Posts by Lawrence Cook79

4

My little guy gets incredibly cranky when he’s hungry, especially since eating feels like such a chore to him. He just doesn't have the patience to sit down for a full meal, so I end up having to sneak bits of food in or coax him through it. It’s a bit of a struggle right now, but hopefully, we'll move past this phase soon!

wirednomad42; said:I don't really get 😕 - why let them use a knife to cut playdough? A knife isn't a toy for kids, period. 🤷
You just buy the little plastic ones and stick to those.

Yeah, I hear you, but kids grow, right? They evolve. If there’s a solid reason behind it, why shouldn't we rethink the rules once in a while? My kid is four and a half now, his motor skills are leveling up, and he's clearly getting more mature. He’s had those plastic kid-safe tools for ages and uses them to cut stuff, but this was different. I made sure to give him the chance in a totally safe way, and honestly, he nailed it. He handled the knife with such respect, too—like he knew it was serious. He tried cutting, loved those few seconds of doing it, and hasn't stopped talking about it all day. And just to be clear, he wasn't badgering me or throwing a fit; he actually spent a couple of days being really thoughtful about it, figuring out how to ask properly and eventually making it happen.

wirednomad42; said:edit: Hey, Lawrence Cook79, about that whole "sticking to the rules" thing—do you ever just pause and think about why you’re setting things up that way in the first place? It feels like maybe you aren't totally sure about the boundaries when kids start coming at you with actual logic and changing your mind. 😁
Maybe you're just making rules just for the sake of having them. 🤷

Think about it this way... though, in this specific case, we're talking about a four-year-old, which changes the vibe completely. Up until now, the rule has basically been "no knives, period," because, well, knives are dangerous and that's that. But this kid? He wants to slice things, but he isn't allowed. He wants to cut through some bread or a tomato... nope, can't do it! I tell him, "Look, it's too sharp, the knife might slip and you'll cut yourself." Then he hits me with, "But I can cut Play-Doh!" And honestly? He's got a point. So, I grabbed one of those "forbidden" butter knives, and he sliced a little Play-Doh pancake right down the middle—super careful, mind you—and then looked at me and said, "Okay, now put the knife away so my brother doesn't grab it." 😉

wirednomad42; said:but the real kicker is—what happens when you’re totally out of time? what’s the move then?

Man, honestly... I think the biggest thing is just not losing your cool. Like, don't get aggressive, but you gotta be firm and steady. Since you mentioned it, I actually dealt with the exact same thing with my kid and his medicine once... we were pleading, making promises, nothing worked. When we were down to the wire, I just grabbed him—not mean, just holding him firm, held his cheeks, and got that syrup in him. But the key was staying calm and soothing while doing it. He threw a fit for maybe ten seconds, and after that, everyone just breathed a sigh of relief. Kisses, great job, let's keep moving! It happened a few more times like that, and eventually, he actually started asking for the stuff himself, even when he was feeling under the weather.😁

The real secret to dodging those massive blowups with little kids? Just having enough time in the bank. Honestly, everything got so much smoother once I realized that and started being way more intentional about my schedule. Kids aren't exactly living by the same frantic clock we are; they don't care about rushing, while parents are constantly racing against things the kids could easily spend an entire day obsessing over.
When I’m in a rush, or running behind, and the kids start dragging their feet with their usual antics, it’s so easy to get frazzled—and let's be real, that just makes everything ten times worse. It’s kind of ironic, actually. I spend so much energy trying to teach them how to be patient, yet there I am, getting impatient with them because I'm stressed (I'll admit, it happens!).
If you stay chill and keep a smile on your face—both on the outside and deep down inside—it helps, because kids have these crazy accurate sensors for when you're actually feeling anxious.
One thing I struggle with more than anything else is consistency. I try my best to set clear rules and stick to them, but I'll be honest, I often cave. The thing is, my kids are absolute lawyers; they come up with these incredibly solid arguments just to get me to bend the rules. In a weird way, I’m actually pretty happy with how it works out, even if it means we end up in these endless negotiations. They push because they know I might eventually give in. If I were a total drill sergeant, maybe there’d be less back-and-forth, but honestly? I actually love listening to their little ideas. Sometimes they'll double down on something totally nonsensical, which can be super frustrating, but I try to stay cool and just hope that as they grow up, they'll start making more sense on their own.

