I'm sick and I don't know how to handle my college coursework

Buckle up, because this is going to be a long one. I’m currently a freshman in college, and honestly? I’m on track to fail my entire year. I’ve been dealing with this nasty chronic illness—my muscles are constantly giving me hell—but I can still move around and hold my own, mostly. High school was actually a breeze for me; I didn't have to grind too hard since most of the work was computer-based, and since that’s my thing, everything just clicked.
Now, I’ve somehow managed to pick a total dud of a major where I feel like I’m learning absolutely nothing. But even that isn't the worst part of this mess. I have a week where I have to churn out three to five massive term papers, and I ended up stuck in a group project with two guys who wouldn't lift a single finger; they acted like they were way too busy, though one spent his entire weekend grinding video games and the other felt the need to be out partying every second he wasn't sleeping. And just for the record, I didn't get to choose my group members. It turned into a complete disaster, and I ended up failing that course too.
On top of that, I’ve got at least five coding assignments due within the week, plus I have to write three whole pages about them in a notebook. There’s plenty more where that came from, but I won't bore you with every single detail.
Like I mentioned earlier, I’m sick. Ideally, I should be resting as much as possible, getting regular sleep, eating actual meals... but life doesn't work like that. I can't sleep because I'm constantly studying or working, and I can't eat right because my schedule is a complete joke.
I’m used to being in pain, and I don't mind pushing through it, but lately, the physical toll has been getting worse. And now, out of nowhere, my stomach has started acting up too, which has never happened before—probably because there are days when I barely have time to grab a bite to eat.
I’ve been seriously considering just dropping out of this program and enrolling in something else, something I know will be significantly easier. Maybe I should even take a gap year just to try and get my health back on track.
But then there’s the issue of my parents. My dad has basically disowned me; we barely even speak. My mom hasn't gone that far yet, but she spends all her time telling me I’m just sitting around "watching paint dry" and doing absolutely nothing, even though I’m living in a dorm to stay close to campus. Because of her constant nagging, I can't even find peace during the weekends. Mom is such a hypocrite—one minute she’s lecturing me about how much I need to study, and the next, if I actually *am* studying, she starts fighting with me because I’ve been shut in my room all day. If I step outside for ten minutes just to catch some fresh air, she loses it because I'm not hitting the books. And when I am trying to focus, she’ll burst into my room, all worked up and yelling, which just makes me anxious and kills my productivity. On the very day of an exam, she’ll make sure to call me or barge in just to stress me out—she does this before every single damn test.
Oh, and get this: she told me that failing out of college would be even worse than being a drug addict who just committed a murder, and claimed that with my high school diploma, I’m basically useless. I mean, I *can* get a job—though it might be a bit tougher without a degree—but I definitely learned enough in high school to actually be productive.
The other day, my dad really blindsided me. It was the anniversary of our middle school graduation, and I hadn't really thought much about it, so I didn't tell anyone I was coming (even though I usually love seeing old classmates). During the reunion, my dad tells me he's heading over to see the dad of one of the organizers. When I told him there was no point since it was already late, he snapped at me: "Don't you want to see what your former classmates have achieved?" He said it with such a condescending tone that I knew immediately he was trying to shame me. And honestly, I felt like the successful one, because most of them—the few who actually showed up—are just working retail jobs or random entry-level positions, and some were even moms before they even hit eighteen.
Now, Mom wants me to study abroad. I really don't want to. I know the opportunities would be better, but if I move to Germany, I don't really speak the language, and I’d be leaving my friends behind—they aren't many, but they are everything to me. Plus, I'd be leaving my boyfriend, whom I love so much. Mom acts like I can just go over there and easily swap them out for new friends and a new guy. Like people are just replaceable donuts or something, right?
I’m at a total loss. I can't afford to fail, but I can't afford to quit either, because if I do, I'll be forced to go to Germany. My boyfriend is struggling financially, but he told me he'd scrape together enough to set up an apartment just so I could get away from my situation. Honestly, I've even had thoughts about suicide; I'm just so exhausted by the constant nerves, the insults, and the physical pain.
I don't know if there's any way out of this, and I don't know what you guys could even say to help, but I just needed to vent here before I completely snap. The only thing keeping me going is my boyfriend, but I try my best not to lean on him too heavily.

First of all, it sounds like your mother isn't even happy with her own life, so she’s just projecting her frustrations onto you instead of dealing with her own issues.

