around one single person. Those are just instincts... you can't fight biology. At the end of the day, what matters is his actions—not some fleeting thought or a momentary spark of chemistry.

P.S. Obviously, the driving force is just that raw, natural sexual desire. But let’s face it—humans are complicated. Everything bleeds together. You can't just isolate one thing from another. You can't dissect sex, or love, or jealousy, like they're separate little objects on a lab table. It's all connected.

You're absolutely right... you can't view jealousy in a vacuum without looking at the whole person. But honestly? Its roots almost always lie in low self-esteem, a lack of self-love, possessiveness, and pure insecurity. Whether you realize it or not, in that moment, it colors your entire existence.

Pretty much. It wasn't exactly my goal to end it all, but I didn't know what else to do and I wanted to hurt myself as badly as possible. It was just that one time.

Sandra Morgan2 said:"Quote:"

🙂No, your love isn't some kind of sickness. Love is never a disease... Jealousy is just a symptom of something much deeper, which is exactly what I was trying to get across in that provocative post: you don't love yourself. It's also a sign that you haven't even learned how to love anyone else.

Jealousy is really just a mask for the fear that you aren't enough. It’s a scavenger. It gathers up all this fake, imaginary data just to feed the lie that someone else is going to be more valued, more loved, or more wanted than you are. There’s only one way to actually heal from that: through the art of love directed at yourself. Because let’s be real—if you don't love who you are, you're never going to believe that anyone else could truly love you.

"Quote:"

I don't think I'm being selfish at all. If anything, I’m sacrificing way more than my boyfriend does. I’m constantly checking in on how he's feeling—that actually matters to me. And I would never, ever let some random fling or a night out be the reason he decides to end it all.

Cutting veins? What on earth were you doing, cutting your own veins?

The solution isn't about fixing his behavior. It’s not about how much he sacrifices, and it’s certainly not about changing who he is at his core. No, the answer lies entirely within you. You have to dive deep and find that specific place where the seeds of self-rejection were planted—that root cause of all your insecurities. Build your own emotional stability. Cultivate your own confidence. And finally, learn the art of love by loving yourself completely.

Since jealousy isn't usually your thing—it’s just not who you are—he’s acting as a catalyst. He’s pulling these hidden insecurities to the surface that you didn't even know existed. Honestly? He's teaching you about yourself. Don't waste energy being mad at him. Don't sit around waiting for him to change. Just focus on your own growth. Maybe this whole mess brings you two closer in a way you never expected, or maybe it finally proves he deserves to be kicked to the curb... whatever. Either way, by learning these lessons about yourself, you win. Whether you level up this relationship to a much deeper, more intimate stage or walk away from it entirely, you’re going to come out of this stronger and better than when you started.

When you move up to a penthouse, you get a better view of the skyline—it’s as simple as that. And all this jealousy? It isn't just about my fairy-tale notion of two souls becoming one, or anything like that. It's more than that. It all comes down to my worldview—how I see life, mainly, and how I view people in general.And it’s not like I’m sitting here pining for some fairytale prince who’s supposed to bat his eyelashes only when he catches my eye—and mine alone!

So what’s the actual issue if he notices other women are beautiful, smart, or engaging? What’s the problem if he catches sight of a fit body? It’s just unrealistic to expect someone's entire sexuality to revolve around one single person. Those are just instincts... you can't fight biology. At the end of the day, what matters is his actions—not some fleeting thought or a momentary spark of chemistry.

P.S. Obviously, the driving force is just that raw, natural sexual desire. But let’s face it—humans are complicated. Everything bleeds together. You can't just isolate one thing from another. You can't dissect sex, or love, or jealousy, like they're separate little objects on a lab table. It's all connected.

You're absolutely right... you can't view jealousy in a vacuum without looking at the whole person. But honestly? Its roots almost always lie in low self-esteem, a lack of self-love, possessiveness, and pure insecurity. Whether you realize it or not, in that moment, it colors your entire existence.

