Posts by Ronald Chase17

silverraven14 said:Honestly, I don't get how anyone can be surprised when a baby "happens" if they're being intimate without proper contraception—which, let's be real, is readily available everywhere in America in the 21st century.
Between condoms and hormonal options, there are plenty of ways to handle it.

The "pull out" method isn't actual birth control; it's a total delusion.

It's the same story with people failing to check if a condom actually held up after sex, or just generally being careless about using protection correctly and consistently.
Most of these mishaps come down to the human factor—but those who engage in unprotected sex and then complain about an unplanned pregnancy? Yeah, they’re just irresponsible. It’s not a mystery; it happens all over the place.

And no, you don't prevent a pregnancy by scheduling your marital duties for 8:30 PM; you do it with reliable contraception, which—by the way—allows you to be spontaneous whenever the mood strikes.

In fact, most women I know who have active sex lives but aren't looking to start a family are extremely diligent about using birth control.
On the flip side, those who wait until marriage often view contraception as a sin, so if they end up surprised... well, fine. Or not, if they were only ever doing it for procreation anyway. 😛

I wouldn't say that every pregnant woman who has an "unexpected" pregnancy complains.
Based on your logic, there are only two types of pregnant women: those planning a pregnancy who are now happy, or those complaining because they were irresponsible and failed to use contraception.

I believe there is a significant distinction between the "fear" of pregnancy experienced by someone who frequently changes partners versus someone in a long-term relationship who approaches contraception—whether panicky or composed—in accordance with that fear.
There are actually far more variables involved in how one approaches this.

The bolded part clearly describes a state of panic regarding pregnancy.

It strikes me as somewhat odd to receive advice from someone who states:

silverraven14 said:Honestly, I don't get how anyone can be surprised when a baby "happens" if they're being intimate without proper contraception—which, let's be real, is readily available everywhere in America in the 21st century.
Between condoms and hormonal options, there are plenty of ways to handle it.

The "pull out" method isn't actual birth control; it's a total delusion.

It's the same story with people failing to check if a condom actually held up after sex, or just generally being careless about using protection correctly and consistently.
Most of these mishaps come down to the human factor—but those who engage in unprotected sex and then complain about an unplanned pregnancy? Yeah, they’re just irresponsible. It’s not a mystery; it happens all over the place.

And no, you don't prevent a pregnancy by scheduling your marital duties for 8:30 PM; you do it with reliable contraception, which—by the way—allows you to be spontaneous whenever the mood strikes.

In fact, most women I know who have active sex lives but aren't looking to start a family are extremely diligent about using birth control.
On the flip side, those who wait until marriage often view contraception as a sin, so if they end up surprised... well, fine. Or not, if they were only ever doing it for procreation anyway. 😛

or someone who views everything in such black-and-white terms.

Not everyone has access to every type of contraception—in my case, I cannot use either of the major categories you listed. That significantly limits availability regardless of how many options exist on paper.

And yes, a pregnancy "happened" to me, and while I was surprised initially, I did not "wonder" or "complain" in the manner you suggest I should have.
Quite the opposite, actually; both my partner and I are overjoyed, and we are currently adjusting to the situation to ensure everything is ready for our little one.

Bradley Smith said:SC, I don't know your specific situation or which school you're attending, but here in the US, maternity leave laws exist for a reason. Any decent university should accommodate you by law, just like any employer would. You're entitled to protected time off. Go talk to the Dean if the administration gives you any grief 🤷 call Bjeliš. Whatever. It's a legal right for any woman giving birth.
You need time to heal, physically and mentally, to find your footing again. And so does your baby. You don't need to try to be Vesna škare Ožbolt 😬
Besides, this is your first child. You're the one who decides your priorities. College isn't going anywhere; it'll still be sitting there exactly where you left it, while babies grow and change every single day. If you aren't there for those moments, it's incredibly hard to build that bond later.
I'm a total careerist myself, but I put my PhD on the back burner for now because, honestly... the degrees and fellowships will always be there. For now, the baby comes first. And yeah, mine was unplanned too 😁

As for the vagina thing, I don't know, but I'm crossing my fingers for you. 😁

I also considered pursuing my PhD this year, but I’ve decided to push it back a year..
university isn't going anywhere..

