Posts by Laura Hayes74

Raymond Price4 said:I mean, if you actually know how much time you have left while you’re still feeling okay, you might as well go out and do everything you’ve ever wanted—travel, party, just live life to the fullest, and who knows what happens next?
There are even stories about people beating the heaviest diagnoses simply because they stopped obsessing over being "cured" at any cost. Like, they just let go and went out to enjoy themselves—I once read about someone who supposedly beat cancer just by binge-watching comedies all day long.
Bottom line: if you end up getting better, awesome. If not, at least you had a blast.
If death is inevitable anyway, I’d much rather spend my final days enjoying life—assuming you can even stay sane enough to do that—than stuck in a hospital bed with tubes shoved up your nose.

But since you didn't specify exactly what you're dealing with, take this as a random thought rather than actual advice.

That’s pretty much all I was looking for; thanks.

@samting: without getting into any "major surgeries," you might get maybe a year or so out of it, depending on how things play out and just how effective those temporary fixes end up being.
If you go the route of "serious operations," the goal is obviously a longer lifespan—aiming for those double digits. But don't let this seemingly obvious or "simple" choice fool you; the reality is way more complicated, and there's a massive chance you just end up spending years bouncing between hospitals and operating rooms only to face an inevitable ending that’s much harder to deal with.

@armagedon: I've realized firsthand just how much of a mental game this all is. And look, I'm not disputing that; you have to be strong and determined and constantly push yourself forward, otherwise nothing really matters. But where I disagree is with this whole "coward vs. warrior" narrative. Personally, I don't think there's anything honorable about a guy trying to fight a wildfire with a handheld fan when he's got a tank of rocket fuel sitting right next to him to burn through it in a second.😁 Okay, it's a bit of a goofy analogy, but it captures exactly what I'm getting at.

Thanks for all the input, everyone.

To those of you saying you’d fight to the bitter end regardless of the circumstances, I’ve got one question for you. Do you honestly believe you could actually keep that promise when the moment truly hits? Is that something you say because you genuinely feel you have that kind of grit, or did you see someone else pull off something similar that inspired you? (And I’m not talking about Susan Lewis2, if you catch my drift.) Are you actually prepared to just go to bed and spend every single minute staring at a blank white wall for, say, the next year? I know I’m probably being a bit intense with this question, but I just want to push you guys to think a little deeper about what you're saying. It’s easy to talk a big game and convince yourself you’re made of steel, but that illusion tends to shatter right when you need it most.

Also, a quick question for the whole group:
How would you even begin to share a thought like this with your family? I think my parents are pretty level-headed and they’d eventually get it, but I can't see any way to bring it up without causing a massive scene. The initial shock would just wreck them and they wouldn't be able to think straight; I'd be doing more harm than good just by opening my mouth, and since everything is still so theoretical right now, I’m not sure if it's even worth the fallout.

velvetsailor26 said:But you’re actually acting like you want to stick around after posting something like this.

If you’re seriously contemplating suicide, there isn't much left for us to say other than suggesting you go see a psychiatrist; because no matter how sharp or bright your mind might be, thinking this way just isn't healthy.

I mean, I don't think that's some big mystery, but no—that's definitely not why I started this whole thing.

Thanks to everyone who’s chimed in so far.

I wanted to clear up what I meant by "limiting" myself in this thread. Despite everything I've said, I’m still going to be actively working on this, hunting for solutions, and pushing forward as long as I have the choice to do so. A lot of things are going to shift and evolve, and honestly, everything feels pretty relative until the final moment hits—but I just don't think this forum is really the right venue for this specific topic. What I actually want to do here is just focus on this one thought or decision, keeping things objective and totally open.

(@Lisa Hernandez3) I’m not entirely sure what kind of perspective I’m looking for—whether you call it philosophical, psychological, or whatever else—and I don't think there's much point in overthinking those categories. I just want people to say what they truly think, whether they're speaking from the heart as a regular person or offering a professional take like a philosopher. I already have my own stance on this, but I don't want to box myself in, which is exactly why I started this thread. I’m not expecting anything life-changing, but hey, maybe someone will drop a bit of wisdom that gets my gears turning or opens up a whole new way of looking at things. ^^

Look, I get that this forum isn't necessarily designed for this kind of deep dive, which is why I provided the info exactly as it is. It’s clearly not a simple situation that anyone could just wrap their head around easily, but I’m inviting you all to just speak your mind without hesitation about whatever part of this caught your attention.

I'll try to keep this brief,

I can say for certain that I'm staring down a brutal, long, and totally unpredictable stretch of surgeries, setbacks, and constant pain, all just for the POTENTIAL chance to get back to some semblance of a normal life—which honestly doesn't even feel like much of a win when you consider I'll likely be a burden on everyone else for a long time with a really uncertain future ahead of me.

Right now, I can get through my days without too much trouble, but that won't last forever, especially if I go through with these operations. What I'm seriously weighing is whether it makes more sense to just take the time and the opportunity I have right now to live out this one (shorter) chapter as best as I can, and then... when the time comes... just handle things on my own terms and end it.

Death doesn't scare me, and religion isn't something that weighs on my mind either. The only thing that actually worries me is the idea that my choice might hurt my family, and I've spent a lot of time chewing on that. To be honest, I think they have an outdated and pretty flawed way of looking at death, and at the end of the day, it really just comes down to a balancing act between pleasing myself or pleasing them. Personally, I just don't see the point in enduring all that misery... I'd much rather make the most of the time I have left and leave on my own terms, in peace...

It wouldn't be right for me to come here and ask for specific advice on how to end my life, but if anyone has some actual wisdom to share or advice to give, I'm all ears. Would you guys support someone making this call if they were facing what I'm facing? How would you handle it? I mean, what the heck, what would you even do or where would you go if you knew your life was going to be over a year from today?

PS. Don't go trying to send me to a shrink, I'm pretty level-headed :)
PPS. The specifics of my illness don't matter for this, I already know everything I need to know, so please don't even go there.