Posts by vividnomad2

Jessica Chavez4 said:What does it usually sound like when you hear them? What are they actually saying?

For me, it’s more like constant harassment and being picked apart—it's as if they're telling me I'm losing my mind just because...🤣

Larry Lewis said:It’s funny—really funny, in a dark sort of way—how it takes a serious bout of illness to finally strip away the noise and show you what actually matters. You start seeing the real stuff—love, genuine empathy, basic human kindness—stuff we usually ignore when we're busy chasing nothing. I’ll admit, there are days when I look at people who live entirely within the bubble of their own egos—blissfully unaware and completely self-absorbed—and I feel a twinge of envy. It must be easy, right? But then again... I don't regret my own path. Not really. Even the hard parts, they leave their mark on you—they shape you, carve out the person you eventually become. So, if you're currently going through the wringer, if you're fighting your own battle right now: don't let them break you. Don't give in. You only get one shot at this life, and despite all the nonsense and misery in this world, I refuse to believe that life isn't fundamentally beautiful.

Life really is beautiful, though I'm still sitting here feeling pretty sick myself, if I even am.😂

Larry Lewis said:So, you’re still hearing them today, too? Honestly—and I say this with zero judgment, just pure pragmatism—maybe it’s time to talk to your doctor about bumping up that antipsychotic dosage. It might actually help quiet things down. My best advice? Get yourself an appointment with your physician as soon as possible. Just get it handled.

I'm going to do it right after my new 😍

I’m barely hanging in there, honestly, just white-knuckling it through the day = ( It doesn’t even do me any good because they’re completely out of their minds

But if you ask me, they’re starting to sound incredibly lifelike

Larry Lewis said:Hang in there, buddy—this too shall pass. Honestly, I don't even care if this guy talks trash about me; people can be such absolute nightmares sometimes, you wouldn't believe it. Have you thought about bumping up your medication dosage a bit? Maybe that might help dial down those hallucinations.

Look, I know things will eventually settle down, but right now, it feels like it's absolutely crushing me; still, I’m going to push through just like I always have. I haven't tried messing with my dosage on my own because that's dangerous, but since it's been quite a while since my last check-up, I've reached a point where I've almost tuned out everything my psychiatrist says entirely.😂

Larry Lewis said:Yesterday someone had the nerve to ask if I wanted to go out drinking—can you believe the audacity?—and I told them straight to their face: absolutely not. I’m on a strict regimen of medications right now, and frankly, I don't care what anyone thinks. It's my life, after all; neither my parents nor anyone else can tell me how to manage my health.🙂

I’ve never been the type of person to lecture a stranger on what they should be sipping, but honestly, if they want to go for it, that's perfectly fine by me. =)
The hallucinations have started creeping back in again, and honestly, I’m losing my mind. It is beyond frustrating because they are constantly getting under my skin, but the worst part is that I can't even grab a drink to take the edge off. Ugh. 👎

mellowtiger24 said:I’m just jumping into this thread today, and honestly, I am reaching out because I could really use some guidance from anyone who’s been through something similar. My favorite aunt was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and apparently, she was hospitalized back in '92, but from then on until just about a month ago, things seemed totally stable. But now, everything has just fallen apart; she stopped taking her medication, demanded a divorce from her husband, grabbed whatever cash she could, and just vanished.
The hardest part for me is figuring out how to even talk to her, because the second I say anything that doesn't go her way, the conversation is dead in its tracks. It feels like walking on eggshells. Right now, she's convinced that Mexicans are out to get her—no offense intended to anyone here, by the way—she’s claiming she’s pregnant, and she’s developed this massive crush on Tarik Filipović.

Just try to meet her where she is and show some empathy—that’s truly the only advice I can offer.

Larry Lewis said:I swear, I am honestly reaching my breaking point—I might just start telling people I have schizophrenia just to get them off my back because I've had absolutely enough. 🙂The only time I actually feel sane is hanging out with my crew over in a quiet suburb outside of Chicago.

I hear you on that, 😍 but hey, at least you have your group. I find myself wishing I had a solid circle too—just someone who truly gets me, even if we just sit in silence or talk nonsense for hours. =)😂

goldeneagle8 said:Man, if you guys are actually schizophrenic, then I’m just straight-up anxious... please don't scare the hell out of me...

But alright, for real though.... how do you even tell the difference when you're spiraling through symptoms thinking you might have schizophrenia versus when you actually have it?

Like, say you get that feeling that someone is following you (maybe they are??).... or someone walks past on the sidewalk and you're convinced they're laughing at you (which happens—I mean, I laugh at people all the time when they walk by, so why wouldn't they?)

