Posts by George Ramirez11

Sandra Walker4 said:Why are you surprised? People lack empathy because they’re too busy convinced they’ve endured the worst, judging everyone else as pathetic, stupid, or ungrateful just for being different.

Fall down, and they’ll stomp on you. Hesitate, and they’ll spit on you. There’s zero support, zero understanding; it’s far easier to judge, attack, and harass. Exceptions exist, sure, but most people are just like this. My grandfather, my father, relatives, professors, even old classmates—so many of them hunt for a wound or a weakness just to soothe their own complexes and frustrations. In a world built this way, where can anyone find happiness, confidence, or a shred of love through art? Excuses are everywhere. Whether it’s physical abuse or verbal insults, people will always find a justification, whether they're a parent, a neighbor, or a stranger. Show any emotion to the mob and you're finished; they'll write off your mental health and tell you your self-esteem is dead.

I don't want to play the saint, but I feel like we're all part of one frayed fabric. That's how I approach others—trying to see the good in them, because understanding someone else helps me understand myself. It isn't hard to be cynical; there’s enough injustice and contempt in this world to fuel a lifetime of hate. But even in the eyes of an addict, you can find something decent, something beautiful and human, rather than just the selfishness and misery people expect.

If we accept the social definition that addicts are sick and need treatment, then why the double standards? Why blame them for being "selfish" or for making others unhappy? Do we blame people dying from cancer or other terminal illnesses? Do we blame those who leave behind grieving families? Do we blame people killed in car accidents for being bad drivers or driving too fast in a storm? Are they to blame for a genetic defect, or for a desperate rebellion against an unjust system—thinking they were better drivers than they actually were?

Do they act this way on purpose just to cause grief, or are they simply sick because they are different? Because they couldn't handle reality, or because they sought something higher through methods society rejects? An intelligent person is a questioning being; they search for something greater. Drugs are just a vehicle used to chase new dimensions of perception. There are safer ways to travel and better roads to take, but at the start, drugs act like a protective mother, caring for you until they suddenly reveal their darkest side. They are the guardians of happiness and the providers of meaning, before turning into ruthless slave drivers over a weak body and an even weaker will. Who can blame someone for being weak, or for seeking shelter from a predatory world that’s waiting to tear them down? Who can judge someone for daring to be different or for choosing to feel instead of being ashamed? The cold, disciplined types do fine, but not everyone is a robot. We can't all follow blindly. If someone uses, it is their right and their choice, provided they aren't stealing or killing. If they realize they've messed up and want to change, they have my full support. No judgment here; none of us are perfect.

Tina, you decided to quit for your child and for yourself. You want a fresh start. It’s worth succeeding for that helpless little life you need to lead onto the right path. Let that be your first commandment, a purpose as central as the addiction used to be. If I had the power, I’d toss every pill and every bit of paraphernalia out of your house, then tie you to the bed if I had to, just to get you through the temptation—even if you hated me for it. I’d do it because you chose this for yourself. If I were your brother, I wouldn't hesitate to stop you until this worst crisis passes. The cravings will hit hard at first, but I think you can rediscover that other dimension of happiness—the kind where a child’s smile is enough to send you to seventh heaven. Watching sunsets, listening to the ocean, hearing the birds—once you start finding sufficiency in those things, you'll wake up without that one nagging craving haunting your every thought. It might sound like empty clichés, but those simple realities are what make life worth living.

Once again, you have my full support. Stay strong and good luck. I’m rooting for you. I want to see the day when your child can say with absolute pride, "That's my mother." Because once you finally break free from addiction, those small-minded people—from the petty HOA presidents down to every other corrupt, lowlife soul out there—won't be able to project their anger or contempt onto you anymore. They won't have any way to justify their own malice and evil if you aren't there to take the fall.

I was just swinging by to see if anyone was still hanging out here despite me. I sort of knew what I’d find, but I’m not complaining, because I stumbled onto this!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, AND A HUNDRED MORE THANKS!!!
You actually brought me to tears, and honestly, that was exactly what I needed.
Just to clear something up for a few people here. It’s true—when I was high the first, second, or third time, I wasn't thinking about my family or the consequences. But that doesn't mean I didn't care about their pain. Not at all. There were days when the only reason I wanted to get clean was because I couldn't stand watching the people around me suffer because of me. For God's sake, just because I was high doesn't mean my emotions vanished or that I stopped being a human being.

