Why are we so attracted to people who are unavailable?
in Psychology ·
copperfox52 said:I’d say there’s definitely a connection back to how things went with our parents growing up. For instance, if you had a parent who was emotionally distant or just totally checked out, you might find yourself subconsciously chasing after that same kind of dynamic as an adult—almost like you're trying to get a "do-over" to finally fix what went wrong back then. But hey, that’s just my two cents as a layperson.
It feels like I fall into this pattern way too often where I end up fixated on someone who is either physically far away or just emotionally unavailable. Honestly, I would love it if a professional could jump into this thread and weigh in to help explain why this phenomenon happens.
I am inclined to agree with this sentiment. It is actually easier to approach such people because they lack options, or perhaps they sense they can exploit you since they haven't learned any other way to interact. It is very similar to that constant refrain of "I am this" or "I know that," yet they never address a specific situation—and even worse, they lie. To make matters more complicated, these types of individuals often come from broken homes. The core issue is that while they may seem highly emotional, they become completely incapable when it comes to taking concrete action. For example, they will say things like, "You're going to do this..." or "You need to find a job...", but you will never hear them say, "I did this..." or "I admit, I made a mistake..." and things of that nature.
In my view, we are looking at a case of emotional instability rooted in unresolved issues from the past...