I feel numb to other people's suffering

I honestly don't even know how to start this because I’m actually kind of embarrassed
Basically, I feel like I’ve completely—well, I *hope* it’s not actually this extreme—lost all sense of empathy. It’s like there’s nothing left in me, not for my friends, not for strangers, nothing. I mean, sure, I might feel bad for someone once in a blue moon, but in those moments where you’re *supposed* to feel sympathy? It just doesn't happen.
It’s like everything is just... meh. Joy, sadness, misery, celebrations—it all feels totally flat, just a big, boring blah.
Sometimes I catch myself thinking I wouldn't even care if everyone just disappeared, just so things would feel a little less tedious for me.
And here’s the part that really gets to me: when someone who's a total jerk has something terrible happen to them, I almost feel a weird sense of satisfaction. Then, immediately after, the guilt kicks in because I keep telling myself it isn't my place to judge, yet I still can't bring myself to care when someone is, say, stuck in a hospital bed, or passed away, or even landed in prison. I have this nagging assumption that I *should* be feeling sorry for them, but I just... don't. Especially if they were awful to me or anyone I know—though, even if they weren't particularly bad, it’s still the same thing. Everything is just indifferent.

Now I’m spiraling a bit, obsessively overthinking all of this—I don't even know what else to say, really. I just don't want to be this numb anymore. I don't want to feel this twisted little spark of happiness when someone else is suffering, even if they deserve it or whatever.
It’s eating me alive, honestly. The guilt is massive, and I have no clue how to shift my mindset or change the way I see the world.

And what exactly is this pity you're talking about—do you actually need it for some practical reason, or are you just feeling a sense of guilt...
and why wouldn't one feel joy? What is there to lack when it comes to joy?

So I’ll be scrolling through the news, right? And I see some headline about a kid passing away, and my brain just goes—okay, fine, but what am I supposed to do with that? Tomorrow it’ll be someone else, and the day after that, it'll be another one... I mean, that’s just how the world works, I guess. Life is just a constant cycle of this stuff, isn't it?

And then I start feeling like a total jerk because I figure a "good" person—you know, one of those genuinely empathetic types—would probably be sitting there thinking about how absolutely devastating and heartbreaking it all is, whereas I'm just kind of staring at the screen like, "Well, there it is."

placidwolf27 said:And what exactly is this pity you're talking about—do you actually need it for some practical reason, or are you just feeling a sense of guilt...
and why wouldn't one feel joy? What is there to lack when it comes to joy?

Fair question. Honestly, I’m chronically short on empathy myself. When a situation calls for it, I just fake it. I put on the right expression, toss out a few standard phrases, and call it a day. It actually feels better than genuinely feeling someone else's misery.

I don’t personally struggle with that—I feel the pity and all that, so I just choose to ignore it

It can be pleasant from time to time... there is a certain gratification found in someone else's misery, especially if you have the capacity to empathize and actually see yourself in their position

Sometimes it serves as a way to toughen oneself up—for instance, when some situation triggers an overwhelming wave of sympathy, it usually just irritates me or feels pathetic... like seeing a litter of stray kittens on a street corner in Chicago, and you just think, damn it, what happens next? Who feeds them? Who deals with them when they turn into massive animals? Just leave it alone, for God's sake

So, my question is... if you weren't feeling that nagging sense of guilt, would you actually find yourself lacking that sense of pity?

I feel like I’m failing some kind of test, you know? Like, I can tell I’m actually a decent person—I have empathy, I feel for people when they're suffering, and seeing something terrible really hits me at first. But then... I don't know, it’s like this weirdly logical part of my brain kicks in and tells me that this is just how the world works. That bad things have to happen, so why bother feeling sorry? It totally kills any sense of compassion or empathy for me. Sometimes it hits me right in the middle of some stupid situation, sometimes I don't even process it until a week later, and sometimes it just never lands at all.
It’s almost like I’ve spent way too much time scrolling through endless threads online and just became numb to everything.

And honestly? When I see someone else going through hell, there’s this dark little part of me that feels almost relieved—just because I realize I’m not the only one dealing with all this crap.

