Feeling sad and anxious

Don't worry, you aren't alone in this. I get that feeling sometimes too. It isn't depression—I’m actually quite cheerful when I'm out and about—but I still feel a sense of dissatisfaction. Objectively, there's no reason for it; my life is stable, with a great marriage, a wonderful kid, and steady work. Still, the feeling persists. I suspect it's just the monotony of the daily grind. Every day feels identical, like a loop repeating itself over and over. Even though my childhood wasn't perfect, I never felt this way back then.

Brenda Cooper3 said:If you want to change, then just change. It’s that simple. Just tell yourself—"I have no reason to feel anxious, so I won't be anxious. I am not anxious!"
Is that really such a difficult concept? O.o

If it were actually that straightforward, this entire thread wouldn't exist. 😉
I am fully aware of what I am dealing with. I try to fix it. I read the psychology books, I even go through those mindless daily affirmations you find online, but at the end of the day, I have to conclude that it is all just an act. If you look at a black wall and insist it is white, the wall doesn't suddenly turn white.
I don't know how to fill this emptiness I feel. I am truly not a spoiled person; I don't care about designer brands, shopping sprees, or showing off. In fact, I despise all of that. I am at my happiest when I find a good book to lose myself in, but that is merely an escape, and one is supposed to actually live their life.
How does one find the will to face tomorrow?

Brenda Cooper3 said:If you want to change, then just change. It’s that simple. Just tell yourself—"I have no reason to feel anxious, so I won't be anxious. I am not anxious!"
Is that really such a difficult concept? O.o

Exactly. ☕

Let’s say someone is dealing with colon cancer—would you suggest they just convince themselves they aren't in pain? Because, clearly, we all know pain is just "all in your head" xexexe. You just tell yourself, "Oh, I'm fine, I feel great, nothing hurts," and suddenly it's reality. Isn't that just easy? 😬

Larry Thomas6 said:For as long as I can remember, my entire life has been tinted with this persistent sense of melancholy and longing. It’s not even that I had some textbook tragic childhood—you know, the cliché of growing up with emotionally absent parents or a brother you could never truly connect with amidst constant household friction. There were no grand traumas or cinematic tragedies; just a general lack of warmth.
Nowadays, my life looks perfectly put together on paper. I have my own family, stability, everything people strive for. Yet, there is almost zero genuine satisfaction to be found. Instead, there is this invincible anxiety. I am fully aware of this streak in my personality, and I try to manage it any way I can—I devour self-help books, take long walks through the local state parks, and so on. But then I realize I am simply trying to force myself to wear rose-colored glasses that I don't actually feel.
It only takes the smallest, most mundane thing to throw me off balance, leaving me crushed by anxiety and this deep-seated feeling that everything else is just an illusion. I look toward the future with apprehension. I attempt to find tiny moments of joy in the daily grind, but they all feel as fragile as a soap bubble ready to burst at any second. Every good thing that happens feels temporary, a mere mirage, while the grayness remains the only constant.
How does one change? This isn't just a phase; this is who I am. But I want to change. How????

There are specific psychotherapeutic approaches that are actually quite effective at handling negative emotions. The core idea is that these emotional patterns can be passed down between people, especially within close families. Having dealt with similar struggles myself, I’d strongly suggest looking into those kinds of therapies—they can genuinely shift your entire perspective on life.

Larry Thomas6 said:If it were actually that straightforward, this entire thread wouldn't exist. 😉
I am fully aware of what I am dealing with. I try to fix it. I read the psychology books, I even go through those mindless daily affirmations you find online, but at the end of the day, I have to conclude that it is all just an act. If you look at a black wall and insist it is white, the wall doesn't suddenly turn white.
I don't know how to fill this emptiness I feel. I am truly not a spoiled person; I don't care about designer brands, shopping sprees, or showing off. In fact, I despise all of that. I am at my happiest when I find a good book to lose myself in, but that is merely an escape, and one is supposed to actually live their life.
How does one find the will to face tomorrow?

There’s a song that perfectly captures this feeling:

The show must go on uf

Man, I get chills every single time that intro starts playing...

Look, Brenda Cooper3 didn't mean any harm. It’s just that, unfortunately, that isn't how reality works.
One piece of "advice" I keep hearing is that we should always consider those who have it harder—and there will always be people in that position—so by that logic, our own lives should somehow feel easier. I don't know. To me, that just makes it worse. I see the suffering and the misery that I am powerless to change... and it feels as though that is the true nature of this world, while everything else is just a fog.