Am I losing my mind or what?

Well, look into whether you're experiencing hallucinations; while that usually shows up in the later stages, it's still a key symptom. You should probably spend some time browsing through some medical sites about schizophrenia to see if your experiences actually match the clinical profile.

The only ones actually having a real conversation here =)
That’s how it works—whatever doesn't break you just ends up making you stronger
Merry Christmas
😍

Larry Lewis said:Look, vividnomad2—when life hands you nothing but lemons, you might as well squeeze them into a damn fine lemonade. Honestly, watching you tackle apartment cleaning while riding the crest of a manic wave... it’s actually quite impressive, in its own chaotic way.🙂

=)

Larry Lewis said:So, Larry Lewis—have you finally come down from that manic high yet? Or did you spend the whole night rearranging every single piece of furniture in your apartment just to feel something?🙂
I’m kidding, mostly.🙂
As for me, I’ve been doing alright today, I guess... though I have this nagging, sinking feeling in my gut that something nasty is brewing on the horizon. It doesn't feel right at all. haha

I haven't quite snapped out of the mania yet, though things are starting to settle down a little bit; I'm actually planning on cleaning up the house today so I can finally feel like I'm getting some actual use out of the place, lol.
Listen, intuition can be a total liar sometimes, but let's just hope everything turns out fine.😍

velvetsailor26 said:What kind of intrusive thoughts are we talking about here—what’s actually running through your head?

I’m right there with him on this one; it’s such an elusive thing to put into words, but for instance, you might find yourself stuck in a loop of profanities that just won't quit until you finally drift off to sleep.

I’ve been wondering lately—what would you say is the most grueling part of dealing with this illness? I mean, what’s the one thing that really gets under your skin more than anything else?

Honestly, I feel so much more like myself when I’m off the medication, too; back before I started any treatment, I never dealt with these kinds of manic episodes, at least nothing quite this intense, lol

Honestly, maybe it’s just my luck at this point, though I find it hard to even believe myself lol
Mania is that feeling when you're hit with such an intense surge of energy that you feel like you could go out and lift the Empire State Building by yourself =)

I’m currently riding this intense wave of mania rather than feeling depressed, though I can't quite put my finger on why—it’s probably because I haven't been sticking to my medication schedule as strictly as I should, which always brings a bit of a laugh when I think about it later.

Larry Lewis said:I honestly can't say what the differences are—I’ve only ever been to a facility in New York City. I ended up there by my own choice, really, because I had completely lost my grip on reality; I hadn't slept or eaten in what felt like forever, though everything is still a bit of a blur now. My parents were out on vacation at the coast and had absolutely no clue what was happening until I called them from the hospital. Those first two weeks in the ward were easily the hardest part—it felt like a total systemic collapse, as if my very sense of self had just evaporated (it's hard to put into words, honestly)—just constant fear and intrusive thoughts. It was an absolute nightmare. But, looking back, it was a turning point in my life, and now that the dust has settled, I'm doing significantly better than I was in the years leading up to being hospitalized.

I wanted to tell you, Taylor Swift, that I used to think a psychiatric ward was the worst place on earth, too, but it isn't—at least not based on my experience. I actually had a crew there... we'd hang out... grab coffee... laugh. I was lucky enough to be surrounded by some genuinely decent people during my stay. Honestly, if things ever take a turn for the worse again, I wouldn't hesitate to head back there.

p.s. I totally get what you mean about the voices—those thirty minutes when I was hearing them, I thought I was going to lose my mind.

I had a decent experience with my group at the psych ward, too, but I definitely don't want anyone forcing treatment on me; I value my freedom far too much for that.

driftinggull21 said:The point isn't about "escaping" from an open ward. As you noted, being in an open unit means you're improving—your symptoms are under control and stabilized. You’re there by choice, and you can leave if you decide treatment isn't necessary for you.
If someone manages to flee from a locked psychiatric unit, the police are called to bring them back. This results in involuntary commitment—meaning at least 30 days in a high-security ward where you can't even step out for a coffee or walk around the campus, let alone go home for the weekend. Ultimately, they end up stuck in the hospital much longer than they otherwise would have been.

Honestly, in places like New York City or maybe a smaller suburb, you usually only end up in one of those facilities if you pull some massive stunt—which I haven't done yet and hopefully won't, though I'm not entirely sure anyone could force me into treatment if I didn't want it, since I'd just vanish and they'd never find me again. =)
So, what's the actual difference between a local clinic and a major city hospital?