Secondly, don't feel bad about skipping class when you're sick; you really need to make sure the people around you understand how much pain you're in, and honestly, feel free to exaggerate if you have to. If you were feeling better overall, I'm sure those pains wouldn't be nearly as intense.

I get the impression you aren't seeing anyone right now, and if that's the case, moving to a place like California might actually be a great change of pace for you.
Is there any chance you could pack up and move to a different city with a boyfriend to continue your studies there?

All those pains you’re feeling? It’s all in your head. You’re living in a constant state of high stress and nothing else. The core of your problem is just pure anxiety. Look, I’m currently retaking my sophomore year at State University, and let me tell you, failing a year sucks. But you have to realize this is just a minor setback to prep you for the real world. If you don't face a failure, you aren't a real student 🙂
. Pain anywhere in your body can be a direct result of stress and tension from these situations. Just pick up a book, relax, and things will get better
.

p.s. NEVER speak ill of your mother, and NEVER doubt a mother's love!

Thanks for getting back to me, Michael Roberts7

No, we don't really have a way out of this situation. He’s broke, sure, but at least he’s working. I’m living on disability, but let's be real—I’m footing the entire bill myself, from my physical therapy sessions to gas for the car, while my parents contribute absolutely nothing. The only silver lining he ever mentioned was that he’d eventually build a place for us at the family house, but who knows if that'll ever actually happen?

It’s entirely possible that Mom is just unhappy with how things are; honestly, that’s what a few other people have hinted to me too. She’s dealing with her own health issues, of course, but let's be honest, it’s nothing compared to what I’m going through. She wanted to finish college, but then life happened—pregnancy, marriage, all that stuff—and she had to drop everything. Now, I get the feeling she’s just constantly looking for something to do for herself, though she’d much rather spend her time sulking in the kitchen.

I haven't really vented about her before, which I guess just goes to show how two-faced she can be, right? Like, she’ll tell me straight to my face that my health should be my absolute priority, but the second I mention that I can barely even crawl out of bed, suddenly it’s all about Microsoft! NO, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS COLLEGE!

Samuel White7 said:Thanks for getting back to me, Michael Roberts7

No, we don't really have a way out of this situation. He’s broke, sure, but at least he’s working. I’m living on disability, but let's be real—I’m footing the entire bill myself, from my physical therapy sessions to gas for the car, while my parents contribute absolutely nothing. The only silver lining he ever mentioned was that he’d eventually build a place for us at the family house, but who knows if that'll ever actually happen?

It’s entirely possible that Mom is just unhappy with how things are; honestly, that’s what a few other people have hinted to me too. She’s dealing with her own health issues, of course, but let's be honest, it’s nothing compared to what I’m going through. She wanted to finish college, but then life happened—pregnancy, marriage, all that stuff—and she had to drop everything. Now, I get the feeling she’s just constantly looking for something to do for herself, though she’d much rather spend her time sulking in the kitchen.

I haven't really vented about her before, which I guess just goes to show how two-faced she can be, right? Like, she’ll tell me straight to my face that my health should be my absolute priority, but the second I mention that I can barely even crawl out of bed, suddenly it’s all about Microsoft! NO, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS COLLEGE!

Honestly, you should just lose it on your mother when she talks to you like that, because you didn't just stumble into that disability status for no reason! Even if she stays quiet after you blow up, she'll probably just think, "Great, she's not just dealing with muscle issues now, she's losing her mind too!"

And even if your mom doesn't change her tune for your sake, she might just shut up just so the neighbors don't hear you screaming at her again.

You're stuck in this damn cycle.
Without finishing college, you feel like you can't leave the house, but being stuck at home is exactly what's holding you back from finishing, because she refuses to take your illness seriously.

Harold Wright8 said:All those pains you’re feeling? It’s all in your head. You’re living in a constant state of high stress and nothing else. The core of your problem is just pure anxiety. Look, I’m currently retaking my sophomore year at State University, and let me tell you, failing a year sucks. But you have to realize this is just a minor setback to prep you for the real world. If you don't face a failure, you aren't a real student 🙂
. Pain anywhere in your body can be a direct result of stress and tension from these situations. Just pick up a book, relax, and things will get better
.

p.s. NEVER speak ill of your mother, and NEVER doubt a mother's love!

Haha, yeah, true love is when you tell your mom, "Hey, I got a C on my math midterm," and she just shrugs and goes, "Oh, okay." But then when you actually fail? Then you get the silent treatment all weekend.

And I know exactly where all those pains are coming from; I didn't explicitly list my medical diagnosis, but because of it, getting tattooed is practically a vacation compared to how used to being in agony I am.