At the end of the day, these thoughts just eat at me. I’m starting to get this sinking feeling that I’ve just let myself become bitter.

So, have you finally reached some kind of total Nirvana, or did someone just give you a massive headache that forced you to go Google the answer?
I honestly don't buy that you're just completely devoid of feeling or empathy, though. It’s more likely that you just don't let yourself actually process any emotions on the surface.

Whatever, man, don't waste your energy overthinking it; just embrace who you are and move on.

I wouldn't say I’m particularly sensitive to the suffering of others—not because I think people actually enjoy being miserable (by all means, enjoy your drama if you must!), but rather because life is just... a lot. I can't undo the tragedy of losing a child through my own grief, and honestly, I deal with enough chaos in my own daily life that I simply don't have the bandwidth—nor the desire—to dwell on the struggles of people I don't know and have no connection to!
You aren't alone in feeling this way!

mellownomad55 said:I wouldn't say I’m particularly sensitive to the suffering of others—not because I think people actually enjoy being miserable (by all means, enjoy your drama if you must!), but rather because life is just... a lot. I can't undo the tragedy of losing a child through my own grief, and honestly, I deal with enough chaos in my own daily life that I simply don't have the bandwidth—nor the desire—to dwell on the struggles of people I don't know and have no connection to!
You aren't alone in feeling this way!

Or maybe I'm wrong...😕

They hit us with bad news 24/7, bombarding us from every angle until you eventually just become numb to it all.

Sarah Newman2 said:They hit us with bad news 24/7, bombarding us from every angle until you eventually just become numb to it all.

That might be true, but let’s be real: when people come to you whining, they rarely actually present the core of their problem or even the root cause. Instead, they fixate entirely on the consequences—which basically means if a person doesn't actually want to help themselves, well, even Quincy won't lift a finger for them, let alone me!
I happen to be dealing with enough sadness on all sides right now that I’m totally dialed into everyone's emotions. It makes me realize how many people *want* to help, how many *can* help, and how many actually know how to help.

I’m dealing with something pretty similar, so I totally get where you're coming from... When it comes to death, honestly, I don't know what to tell you. My grandmother passed away and I felt absolutely nothing. Then my other grandma died—still nothing. Even when my grandpa passed, it was just blank, though about six months later it finally hit me how much I missed him. But then, the other day, I saw a car run over a stray cat near a Starbucks and I went home and cried for hours. It’s wild. It's the same way when I see news about five young people dying in a car wreck on the interstate; hearing them list who died and where doesn't move me at all, but I wouldn't say I'm totally numb to suffering. Actually, I feel terrible when women are victims. Like, if I read about an assault on a woman or a girl, I literally feel weak and I start imagining all the things I'd do to the perpetrator. I guess I'm just sensitive to that. My view of the world and myself is a bit warped, so I suppose it's no wonder I feel so burnt out

Respect, everyone. I’m right there with you; I share these exact same symptoms.
For a while, I actually felt for people. I was far too sensitive, I think...
A trivial example: back in high school, it hit me hard just seeing a classmate wearing cheap knockoff sneakers from a discount store. I don't know why, but I felt this intense wave of pity for him. It sounds stupid, I know. But things like that—seeing a stray cat hit by a car, or just witnessing anyone else's misfortune—it would trigger this deep sense of guilt in me regarding my own lifestyle.
Then, suddenly—I can't even pinpoint when—it all just stopped. Any emotion for others? Gone. For instance, I’ve been hanging out with the same group of friends for about a year now, and suddenly I've drifted toward a completely different crowd. These other people just bore me; their very presence irritates me.
It's the same with death. I feel zero compassion, even if it's someone close. It’s as if I’m incapable of forming any real bond with the people around me. When I was younger, I used to attach myself to people—friends, girls, family—but every single one of them ended up disappointing me. Usually, it’s those small gestures that show respect or affection that they fail at. It's like I was the type of person people avoided... though, analyzing myself, I am a perfectly well-adjusted person. No aggression, no suicidal ideation, nothing like that. I’m highly ambitious and driven to succeed, just like anyone else. Honestly, money is the only thing that truly drives me. I love earning it, I love spending it, and I love thinking about it. Quite simply, I'm happy when my wallet is full. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some psychopath counting pennies every second, but I am constantly thinking about it—how to make it, how to grow it, and what to buy with it. Money is always revolving around me; even though my main job pays poorly, I pull in a solid amount through side hustles. The thought of spending my entire life working for maybe $3,000 a month absolutely terrifies me.
I don't think I have a social problem. I get along with everyone and I'm not picky about personalities; I just can't stand being around junkies or chronic alcoholics.

