When health leaves you with no options: Is assisted suicide justifiable?

I'll try to keep this brief,

I can say for certain that I'm staring down a brutal, long, and totally unpredictable stretch of surgeries, setbacks, and constant pain, all just for the POTENTIAL chance to get back to some semblance of a normal life—which honestly doesn't even feel like much of a win when you consider I'll likely be a burden on everyone else for a long time with a really uncertain future ahead of me.

Right now, I can get through my days without too much trouble, but that won't last forever, especially if I go through with these operations. What I'm seriously weighing is whether it makes more sense to just take the time and the opportunity I have right now to live out this one (shorter) chapter as best as I can, and then... when the time comes... just handle things on my own terms and end it.

Death doesn't scare me, and religion isn't something that weighs on my mind either. The only thing that actually worries me is the idea that my choice might hurt my family, and I've spent a lot of time chewing on that. To be honest, I think they have an outdated and pretty flawed way of looking at death, and at the end of the day, it really just comes down to a balancing act between pleasing myself or pleasing them. Personally, I just don't see the point in enduring all that misery... I'd much rather make the most of the time I have left and leave on my own terms, in peace...

It wouldn't be right for me to come here and ask for specific advice on how to end my life, but if anyone has some actual wisdom to share or advice to give, I'm all ears. Would you guys support someone making this call if they were facing what I'm facing? How would you handle it? I mean, what the heck, what would you even do or where would you go if you knew your life was going to be over a year from today?

PS. Don't go trying to send me to a shrink, I'm pretty level-headed :)
PPS. The specifics of my illness don't matter for this, I already know everything I need to know, so please don't even go there.

Well, actually, your current health situation grants you a certain amount of agency. You’ve had enough options to be sitting here tonight, starting this thread and waiting to see what people think. You have the freedom to think—because, well, that's just being human—about various paths that aren't really solutions (at least not pleasant ones, especially this far in advance), such as ending things prematurely due to an incurable illness. You have the choice to simply reflect on it, perhaps deciding to revisit those thoughts later as your treatment progresses. You also have the option to decide that, regardless of how long this lasts, you will focus on bringing as much happiness as possible to those around you. This means choosing not to make a decision on their behalf—whether they would find it easier to cope with a natural passing from illness or a sudden suicide, which involves complex layers regarding the perception of death or even their feelings toward you.

And yes, despite how certain you seem in your post's P.S.—perhaps feeling like you've already grasped everything there is to know—there are endless nuances. There may even be people right here on this forum who could offer a clearer perspective on the reality of what lies ahead.

The dilemma you're presenting is quite abstract, really; one might even view it through a purely philosophical or ethical lens rather than a psychological one. This is largely because you feel you have "total clarity," and you seem to be treating those around you—including the members here—as categories to be managed in your pursuit of even greater certainty.

If you were to open up just a little more, maybe you might discover entirely new ways to look at what's weighing on you.

Take your time, really chew on it, weigh all your options, talk things out with someone (and I don't mean here on the forum 😁), and just look at every single possibility, every angle, and every chance you have...
If you still end up deciding that taking your own life is the way to go, then honestly, that's your call to make.

ps
I’d suggest you head over to the spirituality sub, there's a whole thread about suicide where you can get a feel for what people think.
if dtomas and umbra don't give you an answer, nobody else is gonna 😁

I honestly don't think anyone can truly wrap their head around it until they're standing right in the middle of it themselves—everything else is just guesswork.

Patrick Wright2 said:Take your time, really chew on it, weigh all your options, talk things out with someone (and I don't mean here on the forum 😁), and just look at every single possibility, every angle, and every chance you have...
If you still end up deciding that taking your own life is the way to go, then honestly, that's your call to make.

ps
I’d suggest you head over to the spirituality sub, there's a whole thread about suicide where you can get a feel for what people think.
if dtomas and umbra don't give you an answer, nobody else is gonna 😁

I agree, check the spirituality subreddits👍👍👍

Quentin Tarantino:

Seriously, what would you actually do? Where would you go if you knew for a fact that your life was going to wrap up in exactly one year from today?

... personally, I’d be chasing down those childhood dreams I put on hold, no matter what it took (within reason, obviously)...

Thanks to everyone who’s chimed in so far.

I wanted to clear up what I meant by "limiting" myself in this thread. Despite everything I've said, I’m still going to be actively working on this, hunting for solutions, and pushing forward as long as I have the choice to do so. A lot of things are going to shift and evolve, and honestly, everything feels pretty relative until the final moment hits—but I just don't think this forum is really the right venue for this specific topic. What I actually want to do here is just focus on this one thought or decision, keeping things objective and totally open.