Harold Wright8 said:All those pains you’re feeling? It’s all in your head. You’re living in a constant state of high stress and nothing else. The core of your problem is just pure anxiety. Look, I’m currently retaking my sophomore year at State University, and let me tell you, failing a year sucks. But you have to realize this is just a minor setback to prep you for the real world. If you don't face a failure, you aren't a real student 🙂
. Pain anywhere in your body can be a direct result of stress and tension from these situations. Just pick up a book, relax, and things will get better
.

p.s. NEVER speak ill of your mother, and NEVER doubt a mother's love!

I'm sorry, but at the end of the day, a mother is just a human being, flaws and all.

And people claim a mother's love should be unconditional, but if it isn't, shouldn't we have the right to question it?
In this particular situation, it seems more like she’s preoccupied with her public image than actually looking out for her sick child.

Michael Roberts7 said:Honestly, you should just lose it on your mother when she talks to you like that, because you didn't just stumble into that disability status for no reason! Even if she stays quiet after you blow up, she'll probably just think, "Great, she's not just dealing with muscle issues now, she's losing her mind too!"

And even if your mom doesn't change her tune for your sake, she might just shut up just so the neighbors don't hear you screaming at her again.

You're stuck in this damn cycle.
Without finishing college, you feel like you can't leave the house, but being stuck at home is exactly what's holding you back from finishing, because she refuses to take your illness seriously.

No, it wasn't me yelling. I was using Caps Lock to represent my mom's shouting. I try to avoid screaming and fighting as much as I humanly can; I much prefer settling things peacefully.
It's more like Mom loses it on me, trying to somehow "calm" me down through sheer volume. And honestly, I don't even know how much money I actually need anymore, since I end up lending quite a bit to my mom, who's living on a disability pension.
Besides, we don't even have neighbors.🙄

Michael Roberts7 said:I'm sorry, but at the end of the day, a mother is just a human being, flaws and all.

And people claim a mother's love should be unconditional, but if it isn't, shouldn't we have the right to question it?
In this particular situation, it seems more like she’s preoccupied with her public image than actually looking out for her sick child.

You don't get to question that. Even when a mother yells at you, she's doing it because she cares. Sure, she might get pissed off about some random nonsense—whatever, that's just life.

Harold Wright8 said:You don't get to question that. Even when a mother yells at you, she's doing it because she cares. Sure, she might get pissed off about some random nonsense—whatever, that's just life.

And what, is that some kind of universal truth now? Clearly, you’ve got some serious mother issues going on. Let's be real: no one on this planet can mess up a kid quite like a mother can. There, I said it. So much for your "wisdom." 😉

Has it ever happened to you guys where one of your parents would just constantly hit you with those "you're stupid" or "you're useless" comments, like they were reading from a script? And yet, for some reason, you can't even wrap your head around a single time they actually said something decent or encouraging instead?

boldwalker12 said:And what, is that some kind of universal truth now? Clearly, you’ve got some serious mother issues going on. Let's be real: no one on this planet can mess up a kid quite like a mother can. There, I said it. So much for your "wisdom." 😉

Look, regarding your comment—honestly, everything you said is just noise. Your way of expressing yourself is absolutely terrible... but as for me, I am a Muslim, and as I know from other faiths, respecting your parents is mandatory. A mother simply cannot hate her own child.
I don't care what you have to say,
have a good one.

Harold Wright8 said:You don't get to question that. Even when a mother yells at you, she's doing it because she cares. Sure, she might get pissed off about some random nonsense—whatever, that's just life.

So, according to your logic, just because she gave birth to me, she has the right to completely crush my spirit or even kill me? Because supposedly, she's doing it all for my own good!

I honestly believe a mother who blames and criticizes everything about someone is actually dealing with her own deep-seated issues or her own life struggles. And frankly, I think you might be struggling too, because this way of thinking is just extreme. Some people are extremists regarding their faith, but you've become an extremist regarding your mother!
Did she drill this mindset into your head while you were growing up, or did something happen between you two that left you unable to make peace before it was too late, leaving you with such a bitter perspective and a heavy conscience?

Samuel White7 said:Has it ever happened to you guys where one of your parents would just constantly hit you with those "you're stupid" or "you're useless" comments, like they were reading from a script? And yet, for some reason, you can't even wrap your head around a single time they actually said something decent or encouraging instead?

It happens to me all the time, and honestly, I get it way milder than this!
"It’s your fault I’m sick...
You're the only thing I have to worry about...
I couldn't even sleep because of you...
I spent my nights praying for you...
and so on."

