Look, he basically said everything—even that he hasn't truly loved anyone else but you. I mean, you've got the honor of being his first real thing, which honestly feels more important than anything else. You probably need to work on yourself and that self-esteem a bit, though—your insecurity might end up tanking the whole thing if you aren't careful. Just try to believe in yourself more and trust him, too... jealousy is just a total wrecking ball. Don't dwell on what happened in the past; just focus on all the good stuff ahead of you. Good luck.
Keeping an eye on this thread—glad to see the conversation picking up.
You're right, though—the whole thing boils down to the fact that I have a boyfriend (I'm gay, mentioned that somewhere already).
Anyway, I talked to him. Laid it all out there. He’s known for a long time that I can be obsessive and jealous—not just about exes, but just in general, I guess.
He knows I deal with depression, that my self-esteem and confidence are pretty much non-existent, and that's where my insecurity comes from. Which, naturally, leads back to the obsession and jealousy stuff.
I really need to just accept things for what they are. Dwelling on the past is useless. He’s seven years older than me, so yeah, obviously he’s had more life experience before we met.
But, he’s never actually been in a relationship before—those were just surface-level flings, since he couldn't really commit to anyone. He wasn't in love with anyone before me.
Every single day he tells me he loves me and how much I mean to him.
The guy literally treats me like royalty. He says the sweetest things, and honestly, I know he’d do absolutely anything for me based on how he acts.
And I feel bad about it, because after everything, I end up acting this way and my negative attitude just ends up hurting him and myself.
I’ve got to work on myself. It would be such a waste if these three amazing years together just went down the drain because of my own bullshit. Not many gay couples make it this long.
We’ve been through it all—traveled everywhere, summer trips, ski trips... at the end of the day, I love him so much I’d give my life for him.
Because he was there for me when nobody else was. He has never once turned his back on me, no matter what. And God knows how many times I’ve hit rock bottom during my depressive episodes.
I see the whole picture now. And yeah, I get that it’s on me. This whole possessive, jealous thing... maybe it's just some deep-seated insecurity from stuff that happened way before this relationship even started. anyway, thanks for the input, everyone.
thanks for all the advice, everyone. people over on Reddit aren't exactly helpful when it comes to this stuff, so I figured I'd move the conversation over here. seems like there are more grown-ups dealing with actual problems here. i guess. 😉
bluefalcon122 said:Honestly, I think digging up the past like that was just a mistake—especially when it gets into such intimate territory. I totally get why you’re reacting this way, and I really believe things will settle down if your partner puts in the work to show you she's all in. But hey, look on the bright side: consider this a massive lesson for the future to just leave those old relationship stories in the rearview mirror!
Yeah, I'm with you. 👍 Some things are probably better left unknown.
Keith Morgan6 said:Well, are you usually this jealous about other things, or is this the first time you've acted like this?
What you did wasn't right; I hope you went and apologized to her.
Look, I know I can be possessive and jealous, but I never let it show. I usually just bottle it all up inside.
Between dealing with depression and everything else making life miserable, this is just one more thing on the pile—not sure if it’s a big deal or not, honestly.
Look, I get it—the present is what matters, and exes are exes for a reason. But still...
Yesterday, during a conversation, I found out something I really shouldn't have. I know, I know—it’s ancient history, and we’ve been together for three years now. But somehow, this jealousy just flared up out of nowhere. Picturing the person I love doing... certain things with someone else? Yeah, not exactly a great feeling.
We were just talking about our past relationships versus how things are now. Then they dropped something on me that totally floored me. I didn't even want the details, but there it was...
I basically just stood up, grabbed my stuff, and walked out. No words. I know it wasn't the right move, but I don't know why I'm struggling so much to accept that there was a whole life before me.
Now I'm a mess. I can't even bring myself to be physical with them—it's like their past makes me feel physically repulsed.
Is this just being possessive? Or am I looking at some kind of pathological jealousy?