5 posts shown.
Michael Booth3 said:Start a thread on one subforum just to come over and play the victim on another one.
No beginning, no end.
Not even a hint of what the actual problem is.
Woooow...
Can I ask, what's the point?
If you wanted to use this place as your personal blog, you should have just said so.
I wouldn't waste my breath.
p.s. I really love my intuition...
I knew you were dragging things out somehow, I just didn't realize how. (:
I wasn't trying to be evasive at all; I simply assumed this forum was an open community, and I had no idea that posting in one section somehow stripped me of the right to participate in another
And I am not playing the victim—I just sincerely hope you never have to endure what I am going through, because if you don't, you will never truly grasp why I feel this way or why all of this is happening
brightridge59 said:Wait a second, have you gone and fallen head over heels for someone?? 🙂
Look, we are talking about love—but the reality of the situation goes much deeper than the simple whims or troubles of some lovestruck girl.
It looks like you all have had quite the lively discussion going on here—I haven't even been able to bring myself to power up my computer these past few days.
And look, I realize it’s difficult for you to grasp exactly what I’m getting at, but I wasn't actually looking for answers—mostly because I’m the only one who truly holds them.
What I was attempting to convey—and this is the crux of it—is the sheer, agonizing difficulty of making a decision when you know it will inevitably hurt people; specifically, those close to you. Yet, the alternative—refusing to make the one decision that is clearly the right path, the only viable path—will also cause pain to those dear to me. Even though I am certain of the best course of action—the only choice left to me—I find myself wondering why I can't, just once, prioritize my own needs. Why must I constantly dissect every single detail? I have this persistent desire to ensure no one gets hurt in the process, but the reality is... well, someone always ends up getting hurt, no matter how carefully you tread.
In the midst of all this, I somehow end up casting myself as the villain in my own story—even though, in truth, I am not. That is precisely why this is so taxing; I feel that if I weren't around, perhaps fewer people would suffer—or at least, they wouldn't suffer nearly as much as they do now.
Perhaps it all seems like some big joke to you people, but I can assure you—it isn't even remotely funny to me!
Well, I suppose that was my own mistake
I find myself looking back over the last ten years—how quickly they’ve simply slipped through my fingers...
And I realize that I practically slept through them all, retreating so deeply into myself that I couldn't truly feel or even see what was happening right in front of me.
For the longest time, I lived like a shadow—not happy, not unhappy, just... hollow. It wasn't that I lacked depth; I had so much to give—so much love, such fierce loyalty, a capacity for understanding that felt endless...
Yet, looking back now, all I received in return were indignities, insults, the occasional fake smile, and those cold, hollow embraces. It is a bitter thing—when you give absolutely everything you have, when you never demand or question, when you love unconditionally and pour your entire soul into what you believe in, only for life to punch you right in the gut.!!!!
I feel disillusioned, utterly betrayed,
And then, finally, happiness arrives. A single look, an honest gaze, a smile meant only for me, a faithful kiss, and the most wonderful soul in existence.
At last, I recognize what true love looks like—but instead of embracing it, I run. I am constantly at war with myself because, God knows, I want to be happy; I want everything this life has to offer, yet there is this one singular decision standing in my way. I need to turn my back on the past, say my goodbyes, and move forward with different people—better people, more deserving people who actually merit everything I have to give—and yet, I find myself unable to do it.!!!!
Why is it that even when I want it so desperately, even when I know that if I don't act, I am losing everything that constitutes happiness for me?
I know deep down that I have to leave—there is nothing holding me here—and I know I will eventually go because I must, but I dread the thought of waiting until it is too late, until I lose this beautiful present for the sake of something that brings nothing but tears!
It feels as though I am standing in quicksand; I am thrashing, desperate to get out, but my feet won't move.
How does one actually turn the page to a new chapter? A chapter I am certain is brighter and more beautiful than the last? What is it that keeps me tethered here, preventing me from walking away?!!!!
I sometimes think perhaps it would be better if I weren't here at all—if I simply ceased to exist—because I have no desire to hurt the person I love so much, yet that is exactly what I am doing.
So I sit here, crying and screaming internally, acting like a complete coward, searching for ways to just disappear.😳