I’m honestly not even sure who I should start quoting first... the one who prioritizes a predator over someone struggling with addiction, or the healthcare worker who clearly couldn't care less—because apparently, addiction isn't a disease, it's just some mindless, shapeless mass of people having a blast... or maybe it's the same person? I've stopped paying attention. I don't know why only 1% of people bother to step up when it's actually this simple. And what would be the point of me confessing? I just wanted to get it out there. It's pretty clear that nobody here (with the exception of those few who actually tried to offer something useful) can help me. I'll admit, I probably titled the thread wrong.
Nobody needs to worry about my child, let alone you guys. I feel my own pain plenty well enough, and my kid is this constant little angel whose pain I feel down to my very soul if they so much as scrape an elbow. God knows what other kind of pain exists.
Do you really think you have it all figured out just because you spend your days handing out tips to junkies? I'm not even going to go there.
I’m not looking for excuses, mostly because I haven't lost my mind—I see zero reason to justify myself to anyone HERE. I don't know why I would. Just because rehab isn't for everyone doesn't mean it's a magic fix; I was told that myself at a rehabilitation center, and I see crowds of people every single day who head straight back to their old habits the moment they walk out the doors. Most of the things you call "excuses" actually end in a question mark, if you'd bother to notice. At the end of the day, it comes down to willpower, and there's really no debate there.
Stay healthy, and I truly DON'T want any of you to see an addict when you look at your own children, because NO ONE is immune to darkness. But I DO want you to learn to think differently, even if it hurts or makes you miserable while your perspective shifts.
I never forced my opinion on anyone. I came here looking for support, and instead, I got pelted with stones. People called me an idiot who refuses to get clean, said I should have my child taken away, wished that my son would look at me with disgust, or hoped I’d drop dead within a year... I'm sorry I even sought you out. You really think you're the first ones to try using insults and aggression?
My only consolation is knowing that you either have no clue what you're talking about or you simply aren't thinking. You certainly don't know anything about me.
Go ahead, keep arguing and feeding each other's stubbornness and stupidity. I'm going to move on and look for help within myself and from people who actually give a damn.
Shame on you. Now you can go back to spitting on the depressed, the anxious, and the potentially suicidal... because I guess they're just more "idiots" who refuse help, right?
P.S. Again, thanks to the exceptions who offered supportive words, links, etc. That’s really all I was looking for. I've cried enough in my life that I'm not going to let some internet posts break me.

Truth, truth, and more truth... Honestly, if we didn't have this damn withdrawal crisis—if getting a fix was free, if veins weren't basically indestructible so you wouldn't spend two hours getting pissed off just to miss the shot or end up hitting nothing but skin—well, things would be different. And if every hit actually landed right the first time... plus, if there weren't people we actually care about, people we can't just stand by while they watch us struggle or worry about finding us face down in a ditch one morning... then yeah, everything would be perfect. And I’m not being sarcastic if it sounds that way! I mean, come on, everything has its downsides. You saw my last post. It's not like I mentioned that I've got three months of hard labor and another court date hanging over my head. If only we could just get high our whole lives without hurting anyone else.
I don't regret any of it, actually. Even the twitching, the nights spent sitting in a police station, even the absolute hell of a withdrawal. Because all of that made me who I am today. If only we could just keep control over all those strings...
Enjoy it while you can... I don't believe it lasts forever, but it doesn't have to be short either. Some people spend their entire lives just waiting for the weekend—after school, after college, after work... everyone is just waiting for Friday so they can finally take a break from existing! Have a good weekend, and I hope your veins hold out until Monday.