Jose Adams5 said:There are specific psychotherapeutic approaches that are actually quite effective at handling negative emotions. The core idea is that these emotional patterns can be passed down between people, especially within close families. Having dealt with similar struggles myself, I’d strongly suggest looking into those kinds of therapies—they can genuinely shift your entire perspective on life.

That is precisely my concern—how can I prevent my own emotional state from spilling over onto my family, especially my children? They certainly don't deserve to carry that weight.
Could you elaborate on what that experience was actually like for you?

Larry Thomas6 said:Look, Brenda Cooper3 didn't mean any harm. It’s just that, unfortunately, that isn't how reality works.
One piece of "advice" I keep hearing is that we should always consider those who have it harder—and there will always be people in that position—so by that logic, our own lives should somehow feel easier. I don't know. To me, that just makes it worse. I see the suffering and the misery that I am powerless to change... and it feels as though that is the true nature of this world, while everything else is just a fog.

I know she wasn't trying to be malicious. She just seems to think that because certain things come naturally to her, everyone else should be able to achieve them just as easily if they only wanted to.

As for the rest, I agree. You can actually change your own life—but you can't reduce the world's suffering by even a single micrometer. Therefore, the only thing left to do is try to become numb to it. 🤷 (Some people don't even have to try—they were just born that way. Xexexe.)

Look, there’s this idea of emotional detachment... it’s basically the Stoic approach. I can appreciate that philosophy, at least in certain contexts. Once, someone hurt me so deeply I genuinely thought my heart would stop right then and there. I didn't die, obviously. Instead, I just froze my emotions solid and made a vow to never let anyone get close enough to do it again.
..But that's a lie. No matter how high you build those walls around yourself, the pain stays alive inside. You can chant mantras about being indifferent all you want, or tell yourself that you alone control your suffering, but it doesn't change the reality.

Larry Thomas6 said:That is precisely my concern—how can I prevent my own emotional state from spilling over onto my family, especially my children? They certainly don't deserve to carry that weight.
Could you elaborate on what that experience was actually like for you?

Generally speaking, our own negative emotions tend to "stick" to our children most easily—it's almost a cycle, isn't it? We inherited these patterns from our own parents. I sent you a DM so we can chat further without breaking any forum rules.

For as long as I can remember, my entire life has been tinted with this persistent sense of melancholy and longing. It’s not even that I had some textbook tragic childhood—you know, the cliché of growing up with emotionally absent parents or a brother you could never truly connect with amidst constant household friction. There were no grand traumas or cinematic tragedies; just a general lack of warmth.
Nowadays, my life looks perfectly put together on paper. I have my own family, stability, everything people strive for. Yet, there is almost zero genuine satisfaction to be found. Instead, there is this invincible anxiety. I am fully aware of this streak in my personality, and I try to manage it any way I can—I devour self-help books, take long walks through the local state parks, and so on. But then I realize I am simply trying to force myself to wear rose-colored glasses that I don't actually feel.
It only takes the smallest, most mundane thing to throw me off balance, leaving me crushed by anxiety and this deep-seated feeling that everything else is just an illusion. I look toward the future with apprehension. I attempt to find tiny moments of joy in the daily grind, but they all feel as fragile as a soap bubble ready to burst at any second. Every good thing that happens feels temporary, a mere mirage, while the grayness remains the only constant.
How does one change? This isn't just a phase; this is who I am. But I want to change. How????

If you want to change, then just change. It’s that simple. Just tell yourself—"I have no reason to feel anxious, so I won't be anxious. I am not anxious!"
Is that really such a difficult concept? O.o

I don't know. If I decide there’s no reason to feel anxious or down, then I simply don't. If I do find myself feeling that way, I either hunt for the root cause or, if I already know what it is, I try to fix it. If it's unfixable, I just have a good, honest cry to some melancholy song, or I vent here on the forum and wait for a kind soul to offer some solid advice. After all, two heads are better than one 😁
Regarding the author—do you have any idea what might be triggering this anxiety? Even if you aren't sure, try to speculate so we can figure out what's actually bothering you in your life.
- Perhaps you expected more from life? - From yourself? - From others?
Those are the usual suspects when it comes to feeling depressed. Is there anything else you could add to that list??

Larry Thomas6 said:Look, Brenda Cooper3 didn't mean any harm. It’s just that, unfortunately, that isn't how reality works.
One piece of "advice" I keep hearing is that we should always consider those who have it harder—and there will always be people in that position—so by that logic, our own lives should somehow feel easier. I don't know. To me, that just makes it worse. I see the suffering and the misery that I am powerless to change... and it feels as though that is the true nature of this world, while everything else is just a fog.