And this whole discussion regarding planning children... I am truly speechless
I have already encountered several instances where women act genuinely bewildered that someone could "accidentally" have a child at age 21
When I see that attitude, I immediately imagine some caricature of a woman who schedules sex with her husband—not a boyfriend, because in her worldview, sex occurs strictly within marriage—with clinical precision, like Wednesday at 8:30 PM

I have developed the impression that for many couples, the first child is unplanned simply because there is never a "perfect" moment to have one. First, they must finish school, then they decide to move in together, then they buy a car, then they aim to purchase a house or a condo... and they never quite have "enough" money

Jesse Johnson15 said:oh my god, please🙄
to be totally honest, I’m just not a "motherly" type of person. Not even a little bit. Honestly, I’d much rather hang out with my cats than deal with tiny babies. I can't stand toddlers, and don't even get me started on teenagers.
But this little thing growing inside me? This is mine. I have no doubt there will be love at first sight, even if I haven't quite wrapped my head around the fact that there's a living, breathing creature in there. Sometimes, after a long, exhausting day at the office, I actually feel a pang of guilt when I realize I didn't spend a single second thinking about the baby. It’s not like it just hits me automatically, you know?
Every now and then, the thought pops into my head and I'll just smile to myself while I'm cuddling my favorite seashell. 🙄

Amen to that.

And regarding the other thing, some women just get really hormonal and everything starts bothering them. Most of the time, I find that kind of stuff kind of funny, 😬
but then again, I've never been the physical type who craves touch or affection, and I generally avoid being touched by strangers too. I have this weird feeling that the baby has already curled up deep inside, right against my spine. 😬

Oh, honey, you should really think twice about whether you'll regret missing that first year of baby milestones. You don't have to completely fall off the wagon, though—maybe you could prep for your exams at home ahead of time so things aren't so overwhelming later on. 🙂

Until I actually began to feel the baby moving, I mostly "forgot" I was pregnant.
(I didn't suffer from morning sickness—which I know is usually the primary reminder for most expectant mothers)
As the movements become more frequent, so does my focus on him; I talk to him and so on. I already know I love him more than anything in the world, but when I finally see him, it will be definitive—as you said, love at first sight

Recently, a friend told me that I don't exactly strike her as the "baby type." I wasn't offended or insulted, as most people would predictably be; I simply found it absurd

I have come to realize how much I despise these assumptions made about pregnant women.
To start with—the nausea.
Everyone, without exception, asks if the vomiting has stopped—and I find myself repeating like a parrot that I never had any, which leads them to look at me with such confusion, blah blah blah
Next—weight gain.
I don't believe others are concerned about my weight; rather, they seem to enjoy commenting on it, as if my pounds are somehow contagious
Then, the ultimate question of all: "Was this planned or...?"
Why does it matter? And why is it any of your business?
Whenever I have a nervous breakdown, everyone assumes it's due to the pregnancy. I wouldn't go that far, as I had breakdowns long before this, but now I am being careful because I know I shouldn't let myself get worked up for the sake of the baby..

Furthermore, there is an aspect of this discourse that truly grates on my nerves... the incessant bickering among expectant mothers regarding who will be the "better" parent, or who will harbor a deeper affection for their child, and so on and so forth. In my estimation, this performative competition is perhaps the most egregious element of the entire ordeal.
I suppose one could argue that engaging in endless debates on internet forums is the most effective way to demonstrate one's devotion to their offspring.

wiredranger10 said:I'm currently pregnant and I'm 25 (turning 26 soon), and honestly, it isn't a stressor for me at all. I've always loved kids and wanted to have a little baby as soon as possible; we actually just got married and were lucky enough to conceive right away.

I read this forum occasionally and see a lot of pregnant women who seem constantly stressed out or on edge, and I don't really get why... I'm happier than ever because my biggest wish came true, so I don't understand how other women aren't just relaxed and happy. There are some who are, but from what I read, they seem pretty rare...

I am 27 years old and I do not feel at all too young to have a child (though some would argue I am already reaching the limit 🤣)
My partner and I have been together for nearly seven years, and we had fully intended to marry and start a family within a year; the fact that this occurred a year or two ahead of schedule does not pose a significant issue for me.
I did somewhat struggle with my university studies, changing majors and stretching my degree to its absolute limits.
However, I ought to manage to resolve those academic matters before the baby arrives so as not to create complications.
Regarding housing, we had not yet secured a permanent residence, but we are making gradual progress with the assistance of both our sets of parents.
Neither of us currently holds steady employment, but we are coordinating various ways to generate income (for instance, since I ceased smoking and social outings following the onset of my Pregnancy, I have managed to save some funds).

In short, while this is undoubtedly a high-pressure period—being 23 weeks along while attempting to finish my degree and prepare for the infant—it is precisely because of the baby that I attempt to remain composed and avoid unnecessary anxiety. Naturally, I am not always successful, but I do not consider myself one of those perpetually irritable or moody expectant mothers.😁

Edit: My primary, perhaps even solitary, source of stress is my weight; I have gained 10 kg.
Every time I step on the scale, I undergo a period of intense distress, primarily because I have historically struggled with weight gain.
The last time I allowed myself to "relax," I gained roughly 20 kg, and it took me two full years to lose it.
I have no desire to endure that process again, particularly as the weight seems to accumulate effortlessly now, despite no noticeable increase in my food intake.