6 posts shown.
Harold Wright8, please, just stop talking because you aren't helping anyone here. It really isn't as simple as just saying, "Grab a book and start studying," you know?
And Michael Roberts7, if your husband was hitting you, then leaving him was absolutely the right call. Nobody has the right to treat you like that. But now, from what I can gather, it sounds like your mother might be one of those people who holds onto those old-school views where a wife is supposed to just endure whatever her husband throws at her because he's the "head of the household" and all that nonsense.
Well, you know how it goes—you meet a hundred different people, you get a hundred different versions of reality, and let's face it, none of us were blessed with perfect mothers.
Has it ever happened to you guys where one of your parents would just constantly hit you with those "you're stupid" or "you're useless" comments, like they were reading from a script? And yet, for some reason, you can't even wrap your head around a single time they actually said something decent or encouraging instead?
Michael Roberts7 said:Honestly, you should just lose it on your mother when she talks to you like that, because you didn't just stumble into that disability status for no reason! Even if she stays quiet after you blow up, she'll probably just think, "Great, she's not just dealing with muscle issues now, she's losing her mind too!"
And even if your mom doesn't change her tune for your sake, she might just shut up just so the neighbors don't hear you screaming at her again.
You're stuck in this damn cycle.
Without finishing college, you feel like you can't leave the house, but being stuck at home is exactly what's holding you back from finishing, because she refuses to take your illness seriously.
No, it wasn't me yelling. I was using Caps Lock to represent my mom's shouting. I try to avoid screaming and fighting as much as I humanly can; I much prefer settling things peacefully.
It's more like Mom loses it on me, trying to somehow "calm" me down through sheer volume. And honestly, I don't even know how much money I actually need anymore, since I end up lending quite a bit to my mom, who's living on a disability pension.
Besides, we don't even have neighbors.🙄
Harold Wright8 said:All those pains you’re feeling? It’s all in your head. You’re living in a constant state of high stress and nothing else. The core of your problem is just pure anxiety. Look, I’m currently retaking my sophomore year at State University, and let me tell you, failing a year sucks. But you have to realize this is just a minor setback to prep you for the real world. If you don't face a failure, you aren't a real student 🙂
. Pain anywhere in your body can be a direct result of stress and tension from these situations. Just pick up a book, relax, and things will get better
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p.s. NEVER speak ill of your mother, and NEVER doubt a mother's love!
Haha, yeah, true love is when you tell your mom, "Hey, I got a C on my math midterm," and she just shrugs and goes, "Oh, okay." But then when you actually fail? Then you get the silent treatment all weekend.
And I know exactly where all those pains are coming from; I didn't explicitly list my medical diagnosis, but because of it, getting tattooed is practically a vacation compared to how used to being in agony I am.
Thanks for getting back to me, Michael Roberts7
No, we don't really have a way out of this situation. He’s broke, sure, but at least he’s working. I’m living on disability, but let's be real—I’m footing the entire bill myself, from my physical therapy sessions to gas for the car, while my parents contribute absolutely nothing. The only silver lining he ever mentioned was that he’d eventually build a place for us at the family house, but who knows if that'll ever actually happen?
It’s entirely possible that Mom is just unhappy with how things are; honestly, that’s what a few other people have hinted to me too. She’s dealing with her own health issues, of course, but let's be honest, it’s nothing compared to what I’m going through. She wanted to finish college, but then life happened—pregnancy, marriage, all that stuff—and she had to drop everything. Now, I get the feeling she’s just constantly looking for something to do for herself, though she’d much rather spend her time sulking in the kitchen.
I haven't really vented about her before, which I guess just goes to show how two-faced she can be, right? Like, she’ll tell me straight to my face that my health should be my absolute priority, but the second I mention that I can barely even crawl out of bed, suddenly it’s all about Microsoft! NO, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS COLLEGE!
Buckle up, because this is going to be a long one. I’m currently a freshman in college, and honestly? I’m on track to fail my entire year. I’ve been dealing with this nasty chronic illness—my muscles are constantly giving me hell—but I can still move around and hold my own, mostly. High school was actually a breeze for me; I didn't have to grind too hard since most of the work was computer-based, and since that’s my thing, everything just clicked.
