Posts by Gary Harris7

I think the real issue—both for me and my boyfriend (though his struggle is way smaller since he isn't nearly as sensitive as I am)—is that I’m trying to be someone I’m just not. I try to force myself to be this social butterfly, but honestly, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. I'm clearly a bit awkward when it comes to communicating and navigating social cues. It probably makes more sense to stop hunting for new people beyond my one good friend; she’s great, and besides, I’ll never be able to live that life you see on Meta, surrounded by millions of "besties" in every photo. I should probably just cross that dream off my list—the idea that I'll ever be some popular, beloved figure that everyone wants to hang out with.

It would be much better if I just embraced who I actually am, leaned into my own things, and just put that desperate urge to make new friends on "ignore." Just turn it off entirely.
This realization just hit me out of nowhere the other day. So many people live their lives perfectly fine with just one or two close friends. I have no idea what possessed me to suddenly crave a massive social circle.
It’s probably because I’m a fool who spends too much time scrolling through photos of incredibly happy people online. In reality, I’m not feeling all that happy because I don't have a steady job, I'm terrified of starting my own business, and I have almost nothing to my name besides my boyfriend. And, frankly, I feel like I'm getting too old to have a relationship be my only "achievement" in life. But then again, I’m clearly too sensitive to handle any kind of high-stakes success, so maybe it's better to just stay grounded, find a regular job, and stop expecting anything extraordinary from life.

It’s the same old story every single time. I have some terrible experience, immediately blame myself, and then spend hours spiraling, convinced that everyone just hates me. Maybe there's some truth to the idea that I've always been an outsider, but I honestly don't know how to finally just accept that about myself. Instead, I keep chasing this idea of being popular, which usually backfires. It starts with people being friendly, but before I know it, they stop showing me even the most basic level of respect.

I wonder if it's because I don't respect myself? Is that what they see? Or am I just constantly asking for things from people that they were never going to give me in the first place?

It’s actually kind of embarrassing how naive I was, thinking certain people actually wanted to step up and help me out... Nowadays, it feels like you have to pay a premium just to get someone to sit down and explain something to you without treating you like dirt.

My thread about relationships is closed. My boyfriend and I were using one account since we live together, and it was confusing everyone. It felt silly having two separate profiles, but oh well, it doesn't matter much now...

Anyway, I’ve been noticing a pattern lately: I seem to be getting into arguments with people way too often. I can't quite pin down why. Maybe it's because I don't always love being around people, and it shows—even though I try my hardest to be polite, cultured, and kind, even cracking jokes to lighten the mood. For some reason, I just seem to act as a lightning rod for high-strung people, and they find a way to snap at me in no time at all.

I honestly don't get it. Why am I such a magnet for angry, irritable people? Is it possible I'm subconsciously seeking them out just because life feels a bit stagnant?

Someone once made a great point: maybe the issue is that I'm trying *too* hard. I put so much effort into connecting and communicating with others, which feels almost absurd in today's world where everyone expects you to be "open" and constantly hunting for a new social circle.

And I have to say, whenever my boyfriend and I go out, we’re basically like Siamese twins. Is it really a crime to be this close? We're both introverts with a pretty small circle of friends, so we rely heavily on each other. When we head out together, we're usually in a great mood because we have our own little bubble and our own shorthand. Since we rarely talk to anyone else, people are perfectly nice to us. But heaven forbid I step away and actually attempt to strike up a conversation with someone new—it turns into a complete disaster every single time.

So, what's the move here? Should I just avoid meeting new people entirely to spare myself from dealing with rude, unpleasant personalities? It feels like I'll never be anyone important, but I didn't realize that basic, friendly small talk would be this difficult to achieve. I just want to feel a little bit valued.

It feels like everything in this country operates on a spectrum of either being a bully or staying completely withdrawn. Sadly, it seems like being totally reserved works much better than my attempts at being genuinely friendly!