There’s no issue, really. In fact, I’m going to start noticing other attractive people and thinking about their great physiques, because I want to accept that as normal. Clearly, I haven't quite adjusted to reality yet.
I need to start being "normal" too, and maybe once I align myself with that, it won't bother me so much.
Of course, I won't actually do anything—just look (and think) and maybe make a comment here and there, making it explicitly clear to my boyfriend that I don't reserve my sexuality just for him. It's all perfectly natural. 😉

Sandra Morgan2 said:That fascination? It’s nothing more than being head over heels. Basically, you lose yourself in someone else—usually because you're caught up in that illusion where a frog suddenly turns into a prince. You become obsessed with the object of your affection, desperately praying they feel the exact same way.

Let's be real about falling in love. At its core, it’s driven by an overwhelming surge of desire—specifically, sex. Sure, people like to hide behind those soft, flowery descriptions of romance, but the root of it all? It's a burning need for physical intimacy and those frequent, "funny little movements" that come with connecting with someone.

When you fall deeply in love, there’s this intense emotional hunger that takes over. You crave total connection—you want that person to be entirely yours, and you want to belong completely to them, too. It’s about fulfilling every single emotional need. But if you add a spiritual dimension to it? Then falling in love isn't just some random occurrence. That person becomes your soul mate. They are sent by God; they are your other half. Through them, we practice a temporary taste of bliss here on Earth, preparing ourselves for eternal bliss in Heaven. When everything is sealed with God's blessing, it offers a glimpse of the infinite—a promise of everlasting joy through complete physical, emotional, and spiritual unity.

See you tomorrow!

It’s fun, sure. Just like bungee jumping—you get that massive rush of adrenaline and endorphins, but it's fleeting. That feeling of the wind in your hair, that momentary flight? It's temporary. And more often than not, it fades away leaving nothing but drama and finger-pointing in its wake. The high usually dies down fast. Unless there is a foundation built on the art of love—specifically, a love for oneself—it just won't turn into anything lasting.

The art of love. Jealous people always seem to suffer from that one crushing deficiency.It might lack raw passion, but it offers something better: peace, composure, and genuine tenderness. It doesn’t peddle those fake promises of "I’ll be yours until death do us part, and then we'll spend eternity in heaven together..." Instead, it builds self-respect, clarity regarding our own worth, confidence, and—above all else—self-sufficiency. Sure, there isn't any sexual "aaahhhhh" or "mmmmmm" involved, but it actually makes us more sensual. We start to crave ourselves and others. By learning how to truly love and care for ourselves, we learn how to love and care for everyone else. And sometimes? We take care of them *soooo* well that we shamelessly enjoy every second of it. The only difference is that, in that moment, loving others becomes just another way of loving ourselves.

Falling in love? It’s basically a mental health episode—a very, very pleasant one, sure, but it's caused by being high on your own hormones. It completely warps your perception of reality. Telling someone their issue is "jealousy," rather than pointing out that the actual problem is the infatuation itself—along with that programmed, romanticized idea of what "love" should be—is like trying to give advice on how to stop hallucinations while someone is tripping on heavy drugs.

We’re all programmed from day one to believe in the illusion of romantic love. It’s the exact same cultural conditioning that makes us believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy. They teach us to hunt for that "one special person" who will finally make us whole—someone we supposedly need exclusively. We're told they have to be ours and ours alone, never looking at anyone else, never leaving our side, and staying that way until death do us part.

Humans have this endless capacity to lie to themselves, even when the truth is staring us right in the face:🙂 nobody belongs to us, and we don't belong to anyone. Once you realize that absolutely no one—and I mean no one—is yours to own, you'll experience the sheer lightness that comes from NON-POSSESSIVENESS. You simply can't be jealous if you aren't possessive. And honestly? Only someone who isn't possessive can truly love. In real love, all you want is what's best for the other person. In that romanticized, fake version of love, all you want is to keep that person exclusively for yourself.

