25 posts shown.
Mad Scientist said:I just have two quick thoughts/questions here:
1. How old are you and he? Also, does he work, or does he live on his own?
If he isn't working or is still in school, I’d assume his social circle consists mostly of people who, much like him, aren't really tied down yet.
2. If everyone in his group is single, then he’s probably fine with that for now... but just wait until his friends start getting serious or even getting married. That might start influencing him. Our immediate social environment acts as such a strong frame of reference for how we act.
We are both 20.
He doesn't live alone.
And yeah, everyone in his friend group is single.
normall said:I completely understand where you're coming from, 😁
Take a moment to really sit with what you wrote to me, and then just go with your gut on this one. 😉
I see.😬
Are you honestly certain that anything about him is actually going to change just because I decide to step up? 😍
normall said:You girls always mistake casual situationships for something serious 😎
Just let him be for a while so he can figure himself out. You should probably take some time for yourself too, just so he can see what it feels like to experience 🙂
It’s not that we think they're mandatory; it's more that we feel like these casual setups often end up being a total waste of energy.
We just don't want to spend all that time hoping for something more, only to realize we were essentially chasing a ghost.
The thing is, he's actually holding me back from really living my life. Does that make sense? 🙂
darkmason17 said:Look, you really shouldn't be bringing these kinds of topics into a psychology thread. You should probably take this over to the IRS forums or maybe a general vent thread instead.
Honestly, please don't.🙂
I tried starting a similar discussion on Reddit once. It didn't go nearly as well as I'd hoped.
I’m dealing with an issue (again, 🙂)
I’ve been stuck in this casual, non-committal situation for years now.
Basically, he isn't ready to commit to a serious relationship. He claims he needs more time to "experience life" before settling down.
But knowing him as well as I do, I honestly don't think that's ever going to happen.
It’s not even that he doesn't want to; it’s just not in his nature.
I get the feeling he’s heavily influenced by his social circle. His entire group of friends is single and avoids commitment. It’s left him really confused, which he actually admitted to me. I know I’m good for him—he tells me I’m everything he wants, but then says he couldn't bear to let me go while simultaneously refusing to be in a committed relationship with me.
We connected quite early on, back when we were only 18.
He’s still in that phase of figuring out who he is, I guess. I really want to help him through it...
But truthfully, I’m reaching my breaking point. This constant indecision is starting to wear me down. In the beginning, I actually felt like he was trying to push me away. I tried to end things once, but he completely fell apart. I could see how much he truly cared, though. I can’t quite put my finger on why some guys act this way—it’s almost like they thrive on the chaos of being emotionally torn. I know he had a past relationship that absolutely crushed him, and he’s dealt with other personal struggles too. He’s incredibly sensitive and seems to live in a world entirely of his own making. At his core, he’s a genuinely wonderful person. I think he wants to change, too, but he just doesn't know how to start.
What should I do? How do I move forward from here?
Please, I need some advice.