5 posts shown.
vividorca9 said:Look, just read this over and see how it fits into the whole picture.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
Either way, I hope you have the patience and strength to get through this, whether you decide to stay or walk away. Like I said before, if someone tried to cut me, I wouldn't just stand there—the cops would probably be called to intervene (which they should have been, anyway). 🙂
There’s also a thread on BPD on this page or the previous one in the PDF.
It was a complicated situation that I didn't describe in depth, nor do I particularly intend to do so now, because things were never quite as black and white as they might seem.
vividorca9 said:That's exactly what I was getting at. 😁
The woman is sick. If you don't look out for yourself, you'll probably be sitting there in a few years spitting venom at her over one specific issue (BPD, just Google it 😉).
If someone slashed my arm, they'd be getting punched in the face by me immediately, and then we'd never speak again for the rest of our lives. Period.
Look, I get it. You're infatuated and the sex is great, whatever. But a woman who cut you with a knife isn't exactly "ideal girlfriend" material. If you can handle that—fine. Go for it. 🙂
My honest advice? If you're planning on sticking around, make seeing a psychiatrist a non-negotiable condition. She likely needs medication, too.
Because if things keep going the way they started, you're going to end up as a headline in the local news. ☕
Jesus, I'm rambling tonight. 😢 Sorry.
"Double" or "triple" personalities aren't really a thing. There's dissociative identity disorder, which is extremely rare. This sounds much more like BPD to me. 🤷 And yeah, she’s probably "fatal"—people with BPD usually are. I managed to avoid that whole scene, but then again, I've never cut a guy with a knife either.
In any case, I did not delve too deeply into the specifics of the matter, even though we spoke about it later on; since this was my first encounter with such behavior, I actually found myself questioning if she was merely playing games with me, leading me to investigate certain details before concluding that there was no deception involved.
Alex White said:If she’s clearly not interested in being with you, how exactly do you envision this playing out? How much longer do you plan on staying in this position?
I think it is important to understand that this isn't some standard scenario where you ask a girl to be exclusive, she says no, and the matter is settled. As I have already stated, the time I spend with her is nothing short of extraordinary, and situations of this complexity are quite rare. My physical attraction to her is primal, and our intellectual connection is just as intense. If I truly possessed the clarity to know how to resolve this conflict, I would not be seeking advice here in the first place.
Carl Kern30 said:Hey.
Has she actually received a formal medical diagnosis for DID? And is there even any treatment for it?
I’m asking because it’s such a heavy, notoriously difficult disorder to pin down...
To be honest, I don't think I could ever get involved with someone living with that condition. The difference between this and any other illness is the behavioral volatility, the sheer unpredictability, and the potential for actual danger.
Mind you, I wouldn't walk away from a partner just because they were sick, but then again, you aren't in a relationship here.
It’s an incredibly complex situation... I’m curious to see what everyone else thinks.
It was confirmed. I wouldn't pursue it either, as any sane person would, but we met under very normal circumstances and everything felt perfectly fine at first. She is exceptionally attractive, which naturally plays a role in how one falls in love and pursues someone. I truly enjoyed our companionship even before we became intimate, and that phase lasted for about a month or perhaps a month and a half. It wasn't just a single encounter; we spoke every single day, and whenever we had the chance, we would spend two or three days together, essentially twenty-four hours a day. I found myself falling for her gradually because she is profoundly intelligent and engaging—she possesses that certain quality of a femme fatale. At least, she does to me, and I know myself well enough to know that I don't fall for someone just because they are beautiful, regardless of how stunning they might be. By the time she revealed the truth to me, it felt as though it was already too late.
I honestly don't know how to offer you any profound wisdom, but when someone slashes your arm and says those things to you, yet your only instinct is to kiss them and hold them close, I cannot say for certain what kind of emotional state or feeling that truly represents, or if it can even be called love.
We aren't officially a couple, but we express our affection regularly and spend as much time together as possible, usually talking for three to six hours a day. I have become completely comfortable within the confines of this relationship.
