Posts by shadowcrane5

I’m dealing with something pretty similar, so I totally get where you're coming from... When it comes to death, honestly, I don't know what to tell you. My grandmother passed away and I felt absolutely nothing. Then my other grandma died—still nothing. Even when my grandpa passed, it was just blank, though about six months later it finally hit me how much I missed him. But then, the other day, I saw a car run over a stray cat near a Starbucks and I went home and cried for hours. It’s wild. It's the same way when I see news about five young people dying in a car wreck on the interstate; hearing them list who died and where doesn't move me at all, but I wouldn't say I'm totally numb to suffering. Actually, I feel terrible when women are victims. Like, if I read about an assault on a woman or a girl, I literally feel weak and I start imagining all the things I'd do to the perpetrator. I guess I'm just sensitive to that. My view of the world and myself is a bit warped, so I suppose it's no wonder I feel so burnt out

I mean, I’ve always been this way—just someone who doesn't really gravitate toward crowds. I think I just haven't quite figured out the whole "people person" thing. Lately, though, I’ve actually started hanging out with a few people more regularly, maybe two or three friends total. Even if it's just grabbing a coffee with one person once a week, I'm actually pretty happy with that. Is that pathetic?

I get that I’m the one responsible here (mostly because there are just so many people like that out there), but honestly, the last thing I need is someone telling me how pathetic I am. It's not like I don't realize it myself—believe me, I'm fully aware. I haven't found a way to fix things yet, though maybe there's a solution out there somewhere once I figure it out.

Exactly... you don't even realize where they're hiding. You probably run into people like that all the time without a clue. Just a cashier at the grocery store, maybe a coworker, or just someone you cross paths with briefly..

I’m dealing with almost the exact same thing as mistyseal11. It’s easy for everyone else to chime in with advice on what you should or shouldn't do, or how to handle it, when they have no clue what it actually feels like. They don't get what it's like to spend all day alone, stuck in front of a computer or the TV, just spiraling into how miserable everything is—to use mistyseal11's term, a "social cripple." You honestly feel like there's no way out. The worst part is that after a while, those thoughts of suicide actually start creeping in because the loneliness begins to eat away at your body, your soul, and your mind. It’s not like I’m totally isolated; I have a few friends, if you can even call them that, but they live too far away. I’ve thought about looking for professional help, but I honestly doubt there's any fix for stuff like this.