Posts by Kevin Wilson8

Hey, you got any info on emotional intelligence or whatever?😎

Taroth said:parents just need to give their kids one thing... a message of love...
which shows up in how they handle stuff without fighting or being violent (because violence is basically the opposite of love), through respecting themselves and everyone else, and having self-belief... all those things are just different ways love manifests...

but, I mean, not everyone gets that 'privilege.' Maybe you have to go looking for those answers somewhere else... personally, I think if you have a family (that other one), then you have a safe haven... but when it comes to finding the answer to what love actually is, you gotta find it within yourself... nobody else can really give you that answer.

Well said.😘
Anyway, I’ve finally got some peace lately and I'm actually sleeping normally. My husband and I agreed that I won't be visiting them for a while.

pantigana said:Maybe she was just thinking, like, I don't need an adult who acts like a total toddler, I need an actual adult who actually acts like one.

Thank God, because it wasn't even about us, it was about some other people, I guess... I just kind of took the hit personally.

Christian Doyle3 said:Now that I’m a mom myself, I honestly can't wrap my head around how some parents can be physically present but totally checked out when it comes to their kids... I don't know, even if I accidentally give my little one a look that's a bit too intense—even though I'm trying so hard not to—I immediately feel terrible and start making silly faces just to make him laugh... I just absolutely adore this tiny human and I couldn't even dream of hurting him in any way!

My mom actually told me that once kids grow up, parents shouldn't bother having more children.😕
I'm a little 😕 ; like, why won't she just leave me alone then?
It feels like a lot of people—not everyone, obviously, but plenty of them—just spend their lives after 60 feeding nothing but their own egos.🙂

casuallynx982 said:thanks.. just got back from the post office.. all I know is I can't expect anything, because then it just hurts even more.. I guess I probably need to grow up, which means facing reality, like, my mom is never gonna be what I wanted her to be, I'm never gonna own my own place, I mean, let's be real, I can't afford to buy one on my own, and stuff like that...

Man, it hurts. It really does. And it's gonna stay that way for a while. But seriously, don't ever say "never." Once you finally realize you have to just trust yourself, things actually start looking up. It’s not easy and it definitely isn't fast, but it happens—it's happening.
Just hang on, think about what you actually want and go after it even harder, and look at every possible way you can make those dreams happen. Just don't quit.
When someone's strong and they've got a real vision, everyone else just gets out of the way. Don't let anyone shake you!👍

Donna Campbell6 said:Just to bum you out even more, I tried absolutely everything after going through the exact same stuff from year three to five of my relationship. My partner did too. But, man, it just didn't work. It was over.👎

I don't think you should be looking at things so gloomily. 😎
One door closing is just the start of something else...🙂
When everything in my life totally fell apart after twenty years, when I had basically given up all hope; my husband came along, and he wasn't even the type I thought I wanted, he was actually way better!
🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙂 🙂

Jason Sanchez3 said:Look, I get it, I really do... I know most of this is probably just stuck in my own head, you know? Like, I'm fully aware that it’s all just mental gymnastics and I'm probably just overthinking the whole damn thing... maybe.
I mean, I guess I probably just need to go off the grid for a bit and work on myself, you know? Like, maybe just take a week or two to clear my head so I can actually start over with a clean slate...
I don't even care how that whole thing kicked off, honestly. 🙂

I mean, I guess it’s not even really about that person being at fault, it's more like everything just kind of went sideways due to the circumstances...

Once feelings shift, man, they just don't go back to how they used to be, I guess... and honestly, it doesn't even matter who's at fault or who messed up.
I guess the only real silver lining is that tomorrow’s another day, and honestly, we just gotta push through it again.🙏 Look, I guess you just gotta take these experiences and run with them. Life keeps moving regardless, so you might as well try to point it toward something actually beautiful and better for once... maybe.

casuallynx982 said:..honestly, I don't even know where to start... but I just wrote my mom a letter and I'm heading out to mail it now, because talking does absolutely nothing, there's just zero connection on her end... she doesn't even get it... she has no clue what she's doing and that's what makes it so dangerous..

GOOD LUCK!👍

briskgull27 said:So, according to my enlightened buddies who were hanging out in India, once you push through that kind of pure misery, some massive reward follows... so let's wait and see, I guess. Looks like I just happen to be enjoying the suffering.🙄 🤣

There's actually something to that whole philosophy, I guess.
I’ve definitely been through my own share of hell. And yeah, the big payoff did come, but honestly, it only happened once the pain got way too heavy, like when I wasn't even "enjoying" it anymore and had to fight my way out on my own.
I feel like you've already gotten your reward. (Your husband) It's just that sometimes, when everything else is piling up with all these annoying little problems, we totally blow things out of proportion and forget about the good stuff we've already won.

Jason Sanchez3 said:ugh nooooo, you totally got it wrong... it's literally the same guy, same relationship

Sorry.
So what's even the big deal then?

I've got this friend—she’s bipolar, right? And man, she basically has to dance to her family's tune if she doesn't want to end up stuck in a psych ward, which feels like there's just no way out once you're there. I guess you're actually pretty lucky to have such a solid husband, because she definitely doesn't have anyone like that in her corner. All she's got left are these tiny little secret things to get her through, since she's basically trapped in this whole "mind control" situation where nobody lets her make her own damn decisions. Not to mention, she's way, way smarter than the guy she ended up with, even if he is a total loser.😢

So, I guess people with those official stamps have to act more sane than everyone else, otherwise they're gonna get hit with a 😈 fine or something.