George Clark19 said:So I’ll be scrolling through the news, right? And I see some headline about a kid passing away, and my brain just goes—okay, fine, but what am I supposed to do with that? Tomorrow it’ll be someone else, and the day after that, it'll be another one... I mean, that’s just how the world works, I guess. Life is just a constant cycle of this stuff, isn't it?

And then I start feeling like a total jerk because I figure a "good" person—you know, one of those genuinely empathetic types—would probably be sitting there thinking about how absolutely devastating and heartbreaking it all is, whereas I'm just kind of staring at the screen like, "Well, there it is."

George Clark19, I feel like we’ve crossed paths on other forums before too, and if I remember right—assuming it's actually you—you mentioned some stuff that went down in your life over the last few years. I gotta say, from where I'm sitting, your life hasn't exactly been a walk in the park.

You’ve probably dealt with enough emotional heavy lifting that your brain is basically shielding you (with this fake numbness) just to keep you from totally crashing. Like, emotional burnout. And honestly, I get it. I can relate. I deal with so much stress myself that sometimes I just wish I could go numb so I wouldn't have to deal with all these intense, negative vibes.

It’s really nothing to lose sleep over. Psychopaths don't just pop out of nowhere. 🙂

EDIT: I used to be such a huge empath, you know? Crying over everyone else's tragedies, feeling everything for them... but you can't do that forever. You just run dry. Eventually, you realize there's no point in spending all your "emotional currency" on strangers when caring about them doesn't even change the outcome. 😁

Me personally, aside from a few bright spots in my own life, I don't really give a damn about humanity anymore. And honestly? It feels pretty refreshing. 😍

One should not feel compelled to pity anyone. What purpose does sympathy serve? Sympathy can actually be detrimental, even to the very person we are pitying, because we become those self-righteous altruists who suddenly decide to intervene in something simply because we believe it is necessary based on our own feelings.

Everything happening within you is essentially a struggle between who you truly are and who you intend to be when you want to function as a productive member of society. In this society, people have learned to perform sympathy; it is how they make themselves recognizable to others.

Beyond that predictable social behavior lies an individual world within our consciousness that remains a complete mystery. It is a mystery because we haven't explored it ourselves, and we have no one to ask. Within that internal world, there are only the rules we choose to accept. Personally, I see no utility in pity, so I consider it worthless to feel sorry for anyone or anything. However, I will perform sympathy when society demands it of me, purely because it facilitates my existence.

Social consciousness seeks validation and acceptance through the eyes of others. Personal consciousness seeks flawless confidence in one's own eyes. It shouldn't matter what others think of us, yet it matters deeply that we control what they think of us.

Do not misunderstand; I am not suggesting this is a tool for deception or manipulation. This ability of the consciousness to act consciously against one's own beliefs is vital for survival. Consider a situation in a remote part of the country where everyone belongs to a specific religion and is certain of their righteousness. For some, their nationality is paramount; others are die-hard fans of a local NFL team; some are strictly Democrat or Republican. To someone else, all of these distinctions might be entirely irrelevant. Yet, to survive in a world filled with these divisions—which they don't actually care about—one must perform the role.

Why would such a person behave and pretend to think like everyone else in society? Because it provides them the space to do whatever they wish with their own consciousness. That way, they can explore uncharted paths of the mind and then return to being a functional part of society exactly as they desire.

