10 posts shown.
I feel like every time a new platform gets huge, the bureaucrats immediately move in to tighten the leash. Does anyone else worry that we're heading toward a version of the web where everything is too sanitized and controlled?
Terry Grant2 said:Well, could it be that our biggest issue as humans is simply that we are far too self-centered and full of ourselves? Doesn't everyone seem to want to be "someone big," trying to tower over Life itself? In reality, isn't it only when we embrace our shared humanity, our fragility, and our small place in the grand scheme of things that we can truly live a balanced and healthy life? 🙂
Best of luck!!
That’s probably a factor too, I suppose! Thanks!
Rachel Ward said:@ Joshua Gomez
Honestly, what you’re going through... it’s basically just pure philosophy.
So, my advice? Go grab some philosophy books and just dive in. You'll quickly realize that all those questions swirling around in your head are actually totally normal—like, super standard stuff. I'm actually studying philosophy right now, and some of my exams are literally just deep conversations about these exact kinds of topics... so yeah.
Cheers!
That all sounds really nice, and man, I wish it were that simple, but I don't know... fear kind of stops me from even thinking about it, and it just keeps pulling me deeper and deeper into it. Thanks for the reply, friend!
gentlegardener10 said:You shouldn't have stopped your treatment. These are meds you take for years—sometimes for life—and you just have to accept that and make peace with it. It doesn't mean you're crazy or that your thoughts aren't valid; it just means your brain is low on serotonin, and that's something you'll deal with more or less forever. It’s honestly not that big of a deal... just accept it. Think of yourself as being a little more "sensitive" or "perceptive," then focus on finding people and moments that actually relax you and lift your spirits. Exercise helps too; any sport will do—even just a brisk walk!
Thank you so much, everyone. You really have no idea how much your words mean to me right now.
Larry Brown7 said:From the book The Power of Now:
Up until I was thirteen, I lived in this constant state of pure anxiety,
punctuated by these heavy bouts of depression that kept pulling me toward suicide.
Honestly, looking back now, it feels like I’m talking about someone else's life or some weird past incarnation.
One night, not long after my twenty-ninth birthday, I woke up
in the middle of the night feeling absolute, paralyzing terror. I’d woken up
feeling like crap before, sure, but this time the fear was on a whole different level.
The dead silence of the night, those blurry shapes of furniture in my dark
room, the distant sound of a streetcar passing by—it all felt so alien, so hostile,
and just so incredibly meaningless that it sparked this deep, burning contempt
for the entire world. But the worst part? It was my own damn
existence. What was even the point of living with a weight like that crushing me? Why
keep struggling through this? I could feel this massive craving for death,
for just... nothingness, becoming way stronger than any instinctual urge to
keep going.
This is what one famous teacher went through before he finally found peace, happiness, and his own answers within himself.
Look, you gotta take care of your physical health too. I don't know what your daily routine looks like or if you even have the time, but getting some fresh air and eating decent food can't hurt. I'm saying this because you mentioned feeling totally lethargic, which sounds like it could be a result of toxins in your system.
Personally, if I stop moving and start eating nothing but junk food, I spiral right into those negative moods too. For me, I searched for answers to those big philosophical questions through art, philosophy, psychology, and spirituality, and that's how I finally figured out my next move.
That kind of darkness actually pushes you to live better; it forces you to make changes you otherwise never would've bothered making.
Wauuuuu, man, I think I've been quietly hoping somewhere deep down that's true! Thank you!
I honestly feel like my true self just... wandered off somewhere a long time ago and never looked back!
I don't know, maybe I should just go deep inside myself and really dig around to finally figure out who I actually am and what I even want out of this life! The worst part is, I'm honestly terrified of this emptiness in my head, and the world just feels so massive... it's overwhelming. It's almost like I'm not even there, like I don't even exist. And all of that just leads to this huge fear of everything and total panic! I really hope you're right and that everything works out for the best in the end, and that I don't end up stuck in some mental health facility... thanks to everyone for all your answers and for helping me out!!!!
fadedbear92 said:First off, you really need a solid psychiatrist who also doubles as a psychotherapist... personally, I think long-term psychoanalysis would be the way to go—it takes time, but the results actually stick. My hunch is that your core issue stems from an unresolved emotional separation from your parents, which is likely when those first signs of anxiety started cropping up.
Once you dive into therapy that actually covers your whole life story, finding those answers will become much easier... wishing you nothing but the best!👍
Thanks so much, my friend!