It’s tough... yeah, I guess, but it’s definitely not impossible. Time is on our side, and if someone actually comes along who’s empathetic, caring, and reliable... everything just moves way faster. You just gotta open your eyes.👍

Schizophrenia?? To me, just a regular person, sounds kind of terrifying, honestly.😲
BUT, I actually had a family member who lived with it for years back in a Small town in the Midwest. I was terrified when they finally let him come home—mostly because he was getting older and couldn't really hurt anyone anymore—but mostly because of all the judgment from everyone else. People kept pushing their own versions of the "truth" on me, you know?
When I first met him, I guess I was pretty scared for a day or two, but after actually getting to know him myself, I ended up loving him more than any of the "normal" relatives in the family.
Sure, maybe he’d get disoriented sometimes, or yeah, he’d react intensely to certain things, BUT, he was just so sensitive, sincere, and genuinely pure.
And those people who were still scared of him? They were right to be afraid, not of him, but of how they treated him—they weren't good to him at all, and they really messed with his life. They basically wasted his whole existence just because they wouldn't look past a diagnosis...🙄
He’s passed away now, sadly.
Honey, I’m telling you this because I want you to see how we, just regular folks, don't judge people based on some medical chart. We experience them with our hearts.
Based on what I've seen from you here on the forum, I really get the feeling that you have a huge heart too. 🙂

Chris Peterson53 😘 😘

You guys honestly pointed out some stuff I hadn't even realized myself, like, it never even crossed my mind that I’ve basically been dealing with my mom's constant frustrations since I was a little kid, but I guess it's finally clicking now, and somehow I still turned out okay, I suppose.

Taroth said:you’re looking at a textbook case of what isn't love.
Parental love is supposed to be selfless, you know? It shouldn't be about getting something back. Like, if you have kids, are you honestly gonna sit there one day expecting a thank-you note just because you raised them?
hell no... why would you? because you love them... simple as that...

And honestly, I feel like parents should be out there shielding their kids from all the toxic crap in society, acting like a safe haven while they're growing up... instead of doing the exact opposite—forcing them to deal with someone else's baggage from day one.

So what’s the fix? I guess everything these people said... maybe just tell them straight up what's on your mind without holding back... because if being near them makes you miserable, you probably have a damn good reason for feeling that way.. if the relationship is just draining you dry... just cut it off...
you gotta respect yourself... and if that means walking away from certain people, then honestly, they don't even need to be in your life in the first place...

Your dad is basically just another classic example of a deadbeat father, in my opinion. Just a total pushover who hides his backbone just to keep things "peaceful" at home... if I were a woman, I wouldn't give guys like that any credit at all. He’s supposed to be the one protecting you through the rough patches, especially since dads are usually so close to their daughters—you should've been his absolute priority...

This whole thing really puts things into perspective.😘

Nicholas Green27 said:Man, I went through the exact same thing. For years, I just kept telling myself things would eventually work out—I mean, for crying out loud, they’re my parents, right? They’re supposed to actually love me, get where I'm coming from, and have my back—but nope! Sure, they're my folks, but they're so incredibly selfish that it's all about them, while I'm just left to struggle on my own however I can. Looking back at certain times, instead of stepping up to help me—even though they were practically begging to be involved—they actually made everything worse and just added more bitterness to the mix!
Then one day, I just finally snapped and was like, okay, enough is enough. Now we only see each other a couple of times a year, and honestly, it's only because of my kids so they can see their grandparents, but as far as I'm concerned, those people are dead to me. That chapter is closed, period.
I don't even love them anymore, and that's just how it is!!!

Yeah, it really is just like that, unfortunately.

Nicholas Green27 said:Man, I went through the exact same thing. For years, I kept telling myself things would eventually get better—I mean, for crying out loud, they’re my parents, right? They’re supposed to love me, get me, actually have my back—but nope! They’re technically my folks, but they’re so incredibly selfish that it’s all about them, while I’m just left to figure everything out on my own like some kind of afterthought. Looking back at certain times, instead of stepping up to help—not that they ever actually offered—they’d honestly just make things even more bitter for me!
Then one day, I just hit my breaking point and decided—enough is enough. Now we only see each other a few times a year, and that’s strictly so my kids can spend time with their grandparents, but as far as I'm concerned, they might as well be dead. That chapter is closed.
I don't even love them anymore, and that's just how it is!!!

Yeah, sadly, it really is just like that.

Thanks for all the input, everyone.😘
This isn't some new thing either, honestly. I feel like I've tried absolutely everything under the sun and nothing actually sticks.
I finally decided to try the Avalanche 02 approach, and things were actually looking up for a bit, until they just found another way to get under my skin and creep back in.🙄
So now I'm stuck waking up at 4 AM again, just wasting my life spiraling into negative thoughts instead of actually being present for my kids and husband. It’s just a total mess for everyone involved.
But I guess staying in this kind of headspace can't be how I live the rest of my life.