I there's something else I need to point out. No matter how much people rail against discrimination, I notice that almost everyone—and honestly, you can probably view me as a bad mother to begin with, if you must—seems to think the same thing. And truth be told, Noah Sanchez7 is right; a few years back, most people would have told me to at least hold off on getting pregnant if I absolutely had to...
And frankly, if things keep going the way they are, that'll eventually become the "truth" as my kid grows up and becomes more aware of everything. But right now? I look at my son and I see a happy kid. We adore each other, and I’ll happily spend my last few bucks on some little outfit or a toy just to see him smile—that's what keeps me going. There are kids out there who will never have even a fraction of this, neither the love nor the stuff, because social workers will never bother visiting them since they never had issues with drugs or the law. Instead, you've got parents who head out for coffee and leave two toddlers locked in an apartment that, along with them, burns to the ground. Now, I know some people will say I'm just making excuses, but... no. I'll say it again: I know I can't keep living like this forever, but until then... my son is the true reflection of my motherhood.
Besides, I used to be on a cocktail of Hepar and Xanax, and I don't really remember most of that period very well—and I'd rather not remember the rest, honestly, because it doesn't feel like I was even myself. But now? They're actually letting me take that combination again... they're practically recommending it... if it keeps me away from the dope! So, you tell me.

Laura Martin73 said:That isn't fascism; they're looking out for the child. They need to step in if she won't seek treatment.

What nonsense. A woman can be functioning fine and caring for her child while simultaneously being on heroin.

The best move would be for her to get treatment so she can actually parent properly. If she doesn't, then at least the state ensures the child is taken care of.

Look, if social services had actually suspected for a second that my kid was unhappy or that I wasn't doing a good job, they would have snatched them away. Instead, they just believe me blindly—they assume I'm clean because the kid is smiling and happy and I look totally normal. So, please, don't jump to conclusions before you know anything.
Second thing: Everyone keeps talking about "slowly dying." My dad died from throat cancer—smoking, obviously—so I guess it's all my fault because he didn't have enough guts to just quit due to some "stupidity or weakness," right?? It’s awful; I watched him literally starve because the chemo burned his throat out. Maybe they should have taken custody from him then!?
Or... if I had AIDS, would it be my own fault for not telling my partner to use a condom?? And now I'm slowly dying... do I need to lose my child again???
Let's be clear, I've hit rock bottom more times than I can count. Like Noah Sanchez7 said, I seriously ran out of veins to use; even now, during pregnancy, they were pulling blood from my toe because they couldn't find a vein in my arm or neck. Now I use my nose, so I can't overdose easily, though sometimes there are days when I just take some Hep or Sbtx. So, this is a far cry from those days when I didn't even care if I woke up in the morning. You might think I'm just venting, but I know how I feel now compared to back when I used to take Prozac and Xanax and beg for the crying to stop like I was in an Ariel commercial.
Also, the state basically gives me permission to take whatever pills I want. Seriously, my social worker told me: "Go see a psychiatrist and let them cocktail you; if they have to prescribe 15 different types of meds just to make you feel like you're flying, so be it. You aren't pregnant anymore, after all!" Isn't that just hilarious and hypocritical?
Third thing—rehab isn't for everyone, and a therapist once told me that exact thing. I've already mentioned that unfortunately, I see more and more people sliding back into their old ways after years in recovery. Because what comes after? Don't underestimate the role of the state. Not everyone has the luxury to "change their environment," move away, and whatever else. I don't live in a massive metropolis where moving to a different neighborhood means nobody knows you. Hell, I have problems with a landlord who blames me for every single lightbulb that burns out in the hallway. Apparently, it's my fault because of some "sick or deviant" reason I have!!! It would be lovely if I could volunteer and help others, or if I had the money to start my own business for people like me... but I have to work to survive.
Fourth thing—my kid cries so hard on the other side of the door when I go to pee—which takes maybe a minute, bless them—that it takes me another half hour just to calm them down afterward.
And finally, the fifth thing—I'm sure you'll all have another thousand pieces of advice, but everything is so much easier in theory than in practice. Besides, rest assured, I have heard everything. Every single thing. I KNOW all of it! That's why I said at the beginning that I'm looking for support and encouraging words more than advice, because I doubt any more tips are going to help me much.
I'm not ungrateful, and I always hope someone will just pull a magic wand out of thin air and make everything easy, but... I have to do this myself. I wanted to be honest and feel a little bit of outside love because, like everyone else with problems, I am alone. At least for now, while the little one doesn't realize anything, and I won't let them ever feel my struggles.