Here is how the situation stands. I will begin by providing some context regarding my own background because I am genuinely in need of guidance. Historically, I have never formed deep emotional attachments; my relationships have typically been limited to casual flings, one-night stands, or platonic friendships with women. I have never experienced falling in love to the point where I desired a deeper commitment with someone. I am a relatively standard twenty-one-year-old man, though perhaps not entirely so. I value my solitude—not out of social anxiety, but because I have faced too many disappointments in the past—even though I maintain a wide circle of acquaintances. Regardless, those details are secondary.
Then she entered my life. She was incredibly arrogant, haughty, and self-assured; for the first time, I felt as though I had lost control of my own life, as if someone else were pulling all the strings. It is easy to say you shouldn't let someone manipulate you, but when you are actually experiencing it, the reality is much more difficult to navigate. Gradually, we began spending more time together. I would go to her place, and we would spend the night in the same bed, staying half-dressed, yet there was absolutely no physical intimacy between us. She is quite perceptive, to put it mildly, and she clearly understood how to maintain control over our dynamic. She would make claims that we would never be a couple because she didn't view me in a sexual light or find me attractive, and even though I knew she was playing games, those denials only intensified my desire for her. Later, we attended a party together, and I sensed something was fundamentally wrong, though I couldn't quite put my finger on it at the time. After some sort of commotion at the event, we ended up back at my apartment around 6:00 AM, where we slept and woke up fully clothed.
It felt as though everything was falling perfectly into place.
Two weeks later, she went through a period of intense instability and attempted to end her life. She failed. She came to stay with me in a different city for two weeks. During that time, I played every role imaginable: the knight in shining armor, the servant, and the lover all at once. We walked for hours, cooked meals together, shared cigarettes, and had sex every single day. It was, without question, the best sex of my life. Looking back, I realize she had been conditioning me for this through movies, music, and her specific way of speaking.
During one particular evening within those two weeks, things escalated. We had an argument that resulted in much of the apartment being trashed; she cut her arm—not deeply, but enough—and threatened to kill herself again. It was chaos; she was spiraling, and I was losing my mind. I retreated to my room, but she followed me, calling out to me and attempting to come downstairs. I looked at her and asked what on earth she thought she was doing, pointing out the damage she had caused, but she simply denied it and told me not to lie. The argument bled into intimacy, and we spent the next two hours having sex. At one point, I was lying on my back while she knelt over me, and we were talking. Suddenly, she collapsed beside me, almost as if she had lost consciousness. When she opened her eyes, I reached out to her and asked what happened. I told her we had just been intimate for two hours and hadn't finished what we started, but she looked at me blankfully and said she didn't remember. We bickered for a moment, and then she walked into the kitchen, and I followed.
That was when I realized she has BPD.
The problem is that I discovered this after three or four months of intense closeness, during which time I had fallen completely for her. Her behavior can shift in a heartbeat; she can be utterly depressed one hour and the happiest person in the world the next, with endless variations in between.
The help I am seeking is advice on how to handle this, how to carry myself, and how to manage my own internal state.
To be honest, I have fallen deeply in love with her. I told her how I felt. Naturally, her reaction fluctuates; sometimes she is overjoyed, sometimes she doesn't believe me, sometimes she needs me close, and sometimes she can't stand the sight of me.
Of course, the good moments and the positive moods are more frequent, but this volatility is killing me. I feel unable to leave her because, after everything we've been through, I know she has been treated poorly by everyone else, and I would feel like a complete traitor if I abandoned her—which isn't even an option I'm considering.
She has dealt with countless idiots, and I am the first man who has truly and sincerely cared for her, so I don't want to walk away.
She says she doesn't want a relationship; she wants me as a friend, she wants us to be intimate, but she doesn't want the commitment of being in a relationship—at least, that is her narrative, though it may not be the truth. Perhaps she is returning to me as a form of karma for how I used to treat others.
This is genuinely difficult for me, and I cannot easily share this with a friend. How do I tell them, "I am in love with a woman who is actually three different people"?🙂