wirednomad42 said:I mean—am I obligated to give everything I have just so she can have it all—her own room, an education if she wants it, food on the table as long as she's killing it in school, healthy meals every single day...
Am I obligated to be "on" for her 24/7, or can I actually take a breather and read a book when I feel like it—even if she’s currently demanding I play with her? 😁
Here’s the reality: she’s two. She’s at daycare all day while I’m working. It's not like I'm sitting around doing nothing or coasting through some easy government job—I'm out there grinding. 😁
We get maybe two hours together a day, tops. In those two hours, she expects me to play, bathe her, dress her, make dinner... and she's exhausted. So am I. But then she starts screaming because things aren't going her way, and honestly, that drains me even more. I find myself counting down the minutes until she finally goes to sleep just so I can have some peace.
So I'm wondering—is it okay to live like this? It's not her fault I'm pulling ten-hour shifts and feeling wiped out. Part of me thinks I should've managed my time and money better so I could work less and actually have some patience left over for her. 😢
But how? If I quit my job to stay home, sure, I might be in a better mood, but then what? How do we pay the bills? 😁
I just feel guilty—like I failed at organizing my life properly. 🤷

Basically—am I allowed to have a life that doesn't revolve entirely around her? Am I allowed to demand some "me time" and occasionally act a little irresponsible or immature? 😁

Mostly fine, yeah. But can you do it without making mistakes? Why not?

Personally, I think working 8 hours a day is plenty. Anything beyond that is overkill (unless there's an emergency, but even then, those shouldn't be happening every single day). Between all your responsibilities and everything you need to get done after an 8-hour workday, you barely have any actual free time left—even without kids in the mix. And trying to steal time from your sleep isn't the answer either. You're definitely lacking quality time with your kid... if you're actually putting in 10-hour days based on how you described it, it means you'd basically have double the time to spend with her if you just stuck to "only" 8 hours. You'd feel like a whole new person. Your spirit feels restless because even your "free time" is super chaotic. Based on how you're describing your life, the takeaway should be: don't overwork yourself, especially when you have kids, otherwise you might just burn everything down.😉

wirednomad42 said:Look, I wouldn't be hanging out with—let alone living with—someone else's kid.😕
Do you even have kids of your own?
Because let's be real—there's always going to be a gap somewhere... if you're glued to the kid, you aren't working enough and money gets tight—so they miss out on stuff. If you work too much, you aren't there physically, so they miss out on *you*. If you're too soft, they lack discipline; if you're too strict, they lose their sense of freedom...
I could never wrap my head around treating a kid like "someone else's." I don't really get what you're getting at here.😕

If I look back at my grandparents' generation, it's pretty obvious that compared to today, their childhood was defined by real hardship. Sure, maybe some families had a little extra, but generally speaking, life was just a struggle. And since everyone worked so much, they didn't really have the time to hang out with their kids either. They were having babies right around the time of WWII, which—looking back from where we are now—was a terrifying era. Even after the war settled down, things stayed pretty lean until maybe the 70s. Back then, the main goal was just survival, you know? Just making sure there was food on the table and clothes on your back. That was considered a win. Daycare was different, schools were different... everything! Nobody even knew what child psychology was back then. Things just happened. Then, through the war years and the unrest in the 90s, everything started shifting radically. Those were dangerous, heavy times, though maybe not quite as brutal as the WWII era. But the generations that grew up through those shifts and up to now are way more aware of the whole parent-child dynamic.
Nowadays, parents are becoming a group where so many people feel like their own folks totally messed them up. On the flip side, those who don't feel that way realize how easy it is to screw over your own kids. People think—or at least believe they know—more about child psychology now; there are new parenting methods everywhere, and info is just hitting you from every direction. It can be super confusing because you're hearing messages that simply didn't exist before. There's that one specific idea floating around that "the first three years are everything." Materially speaking, kids today are living in luxury compared to thirty years ago, let alone the eras before that. But money is still a massive headache for most. The fact that our grandparents might have walked around barefoot and hungry doesn't really comfort anyone today; it's more of a historical curiosity when you stop to think about it.
But one thing for sure is that we live in an era where more attention is being paid to children (generally speaking, anyway). Maybe we really are living in the age of the control freak.
Someone once said that every parent will eventually claim they did the absolute best they could.
I actually think things are changing there, and more and more people are going to start voicing it. More people will start questioning themselves, just like wirednomad42, asking, "Am I screwing up my kid?" because we hear constantly how easy it is to mess things up. Maybe they'll act out of pure insecurity, thinking they failed as parents.
I honestly think we might see a trend where parents of this new millennium become totally obsessed with these questions. Who knows? Maybe in twenty years, the next generation will have parents convinced they failed them, and they'll spend all their time analyzing it, while the kids themselves are perfectly happy and content, talking about a great, carefree childhood with maybe just a few overly anxious parents. At the end of the day, neither the parents nor their friends have any right to judge how someone parented; only the children themselves get to make that call. 🙂

Ever since I had my kids, those annoying types don't stand a chance against me... "Go Daddy, you got this!" (thanks, kiddo) 😉