I’ve never been the jealous type. Not once. And possessiveness? That’s just not in my DNA. I've always been pretty laid back about these things. But this... this is different. This is the first time I've ever actually felt this way about someone. It's a total first for me.
Look, I’m not some wide-eyed dreamer drifting through life, lost in some fantasy world or obsessed with uncovering all the little mysteries of the hormonal system. Not me.
It’s just how I feel after everything that's happened. Honestly, there's no other way to put it. I’ve loved quite a few others before this—not an overwhelming amount, mind you, just a handful—but it was more than enough to help me realize a few things about life.
That’s just who I am. Some people are just overly sentimental—they sit there crying over some sappy Hollywood drama while I’m just watching, totally baffled. Then you have the realists, the ones who think they've got life all figured out. And don't even get me started on that fourth group; those people view the art of love as nothing more than a chemical glitch or some selfish urge to satisfy their own basic needs. It's quite a spectrum, really.
Love shouldn't be that way. Honestly, I wasn't trying to suggest that jealousy is just some natural part of the equation—it isn't. It’s a sickness. Pure and simple.
But my love isn't some kind of sickness. Are you actually suggesting that I need to fall in love a bit more "realistically" just to get rid of this jealousy?

I don't think I'm being selfish at all. Honestly, if anything, I’m sacrificing way more than my boyfriend does. I mean, look—I’m constantly checking in on him, wondering how he’s actually doing, and his feelings are what really matter to me. I would never, ever let some trivial little distraction or a night out cause him to spiral that far. I won't ever let him reach a point where he feels like cutting his wrists just because of something silly I did. It's about priority. It really is.
His thoughts and feelings actually matter to me. I really do sit there and weigh them, you know? That’s why I end up feeling more jealous than someone who doesn't even bother to stop and think about things.
If I’m looking for someone just for me—and I don't mean that in some possessive, suffocating way where I view them as an extension of myself rather than their own person—well, I’d probably end up falling for a total pushover. There are plenty of them out there, honestly. I even respect some of them as individuals, but I could never actually be with one. Why? Because I value my own independence too much. I need my partner to have a rock-solid sense of self. That's the only way we can truly experience the art of love.
When you get up to a penthouse level, you just get a better view of the skyline. That’s really all there is to it. And honestly, that jealousy people feel? It isn't just about my somewhat fairytale notion regarding the art of love and two souls becoming one, or whatever... it goes deeper than that. It’s all deeply tied to my fundamental worldview—how I see life unfolding, really, and more importantly, how I view people as a whole.It’s not even about that... I mean, I'm not exactly sitting here pining away for some fairytale prince who’s supposed to swoop in and give me those dreamy, lingering glances—you know, the kind where he only blinks like that for me, and absolutely nobody else. Just me. That's the dream, isn't it?

Of course, at the end of the day, that raw, primal drive for sex is the core of it all—it’s just biology, plain and simple. But honestly? People are far too messy and complicated for that to be the whole story. Everything bleeds into everything else. It’s all tangled up. You can't just take one thread and pull it out to study it under a microscope without unraveling the entire tapestry. You can't dissect sex, or love, or even someone's jealousy as if they were isolated specimens in a lab. It’s all one big, interconnected web. Nothing exists in a vacuum.

I truly believe there’s a progression here, if you want my honest take: first, you have that initial spark where you're basically falling for an idealized version of someone you've built up in your head—what most people just call being "infatuated." Then comes actual infatuation, where those qualities stop feeling imaginary and start becoming a real part of your daily life; you become convinced this person is completely incomparable to anyone else because they possess this specific, unique magic just for you.
And thirdly, there's that deep, enduring love where the infatuation stays woven into the affection—it's love plus that lingering spark. It’s when that person still holds that "something special" above everyone else, even though you actually know them now, flaws and all. It’s finding it sweet to see them looking like a total mess in the morning, or seeing them at their absolute lowest, vulnerable and defeated, and still thinking they're wonderful.