(@Lisa Hernandez3) I’m not entirely sure what kind of perspective I’m looking for—whether you call it philosophical, psychological, or whatever else—and I don't think there's much point in overthinking those categories. I just want people to say what they truly think, whether they're speaking from the heart as a regular person or offering a professional take like a philosopher. I already have my own stance on this, but I don't want to box myself in, which is exactly why I started this thread. I’m not expecting anything life-changing, but hey, maybe someone will drop a bit of wisdom that gets my gears turning or opens up a whole new way of looking at things. ^^

Look, I get that this forum isn't necessarily designed for this kind of deep dive, which is why I provided the info exactly as it is. It’s clearly not a simple situation that anyone could just wrap their head around easily, but I’m inviting you all to just speak your mind without hesitation about whatever part of this caught your attention.

But you’re actually acting like you want to stick around after posting something like this.

If you’re seriously contemplating suicide, there isn't much left for us to say other than suggesting you go see a psychiatrist; because no matter how sharp or bright your mind might be, thinking this way just isn't healthy.

velvetsailor26 said:But you’re actually acting like you want to stick around after posting something like this.

If you’re seriously contemplating suicide, there isn't much left for us to say other than suggesting you go see a psychiatrist; because no matter how sharp or bright your mind might be, thinking this way just isn't healthy.

I mean, I don't think that's some big mystery, but no—that's definitely not why I started this whole thing.

Well, look, it’s completely understandable—or at least, I suppose it makes sense—to think this way when you're facing certain death and all the complications that come before it.

But I think I would always find myself asking question after question (just like you do, really). I don't think I could ever say with absolute certainty that a reason was "good enough," or even pinpoint the exact right moment to end things. My uncle passed away from cancer; though, to be fair, he wasn't exactly thinking about his illness with such clarity—he kept hoping he’d pull through until the very end. That hope wasn't exactly realistic, but something kept him going, probably my mom's care—his sister—who just kept him afloat by looking after him, feeding him, and staying by his side. Maybe it was also the hope that he might see his son one last time before he died, since they had been estranged for quite a while due to some family drama, and unfortunately, his son didn't make it to see him. Not that, as it turned out, he even thought that part was important.

From what I can tell, it sounds like you have a family that loves you and is actually there for you. Their support might play a huge role in whatever decisions you make next. Plus, medicine can be unpredictable, much like people can. Responses to treatments and surgeries aren't universal—people pass away from seemingly minor issues, yet others recover from truly incredible circumstances.

Personally, I think the mere possibility of things getting better—even if it seems objectively impossible—would keep me hanging on until the end (or at least as long as I'm still able to think clearly). I don't think I would ever feel like I had enough evidence to say, "I'm dying anyway, so it's better to get it over with now on my own terms"—well, except perhaps in a war zone, or in cases involving humiliation, torture, or some kind of inhumanity. It makes me think of 9/11, when people were jumping from the Empire State Building holding hands. I honestly don't know how I would have ended up if I had been there. I don't know which death I would have chosen. Jumping feels almost too rational to me, even if it's brave and dignified in its own way.

... @Laura Hayes74, well, you know how the saying goes: we’re all just dead people on vacation... some of us just figure that out sooner than others...

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't throw in the towel. I’d fight to live even if every single second felt like pure agony... I’d go through every surgery and give everything I had just to beat this thing!

I get that you want to make the most of whatever time you have left, but really think about what kind of life that actually is—one spent constantly running away from your illness...
It doesn't matter whether you get one more year or ten; what good is all that beauty if, deep down, you know you folded and ran away from your own personal cross to bear?

No matter how inevitable things seem, or how much pain you endure until the very end, if you fight like a lion, you'll walk away with your head held high. Your final breath won't be a defeat—it'll be a victory! 👍

I suppose everything ultimately hinges on the individual—how they choose to process it, how they view their family, themselves, and the illness itself; whether they remain a fighter or have simply reached a point of exhaustion with it all.
Personally, I would fight until the very end, clinging to the hope of overcoming the disease (I’ve dealt with my own share of significant health struggles, so I know I am someone who fights, perhaps driven by a certain stubbornness that seems to permeate much of my life).
I have also seen examples within my extended family where people refused to surrender, regardless of what the eventual outcome might be, though one can never truly know those results in advance.
I will reiterate, I suspect it all comes down to the person, their specific circumstances, and a multitude of other factors...
It is difficult to tell anyone what would be the wise course of action or what is truly best for them, but if there is one thing I can offer you here on this forum, it is my sincere wish that you defeat this illness and emerge victorious.

