Posts by urbanwalker22

I was reading some stuff about high school eligibility rules earlier, and it really got me thinking about how much power these administrative boards have over kids' lives. It feels like one small decision made in a closed-door meeting can completely derail a student's entire trajectory, regardless of how hard they've worked on the field or in the classroom.

It seems so arbitrary sometimes. One year a kid is the star of the team, and the next, they're sitting on the sidelines because of some technicality or a ruling that feels like it's moving the goalposts mid-game. I remember seeing a teammate go through this back in high school; he was devastated, and honestly, it felt like the system was more interested in following a rigid handbook than looking at the actual human being involved.

When these decisions are made, is it actually about maintaining integrity, or is it just bureaucratic red tape that ends up punishing the kids who have the most to lose? Do you guys think these rules are necessary to keep things level, or are they just creating unnecessary hurdles for athletes?

Taylor Campbell4 said:I forgot to mention earlier how great it is that you found work. Honestly, it’s a luxury people without these kinds of struggles wouldn't understand.

And don't even get me started on those psychiatrist fees—it's absolute robbery. In my opinion, they're just greedy opportunists, much like certain lawyers, except they hide their greed even better behind a professional mask... (I wanted to start a whole thread about whether it's even ethical for them to charge those kinds of numbers, but I didn't quite have the energy to dive into it..)

I still find myself replaying everything in my head—all those things I was convinced were true—because some of it felt so incredibly real.

Just curious—do you think it's possible to laugh at those delusions you had? Personally, I think that would be a pretty healthy way to look at it. Just a way of accepting yourself and your own past.

Of course! A friend actually told me today, "You'll probably end up being a CEO one day," and I just looked at him and said, "I already was." We both absolutely lost it laughing.

It’s all just madness, isn't it? Once you decide to cut ties, you really cut them. That nagging little voice telling you, "Oh, just go ahead, do it," eventually just falls silent.
It all started when I’d be up in the middle of the night, pounding on doors because I was convinced some imaginary soulmate was about to walk through. My parents would wake up, and even after they spent ages trying to convince me that nobody was coming—telling me to just go back to sleep—I’d find myself up again, knocking away. Eventually, they just put me in the car and drove me straight to a clinic in suburban Chicago. Even during the drive, there was this internal voice—though maybe it wasn't even mine 🙂—whispering that everything would turn out fine, and that my mother would be the one staying at the facility in Chicago, not me. Honestly, I’m still a bit stunned that I’m actually the one staying here now.
Heading to bed. Fingers crossed for work!!!!

I’m doing alright, I guess. Starting a new job tomorrow... I’m just praying it doesn't turn into a rerun of last time, because I completely lost my mind just two weeks after starting my first gig.
I’m still playing back the whole tape in my head, obsessing over everything I said or did, because some of it feels so incredibly real. Like, that part about things syncing up to my computer at home... I honestly can't tell if I was actually tripping or not. Probably was, but then again, anything is possible these days, right?

I’m currently on Zyprexa in the mornings and taking Lamictal at night... because I hit a total breaking point. I went through this massive depressive episode once everything just let go of me—that moment when I finally realized the world keeps spinning exactly the same way, no matter how many lives I tried to "save" while working at the hospital.

I remember once, at a high-security facility near Chicago, I spent two months stuck in a locked cell while everything else was wide open.

I haven't read every single post here, but I can at least give you a little glimpse into how insane it feels when you actually lose your mind.
So, it went like this...
I genuinely believed I was the only one who could save the world from total ruin.
I even thought I was Satan (though just for a very brief moment)
I thought I was a man.
I was convinced that elderly people were my primary demons.
I thought I was a spirit, and I almost died crossing the street because I was totally certain cars would just pass right through me.
I thought I was the CEO of every corporation on the planet... let me tell you, that was a hell of a feeling.
I thought Central Park was that paradise mentioned in the Bible—there’s a tree there that looked exactly like the Tree of Knowledge from the Bible. Once, my mom offered me an apple there, and suddenly I was certain she was Satan.
I was convinced I was being spied on by people from Verizon.
I thought they had somehow linked up inside my head and could hear my every single thought.
I was constantly obsessed with the idea that the love of my life would show up in Central Park, and I’d spend all my time waiting for them at the window.
I believed that every person has two doppelgängers: one bad version, and one better version you can become if you work hard enough.
I thought I had been conceived without any sin, and I used to run wild through the hospital, screaming that they weren't allowed to give me medication.
I was certain everyone at the company I worked for back then had AIDS, myself included, so they kept testing me for every possible disease imaginable... and, of course, I didn't have anything.
I thought all of my friends worked for that same company too.
I thought I had the power to heal people and perform exorcisms.
And so on... and so on...
The diagnosis they gave me was F29—unspecified psychotic disorder.