If I weren't feeling that infatuation anymore and was just deeply in love with my boyfriend, I suppose I could fall for someone else... because that specific spark is exactly what I look for in the person I'm with. Otherwise, I can just love a friend, I guess.
But honestly, I don't really know how he views this whole thing. That's why I'm worried—that maybe he just loves me without that infatuation. People always say that tired, boring old cliché: "infatuation fades into love," and they talk about it like it's some dull, predictable transition that kills the magic.
In my eyes, if you love someone but the infatuation or that sense of wonder is gone, then it’s just habit, not true love. I don't think real love between a man and a woman can exist without a constant dose of that infatuation—that ability to see something more in them than in anyone else. You can't just look at them with purely realistic eyes like you would any stranger; you need that perspective that makes your heart ache just by looking at them sometimes. And if you don't feel that, how are you even supposed to be jealous?

Sean Cruz said:Look, that was meant to be a constructive suggestion—a way for you to actually improve things and shake up the dynamic in your relationship, rather than just sitting there complaining. I’ll admit, I missed the mark a little bit on how to phrase it, but seeing how much this jealousy is eating away at you, I honestly regret even bringing it up.

Once the sex is over, men tend to check out. They’ve satisfied their immediate urge, and suddenly, the desire for the next flirtation, the late-night wandering, or even just some genuine affection seems to evaporate. That said, I still believe that staying connected afterward is vital—it really does make a difference.😉
But that isn't the answer.

Look, I know it isn't a permanent fix, but constantly nagging him isn't exactly working in your favor. Instead of just venting, maybe try being direct. Sit him down, skip the complaining, and tell him straight up that this is eating you alive. Tell him you want to actually sit down and figure out a solution together.

I think I need to work on being a better version of myself. I want to remind him that he needs to cherish me—that he should actually feel lucky to have me by his side. Somewhere deep down, I know he realizes it; after all, he’s still here. But I fear he’s lost that spark of appreciation. He probably values me far less than he used to because he knows exactly how much of a jealous lunatic I can be.

First off, you aren't losing your mind. Second, there’s no need to focus on becoming a "better person"—you just need to tackle the actual problem. Sit him down and have an honest conversation.

Thanks for assuming I’m sane, but honestly, that’s exactly how I feel when things get like this...

We have talked about this a hundred times already. He told me to just bring things up calmly, without blowing up at him like he's the bad guy.
He claims he doesn't act as freely as he would if I weren't around, saying he’s had to change quite a bit because of me. But then he follows that up by saying there are certain things he simply won't change—even if they bother me—because that’s just who he is, he doesn't mean anything by it, and he's loyal to me. He actually called my behavior immature, suggesting that a "real, mature adult" wouldn't act like this or doubt him in the first place.
I suppose this supposed "ideal woman" would be so incredibly self-assured that she’d never make an issue out of him doing whatever the hell he wants—because, you know, she's so "mature."🙄
There was even one time I got hurt so badly we ended up in the ER because he pushed me to that point. And yet, he could easily stop those behaviors for the sake of love (personally, I care way more about how he's feeling when he's in a bad state than whatever I was planning in that moment, but whatever, I'll never truly grasp that logic).
And as for him having "changed more because of me than he would with anyone else"—well, thank God for that. I've changed because of him too, obviously. It’s not like I can just act totally reckless without worrying about someone else's feelings, like I do when I'm single.
There isn't much left to say about it. Honestly, just thinking back on those conversations with him makes me feel sick, believe me.

I’m feeling a bit better today, honestly. Nothing is really weighing on me right now, and frankly, I have no intention of letting it start back up again. Jealousy... it’s a strange thing. It hits you like a physical sickness, a lingering fever that just won't break, messing with your head and your body all at once.
But look, one thing is absolutely certain: either we call it quits, or I’m going to take everything I’ve learned from this mess and rise above it. And let me tell you, that would require a total, radical transformation.