And all this just because I chose to end my Marriage after being abused by my husband!
The expectation was that I should just shut up and take it. Even when I finally managed to get the church to annul the union, my mother—who trusts any local priest more than her own child—refused to accept it.

Michael Roberts7 said:So, according to your logic, just because she gave birth to me, she has the right to completely crush my spirit or even kill me? Because supposedly, she's doing it all for my own good!

I honestly believe a mother who blames and criticizes everything about someone is actually dealing with her own deep-seated issues or her own life struggles. And frankly, I think you might be struggling too, because this way of thinking is just extreme. Some people are extremists regarding their faith, but you've become an extremist regarding your mother!
Did she drill this mindset into your head while you were growing up, or did something happen between you two that left you unable to make peace before it was too late, leaving you with such a bitter perspective and a heavy conscience?

you're starting to get insulting 😉 but whatever. I don't have a problem with myself and I haven't said anything bad to the girl. I'm just saying she needs to chill out because she's clearly stressed. My mom raised me the best she could and I'm grateful to her. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, and I don't insult people 🙂 . Read what I wrote above—I told her that making mistakes is part of life, to calm down, study, and things will get better...
I don't know why everyone is attacking me...
peace

Harold Wright8, please, just stop talking because you aren't helping anyone here. It really isn't as simple as just saying, "Grab a book and start studying," you know?

And Michael Roberts7, if your husband was hitting you, then leaving him was absolutely the right call. Nobody has the right to treat you like that. But now, from what I can gather, it sounds like your mother might be one of those people who holds onto those old-school views where a wife is supposed to just endure whatever her husband throws at her because he's the "head of the household" and all that nonsense.
Well, you know how it goes—you meet a hundred different people, you get a hundred different versions of reality, and let's face it, none of us were blessed with perfect mothers.

Harold Wright8 said:you're starting to get insulting 😉 but whatever. I don't have a problem with myself and I haven't said anything bad to the girl. I'm just saying she needs to chill out because she's clearly stressed. My mom raised me the best she could and I'm grateful to her. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, and I don't insult people 🙂 . Read what I wrote above—I told her that making mistakes is part of life, to calm down, study, and things will get better...
I don't know why everyone is attacking me...
peace

Actually, I feel insulted by you first!
You aren't giving me the right to have my own opinion!
You claim I have no right to doubt anything, yet you don't even know me or my mother!

It would be just like you telling me, "My girlfriend cheated on me," and me responding, "She was right," without having any clue what actually happened.

Has your mother ever said things to you like the ones I listed in my post at 1:04, or like what Samuel White7 said in his post at 00:51!

If not, then it's perfectly reasonable and fair for you to defend your mother, but not everyone is like her!

Quentin Tarantino:

I don't care about your comment.

And why is it that you supposedly don't care about anyone else's comment?
a) You're offended by something that doesn't even interest you.
b) You're being narrow-minded, since you only offer one comment and ignore everyone else's! Have you ever heard of equality?

Of all the battles fought in this world, the most difficult is the one against oneself... ☕

Samuel White7 said:Harold Wright8, please, just stop talking because you aren't helping anyone here. It really isn't as simple as just saying, "Grab a book and start studying," you know?

And Michael Roberts7, if your husband was hitting you, then leaving him was absolutely the right call. Nobody has the right to treat you like that. But now, from what I can gather, it sounds like your mother might be one of those people who holds onto those old-school views where a wife is supposed to just endure whatever her husband throws at her because he's the "head of the household" and all that nonsense.
Well, you know how it goes—you meet a hundred different people, you get a hundred different versions of reality, and let's face it, none of us were blessed with perfect mothers.

I also spent years suffering, bowing to the subtle pressure of everyone around me and listening far too long to my mother’s "wisdom," such as
"Marriage is sacred," paired with "Every Marriage is just a pile of crap covered in honey; it all depends on how much you lick it before you eventually hit the mess."

It wasn't until I hit rock bottom that I finally woke up.
I ended up in the hospital because he beat me so badly that I lost my baby.

As for Harold Wright8, my mother’s response was simply: "Oh, just make peace with him; maybe that's just how God wanted it, maybe the baby was sick and it's better this way," and "If it's meant to be, you'll get pregnant again and you can have children together."

Peter Morgan3 said:Of all the battles fought in this world, the most difficult is the one against oneself... ☕

That’s true, obviously, but you could have at least given her some specific advice or shared what was actually on your mind!