Maybe you're just kidding yourself—I mean, if you're too embarrassed to even talk about it out loud, I doubt you've got much of a defense against anyone else's judgment... I'm leaning more towards this being some sort of coping mechanism you've built, just keeping everything tucked away deep inside where it's safe 😉

I don't know... I guess I just hold myself to these massive, impossible standards—like, I always feel this crushing need to do the right thing, even if it ends up screwing me over in the long run.
It’s like, in my own head, I can't even let myself have a single wrong thought. I can't even think, "wow, this person is being an idiot," because, you know, we're all human and we all mess up and stuff... that whole deal.

@Linda Taylor11, yeah, it's happened a bunch of times lately—more than I really want to talk about, honestly—but I just don't know what to make of it anymore. It seems like someone close to me is always messing up or going through some disaster, and then I'm just left there, stuck cleaning up everyone else's mess. I never have anyone to actually step up and look out for me, you know? So, I guess I've felt pretty much alone in this world for as long as I can remember—though, I suppose we're all kind of alone deep down anyway.

My only real goal in life is just to be a good person, but somehow I always trip over something. And as for being cold or unfeeling? Honestly, I just worry that maybe I'm some kind of psycho.😁

Did anyone else catch Jack talking to that elderly woman the other night? You know, the one complaining about losing everything she worked for? I couldn't help but notice his reaction. Does the man actually have a heart, or is he just putting on an elaborate performance for the cameras? To me, it didn't look like he cared at all. In fact, if I'm being honest, it almost seemed like he was annoyed by her plight—though maybe I'm just misreading the situation. Is it possible that behind that polished public persona, he's actually feeling anything but empathy?

Just wanted to throw my two cents into this mess. It’s not even just that I don't have anyone close to me I can actually turn to—it's more that I low-key find myself rooting for people to suffer. If someone’s a jerk to me, or if they start getting on my nerves over some stupid little thing—like, I don't know, walking too slow or whatever—I actually end up wishing them bad luck. I don't know... maybe I've chilled out a bit lately, but honestly, whenever someone insults me, I can't help but think that something terrible should happen to them. Even if they aren't being rude directly to my face, just seeing someone act like a total prick in general... it triggers this feeling.

Like, when someone talks trash, my first thought is basically "it would be easier if they just weren't around," or something like that. Or when someone is being straight-up disrespectful to me or anyone else, I feel this weird sense of "well, they deserve something bad to happen" just so there’s some kind of justice in the world.

And it's not even like I dwell on it. With all the people who have done me wrong, I don't go looking for them or obsess over them. But then, I'll just hear something random in passing—like, oh, I heard X happened to that guy—and I just feel this tiny spark of satisfaction.

It’s honestly exhausting. It eats at me constantly because I really don't want this to be my default setting. I don't want to be this cold-hearted person who finds joy in other people's misery, no matter what they did to me. You know what I mean?

George Clark19 said:So I’ll be scrolling through the news, right? And I see some headline about a kid passing away, and my brain just goes—okay, fine, but what am I supposed to do with that? Tomorrow it’ll be someone else, and the day after that, it'll be another one... I mean, that’s just how the world works, I guess. Life is just a constant cycle of this stuff, isn't it?

And then I start feeling like a total jerk because I figure a "good" person—you know, one of those genuinely empathetic types—would probably be sitting there thinking about how absolutely devastating and heartbreaking it all is, whereas I'm just kind of staring at the screen like, "Well, there it is."

Nicole Miller5 said:Fair question. Honestly, I’m chronically short on empathy myself. When a situation calls for it, I just fake it. I put on the right expression, toss out a few standard phrases, and call it a day. It actually feels better than genuinely feeling someone else's misery.

I might just say: lucky you.
I’m a highly emotional guy. When my buddy’s dad passed away, I was at the funeral sobbing almost as hard as he was. It was brutal. Afterward, the secondhand embarrassment was overwhelming. Just a total disaster. Picture this: a six-foot-five man, just breaking down and weeping. It felt awful. And it isn't just funerals. When my dog died, I spent two straight days crying.