Sean Cruz said:So, let's say you decide to make a move. You walk right up to him, snatch the phone out of his hand, and start being all affectionate. Or maybe you just stroll past him wearing something incredibly sexy... I don't know, you get the idea.😁 I’m sure you’re already aware of the various ways to keep your partner’s attention. Trust me, it makes life a lot more enjoyable for both of you. 😉

This only matters to me because it’s clear I’m just not enough for him. It’s obvious he isn't captivated by me—if I had actually managed to charm him, he wouldn't be giving her the time of day.🤷

I've read this sentence over and over, but I honestly can't wrap my head around what you were trying to get at.

What I meant was this: if I were actually enough for him, he wouldn't be wasting his time texting some other woman—someone who isn't even necessary to his life—just because he finds her topics interesting during his downtime.
But clearly, I just need to go hit the mall or something, and then he won't even remember ever talking to her.
The thing is, once the sex is over and men have gotten what they wanted, that drive to chase, flirt, or play games just evaporates. Though, I suppose keeping things spicy helps, and I think that's a huge factor. 😉
Still, that's not a real fix...
I think I really need to work on myself as an individual. I need to show him that I'm someone worth protecting, someone he should feel lucky to have by his side. He knows that deep down—which is why he's still here—but I think he's lost that spark of appreciation. And let's be real, he probably values me way less now because he knows I can be a total jealous wreck.

hollowtrucker77 said:Look, I’m sorry, but you’re the one with the actual issue here—it sounds a lot like jealousy to me.
If we’re following any kind of logical progression, the solution should involve something shifting within your own perspective to resolve the friction you're feeling.
🙂
I honestly don't think it's right to demand that someone else change just because you're struggling with something internally.
In my humble opinion, jealousy is basically just a symptom of low self-esteem, so you'd probably be better off working on that instead.
Now, I’m certainly no therapist, so I won't pretend to dive into the deep psychological weeds where an amateur like me could easily get everything wrong.
Just try to flip the script for a second: imagine if he were the jealous one, constantly hovering over you, trying to control when you go out, or telling you that you can't dress up or wear makeup...
We’d all pretty much agree that his behavior is the problem, and that the fix isn't for you to start wearing a housecoat and a veil, wouldn't we?

He really does clean himself up and stays perfectly polite with everyone, so that doesn't bother me at all. Honestly, him going where he wants, doing what he loves, and just having his own space—that doesn't phase me one bit.
I have my own interests and my group of girlfriends I see often, and I don't do any of that to make him jealous. It's not like I lack a life or feel the need to play "mother" to him by micromanaging his every move. Besides, I'm not really the type to crave the spotlight, whereas he absolutely is.

But regarding this other issue, I am truly trying to work through my issues and be a better person.
I'm just so tired of feeling like a failure—especially since certain things can never be undone. 😢
Everything I did years ago, back when I was first starting to act out, still comes back to haunt me today. Even though I have much better self-control now than I used to—and he knows firsthand how much of an agonizing struggle that was for me—it hasn't gone away.
Last night, I was crying half the night because I'm trying so hard not to mess up, yet he blames me during those "potential jealousy triggers," saying things like, "Here we go, you're about to start..." and then he just lists every single mistake I've ever made. I didn't say a word in response, but man, it was so incredibly hard. I honestly can't even put into words how heavy that feels.

hollowtrucker77 said:He isn’t actually going out of his way to hurt you, let’s be real about that.
The guy is just doing what he does because that is simply who he is and it's what he feels like doing.
In the same vein, you really ought to be focusing on your own business and doing whatever you feel like doing, rather than constantly subordinating your entire workflow to whether or not it aligns with him or if it’s going to annoy him somehow.
🙂
If you actually sit back and look at what you wrote, it's pretty clear: you're doing something that irritates you, and then you get mad at him, not because he’s reacting to what you’re doing, but because you can't handle the fact that he isn't getting annoyed by it too.
😁
yee-haw