Now, I’ve somehow managed to pick a total dud of a major where I feel like I’m learning absolutely nothing. But even that isn't the worst part of this mess. I have a week where I have to churn out three to five massive term papers, and I ended up stuck in a group project with two guys who wouldn't lift a single finger; they acted like they were way too busy, though one spent his entire weekend grinding video games and the other felt the need to be out partying every second he wasn't sleeping. And just for the record, I didn't get to choose my group members. It turned into a complete disaster, and I ended up failing that course too.
On top of that, I’ve got at least five coding assignments due within the week, plus I have to write three whole pages about them in a notebook. There’s plenty more where that came from, but I won't bore you with every single detail.
Like I mentioned earlier, I’m sick. Ideally, I should be resting as much as possible, getting regular sleep, eating actual meals... but life doesn't work like that. I can't sleep because I'm constantly studying or working, and I can't eat right because my schedule is a complete joke.
I’m used to being in pain, and I don't mind pushing through it, but lately, the physical toll has been getting worse. And now, out of nowhere, my stomach has started acting up too, which has never happened before—probably because there are days when I barely have time to grab a bite to eat.
I’ve been seriously considering just dropping out of this program and enrolling in something else, something I know will be significantly easier. Maybe I should even take a gap year just to try and get my health back on track.
But then there’s the issue of my parents. My dad has basically disowned me; we barely even speak. My mom hasn't gone that far yet, but she spends all her time telling me I’m just sitting around "watching paint dry" and doing absolutely nothing, even though I’m living in a dorm to stay close to campus. Because of her constant nagging, I can't even find peace during the weekends. Mom is such a hypocrite—one minute she’s lecturing me about how much I need to study, and the next, if I actually *am* studying, she starts fighting with me because I’ve been shut in my room all day. If I step outside for ten minutes just to catch some fresh air, she loses it because I'm not hitting the books. And when I am trying to focus, she’ll burst into my room, all worked up and yelling, which just makes me anxious and kills my productivity. On the very day of an exam, she’ll make sure to call me or barge in just to stress me out—she does this before every single damn test.
Oh, and get this: she told me that failing out of college would be even worse than being a drug addict who just committed a murder, and claimed that with my high school diploma, I’m basically useless. I mean, I *can* get a job—though it might be a bit tougher without a degree—but I definitely learned enough in high school to actually be productive.
The other day, my dad really blindsided me. It was the anniversary of our middle school graduation, and I hadn't really thought much about it, so I didn't tell anyone I was coming (even though I usually love seeing old classmates). During the reunion, my dad tells me he's heading over to see the dad of one of the organizers. When I told him there was no point since it was already late, he snapped at me: "Don't you want to see what your former classmates have achieved?" He said it with such a condescending tone that I knew immediately he was trying to shame me. And honestly, I felt like the successful one, because most of them—the few who actually showed up—are just working retail jobs or random entry-level positions, and some were even moms before they even hit eighteen.
Now, Mom wants me to study abroad. I really don't want to. I know the opportunities would be better, but if I move to Germany, I don't really speak the language, and I’d be leaving my friends behind—they aren't many, but they are everything to me. Plus, I'd be leaving my boyfriend, whom I love so much. Mom acts like I can just go over there and easily swap them out for new friends and a new guy. Like people are just replaceable donuts or something, right?
I’m at a total loss. I can't afford to fail, but I can't afford to quit either, because if I do, I'll be forced to go to Germany. My boyfriend is struggling financially, but he told me he'd scrape together enough to set up an apartment just so I could get away from my situation. Honestly, I've even had thoughts about suicide; I'm just so exhausted by the constant nerves, the insults, and the physical pain.
I don't know if there's any way out of this, and I don't know what you guys could even say to help, but I just needed to vent here before I completely snap. The only thing keeping me going is my boyfriend, but I try my best not to lean on him too heavily.