It’s exactly what Armageddon said 👍

My husband lost his fight with a brain tumor four months ago. Throughout the entire thirteen months he was sick, he never once lost his faith or his hope for a recovery. He just radiated optimism—always making plans for the future, you know? Those of us surrounding him didn't really have the right to think otherwise, at least not out loud.
I realize everyone is different, but please, at least try to weigh the damage you'll inflict on your family and your kids if you have them. Think about how they’re going to live with that—carrying the knowledge that you decided suicide was the way to solve your problems.
Like Armageddon wrote, at least try to carry your cross—even if you're constantly stumbling under the weight, just keep carrying it 👍. I truly wish you all the luck in the world with that. 😉

Only you truly understand the weight of your own pain. Whatever you decide, it’s valid—that’s just the reality of being human, having the agency to either push through or call it quits. I don't think anyone actually wants to suffer indefinitely, and frankly, I doubt even God would demand that level of agony if He exists. My family and I have had some heavy, serious discussions about this exact scenario: what happens if one of us hits a breaking point where the suffering becomes unbearable and they want to "exit"? We all agreed that it's okay. We don't have any right to force someone to endure misery just so they can stay by our side longer. At the end of the day, if someone's time is up, it's up. If my mother or brother were facing an agonizing illness and wanted to let go, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for forcing them to linger through their final days just to satisfy some sense of morality, religion, or my own selfishness. As I said, only the person actually in that position knows what it feels like. I assume you started this thread because you're looking for a conversation, which is perfectly fine, but I also believe that posts from healthy people online won't change your ultimate decision, because that choice belongs solely to you. I just hope the rest of your life is defined by as little pain as possible and as many good moments as you can find.

velvetsailor26 said:But you’re actually acting like you want to stick around after posting something like this.

If you’re seriously contemplating suicide, there isn't much left for us to say other than suggesting you go see a psychiatrist; because no matter how sharp or bright your mind might be, thinking this way just isn't healthy.

Actually, that is normal thinking. He’s not talking about ending things right this second because he’s feeling okay in this moment. He didn't come here to whine or ask for tips on how to do it.
He was honest enough to say he feels alright now, even if he knows things will take a turn soon. Viewing suicide as a practical future option isn't some sign of madness. Most people have had those thoughts at some point in their lives, so why wouldn't he when he knows a struggle is coming?

__________________

Laura Hayes74, I hear you, but I can't say for sure what it's like because I haven't been in those shoes. What I do know is that you carry an enormous weight of responsibility toward your family.
I'm not going to tell you whether killing yourself is the right move or not, but I will say this: you need to talk to your family about what's going through your head. And honestly, it might be better to enjoy life while you still feel okay before everything goes south.
Think about them.
And don't forget, euthanasia isn't (yet) legal in this country.

Regardless, knowing how much life can suck, I also know how much you miss out on if you leave too early. Talk to your family and your inner circle. Let them give you strength, because despite everything, there are things worth living for. Once you're dead, you're gone—there's no room for regret or anything else after that.

Thanks for all the input, everyone.

To those of you saying you’d fight to the bitter end regardless of the circumstances, I’ve got one question for you. Do you honestly believe you could actually keep that promise when the moment truly hits? Is that something you say because you genuinely feel you have that kind of grit, or did you see someone else pull off something similar that inspired you? (And I’m not talking about Susan Lewis2, if you catch my drift.) Are you actually prepared to just go to bed and spend every single minute staring at a blank white wall for, say, the next year? I know I’m probably being a bit intense with this question, but I just want to push you guys to think a little deeper about what you're saying. It’s easy to talk a big game and convince yourself you’re made of steel, but that illusion tends to shatter right when you need it most.

Also, a quick question for the whole group:
How would you even begin to share a thought like this with your family? I think my parents are pretty level-headed and they’d eventually get it, but I can't see any way to bring it up without causing a massive scene. The initial shock would just wreck them and they wouldn't be able to think straight; I'd be doing more harm than good just by opening my mouth, and since everything is still so theoretical right now, I’m not sure if it's even worth the fallout.

Andrew Watson59 said:Only you truly understand the weight of your own pain. Whatever you decide, it’s valid—that’s just the reality of being human, having the agency to either push through or call it quits. I don't think anyone actually wants to suffer indefinitely, and frankly, I doubt even God would demand that level of agony if He exists. My family and I have had some heavy, serious discussions about this exact scenario: what happens if one of us hits a breaking point where the suffering becomes unbearable and they want to "exit"? We all agreed that it's okay. We don't have any right to force someone to endure misery just so they can stay by our side longer. At the end of the day, if someone's time is up, it's up. If my mother or brother were facing an agonizing illness and wanted to let go, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for forcing them to linger through their final days just to satisfy some sense of morality, religion, or my own selfishness. As I said, only the person actually in that position knows what it feels like. I assume you started this thread because you're looking for a conversation, which is perfectly fine, but I also believe that posts from healthy people online won't change your ultimate decision, because that choice belongs solely to you. I just hope the rest of your life is defined by as little pain as possible and as many good moments as you can find.

