Posts by silentcobra14

...I’m starting to wonder if I’m just spiraling again. It’s happened before with my health. I had some gut issues once—nothing major, really a tiny chance it was anything serious—but my brain immediately went straight to: "Oh no, it's colon cancer, I'm a dead man." Turns out, I was fine. Or one time I had unprotected sex and spent the entire time convinced I had HIV, even though the test came back totally negative...

It’s like my brain is wired to make me suffer. I don't get it sometimes. This might be happening again because part of me feels like maybe I'm not actually in love in this relationship, but at the exact same time, I'm counting down the minutes until I see her. I miss her. It's like there's some demon inside me that refuses to let me finally be happy...

I don't know. I'm going to grab a drink and talk it out with a friend, then give myself some space to figure out if I'm just overthinking everything or if this relationship really isn't right for me...

Anyway, thanks for all the replies. You guys have been a huge help, truly kind, and I wish you nothing but the best.

Best,

I’ve fallen seriously hard for her over these last three months. Just the thought of us calling it quits leaves me feeling completely gutted...

I don't know, man. I feel like an idiot sometimes. I hate myself for it, and honestly? My confidence is at rock bottom right now.

Arthur Barnes said:Quote:>

driftinggull21 says: I don't see what the joke is.🤷 I'm just looking at his situation and how he keeps trying to turn love into some math equation. If we have to talk percentages, wouldn't it be better to be the one who's loved more? Right?🤔

It just doesn't match reality. Because if it did, I bet way more girls would choose to fall for a close friend they've known for years over some random jerk who gave them a certain look.😉

And honestly, whether you're the one loved more isn't really the point of his problem or this whole debate... since you can't control feelings anyway.

Look, nothing is ever perfect. There's always going to be something lacking in a partner. Since I struggle with depression, I have to wonder: am I chasing some impossible standard of perfection that doesn't exist? Am I setting myself up to spend my whole life alone and miserable because I can't let things go? Maybe I'm just being too picky and asking for the moon, I don't know... For now, everything in my current relationship is actually wonderful, and my wife is incredible...

Arthur Barnes said:So you think we can actually control who we fall for or how much? Lol.

That’s definitely one way to look at it. Needs testing though...

Because I don't see a pattern here—it's not like he's been in five different relationships where he ALWAYS feels like he isn't in love enough, it's just this one. Let's not jump to conclusions. It's just as possible that she simply doesn't have that "something" he needs... something he might find with someone else.

Back in the day, I only had one relationship about five years ago, and it lasted maybe six months. I wasn't head over heels or anything, but it was good, and I really wanted it to work. Then she dumped me because she just wasn't feeling it anymore. She actually warned me right from the start that she wasn't that crazy about me and wasn't sure if we'd last. By the end, I was pretty crushed and totally lost on what the difference even was between love and just being infatuated...

hiddenhawk3 said:I don't get it.

How can you try to be strong for someone when you don't even know how you feel about them?

Look, I know how I feel. It’s just that damn percentage—trying to figure out who’s more invested in whom. As stupid as that sounds, I know it's irrational. That's why I'm choosing to wait. I'm not making any impulsive moves because I refuse to screw up this relationship, which honestly, is the best thing that's ever happened to me...

Thanks for the reply, but I’m not sure I should tell her that just yet. I want to be the strong one here, especially since she's still dealing with that breakup from a few months back.

hiddenhawk3 said:I guess I'm with Arthur Barnes on this one.

And honestly, I think it’s pretty much impossible for two people to love each other at the exact same level.

One side always ends up caring more, I suppose.

I don't really get it, though. You said you were so head over heels you couldn't live without her, but now you're saying you don't even love her that much?

I don't have any real advice, but love is generally just a mess. Maybe it's better to never fall for anyone at all.🙂

Look, I said I grew fond of her, I didn't say I don't love her.🙂

The difference is that I used to suffer way more back in the day, and it never really led to anything lasting. To be honest, the feeling hit harder then than it does now. When I was younger, that whole "falling in love" intensity was just on a completely different level...

I haven’t really spiraled like this over a relationship before. I haven't been in many to begin with—just one six-month thing back in the day that ended because she simply stopped being into me...

But with this girl? It's different. I get those butterflies every single time. I find myself counting down the minutes until I see her smile. We’re hanging out constantly and it just feels right. Honestly, I'm obsessed with her laugh and the way she talks and everything else about her...

Thanks for the input. Should I be looking to set up an appointment with a psychologist or a psychiatrist? Also, do you happen to know any good private practitioners out in Washington, D.C.?

I tried going through my insurance once, and honestly, it was a total letdown...

Hey everyone. 🙂

I'm 27. I've dealt with depression on and off my whole life. My childhood was pretty rough—lots of violence and abuse—and yeah, that left its mark on me.

Right now, I've got this specific issue weighing on me...

I’ve been seeing this amazing girl for about two or three months. Honestly, I'm incredibly happy with her, but some things are eating at me. She fell hard for me while she was still in a long-term relationship with someone else. She didn't cheat on him; she just confessed her feelings, they ended things, and then we started dating. At first, I wasn't sure if I should get involved because she meant so much to me as a friend and I didn't want to wreck her life, but eventually, I fell for her too. I couldn't stay away, so here we are.

Everything seems great on the surface. We hang out constantly, we talk all the time, the chemistry is incredible, and the sex has been the best I've ever had...

But lately, I've been hit with this massive wave of guilt, and it's triggering that depression I struggle with.

The guilt comes from the fact that she seems way more head-over-heels for me than I am for her. Look, I've been in love before, and it usually ends badly. Those past feelings felt much more intense than what I'm feeling right now. That's why I'm so confused.

I can't tell if this is just my depression acting up or something else entirely. In the past, I've spiraled into thinking I had some terminal illness or a brain tumor—stupid stuff like that. I'd get depressed over it even though a part of me knew I was being irrational.

Sometimes it feels like my body is actually craving the depression. It's like I subconsciously seek out dark thoughts, and once I start, I can't stop.

Things are perfect when she's around, but the second she leaves, I start questioning if I'm actually in love. I know I am, but then the doubt creeps in: Am I enough for her?
She walked away from her previous life for me, and now I'm just sitting here feeling insecure and lost. Just last week, I was spiraling, wondering if she still loved her ex or if she'd go back to him. It's exhausting. Even if everything I'm saying is true, it shouldn't be this hard. I'm feeling so low that I'm actually considering seeing a psychiatrist and starting medication.

Look... I know this sounds pathetic and probably gives some of you a headache to read, but if anyone has any real advice, I'm all ears.

Thanks. 🙂