Posts by Larry Thomas6

For as long as I can remember, my entire life has been tinted with this persistent sense of melancholy and longing. It’s not even that I had some textbook tragic childhood—you know, the cliché of growing up with emotionally absent parents or a brother you could never truly connect with amidst constant household friction. There were no grand traumas or cinematic tragedies; just a general lack of warmth.
Nowadays, my life looks perfectly put together on paper. I have my own family, stability, everything people strive for. Yet, there is almost zero genuine satisfaction to be found. Instead, there is this invincible anxiety. I am fully aware of this streak in my personality, and I try to manage it any way I can—I devour self-help books, take long walks through the local state parks, and so on. But then I realize I am simply trying to force myself to wear rose-colored glasses that I don't actually feel.
It only takes the smallest, most mundane thing to throw me off balance, leaving me crushed by anxiety and this deep-seated feeling that everything else is just an illusion. I look toward the future with apprehension. I attempt to find tiny moments of joy in the daily grind, but they all feel as fragile as a soap bubble ready to burst at any second. Every good thing that happens feels temporary, a mere mirage, while the grayness remains the only constant.
How does one change? This isn't just a phase; this is who I am. But I want to change. How????

Look, there’s this idea of emotional detachment... it’s basically the Stoic approach. I can appreciate that philosophy, at least in certain contexts. Once, someone hurt me so deeply I genuinely thought my heart would stop right then and there. I didn't die, obviously. Instead, I just froze my emotions solid and made a vow to never let anyone get close enough to do it again.
..But that's a lie. No matter how high you build those walls around yourself, the pain stays alive inside. You can chant mantras about being indifferent all you want, or tell yourself that you alone control your suffering, but it doesn't change the reality.

Jose Adams5 said:There are specific psychotherapeutic approaches that are actually quite effective at handling negative emotions. The core idea is that these emotional patterns can be passed down between people, especially within close families. Having dealt with similar struggles myself, I’d strongly suggest looking into those kinds of therapies—they can genuinely shift your entire perspective on life.

That is precisely my concern—how can I prevent my own emotional state from spilling over onto my family, especially my children? They certainly don't deserve to carry that weight.
Could you elaborate on what that experience was actually like for you?

Look, Brenda Cooper3 didn't mean any harm. It’s just that, unfortunately, that isn't how reality works.
One piece of "advice" I keep hearing is that we should always consider those who have it harder—and there will always be people in that position—so by that logic, our own lives should somehow feel easier. I don't know. To me, that just makes it worse. I see the suffering and the misery that I am powerless to change... and it feels as though that is the true nature of this world, while everything else is just a fog.

Brenda Cooper3 said:If you want to change, then just change. It’s that simple. Just tell yourself—"I have no reason to feel anxious, so I won't be anxious. I am not anxious!"
Is that really such a difficult concept? O.o

If it were actually that straightforward, this entire thread wouldn't exist. 😉
I am fully aware of what I am dealing with. I try to fix it. I read the psychology books, I even go through those mindless daily affirmations you find online, but at the end of the day, I have to conclude that it is all just an act. If you look at a black wall and insist it is white, the wall doesn't suddenly turn white.
I don't know how to fill this emptiness I feel. I am truly not a spoiled person; I don't care about designer brands, shopping sprees, or showing off. In fact, I despise all of that. I am at my happiest when I find a good book to lose myself in, but that is merely an escape, and one is supposed to actually live their life.
How does one find the will to face tomorrow?