Larry Lewis said:What kind of things are you actually hearing on a daily basis? I know this one girl who deals with constant auditory hallucinations, and honestly, my heart just breaks for her. As for me—well, as I mentioned before—I only experienced it for about thirty minutes, and even that brief window was more than enough for me to last a lifetime.
As for me, I was dealing with auditory hallucinations every single day until I finally started my medication; now, the only time they creep back in is when I turn my music up too loud, which is incredibly frustrating.
While there isn't a permanent cure just yet, managing the condition effectively is definitely possible, and that’s really the key. Honestly, just try to imagine what it must be like to live with the constant presence of voices in your head every single day.
The illness doesn't have a clear cause, and there isn't anyone to blame—at least, that's how my doctor put it. Even though stress is a massive trigger, and I'll be honest, I've experimented with weed in the past, so maybe that played a role too.
It’s good to know, just in case I ever find myself stuck in a place like that—I’ll know exactly when to make my escape, haha. I am currently a student, though I haven't actually sat for any exams yet, so I can't say for sure how the studying part is going to go. I tend to struggle a bit with concentration; my mind tends to wander into all sorts of strange thoughts and associations. Sometimes, I get this overwhelming sensation that people can actually read my mind—even when I logically know they can't, the feeling just completely takes over. My current diagnosis is F-22, but they aren't ruling out a transition into schizoaffective disorder, specifically F-25, because I deal with manic episodes, depression, and symptoms of schizophrenia. Honestly, even the doctors seem a bit stumped about where I fit best; my physician actually told me she hadn't encountered a case quite like mine before. The worst part, though, is definitely the hallucinations; once they start up, they really take a toll on who I am.
It’s great that you’re happy that way, but I’ve always found that I function best when I have some space to myself; there's just a certain peace in being solo that I can't quite replicate elsewhere. Well, there's really no need to broadcast everything to the world—when she actually needs to know the truth, she'll find out on her own terms. =) On another note, how was everything back in Austin? What’s the vibe like there lately—is it the kind of place someone could actually escape to if they needed a fresh start?
It’s honestly such a nightmare, all the stuff you have to endure when you're dealing with an illness like that. I can practically count my close friends on one hand, so you can probably imagine just how much of a social butterfly I am.
Larry Lewis said:Right at the start of my illness—and looking back, I realize this was a massive blunder on my part—I went ahead and told everyone exactly what was going on with me. Big mistake. It cost me every single friend I had. I became a social pariah, stigmatized by people who didn't know how to handle the reality of it, and that stigma left deep scars on how I interact with others today. It made it incredibly difficult to trust anyone, to socialize, or even to find someone I actually liked. Everything shifted, though, after my hospital stay back in 2008. It was like hitting a reset button; I started down an entirely different path, and all those interpersonal struggles just... evaporated. Now, I have a small, tight-knit circle of people close to me, and honestly, that support is everything.
I am truly sorry you're dealing with hearing voices; I know firsthand how unsettling and deeply uncomfortable that experience can be. Have you ever been hospitalized for it? And if you don't mind me asking, how long has this been going on for you?
I feel for you regarding your friends, though if they walked away when things got tough, they weren't much of friends to begin with =) I spent about a month in a psychiatric ward over in Chicago; the doctors suggested it so they could fine-tune my treatment plan. While I was there, they ran a CT scan and an EEG, and everything came back normal. After that, the voices actually disappeared for a while, but they've recently started coming back, though they aren't quite as intense. My doctor lowered my dosage, so I suspect that might be why. I was asking about your personality and how you interact with others because I’ve undergone a total transformation myself. My old friends noticed it too—I don't go out much anymore, and I can't drink at all since I'm on medication. I have about ten people in my life right now—close friends and some acquaintances from my university classes whom I care about—but generally speaking, I've become quite withdrawn and I'm not really one for big social gatherings anymore.
It’s honestly such a relief when someone reaches out to share their own journey with us; it makes the whole experience feel a bit less lonely As for how I'm doing lately, I still deal with those intrusive thoughts and occasional auditory hallucinations from time to time I was wondering, though—do you feel like your core personality has shifted much since everything happened, and how have you been navigating your relationships with people?