This is a solid post.👍 I don't know what specific illness you're dealing with, so it's hard to give any real advice.
Just one thing—think about yourself. Don't suffer just for your family. They'll hurt regardless, but it might be easier for them if they aren't watching you struggle day after day.😢
I'm not pushing you toward anything. Here in the States, euthanasia is illegal, but it's legal in plenty of other places. Even Catholic Spain once allowed it for a man with constant pain and quadriplegia. Quadriplegia is when all four limbs are completely paralyzed.
If I had cancer and knew there was no cure, I'd probably end things too. I've seen enough. People who survived strokes, unable to communicate, lying motionless in bed, needing help with basic bodily functions... Is that a life worth living? Not really.😢
Again, it's easy to play judge, but at the end of the day, it's your call. Whatever you choose, you have my support.👍

Laura Hayes74 said:I'll try to keep this brief,

I can say for certain that I'm staring down a brutal, long, and totally unpredictable stretch of surgeries, setbacks, and constant pain, all just for the POTENTIAL chance to get back to some semblance of a normal life—which honestly doesn't even feel like much of a win when you consider I'll likely be a burden on everyone else for a long time with a really uncertain future ahead of me.

Right now, I can get through my days without too much trouble, but that won't last forever, especially if I go through with these operations. What I'm seriously weighing is whether it makes more sense to just take the time and the opportunity I have right now to live out this one (shorter) chapter as best as I can, and then... when the time comes... just handle things on my own terms and end it.

Death doesn't scare me, and religion isn't something that weighs on my mind either. The only thing that actually worries me is the idea that my choice might hurt my family, and I've spent a lot of time chewing on that. To be honest, I think they have an outdated and pretty flawed way of looking at death, and at the end of the day, it really just comes down to a balancing act between pleasing myself or pleasing them. Personally, I just don't see the point in enduring all that misery... I'd much rather make the most of the time I have left and leave on my own terms, in peace...

It wouldn't be right for me to come here and ask for specific advice on how to end my life, but if anyone has some actual wisdom to share or advice to give, I'm all ears. Would you guys support someone making this call if they were facing what I'm facing? How would you handle it? I mean, what the heck, what would you even do or where would you go if you knew your life was going to be over a year from today?

PS. Don't go trying to send me to a shrink, I'm pretty level-headed :)
PPS. The specifics of my illness don't matter for this, I already know everything I need to know, so please don't even go there.

Sorry, but I'm a little lost here—does this "chance" mean you only have one year left to live like this, or is it a chance to live longer than that (and if so, how much longer)?

Laura Hayes74 said:Thanks for all the input, everyone.

To those of you saying you’d fight to the bitter end regardless of the circumstances, I’ve got one question for you. Do you honestly believe you could actually keep that promise when the moment truly hits? Is that something you say because you genuinely feel you have that kind of grit, or did you see someone else pull off something similar that inspired you? (And I’m not talking about Susan Lewis2, if you catch my drift.) Are you actually prepared to just go to bed and spend every single minute staring at a blank white wall for, say, the next year? I know I’m probably being a bit intense with this question, but I just want to push you guys to think a little deeper about what you're saying. It’s easy to talk a big game and convince yourself you’re made of steel, but that illusion tends to shatter right when you need it most.

Also, a quick question for the whole group:
How would you even begin to share a thought like this with your family? I think my parents are pretty level-headed and they’d eventually get it, but I can't see any way to bring it up without causing a massive scene. The initial shock would just wreck them and they wouldn't be able to think straight; I'd be doing more harm than good just by opening my mouth, and since everything is still so theoretical right now, I’m not sure if it's even worth the fallout.

Look, it’s all mental. If you decide in your head that you’re going the distance no matter what and that you won't quit, your chances of pulling through increase fiftyfold.
I’ve been through something similar. Your situation is way more intense, but no matter how much it hurt, I remember having just one thought on loop: no giving up. Tomorrow is a new day, a new fight... I just kept pushing forward.
The whole thing lasted about a month, but in the end, it felt like it passed in the blink of an eye. I don't know if you can relate, but all that pain and suffering actually gives you the strength to endure the day, the hour, the minute...
I'll say it again: it’s all in your head. You need to realize as soon as possible that trying a second time—no matter how much easier or painless it seems—carries a massive weight of agony, suffering, and above all, a crushing disappointment in yourself in that split second before you take your own life.

Ask yourself: do you want to die a coward, or do you want to die a fighter? I think you get the point.👍

edit:
I wanted to respond to what Metropolitan said: "I just want your life to go by with as little suffering as possible and as many beautiful moments as you can find."

Forget about a "beautiful life" full of nice moments if you end up hating yourself at the finish line!
Sure, life is made of beautiful moments, that's true, but you have to fight for them first and foremost!
What good is a beautiful moment if you know you're eventually going to end it all like a coward?
In my opinion, a fighter's final breath, even if it lasts only a second, is worth more than an entire lifetime spent chasing "minimal suffering and nice moments."