Posts by brightotter24

brightridge59 said:First things first, please try not to cross-post the same topic across several different subforums.

I’m having a little trouble following your logic here. Since you aren't emotionally attached to this individual, I don't quite see what makes cutting ties such a difficult hurdle.
If you were stuck in a toxic cycle where an unhealthy dependency had formed, I might understand the struggle to walk away, but from what you've shared, I don't see any signs of that kind of entanglement. 🤷

But why does his perspective actually matter in this equation?

At the end of the day, you're the one who made the decision to step away from the relationship. How can he possibly force your hand, and why should his potential ego issues weigh so heavily on your choice?

Maybe I'm not emotionally attached, but I think I am addicted, because I have this nagging feeling that things won't ever get better than they are now. Even though I want to cut him out completely, I'm terrified of just being alone. And his ego is a huge factor because his reaction makes it so much harder for me to actually push him out of my life for good.

Joseph Sullivan10 said:aha, don't let him talk you into it again....it’d be like saying you should only see him once life totally kicks your ass, except this isn't even a long-term thing, it's just been a month and a half. You seem way too easygoing here and he's clearly taking advantage. As for marriage? Don't sweat it, man, he's just trying to get laid. He probably hasn't seen anything like you before since he's being so desperate to force a relationship with someone who literally told him she's not interested, just so he can win you over....whatever, I guess he's a real catch.
Once things actually go south, you're gonna be in deep and won't be able to shake him. If only you were more mentally stable, but honestly, he'll probably get what he wants long before you ever get justice.

okay, you want the truth? I think you've got it wrong.
I mean, I actually think he's the weak one here, not me, because in a way, I'm kind of using him. It works for me when he's being affectionate—though not always, obviously—and he'll ask me why I'm not being sweet back, but I just don't feel that spark, you know? Still, it feels good to have someone there to comfort me and spoil me when I need it, I guess.
On the flip side, maybe he is using me because he sees me giving in, but I suspect it's pretty mutual at this point. And as for that whole thing about him being desperate, I don't know, he's had plenty of women and it's relatively easy for him to find them, so... yeah, I definitely suspect all this talk about marriage is just a ploy to get into my pants. It sounds stupid, but I'd probably act the same way whether he mentioned marriage or not; it doesn't really mean anything to me. I'm seeing him because I'm lonely and I'm at a crossroads in my life and I'm just not sure where to go next, plus I was curious about what being in a relationship actually feels like and all that. But of course, I realize now that none of this makes sense; it's actually pretty pathetic if you aren't even attracted to the person, I suppose.

Larry Moore87 said:If I were you, I’d watch my step. Honestly, looking at everything you just said, I don't see this turning out well. 😢

😕 It all feels kind of pointless, though—why bother with these kinds of predictions? If I just write him off now, then what? I mean, I guess there's always a risk involved, but that's just how things go with people, I suppose.

Larry Moore87 said:Not exactly my idea of a healthy move. 🤷
How do you even start planning a wedding when you just met them? 😕

Well, I kind of agree that it might not be the healthiest approach, though he keeps insisting he's dated plenty of people before but that I'm somehow "the one" for him, lol. We've only really known each other for about a month and a half, I guess.

Matthew Miller28 said:Just dump the guy and find someone who actually fits you emotionally and physically, so you aren't stuck posting stuff like this on a forum or feeling like crap. As for him, he got what he wanted, in the most slimy, snake-like way possible, but he still got it...

I mean, I suppose I agree that he handled things in a pretty greasy way, though I haven't actually slept with him or anything. He’s gone around telling his parents and all his friends that he wants to marry me, 🤦
so I’m honestly not even sure if he truly got what he wanted.
Plus, the guy gets incredibly jealous whenever I hang out with other guys.

Eric Newman75 said:Easy. You just look him in the eye and say, "I'm done. We're over."

Don't get bogged down in the "why" (the whole "I'm unhappy" or "I don't love you anymore" thing). Honestly? Just skip it. If you give him reasons, he’ll see them as problems to solve. He’ll promise to change, you’ll feel guilty and give him another shot—and before you know it, you’re right back in that same exhausting loop.

State your business, let him vent or throw a tantrum if he needs to, but don't budge. And for heaven's sake, don't let the breakup drag on forever.

The thing is, my own life is kind of a mess right now too, and he isn't exactly a saint himself. I've told him more than once that I'm done, but he just completely ignores me. I mean, a sane person would have walked away by now, even if it was just to save their own pride.😕

Oh, great, those idiots put my thread under Psychology. Just wonderful. They might as well have dumped it straight into a mental health ward on US soil. I mean, what kind of twisted moderators are we even dealing with here? Is it just their logic that anyone facing any kind of struggle at all automatically belongs in a psych ward?

Well, I guess you did a pretty decent job summarizing everything 🙂, but honestly, if anyone here has actually dealt with something similar, maybe you could point out some details I haven't quite wrapped my head around yet 🙂

So, I went and did it AGAIN.

I’ve somehow managed to stumble back into another one of those situations that isn't actually a relationship at all. I’m doing this for all the wrong reasons—mostly just because I’m feeling lonely, frustrated with everything else going on in my life, or maybe just out of pure ego, self-sabotage, or curiosity. It definitely isn't because I actually like him or feel any kind of affection.

The guy is someone I honestly just wanted to be friends with—well, maybe not even that, but whatever, loneliness does weird things to you. He was just so incredibly persistent that we slowly drifted into something more "official," or at least that’s how he sees it. He calls it a relationship, whereas for me, it’s just something I turn to when I’m going through a rough patch. I don't want anyone to know we're even hanging out, but he’s over here acting like we're soulmates. He’s already talking about marriage and acting like this is some grand romance, which is honestly exhausting since I don't even like him; if anything, he’s starting to really get on my nerves. I tell myself I'll end it every single time, but then something goes wrong in my life and I end up seeking him out out of sheer spite for my circumstances. It’s never even my idea to see him; he basically maneuvers me into it.

I realize this is probably a much deeper issue than just a bad dating choice, and I guess a therapist would have more to say about it, but I figured I'd ask if anyone else has dealt with something similar. Does anyone know how to actually break out of a cycle like this?