I get it... I mean, I pretty much agree with most of you. I’ve tried methadone and actually finished the program maybe four or five times now, and honestly, I’m still stuck in this cycle—not because they didn't help me, but because once the treatment ends, I just don't know where to turn. There aren't any jobs out there for someone like me, people look at me like I’m something they stepped in, and I don't have any real friends left. It's tough.
As for those cult-like groups? I haven't personally gone down that road, but I've heard way too much about them. Back in the day, I had a thousand excuses to stay away—like, I’m not religious, or they’ll brainwash me, stuff like that. But lately, I can't really afford to make excuses. Almost everyone I know who went through one of those programs a few years ago—some even stayed longer than the actual program required just to volunteer—they actually made it. No one was giving them ultimatums or kicking them out on the street. And while some ended up getting sucked back in, others stayed clean for years after coming back.
The thing is, not everyone has the luxury of just packing up and moving to a different state to dodge everyone they know. And jobs... man, the last job I managed to land fell through completely because the police sent a subpoena to the director with my indictment attached. Talk about bad timing.
Then there’s Subutex, which I take occasionally now; it feels more like a buffer, and it doesn't seem to trigger that same addiction. What really gets me, though, is how hypocritical the government is. They want to dictate when I should get clean because I'm a "burden" to society, yet they offer zero help when it comes to finding work. In fact, it’s the opposite—state agencies won't even touch me because of my record, claiming "it's against policy." But then they have the nerve to demand I find a job because it's "what's best for me and my child." I live in an area where everyone knows everyone's business, and in this country, it is incredibly hard to find steady work as a single mom—especially if you have a history of addiction. Give me a break! Pfft!😕

🙂 I'm a single mom to a wonderful two-year-old. That’s just the reality of things—my husband has been in prison for a year and a half now, and he'll be there for at least another year, maybe two more at most.
My struggle with heroin goes back about ten years. My little boy has everything he needs and then some; I honestly just adore him. I’ve never neglected him, though—to be fair, drugs don't even hit me the way they used to, so I don't really know where I stand with myself anymore. When I'm home, I'm just... normal. Even when I'm crashing, I haven't let it stop me from playing with my kid and giving him my full attention. If it comes down to it, the last cent I have is always spent on him if he needs something, never on getting high. I don't really have a social life, no shady characters hanging around the house, and I hardly ever go out. Maybe once a month, after I've finally gotten him to sleep, I'll sneak a hit somewhere, but even then, I'm glued to my phone just in case my mom calls because the little guy woke up. Long story short, I have one happy, hyperactive, giggly, playful kid who is just as head-over-heels for me as I am for him. When I actually have to leave the house for something, my mom (who lives with us) and I put on this whole little performance to distract him so he doesn't freak out. Otherwise, his crying just breaks me.
So, here's the thing. Two months ago, the police kicked our door down. They got a tip that I was dealing. They searched the place and found absolutely nothing, but—of course—they still managed to bring a caseworker from Child Protective Services right to my doorstep. Now I'm under supervision. These days, I'm basically signing away my rights (whether I want to or not) to comply with the oversight, and the whole process is starting...
Basically, the caseworker is going to contact me once a week to check if the kid is fed, clean, and all that. I can handle that part, but the other part is the problem. They’re going to drug test me whenever they feel like it. If I test positive, I lose custody. I won't say I'll lose my child, since custody would just go to my mother—whom I see and visit all the time anyway—but... still. I want to be a mother to my son. I don't know if people who haven't dealt with addiction can even wrap their heads around this. Even when the stakes are this high, I just can't seem to help myself. I guess I just don't have the willpower or the strength or whatever else it takes to stay clean for those few days needed to pass a test. I know I'm a good mom—honestly, better than a lot of them—but I don't know how to handle this. Losing custody isn't an option. Neither my son nor I would survive it.
How do I stay clean? Just to start—just to get through those first few days to pass the tests—and then we'll figure out the rest. I know I have to get rid of the drugs regardless of all this drama.
I'm not sure if any advice will actually help, but I know some support from people who actually understand the truth of this situation would go a long way...
Thanks.