I don't even know how to thank you for what you wrote... and honestly, just for taking the time to put anything together at all! I guess, in the end, maybe I just need to find a way to accept that nothing is ever truly certain or set in stone. If I can wrap my head around that, maybe then I could actually function—you know, like, really live! My biggest struggle is just this overwhelming fear of everything, and when the panic hits, I just totally lose my footing. It gets so bad that I feel like I can't even think about anything else.
First off, thanks for giving me a few minutes of your time!
I guess so I can make sense to you all, I should probably tell you a bit about myself, though I'll try to keep it brief.
I'm 31, and I've been working in media as a host for quite a while now.
When I was 12, I moved over to Switzerland, and then around age 16, things started getting heavy mentally. It started with just this random fear and panic for no reason at all, but even as a kid, I was really attached to my mom and dad who stayed behind in Canada. Around 17, I came back to the States and everything felt okay for maybe a year, until one night I just... I started thinking about my breathing. I couldn't wrap my head around how that process just happens automatically without me doing anything, and suddenly, this massive panic and fear just hit me. Since then, I haven't been able to stop obsessing over my breathing. Of course, I saw a psychologist and a neuropsychiatrist, and they put me on Lexapro. Talking things through helped a lot, but I know the medication played a huge part too. My psychologist diagnosed me with OCD—obsessive-compulsive thoughts. But since I started feeling better, I stopped taking them. Well, I tried to, anyway. I did it gradually on my own, cutting down to half a pill a day for two months, then a quarter for another couple of months, and finally, I just stopped. But now, these questions have started creeping back in. Like, who are we, really? What kind of world are we living in? What is Life? What are people? I feel like I'm constantly hunting for answers to existence, but I can't stop. And even when I find an answer—any answer—I just end up denying it, and then I get paranoid because I don't even know what to think anymore, or if I'm even capable of thinking! I just... I don't know anything anymore, and then the panic and fear follow immediately. When I take Xanax, I feel a bit better, and I can push those thoughts aside and act like a normal person. I worked with my psychologist on trying to distance myself from my inner child, trying to step into this more "adult" role and be a serious person. To be honest, my whole life has kind of been a joke; I dated a lot of girls, mostly just to fill the void and run away from these thoughts. He told me once that I look at myself as a subject, that I'm a researcher type who just needs to know everything. But he said a person can't truly know everything—that we only ever grasp maybe 80 percent of what we call "the truth." That's how he said I view the world. Anyway, that psychologist doesn't do therapy anymore, so I can't go back to him.
Since I keep falling into these deep rabbit holes under this constant fear, and I feel like I'm losing my grip and losing my mind, I wanted to ask for your professional opinion. Am I actually moving toward becoming a rational human being through all this, or am I just going crazy? I have this feeling that I *have* to go through all this just so I can finally reach my own conclusions and start living like everyone else. It’s almost like I’m intentionally throwing myself into these existential crises just so I can eventually say, "See? I didn't lose it, everything is fine." Please, I really need your insight...
And lately, this is hitting me harder than anything else yet:
I don't even know where to begin or what to write, because I don't even know how to think or what to think anymore!
Existence, who am I, who are all these people around me, where did this planet come from, where does life come from... these massive questions race through my head every single moment. And any answer I try to give myself, I just deny it. I deny everything inside my head, and there's just fear, nothing but fear passing through me. I walk around like a zombie, I go to work like a zombie. I'm terrified of losing my mind because I feel like I'm right on the edge and there's no hope left for me. I watch other people living so easily within their beliefs and their goals, totally fearless, and I don't know why I think this way, but it's like I view them as foolish for believing in anything at all. Honestly, I wish I could be that "foolish" too. I wish I could just believe that it's all part of a divine plan, or that there's one God who gave us everything, but I can't. I can't even trust myself, let alone hold onto any opinion. I deny existence itself. Some people say, "I see it, so obviously it exists," but I can't even bring myself to believe that. Why???
Why is this happening? I'm terrified of the emptiness in my head. I'm scared of everything because I don't understand anything. Sometimes I think maybe I'm just afraid of living, and afraid of accepting anything at all.
Everything just feels ugly, and I’m feeling completely drained... totally listless. I keep telling myself, okay, this is just how things are, nothing can be changed, but my brain just won't let me accept it. I just can't. I don't know anything anymore, and I'm just not accepting anything at all. Why am I so afraid of everything? I can't even talk sense into myself. Looking at the world, or maybe just looking at everyone else, I feel like I'm right on the edge of just checking into some mental health facility in a place like Seattle, where they just feed me and let me stare at a single spot on the wall forever.
I'm just totally lost. I don't see any way out, or any answers to any questions. It's like I don't even exist, or nothing does. I don't even know how I'm writing this, but I am.