Okay, fine. I guess I'm just wired differently. Maybe I really should find someone more my speed, someone who doesn't feel the need to act that way just because it's in their DNA... because, I mean, how does it make sense that I'm constantly jealous over things while he doesn't care at all? I'm just not that type of person; I don't sweat those little things, I don't need to. And even if I did, he wouldn't stop his behavior even if I jumped off a bridge, mostly because he doesn't even realize he's doing anything wrong (so, yeah, you're basically on your own there).

hollowtrucker77 said:britta, honestly, all you really need to do is start recognizing your own damn worth
it’s funny how people are usually their own harshest critics, obsessing over every little flaw they think they have while completely ignoring those same issues in everyone else
you should try shifting the dynamic just a bit—maybe tell your guy how much fun it is seeing all these women circling him, and just let him sit there and realize exactly what he stands to lose if he ever lets you slip away
look, I see it all the time, even with my own wife; I catch guys checking her out, and I see her smiling back, just naturally being her charming self and engaging with the world around her
and that’s perfectly fine, actually; it's totally normal and nothing to get worked up about
but the thing is, she knows exactly what she brings to the table and exactly what she'd be risking if she decided to look elsewhere
and the same goes for me, too
men and women flirt, they play the game, they try to impress one another
it isn't anything groundbreaking, and it certainly isn't cause for alarm
I don't own my wife, and she doesn't own me either
we're together because we choose to be, because there's a genuine connection there
at any given moment, either one of us is free to walk away from this whole thing and move on; there aren't any handcuffs or prison cells involved here

That’s exactly what he tells me... Honestly, I know all the things he thinks, I really do. But then, why does he go out and do certain things that he doesn't have to when he knows perfectly well they bother me? If it were me, I’d never dream of doing that to him.
Maybe BANANAFISH is onto something, because I can't help but feel like he’s doing these things on purpose—I mean, if he "doesn't care," why bother at all? Especially since he knows it gets under my skin...
Now, I’ve started doing the exact same things he does, just to give him a taste of his own medicine. It’s not even like this is my personality; if I weren't doing this, everything would be fine. But I have to wonder... how long can I keep playing this game of imitation before I lose myself?😢

Sean Cruz said:This reminds me of my younger days when I used to starve myself over guys who weren't even worth the effort. 🤣
The only way to pull his attention away from her isn't by making a scene; it's to boldly seduce him right when she sends him a message. 😁 After that, he probably won't even realize she messaged him, let alone bother to reply. 😛

But how am I supposed to be completely irresistible? 🙂

To me, this just sounds like he’s already talking to her because clearly, I’m not enough for him. If I were truly that captivating—if I had really hooked him properly—he wouldn't be bothering to reply to her in the first place.🤷

Jacob Wilson50 said:isss,
you can't stop him from meeting people.
BUT YOU CAN MAKE SURE NO ONE IS BETTER THAN YOU TO HIM!
You can work on YOURSELF.
You can be that warm, loving presence, the person who offers him things no one else can. You can focus on US, instead of living in fear that someone else will come along.
There are ALWAYS plenty of "better" people out there.
The key is being the best version of yourself for him,
and you obviously won't be able to do that if you're constantly paralyzed by anxiety.

It's like you're in a beautiful ocean, but instead of swimming and diving and looking at tropical fish, you're just terrified that some shark from the deep sea might show up, and that fear is what's actually drowning you.!!!
It's all in your head, nowhere else!

If you don't want him to leave, don't be the kind of person people run away from!
BE his safe harbor.

Thanks, I'll definitely be keeping this in mind.👍

Ugh, that stupid feeling is hitting me all over again. Some girl is basically throwing herself at him through these long-winded messages, pretending they’re just "discussing business"...
He treats her like any other outside contractor or freelancer, so I really shouldn't be getting worked up at him, but let's be real—I know exactly what she's playing at.
It’s just so transparent. When she needed to discuss something with me online, she suddenly couldn't be bothered because she saw me as "just a woman," but then, wouldn't you know it, she reaches out to *him* the very next day about the exact same topic!!!! What a piece of work... honestly, part of me wants to do something about it, but I can't decide if it's even worth my energy.