Yeah, I'm the exact same way. It drives me absolutely insane when people use those self-soothing mechanisms, because to me, it just feels like they're enjoying feeling superior to everyone else. It doesn't have to be that way, but it definitely feels that way to me.
It’s just total nonsense (and incredibly selfish, by the way): putting other people on a pedestal just because they're struggling more. It's like some weird religious nonsense, if you really think about it. 😁

Anyway, I totally get where you're coming from, but I've kind of just accepted my anxious and depressed moods. Which means, yeah, I'm not gonna be in a good mood 100% of the time, but I try to play around with my moods a bit. Like, every other day I just flip a switch to "good mood mode" and things flow naturally. I think the worst thing you can do is overthink it and start judging yourself for being depressed. It's not like something you can just fix with a single click or whatever. 🙂

Brenda Cooper3 said:I don't know. If I decide there’s no reason to feel anxious or down, then I simply don't. If I do find myself feeling that way, I either hunt for the root cause or, if I already know what it is, I try to fix it. If it's unfixable, I just have a good, honest cry to some melancholy song, or I vent here on the forum and wait for a kind soul to offer some solid advice. After all, two heads are better than one 😁
Regarding the author—do you have any idea what might be triggering this anxiety? Even if you aren't sure, try to speculate so we can figure out what's actually bothering you in your life.
- Perhaps you expected more from life? - From yourself? - From others?
Those are the usual suspects when it comes to feeling depressed. Is there anything else you could add to that list??

What is it about that song above that makes it feel so heavy and anxious?

lonegardener said:What is it about that song above that makes it feel so heavy and anxious?

Huh? I don't follow. What are you getting at? 😕
I'm saying that when I’m feeling down, I actually listen to sad music just to let it all out—usually something like "Nutshell" by Alice in Chains.

lonegardener said:What is it about that song above that makes it feel so heavy and anxious?

See, that’s the thing—it’s all subjective, I guess. For me, it doesn't even feel sad or anxious; honestly, it feels pretty mellow and kind of optimistic.
If you actually listen to what the lyrics are saying, you'll see it isn't about giving up. It's not like, "Let's all just end it all," it's more like, "Things are rough right now, but I'm gonna keep pushing through."

😍😍😍

As for that legendary track by Queen—I’m honestly speechless. It isn't just a song; it’s something much greater than that.
Thanks, Freddie, and thanks to the rest of the band too!! 🙏

Linda Taylor11 said:See, that’s the thing—it’s all subjective, I guess. For me, it doesn't even feel sad or anxious; honestly, it feels pretty mellow and kind of optimistic.
If you actually listen to what the lyrics are saying, you'll see it isn't about giving up. It's not like, "Let's all just end it all," it's more like, "Things are rough right now, but I'm gonna keep pushing through."

😍😍😍

Gentle and optimistic? Yeah, right. ☕ 🤣

Larry Thomas6 said:For as long as I can remember, my entire life has been tinted with this persistent sense of melancholy and longing. It’s not even that I had some textbook tragic childhood—you know, the cliché of growing up with emotionally absent parents or a brother you could never truly connect with amidst constant household friction. There were no grand traumas or cinematic tragedies; just a general lack of warmth.
Nowadays, my life looks perfectly put together on paper. I have my own family, stability, everything people strive for. Yet, there is almost zero genuine satisfaction to be found. Instead, there is this invincible anxiety. I am fully aware of this streak in my personality, and I try to manage it any way I can—I devour self-help books, take long walks through the local state parks, and so on. But then I realize I am simply trying to force myself to wear rose-colored glasses that I don't actually feel.
It only takes the smallest, most mundane thing to throw me off balance, leaving me crushed by anxiety and this deep-seated feeling that everything else is just an illusion. I look toward the future with apprehension. I attempt to find tiny moments of joy in the daily grind, but they all feel as fragile as a soap bubble ready to burst at any second. Every good thing that happens feels temporary, a mere mirage, while the grayness remains the only constant.
How does one change? This isn't just a phase; this is who I am. But I want to change. How????

Honestly, I’d recommend psychotherapy too. You seem ready for it: you understand everything. You clearly see that your current life gives you absolutely no reason or cause for these heavy feelings. You realize you aren't enjoying the things you know you should be enjoying—but you just can't.

And you know it stems from your childhood.

Childhood emotions are basically like owning a filthy, rotten pair of sweatpants. You keep wearing them even though you’ve developed taste, made money, and bought gorgeous clothes. But you keep them in the closet, and you spend all day in those sweats.

Of course, everyone tells you: "It's an easy fix! Just snap your fingers and decide: this is my life, I'm going to live how I want and enjoy it with everything I've got!" 👍

Give yourself a deadline. If it doesn't work, find a therapist.